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~WINGS~

Lady Minchi

Pokemon Breeder
13
Posts
13
Years
The tale of a young Volkskrylom (the winged wolf species on Eternia) and her tribe.

~+~

THIS STORY BELONGS TO ME;
IT IS COPYRIGHTED.
YOU MAY NOT POST ANY
STORIES THAT ARE RELATED
IN ANY FORM WITHOUT CONSULTING ME FIRST.
NO ONE IS TO STEAL THIS STORY AND/OR
SHOW IT TO OTHERS WITHOUT RECIEVING MY PERMISSION. ​


~WINGS~©
Book One: Eye
(in another forum it was voted "Story of the Week")​

Intro

Eternia. The island which homes the great Volkskrylom (wingedwolf) tribes. One of those tribes is Imion. They live on the top of a towering plateau. The only option for them to survive is flying. Living on this plateau has brought the tribe peace and time to thrive.

Surrounding the plateau are vast woodlands. To the northeast of it are mountains, tall and wide. Those massive mountains also hold a winged-wolf tribe. To the southwest of the mountains dwells another Volkskrylom tribe. They who live there have adapted to the forest, bearing the advantage of camoflauge.

The Imion have adapted to their surroundings. Every den is underground, due to the shortage of shelter. In the center of their tribe's village grows their sacred tree, Pankul. Similar to the geographic position of Pankul, the tribe's customs surround the tree. The Full-Bloom Ceremony is just one of their many ceremonies.

This one specific tribe has a prophecy; a prophecy about a silver wolf with an eye that holds the power of true wisdom.

Prologue

"NO!" The trees were spinning past and my heart was pounding. No, no no no no. "MOM!!!" I stumbled over a root and my front left paw felt broken. I managed to stand up, ignoring all the pain. I had to save her; the no-furs couldn't take her away. This wasn't fair; I still needed her. There were so many questions that needed to be answered. I began to run, my vision blurred from tears. "MOM!! Where are you!?!" I skidded to a stop. An image appeared in my head; it was my mother muzzled in a crate. Her eyes were sealed shut and her beautiful wings were stained with blood. I felt a sharp pain in my heart. Mom. And I began to howl mournfully.
 
Last edited:
Astinus

Astinus

10,175
Posts
17
Years
  • Age 37
  • Seen today
Since you're new here, I'll give you a piece of advice. Even though PC is a forum like others forums out there, it's a good thing to check the rules of the sections here before posting. For instance, there is a rule here against bumping, which is further explained in the general rules for PC as a whole and in the rules for Fanfiction and Writing.

There's also a rule for Fanfiction and Writing where you can't post in your thread just asking for reviews. There's a bit of a dry spell right now for reviews, so just keep posting your fic and someone will review it.

Like me.

The first thing I'll suggest is to not change the font colors. While the blue is readable on the white skin I'm using, it is impossible to read without eye strain on the darker skins that we have here on PC. Never change the font colors (or size really) because of the wide variety of skins the forum has. You'll want your story to be comfortably readable to everyone.

On the topic of readability, I will say that your grammar is clean. I personally didn't spot any mistakes, with the exception of one.

An image appeared in my head, it was my mother muzzled in a crate.
Click to expand...
That comma would work better as a colon.

What you have now isn't really much to comment on. Perhaps it would have been better not to have the information separated before the story, but had worked it into the narration somehow. The information is necessary, so I do appreciate that it's there.

Really, just keep posting so we can see more of your work. Hope this helps.
 

Lady Minchi

Pokemon Breeder
13
Posts
13
Years
Astinus said:
Since you're new here, I'll give you a piece of advice. Even though PC is a forum like others forums out there, it's a good thing to check the rules of the sections here before posting. For instance, there is a rule here against bumping, which is further explained in the general rules for PC as a whole and in the rules for Fanfiction and Writing.
Click to expand...
Astinus said:
There's also a rule for Fanfiction and Writing where you can't post in your thread just asking for reviews. There's a bit of a dry spell right now for reviews, so just keep posting your fic and someone will review it.

Like me.

The first thing I'll suggest is to not change the font colors. While the blue is readable on the white skin I'm using, it is impossible to read without eye strain on the darker skins that we have here on PC. Never change the font colors (or size really) because of the wide variety of skins the forum has. You'll want your story to be comfortably readable to everyone.

On the topic of readability, I will say that your grammar is clean. I personally didn't spot any mistakes, with the exception of one.

That comma would work better as a colon.

What you have now isn't really much to comment on. Perhaps it would have been better not to have the information separated before the story, but had worked it into the narration somehow. The information is necessary, so I do appreciate that it's there.

Really, just keep posting so we can see more of your work. Hope this helps.
Click to expand...

thank you---I'll change it (this is going to be a pain). I read some of the rules revovling "bumping" and I must of misread it. I thought this section of the forum was excused of the no bumping rule...

Anyways, Chapter One & Two will be posted here....hold on...

Chapter 1: The Announcement

As the morning star raised high in the sky, the members of the petite tribe of Imion begun to stir. Horril, the leader, strolled to the bottom of Pankul, the sacred tree. His fur was the pure color of the great night star, with black markings on his forehead. He swooped up to the highest branch of Pankul to begin the morning howl. Horril was shortly accompanied by his partner, Xyrella. Xyrella's appearance matched Horril's but with her mark on the top of her front left leg. Both have crystal blue eyes. ​

Krisaga then stumbled out of her den, late as usual. She was small for her age, with a grey-white pelt. One of her eyes was multicolored (blue and green) while the other was only blue."You're late again, Krisaga. You will never earn your wings at this pace."

Jamven, my instructor, approached me. He was a light grey wolf with emerald green eyes, the same color of his mark on the right side of his neck. "Sorry Jamven, I had this strange dream…" I was interrupted by Xyrella's daily announcement. "The bears are no longer lingering in the Moonlight Plaines. Therefore we will send the hunting party there. We will be back by dawn tomorrow. Whoever wishes to accompany me, meet me by Thererris' den." Thererris was Imion's healer. Unlike most of us, Thererris had a pitch black pelt with her white mark on her muzzle.​

"Ahem," announced Horril, "soon it will be time for the Full-Bloom ceremony. As we all know, our two oldest trainees will receive their wings at that time. I encourage both Granan and Ravaella to continue with their training until the ceremony."​

At the mention of their names, Granan and Ravaella held their heads high. They were siblings, born two full moons before me. Their red-white pelts were always tidy, which they would brag about all day. Their instructor, Oolahana, walked up behind them. She whispered something that caused them to laugh. Granan and Ravaella looked over at me with a smirk on their faces. I turned and walked away to the nursery, the one place where I was always welcome.

Chapter 2: Nursery ​

I really do not know why Granan and Ravaella are so cruel to me. Or why their instructor tags along, encouraging their childish remarks. It has always been my personal believe that we form a behavior school for wolves like them. ​

I was a foot away from the nursery entrance when I began to hear the pups' yips as they were playing. I crawled my way into the den thinking, here we go.​

"Lookie, sis! It's Krisaga; get her!" yelled the darker pup as he pounced on me. I smiled, playtime. "Roar!" I growled and attempted to stand on my hind legs. "I'm the big bad bear who has come to eat the naughty Imion pups!" ​

The roan pup growled in reply. "Back off bear! We are the mighty Imions' warrior pups! You are nothing compared to us! Grrroar!" She knocked me down then jumped onto my belly. The other pup shortly joined her with the tackling. ​

"Little ones, time to calm down now. I believe that it is feeding time." Spoke a gentle voice from the other end of the tunnel. It was Fhalyasa, the main nursary mother. She had a white pelt with the occasional patches of grey fur along her body. Her kind and gentle jade eyes glimmered as she brought them two birds, freshly killed. ​

"Awww! But we were just getting started!" cried the roan pup as she began to eat her fill. "Now, now. Listen to Fhalyasa. We can play again later." Of the two, the roan pup was by far my favorite. She would make a great warrior, never refusing to stand up for her tribe.​

After speaking to the pups, I greeted Fhalyasa. "How are you auntie?" She was staring off into space, thinking of some unkown topic. Fhalyasa saw that I was staring at her and sighed. "I'm fine, my dear. No need to worry. My litter is not due until three full-moons." My eyes wandered down to her swollen belly, then back up as she continued to speak. "Thanks for the help around here Krisaga. I can never get those two pups to discharge enough without your help."​

Smiling I said, "It is nothing, really. I look forward to playing with them," I then walked back to the two pups, saying, "Be careful, now. Listen to Fhalyasa or I will not come back to play before the last meal." I paused for a moment and thought of a way to say the next sentence without leaving Fhalyasa with energetic pups. Giving up, I just said, "I need to leave for training now. Be good!" ​

"Do you have to go, Krisaga? You are the bestest bear!" whined the black pup. He continued to complain, "My sister can not even stand on her hind paws…" He was interuppted by his sister. "Hey, I can! Grrr…" The roan pup pounced on her brother and they started to play-fight.
I laughed to myself as I climbed out of the nursery, I wish I could be a pup again. Even out of the den and many paws away, I could hear Fhalyasa scolding the two. ​
 
bobandbill

bobandbill

one more time
16,931
Posts
16
Years
I thought this section of the forum was excused of the no bumping rule...
Click to expand...
To clarify - it is excused but only in the instance of you having a new chapter to post (which also is the exception to the no double posting rule). So basically - only bump your own fic thread if you'll be posting a new chapter.
 
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