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Old June 17th, 2012 (4:41 PM).
Elite Overlord LeSabre™'s Avatar
Elite Overlord LeSabre™ Elite Overlord LeSabre™ is offline
On that 'Non stop road'
  • Gold Tier
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Shimoda City
Age: 91
Nature: Quirky
Posts: 9,571
So Lisa makes another comeback... I like how you chose to introduce her into the story, with showing her as she would be on any normal day. It’s sort of like how it would be done in a movie. (So the Pokemon League has extreme driving units, eh? I guess it makes sense. They already have special agents, so they might as well )
I don't think I could write any chaptered story without Lisa Just an average day at the proving grounds, showing off her mad automotive skillz xD Not every problem can be solved by Pokemon... sometimes agents need a lead foot to be able to catch their suspects. Or other methods, as will be revealed in time...

Somehow that doesn't seem fitting with the CEO image
Well, it is his son's preferred Pokemon, after all...

Because that's totally what he's doing. And we all know it's true. Hehe.

I really like the idea for this opening. You make Kanto seem like such a dark, crime-ridden place That's not really how I think of it, but seeing things in a new light is also good.
I've always liked to put a "real world" spin on the Pokemon world... and besides real world companies and vehicles, that also includes the seedier side of things... things aren't as rosy as they appear in the games or show...

I suppose I can see what I can do about the dialogue and stuff. But actually, either one could've said it... I don't think I even remember, lol.

I love the idea of Red's voice being mechanical and monotone-machine-like. It's intriguing, but creepy at the same time. I do hope you'll go into more depth on what happened to him. I know Red's an evil character and all, but it's also kind of sad. Maybe the accident was what corrupted him?
I've heard people on the site say that he doesn't speak because he's trying to be cool or mysterious or something. Well, I say that it's because he can't speak... not naturally, anyway. I actually haven't expanded on that whole incident yet, but I could do it during another father/son conversation...

I don't think the incident was what started him down the wrong path... he had this aspiration to usurp the championship long before then. But it could've helped turn him into the sort of psychotic nutjob who, you know, wants to burn someone alive and have her Pokemon's heads mounted on his wall... I dunno, I might be all ambigious and stuff and leave it to the reader to speculate what exactly made him like this.

As always, looking forward to the next chapter! You've set up the characters with varying personalities and Pikachu-preferences... so now I'm eager to see how things will heat up. See you next time!
Glad you liked it... This chapter was all about the setup, next chapter is where the action begins

Thanks for stopping by and posting!

Elite Overlord LeSabre™
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