The Aggron Saga: Part One

[Doctortux]

The Aggron Saga

Prologue:

Here he was. He had found what he had came for. He grasped the silver object with two thin hands and put it into his bag. Little did he know what power would come from this object. He turned and ran, hoping to escape the depths of Aggron Cave with his new possession.

Part One: The Saga Begins

Glade Silverpeck was an average boy. He had blonde hair and was the average height for his age, eleven. He had blue eyes that were very average. Everything about him seemed average. But the things that were about to happen to him were anything but average.

Glade was walking in the woods one day when he felt an ominous cracking sound coming from his bag. He sat on a log, mystified, and opened the small green pouch. Then he remembered, this was the day he was waiting for.

Weeks before, Glade had set out into Aggron Cave, hoping to find an Aggron egg. For generations, the Silverpeck family had been world renowned Aggron trainers. Now, as his father, Don Silverpeck, had said, it was time for him to join the family tradition.

He had adventured into the cave for two days, avoiding the Aggron that guarded the chamber. He had made a few close calls but had succeeded and returned with the egg he had been dreaming of his whole life.

Now the day had come that he would be a pokemon trainer. He had only dreamed of this day but now it was here. He held the newborn Aron in his lap and gazed into it's sparkling blue eyes. Its steel head rubbed against his chest. He knew they were going to have a great time together.

To Be Continued...

 

[Dagzar]

Okay, I'm bored so I'm going to try my hand at reviewing. Let's hope I do this well. ;)

The first thing I notice is that it's short, not even a full page in Microsoft Word. There's also not much description in it and neither Glade nor the Aron are described (I know us Pokemon fans know what Aron vaguely looks like, but not all of us have an exact image of the Pokemon in mind). I know your character, Glade, is in some type of woods, but maybe you could describe them? It would certainly help us readers to imagine the place. Also, Glade doesn't really have a personality or even a description to him. I don't know what age he is, but should he really be walking all alone in the woods with no Pokemon to protect him? And going against an adult Aggron all by himself?

On another note, your grammar is actually pretty good, though in my opinion, 'Pokemon' should be capitalized.

Anyway, your story's rather interesting so far and I'm curious at what type of object the person in the prologue made off with. I can't even remember any stories where Aron is used as a starter and I wonder how Glade will train it.

Hope you continue writing! :)

 

[Jweeson]

Hopefully he breaks the routine of his family. Repetition isn't great. I mean I like the Aggron Breeding family plot, but I hope he has more than just an Aggron.

 

[Doctortux]

Okay, I'm bored so I'm going to try my hand at reviewing. Let's hope I do this well. ;)

The first thing I notice is that it's short, not even a full page in Microsoft Word. There's also not much description in it and neither Glade nor the Aron are described (I know us Pokemon fans know what Aron vaguely looks like, but not all of us have an exact image of the Pokemon in mind). I know your character, Glade, is in some type of woods, but maybe you could describe them? It would certainly help us readers to imagine the place. Also, Glade doesn't really have a personality or even a description to him. I don't know what age he is, but should he really be walking all alone in the woods with no Pokemon to protect him? And going against an adult Aggron all by himself?

On another note, your grammar is actually pretty good, though in my opinion, 'Pokemon' should be capitalized.

Anyway, your story's rather interesting so far and I'm curious at what type of object the person in the prologue made off with. I can't even remember any stories where Aron is used as a starter and I wonder how Glade will train it.

Hope you continue writing! :)

Thank You for your reveiw. I will make some edits on my story.

 

[DassenSupes]

I did the no-description part on purpose. Your mind has to make up the character. I don't really care what Glade looks like and you will find more about him in future storys.......

If the reader has to decide the majority of the description and story for himself(or herself) that's no good. It's OK to leave things to interpretation, but the picture you've left is so unclear in my mind that for all I know this guy is a purple people eater.

Also the name sounds silly D:

 

[GFA]

I did the no-description part on purpose. Your mind has to make up the character. I don't really care what Glade looks like and you will find more about him in future storys.......

That's really, really, really bad advice. Thats like an artist saying ''I'm nnot going to color him in, he can be whatever color he wants.'' You need to care more about your writingm, so other people will care.

PS.

Also, technically there's np such thing as an Aggron Egg.

 

[Giratina ♀]

I did the no-description part on purpose. Your mind has to make up the character. I don't really care what Glade looks like and you will find more about him in future storys.......

And what if these 'future stories' never come? What happens then? Do you mean future chapters? If it were future chapters, like All Will Be Explained in The Great Chapter Two or something, then I guess leaving us with no clue who Glade (and everything else) is is justifiable. But future stories?... no. When people read stories, they want to ignore the rest of the world and be engrossed by it. So why should we need to stop and think up an appearance for some random character whose own author doesn't even love it enough to give a description to it, as far as we know?

 

[Miz en Scène]

I did the no-description part on purpose. Your mind has to make up the character. I don't really care what Glade looks like and you will find more about him in future storys.......

Sounds like some other writer I know…

First off, that's reaaaally bad advice to follow when you're a writer. If you want to be vague about the protagonist's appearance in the beginning and reveal bits and pieces over the next few chapters, be my guest. However, here you're saying all out that the reader has to imagine how he looks like.

As a fellow writer, I can say that this might make your story more flexible, but it also reduces your degree of control on your own story as readers will speculate on certain things causing the story to be erratic and hard to follow.

Eg.
Reader 1:I thought he had a hat!
Reader 2: No, I always thought his hair was spiky.

Ect.

This causes readership to fall and in some cases a Locked/Closed Thread. Is that what you want?

 

[Misheard Whisper]

I did the no-description part on purpose. Your mind has to make up the character. I don't really care what Glade looks like and you will find more about him in future storys.......

Adding to the furore here, as is my custom . . . I do this too. The protagonist in my book has no description up till chapter 4, and all there is is this vague depiction, from the viewpoint of another main character -

When the door swung open, Crantz froze. It was him. The same steely grey eyes, the same shoulder-length black hair, even the same scar on his cheekbone. The same man.

Yeah. I shy away from describing characters like this (made up on the spot)-

He was tall, almost six feet, with straight black hair that reached his shoulders. His eyes were steely grey, a reflection of the iron resolve that dwelt within him. A thick scar ran across one cheekbone, a reminder of a past battle. He was dressed in simple travellers' clothes: brown tunic and breeches, wrapped in a thick black cloak against the cold.

Listing attributes just isn't my thing. My suggestion is to give the reader hints, dropped a piece at a time throughout the narrative. I reread one of my favourite novels recently. Reading for the third time, I noticed that in an offhand mention in a late chapter, the author states that one of the characters was African-American. I never realised that . . . Matthew Reilly, you devious bugger.

As for the story, you don't really give us much to go on. This could be good or bad; I reserve judgement until the next chapter. And yes, Silverpeck sounds a bit daft, but it is your fic. So good luck, and I'll be back to say some more.

 

[Doctortux]

Thank you for the suggestions. I realize it was a bad comment to say when I said I did the no-description on purpose. I added a new paragraph in the beginning that describes Glade so now you have a better image of him. I am also making a few minor edits to describe his Aron.