The Rainbow Connection [LGBTS Club]

Shining Raichu said:

Well that's what I mean - for the people I'm going to be telling, it will be a big deal lol. If everybody had your attitude about it, then we'd have nothing left to fight for and clubs like this one wouldn't be necessary.

My parents are going to flip - especially my mother who is determined I'm gonna be supporting a family because she wants grandchildren so badly... and my sister will be pissed because she hates anything that rocks the boat and creates anything other than perfect peace within the house :P.

So I'm gonna time it well and make it fun for me. Drop the bomb and watch the mushroom cloud XD. This sounds like I'm being sarcastic and throwing a pity party, but I'm really not. I don't really care that much what my family thinks of me, I just want a bit of excitement. My life's getting a bit dull and routine so I want to shake things up a little haha.

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You can stay at my place after you tell them, if things get too dangerous. *wink wink*

Kiyoshi the Polar Bear said:

Whatever floats your boat and doesn't place you in any kind of harm, then I suppose go for it. The only thing that's been close for a "blow up" after coming out for me was maybe.... my mother, I suppose? She was okay with it, of course, but she just doesn't get it.

You know what I mean? She knows what it is, but all she really knows about it is just the stereotype. She (subconsciously) thought that this was going to change me to be like the stereotype, and that day after I told her we had an all-day argument about how she was trying to understand the situation with stereotypes and how I was frustrated and resenting her for it.

I've seen her attitude change over time though, she's seen that it hasn't changed who I was. But she still has that kind of ignorance about it.

But the one thing I remember pissing me off was when she called my future significant lover "partner." HOMOSEXUALITY ISN'T A BUSINESS, MOM. I have a pet peeve about that one.

I had a much smoother time with my Dad. He already knew, of course, but all he did was accept me and listen to what I had to say to understand it.

So look at me being hipster with the Dad being cool with it and the Mom causing the problems.

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Yeah, I hate the term partner, and my dad was the understanding one too. lol

I like the term partner. It's gender non-specific, not overtly sexual, and covers people who are married or just dating or whatever.

Lover sounds to me like a one night stand. I wouldn't ever call my partner my lover. "Hi, guys. I want you to meet my lover." It just sounds like I'd be saying: "I want you to meet the person I sleep with."

Lover is definitely worse than partner. lol

I don't see why we can't just say boyfriend/girlfriend like everyone else. I suppose we do though, it's other people that I've heard say partner the most.


Also, I really don't think you're going to enjoy coming out as much as you think Andy. Causing conflict may very well be enjoyable to you, but it won't be when the cause of the conflict is something so personal/important to you.

Yeah, I guess it is Andy we're talking about. lol

QuilavaKing said:

Causing conflict may very well be enjoyable to you

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I think I might have given you the wrong idea if that's the impression you got... and I seem to be being met with a vibe of apprehensive disapproval overall, so I'm guessing I have haha.

I don't get enjoyment from causing conflict, but when I think of the way people usually come out and how they're nervous as hell and have to just spit it out and hope for the best, or have these big emotional scenes where they're crying and Mom is crying and all the rest of it... I don't know, it kind of just feels like you're handing them the power in the situation. Because you're fearful of telling them and you're nervous about their reaction, they have the power. I really don't want it to be that way for me.

I'm not gonna be scared, I'm not gonna have one bit of nervousness and I'm not gonna give them that power. I'm gonna find a way to do it that is either so hilarious (for me) or so unbelievably confident that they will have no doubt in their mind that I don't really give a crap what they think and that their reaction is unimportant to me.

Because of that, there will be shrapnel in the explosion and I'm gonna have fun watching it fall where it may lol. As Toujours said, I'm 100% confident about this - I get to play this card once and cause a little bit of a shake-up, so why wouldn't you have fun with it?


And Toujours, that article is beautiful! Chelmsford seems like a wonderful place to live if a teacher can take a brave step like that without having to worry about intense repercussion from her students.

Get a boyfriend, bring said boyfriend to a party or family gathering that has your parents and sister attending and kiss him infront of everyone! I think that'd be rather enjoyable and fill you with the power you desire! xD

Has coming out for most of the other people in the club been awkward and made you nervous or have you taken it in your stride like andy plans to?

That's actually how I came out to most of my extended family. They all showed up at my 21st birthday party, and I wasn't shy about introducing them to my boyfriend. It created an interesting atmosphere for sure, but hey, I just wanted them to leave quickly so I could go out to the bars. ;D

Coming out... is always a little awkward. It's just an awkward thing to tell people. You never really know how people are going to react, or at least that's how I feel.

So I just noticed this club, and I am an open lesbian. Of course I wasn't always open to my family though, I came out when I was 17. It was actually on New Years Eve (so going into 2008) and I told my mom while we were playing a board game. Her and I both broke down into tears, but she just hugged me and told me it's okay. However I thought my dad would freak out so I never told him. He found out on his own actually, after my now fiancee and I were trying to hide our relationship from him. He brought it up one day, and I was just shocked and he said "It's kind of obvious that you're a lesbian. But I love you and I don't care." Just threw me off guard. xD I'm very thankful I have parents who love me for who I am, my 2nd cousin who's also a lesbian wasn't so lucky unfortunately...

Welcome Ravenfreak!

I loved your story, that's beautiful. When you mentioned your second cousin though, I realised that that's a trend I hear about quite regularly: there are two gay people in a family, the parents of one of them are fine with it and the parents of the other are really horrible about it. I find that interesting, it's as though each family has a light and dark side and it's just luck of the draw which half you're born into lol.

Anyway on the topic of awkwardness, coming out to the people I've come out to thus far (which is again, pretty much everybody in my life - extended family included - except my parents and sister) was insanely awkward. It wasn't because I was fearful of the reaction though, or because being gay is an awkward thing to tell people like Larry said. For me, it was because I was hugely overweight and I felt disgusting in myself, so up until I came out I was refusing to admit to having any kind of sexuality one way or the other. That was because I was incredibly uncomfortable with anybody imagining me in any kind of sexual context - the thought grossed me out with the way I was, so I couldn't have imagined what it would have been like for other people.

I also thought that if I admitted to having a sexual preference, it would seem like I was being presumptuous. It's hard to explain, but it's like admitting I was gay would make people think that I thought I was attractive enough that somebody might want me back. I didn't want anybody thinking that because I didn't think that and I didn't want them laughing behind my back saying "ha, like anybody would want him" which is what I was sure would happen.

It was sort of like I thought I didn't deserve to be gay. Like "oh he's got nerve being gay, why would he think anybody would be interested in that?"

So yeah, haha, that's why it was awkward and uncomfortable for me. It was hard to shake myself out of that mindset even after I lost the weight, so it wasn't until I got over it a bit that I started telling people. Even then it was uneasy. But I'm all better now so I'm gonna take advantage of that :P

Andy, that's a really interesting idea you just brought up about how your sexuality was influenced by your own self-confidence/self-whatever.

I get the feeling from some people I've known that they had similar feelings. Like, can't admit to having feelings one way or another because then you take the next mental step of acting on those feelings and you run into that wall of self-disgust. I'm feeling kinda scatterbrained right now so I can't articulate what I'm trying to say, but I think you're touching on something very relevant to a lot of people.

Hmm, I don't remember joining this but apparently at some point I did. I'm back and I think I would like to get more involved in the discussions/conversations/etc.

With that, I don't think coming out has ever been "awkward" for me. That's probably because of my "if you don't like it, bye" attitude though. Also, I haven't came out to any family members yet, but all my extended family lives far away anyhow so it wouldn't really matter.

When I was younger I didn't want to accept who I truly was, but then I got tired of hiding it and I just had to tell my mom. My sister used to mess with me about it, so that's mainly the reason why I hid it for a while. Now I just say it to my co-workers, and if they don't like it well too bad. :V Also thank you for the warm welcome. :) Self-conscious definitely plays a role in it as well, my fiancee told me that when she was in high school she seriously thought she wouldn't have a relationship because of her size but she was obviously wrong. I even thought at one point that I was going to be alone because i'm a butch and I thought "well lesbians want a girl that looks like a girl so i'm probably not going to find anyone..." :V

Come to think of it, that was a driving force keeping me from coming out for a long time too, Andy. I had a weight problem for most of my childhood and teenage years, to the point of just being disgusted in myself. Same reasoning too. If I didn't think I was attractive, who on earth would think I was attractive back? It was only after I started losing the weight that I decided I was happy enough with myself and my life to start approaching guys and letting people know.

That isn't to say you shouldn't come out if you're not a stick. That's not what I'm getting at, and I'm sure that's not what Andy was getting at. You've just got to be happy with yourself before you can try and be happy with other people. For me, that was all about outward image... but if you're happy with the way you look, then get out there and be you~

Shining Raichu said:

I think I might have given you the wrong idea if that's the impression you got... and I seem to be being met with a vibe of apprehensive disapproval overall, so I'm guessing I have haha.

I don't get enjoyment from causing conflict, but when I think of the way people usually come out and how they're nervous as hell and have to just spit it out and hope for the best, or have these big emotional scenes where they're crying and Mom is crying and all the rest of it... I don't know, it kind of just feels like you're handing them the power in the situation. Because you're fearful of telling them and you're nervous about their reaction, they have the power. I really don't want it to be that way for me.

I'm not gonna be scared, I'm not gonna have one bit of nervousness and I'm not gonna give them that power. I'm gonna find a way to do it that is either so hilarious (for me) or so unbelievably confident that they will have no doubt in their mind that I don't really give a crap what they think and that their reaction is unimportant to me.

Because of that, there will be shrapnel in the explosion and I'm gonna have fun watching it fall where it may lol. As Toujours said, I'm 100% confident about this - I get to play this card once and cause a little bit of a shake-up, so why wouldn't you have fun with it?


And Toujours, that article is beautiful! Chelmsford seems like a wonderful place to live if a teacher can take a brave step like that without having to worry about intense repercussion from her students.

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No, I don't disapprove, I was just worried that you were being a little too naive about the whole thing... though I should've known better. lol





Also, I just had an interesting idea for a topic... Would you move to another state/country to legally marry someone of the same sex? Or would you stay together but unmarried? (Assuming you want to marry the same sex in the first place.)

QuilavaKing said:

Also, I just had an interesting idea for a topic... Would you move to another state/country to legally marry someone of the same sex? Or would you stay together but unmarried? (Assuming you want to marry the same sex in the first place.)

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No. California is gonna eventually get its act together and stuff like Prop 8 will be a bad memory. I can wait. It's gonna happen soon. I can feel it in my bones.

Of course, if I had other reasons to leave that would be different.

Good News:
http://www.ontopmag.com/article.aspx?id=12330&MediaType=1&Category=24

Google has announced a global campaign in support of equal marriage rights for gay and lesbian couples. The Internet giant announced its Legalize Love campaign at the Global LGBT Workplace Summit 2012, which took place in London.
The campaign launches Saturday, July 7 in Poland and Singapore. Organizers plan to expand the campaign to every country where Google has an office, focusing on countries where anti-gay sentiment runs high.
"We want our employees who are gay or lesbian or transgender to have the same experience outside the office as they do in the office," Google's Mark Palmer-Edgecumbe is quoted by dot429.com as saying at the summit. "It is obviously a very ambitious piece of work."

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I'm gonna reserve my feelings on this "Legalize Love" thing. My cynical side is telling me that they're just doing this because of money, publicity, etc. etc. After all, there are millions of queer people around the world who live under nasty laws and rules and Google may just be trying to target them as customers, knowing that they're a big enough corporation to be known around the world.

But, um, yay?

I didn't realise quite what was causing my lack of willingness to be seen as a sexual being until I read Portia De Rossi's book about her struggle with anorexia and bulimia, which touches on this very subject. I'm glad to see that I'm not alone in it, I figured it was a pretty unique problem at the time but I'm happy to see it's not. Not happy that other people had to go through it too... oh screw it, you all know what I mean lol.

In answer to QuilavaKing's question, yes I would definitely move to another country to be legally married to my partner. But that could have something to do with the fact that I don't particularly like Australia and would be happy to leave it at a moment's notice. The legality of marriage is incredibly important as well though, so if they can't cater for me here then I will go where they can... I'll contribute to the economy of a country that deserves my money.

And Scarf - I don't think your cynicism is really necessary in this case. We said pretty much the same thing a page or two back when the Oreo thing came up, but does it really matter why they're doing it? A good deed is being done regardless of the intent or any potential ulterior motive, so I don't see why the degree of altruism is even a relevant factor. If we can stand to benefit from this, what's the problem if Google does too?

Would we prefer Google suffer for supporting us, as though in a show of solidarity with our struggles?

My fiancee and I were thinking about having a ceremony here in Missouri, though sadly of course we don't support gay marriage here. >.> We want to be legally married, but we don't want to travel... In our eyes we will be married, but in the state not so much. :( It really sucks but if Missouri ever did legalize it that would be a dream come true. As for what google is doing... i'm not 100% sure if i'm for it. It's great that they're trying to show other countries that there's nothing wrong with our sexual preference, but then again it could just be all about the money... Will it change their minds? Probably not, but I suppose it's worth a shot... I just hope that no one gets hurt during the process...