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Old June 22nd, 2008 (8:00 PM).
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Burnt Flower Burnt Flower is offline
Horror Mistress
    Join Date: Dec 2007
    Location: Bolivia
    Age: 29
    Nature: Quirky
    Posts: 75
    Hello there! I'm writing a journey fic, something that is VERY new for me, so all comments on how to tackle this type of story will be really helpful indeed. :3

    Note: Disturbing imagery ahead.

    Now without further comment...

    Maggots of Society

    Excerpt from Chapter 2

    Seeing her chance, Claire tossed the Pokeball towards the unconscious Pidgey. After what seemed like an eternity, the Pokeball stopped moving.

    “Good job, Bulbasaur! We caught our very first Pokemon!” Claire whooped in joy, her faithful Bulbasaur clearly sharing her delight; Bulbasaur waved his vines in the air, and did a little jiggle.

    However, Claire cut the celebrations short when she remembered the important task she had in store for him.

    “I now want you to do something a little bit different. I hope you don’t mind.”

    Bulbasaur shook his head, before letting out a very eager, “Bulba!”

    This made Claire smile.

    “See that Rattata over there?”

    Bulbasaur nodded enthusiastically, before turning to watch the Rattata with playful determination. Claire almost felt something akin to pity when she saw that her Pokemon had no idea what she really had in mind, but knew that this needed to be done. When she finally said it, there was no hesitation in her voice.

    “I want you to kill it.”

    Bulbasaur, not entirely understanding these dire words, just stared at her quizzically with his two red eyes.

    “No? Well then, I guess I can give you a little example,” Claire said with utmost kindness, patting Bulbasaur’s scaly head fondly.

    And in a flash of brilliant red light, Pidgey appeared.

    Attaching the Pokeball back to her belt, Claire was very pleased to see Pidgey’s slumped, worn-out form; it was still exhausted after its battle with Bulbasaur.

    “Now watch closely,” Claire said pointedly, as though she were an overly-patient teacher lecturing her dawdling student.

    The Pidgey was slow to react in time. In one swift movement, Claire wrapped her pale hands around Pidgey’s neck; she began to squeeze, ignoring the bird’s alarmed squawks. Pidgey tried to peck her in retaliation, but this only increased the unbearable pressure.

    “It’s such a nice day, Bulbasaur,” Claire remarked offhandedly, staring intently at the blue sky dotted with fluffy clouds, as the Pidgey screeched and flapped its wings frantically in a valiant attempt to free itself. “Really beautiful day.”

    Bulbasaur, unable to comprehend the immensity of this barbaric act, could only stay still in muted terror.

    After several agonizing minutes, Claire felt a deliciously sickening crack under her fingers. She grinned in triumph, feeling the now unmoving bird no longer struggling against its cruel fate.

    “All done!” Claire declared cheerfully, once she was absolutely sure the last vestiges of life had left the pitiable Pokemon.

    She tossed the body carelessly, absentmindedly wiping her hands on her brown t-shirt. Softly kicking the small, broken carcass towards her Pokemon, Claire gave an encouraging nod. Bulbasaur could only contemplate in barely restrained horror the Pidgey’s glassy eyes, the way its broken neck made a disgustingly odd angle, and its slightly open beak permanently frozen in a panicked chirp it would never be able to utter.

    Humming distractedly, Claire scanned the area for the Rattata she had spotted just a few minutes earlier. The curious Rattata had come out of the bushes to investigate, but once it saw the cadaver, let out a panicked squeak, scampering off as fast as its little legs would take it. Unconcerned, Claire turned towards Bulbasaur with a radiant smile, her green eyes glittering with unfathomable happiness, and her cheeks flushed in satisfaction; she pointed in the direction the rat Pokemon had escaped to, positively glowing.

    Bulbasaur, petrified with fear, perfectly understood the full meaning of her next words.

    “Now’s your turn.”


    All advice is greatly appreciated! :D
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