Example of a Good Fanfic- complete analysis

Chapter 4 Part 1 Summary

May and Brendan starts a Pokemon battle with May?s Tsunami and Brendan?s Mudkip, Ragnarok. May can easily win the match but let it easy on Brendan and she forfeits. When Brendan mentions May?s father, May is outraged by the Crop Kids event as Max enters. May was expected to be a trainer since she was young and was sent to a trainer?s camp. However, it turned out to be the Cipher?s plan to train up merciless Pokemon and Pokemon trainers as assassins. There May was mistreated and like all other children there, May was used to test the effect of the serum made by Cipher scientists. Eventually May was rescued with the other children, but she was changed into a ?monster.? Though Norman injected an antidote into May, it was unknown rather when will the antidote take effect. May suffered greatly, and very slowly did she become closer to an ?ordinary? child. May?s parents also realized their mistakes and loved May dearly. Now that May?s friends know of this secret, May expects the worst out of them and even tries to strangle Brendan. To May?s surprise, Brendan and her friends remain faithful to her and continue to remain at her side.

Chapter 4 Part 1 Analysis

One of the most informative and important chapter?

-The battle further amplifies the weakness of pure studying and Pokemon data mentioned in the last chapter. Brendan?s battling skills are rather pathetic as demonstrated in the chapter. One chapter supports the point of view of another, showing coherences within the story.

-A minor note, but notice how Brendan and Ragnarok both stutter when Tsunami is using Scratch attack. It?s a good demonstration of how tone is used at times, and this one isn?t too difficult to learn either.

?Yeah?let?s thank the man who?s responsible for making me the way I am!? ??Forcing me into crap that I refused. Hoping he?d be enough of a supporting person to understand my hopes and dreams?Ha! He never cared?He?s the one that causes me to be this way?he?s the one that turned me into a monster??

Click to expand...

More example of a bitter tone, mixed with sarcasm to further boost the effect. Also notice how the use of ellipses as pauses

-Notice how there?s actually multiple flashbacks to support the same idea of how unsupportive May?s parents are for her? Examples such as flashbacks are always very supportive and can strengthen your own point. Don?t try to just mention something once and expect your readers to remember at times? use examples to reinforce a point.

-Again the same technique is demonstrated later with the Eevee event? most stories will continue on with May?s narrative alone, but here the author chose to insert a flashback to reinforce the situation and seriousness of the event.

-As for Sheepy the Mareep, Eevee and the teddy bear in the prison, both of them serve some purposes to show how May and anyone involved with the Crop Kids incident are really demented? 3 usually related to cute (especially the Eevee) are associated with blood and murder, which has created an excellent atmosphere of death and complete fear.

-Later when Mrs. Hiromi tried to comfort May, the theme of rejection appears once again, along with the theme of acceptance. The teddy bear scene shows how her cellmates have left her, leaving her alone. This left May in rage. This childhood terror continues on until finally the loneliness leaves as her family is back, yet May is so accustomed to being alone that she tried to attack those who got near her (Sheepy and Mrs. Hiromi.) Later on, May continued to remain alone after she?s rescued, and only when she feels that she?s finally accepted did her rage leave her. Another thing that this part mentioned is how May never talked if she tried to befriend the others after the incident (including her parents). This continued the idea of selfishness started from the earlier chapters. May ultimately want to be accepted for who she is all her life, and is furious not only because of the serum but also because of herself when others around her reject her. Seems that although May ultimately looks for complete acceptance, she will rather prefer to maintain the status quo of being alone, afraid of being disappointed again and again like what have happened before in her earlier life (with Norman, and with the townspeople dubbing her the ?Demon Child.?)

-Again, the idea of selfishness is shown again when May attacks Brendan. She didn?t contribute or try to bring her relationship with anybody closer, but instead distant it. However, Brendan gave May want she ultimately looked for: total acceptance

?I?I don?t deserve you??

Click to expand...

Such a cute quote it?s so touching? also shows how May realizes her own mistakes as well. This quote along with Brendan?s reply also got a romantic connotation, even though the denotation seems to be talking about Brendan?s support of May regardless of her past. It fuels the romance too?

Chapter 4 Part 2 Summary

May departs Littleroot Town to go on her own Pokemon Journey, accompanied by Laurel who is going to go with May as far as Oldale Town. In Oldale, the people accuse May and Laurel of being a thief despite of Officer Jenny?s protest. The townspeople accuse each other and everyone else of being a thief for their own benefits. Though jailed, May and Laurel (along with the camera man Ty) are rescued by the reporter Gabby and Officer Jenny. However, a Zigzagoon comes to steal Alia, and the combined effort of Laurel and May quickly defeats the true criminal. May captures Zigzagoon and nicknames it Whirlpool, then part ways with Laurel to continue her journey.

Chapter 4 Part 2 Analysis

Doesn?t this part of the chapter remind you of the anime so much? It?s written like those filler episodes from the anime! Talks of the capture of Whirlpool, and the introduction of Ty and Gabby, and otherwise it?s pretty much ignorable. If it?s filler, than that means there aren?t much to say? There's nothing worth quoting, but there are some things worth commenting.

-Regarding the great prelude of this chapter, it works as a great foreshadow about the adventure to come before May. However, Mrs. Hiromi?s cry is rather arguable? the more obvious reason is that Mrs. Hiromi feels that something bad is going to happen to May in her upcoming journey, yet don?t know what it is. Another way to look at it is that Mrs. Hiromi is still feeling guilty about May?s decision on going off on a Pokemon journey, which is something May clearly dislikes according to May?s youth. May is ?forced? to go on a Pokemon journey in order to follow the wishes of her parents, similar to how she was once forced to go to the Pokemon camp, which turns out to be part of Cipher?s evil scheme. The juxtaposition and the similarities between these two scenarios is also a plausible reason to why Mrs. Hiromi is crying, as it was never revealed clearly why May departs on a Pokemon Journey.

-May travels in her Crimson Fighter uniform for her Pokemon journey, but without the ?blood red scarf? (quote from Chapter 3.) Again, it would have been such an interesting symbol to see Brendan?s effect on May through the color of blue and red. Too bad, this idea dies very quickly? However, there are a few remnants of the leftover surviving evidences, such as this one.

-The selfish, hypocritical townspeople of Oldale are pretty interesting? definitely very usable and malleable to fit into too many themes to count, but too bad the author never relates to this chapter ever again in the future chapters. Ahh waste of some plausible support if you ever need to talk about the theme of selfishness and hypocrisy.

frostweaver said:

[/i][/b]Before the fanfic starts, a good reviewer should pause to think about the title. The title got no sign of title characters so we can set that worry aside. Reflections suggest thoughts and metacognition (meaning to think about thinking), or a character looking back on a past event (which means that the story maybe written in past narrative form then.) If the story doesn't turn out to show these 2 traits, then the title is most likely an ineffective title because it doesn't show the ideas of the story. However, this oneshot does talk about thoughts so the title is good. Also, the title reveals a little about the theme, yet hardly anything about the plot (it's not explicit at all), so this title is considered a good title.


A rather effective opening as a question creates mystery, and brings the reader to read on forward. Shows the setting of a dialogue as well.

Click to expand...

I won't comment on every paragraph, but the beginning is not as effective as you described it.

"Reflections," implying introspection and memories, sounds like some poem, not a fanfic, and is not catching.

To start the the story with "What is your name?" and end the paragraph like that is not effective. Where's the setting? This question leave the fanfic rather blank in content so far. Also, there is not much mystery, since almost nothing has been presented yet. We do not even know if this person asking the question is really curious about something.

Also, I don't mind having dark descriptions earlier in the fanfic, but why so psychologically? Isn't that slightly boring reading a deep descripition of the state of an idiot? Leave the psychology for the lighter parts, it's worth more there.

HOWEVER, I liked the beginning's simplicity, just the lack of content sucks.

Another thing I want to warn about is be careful about not to use irrelevent adjectives..... they'll weary the reader I assure you.

This is from the perspective of someone who dislikes reading almost everybody's work, btw ^^

*sighs* I'd rather wait for frostweaver or somebody to come here, but I have little to do and am in a rather intellectual mood at the moment blablablah.

"Reflections," implying introspection and memories, sounds like some poem, not a fanfic, and is not catching.

Click to expand...

I don't think it was meant to be catching, rather to be reflective of the rest of the story. 'Catching' is also relative.

Also, a reflection is what you see when you look in a mirroring surface, such as a calm lake or, say, a window.

To start the the story with "What is your name?" and end the paragraph like that is not effective. Where's the setting?

Click to expand...

Interrogative, it is. We are viewing a scene already in progress, and this line gives us that impression. It is setting the stage, sorta.

Also, there is not much mystery, since almost nothing has been presented yet.

Click to expand...

If you seek mystery, read TLC, or WSBB. Again, this is setting you up for the rest of the story.

We do not even know if this person asking the question is really curious about something.

Click to expand...

Really, let's review the possibilities.

1. Wants to know(curious): not likely, as you see once you read further
2. Is trying to start conversation(interrogative): more likely, as she wants to learn something from him
3. Is saying something she has no idea she's saying(absent-mindedness): possible but unlikely. Her attention at the moment is focused on the little boy in front of her, nothing else.

Also, I don't mind having dark descriptions earlier in the fanfic, but why so psychologically?

Click to expand...

What dark descriptions?

Isn't that slightly boring reading a deep descripition of the state of an idiot?

Click to expand...

What idiot? Ash? Or Hannah?

Leave the psychology for the lighter parts, it's worth more there.

Click to expand...

By that philosophy, we should only turn lights on during the day.

HOWEVER, I liked the beginning's simplicity, just the lack of content sucks.

Click to expand...

What do you mean, 'lack of content'?

Another thing I want to warn about is be careful about not to use irrelevent adjectives..... they'll weary the reader I assure you.

Click to expand...

Eh, no idea what you mean here.

Oh, and the remark about 'wearying the reader' is untrue, for it is relative.

For example, you may dislike reading two hundred-year-old-stories and call them 'boring', while I may like said stories and call them 'fun' or 'exciting'.

This is from the perspective of someone who dislikes reading almost everybody's work, btw ^^

Click to expand...

Obvious. A lotta other people liked 'Reflections', sooo...

Whee, I've probably made a fool of myself. Oh, well.

?SilverBlaze09?

Frostweaver, you have undertaken quite a time-consuming and challenging task by trying to analyse the fanfics people have written. I don't think, however, that the majority will agree with your diligent attempt at describing what a "good" fanfic ought to look like. Some apropos comments here and there, but unless you've perused a considerable amount of books having literary criticism as their main subject and you have an even more impressive record of books you've read already, I think your attempt at scrutinizing a "good" fanfic will fail miserably.

My stumbling upon this thread was entirely fortuitious, I can assure you. Meanwhile I will try (as I don't have enough time) to point out some statements of yours which will only coerce a derisive laughter out of a reader instead of providing some useful information. And now, the game of big words is over - instead I will try to use as simple language as possible to explain what I don't agree with.

1. Your favourite story and a good fanfic are not two terms which can coexist together during most of the time. Need I elaborate on this further?

2. "What is your name?" creates mystery?! Maybe it contains more suspence than the faint hum of my laptop, but nothing more. Too trite an opening to begin with. Naive, almost childlike opening, which is effective to the point of getting the reader acclimatized to the ambiance of the story - no suspence, whatsoever. It is clear and succinct and that's what an opening should be like, but such a banal question is not a good opening at all. Originality, when it comes to opening sentences or even paragraphs, is not an infinite universe teeming with sparkling stars. On the contrary - as much as I like to think of it that way, just as our universe is slowly cooling and expanding (which will inevitably lead to an end), so is originality. Thinking of a highly original opening that grips the attention of the reader right from the beginning is a very, very long process. Nothing original here, anyway.

3. I'll go back to the title, where you say that a "good" reviewer - How do you manage to think of so subjective terms? What defines a good reviewer? - has to think about the title first. Thinking about the title is not necessarily a step that should go before reading the story. In some cases a title is unclear, but evokes interest just by a single word or phrase. There are other cases where a title can be fully understood only when you've read the whole story - what do you think of the title "The Flowers of Algernon"? At first glance what do you think the story would be about? It's about a mentally retarded man and Algernon is the name of the mouse. It's not clear from the title that Algernon is a mouse, neither is it clear that the main character is mentally retarded. Therefore don't pay too much attention to the title unless you've already finished reading the story.

4. I'll continue tomorrow because there are too many things to mention. Feel free to criticize or disagree with anything I've written. Relying only on Frostweaver to tell you what a "good" fanfic should read like, however, is not an option which will give you a lot of insight into writing a fanfic. Read most of the things that are published on the net and try to read some literary criticism. Good night for now; I'll continue tomorrow.

5. Here I am again. Second paragraph of the fanfic - Overabundant description, redundant epithets which hamper the action instead of giving any more insight into the characterization. While your comment about the name of the character maybe cogent, it is again subjective. Why not give the character a name which doesn't reflect his/her personality at all?

Foreshadowing finds a way into the story throught description and dialogue, not through names.

Lowering the glasses is a symbol of analyzing? Since when? Have you never seen a doctor operating with his/her glasses on? It may be a sign of mild interest, but nothing more. You become too carried away when analyzing something. Analysis is not a flight of imagination. Analysis is more like taking the context and relating it to something from the real world. Philosophy plays a role as well, albeit not as major as I'd like to think. Therefore, don't let your imagination run wild when analyzing something. The piece is not as deep as you perceive it. If it were, then LilyPichu would have already published a book.

6. No fanfic is flawless. Depending from the point of view there will always be something which will not appeal to the taste of some people. Think of the fic as of a living, breathing creature with all of its innate imperfections.

7. I don't like the word "eccentric" there. Bizarre or outlandish would do much better job since eccentric is used when describing the manner or the character of someone.

8. The fourth paragraph deviates from the narrative and vacillates between third person omniscient and third person limited. This disrupts both the flow of the story and the verisimiltude when portraying the character. Veracious portrayal cannot be achieved if you jump between the narrative styles in such a manner.

9. "heard vividly"? - a really strange choice of word. How can you hear something vividly? Clearly - yes, but vividly?

10. Next installment - tomorrow.

Wtf? Somebody actually replied my post. *22sa notices this 7 month later*

Obvious. A lotta other people liked 'Reflections', sooo...
Whee, I've probably made a fool of myself.

Click to expand...

I'd LOVE to see a brilliant compliment somebody made on Reflections, just so, you know, I wouldn't have to pity you for having no proof. I mean, there were SO many other people who liked 'Reflections'. SOMEBODY had to think it was worthy enough to make a good-hearted praise.

And yes, you did make a fool of yourself. But in case you don't like that, you just have to do remember this: your sweety little heroine Lily will make you feel alllll better for standing up for her, or your attempt to stand up for her, or your attempt to stand up for SOMETHING, or simply your attempt at something. At least she will do so in your dreams when you close your eyes to reality again.

*sighs* I'd rather wait for frostweaver or somebody to come here, but I have little to do and am in a rather intellectual mood at the moment blablablah.

Click to expand...

Well, of course you wouldn't listen to the little brain you have and wait and would rather betray your mind once more, since you're a fool and all.

If you didn't understand what I just said, don't worry, all you have to do pay a psychologist to talk to you about your retarded state of understanding. If that doesn't work, pay a whore to comfort you. Whores always please retards.

I don't think it was meant to be catching, rather to be reflective of the rest of the story. 'Catching' is also relative.
Also, a reflection is what you see when you look in a mirroring surface, such as a calm lake or, say, a window.

Click to expand...

You think?

I was replying to the fact Frostweaver said the beginning of 'reflections' was effective.

My post meant to disagree with that. I said "it wasn't catchy" to contrast Frostweaver's stand that the beginning was effective.

I bet you didn't think about that, even thought it was right in front of your eyes.

Interrogative, it is. We are viewing a scene already in progress, and this line gives us that impression. It is setting the stage, sorta.

Click to expand...

Sort of?
NOTHING about the question "What is your name?" reveals a specific context. The reader can only guess if it is interrogating or another fitting context.

If you seek mystery, read TLC, or WSBB. Again, this is setting you up for the rest of the story.

Click to expand...

I did not imply that I sought mystery. You're out of context--I was replying to the fact Frostweaver said "...a question creates mystery" about the beginning question. Pay attention to the context before you want to spout your nerdiness at someone, you dumba$$.

Really, let's review the possibilities.
1. Wants to know(curious): not likely, as you see once you read further
2. Is trying to start conversation(interrogative): more likely, as she wants to learn something from him
3. Is saying something she has no idea she's saying(absent-mindedness): possible but unlikely. Her attention at the moment is focused on the little boy in front of her, nothing else.

Click to expand...

What's your point?

What dark descriptions?

Click to expand...

All the parts that explicitly presented the psychology of low-level mental functioning.

What idiot? Ash? Or Hannah?

Click to expand...

Do you *really* want to know?

By that philosophy, we should only turn lights on during the day.

Click to expand...

"The day" doesn't make anybody snap out of retardation.

And as far as I'm concerned, that idiot psychology was already under the day light.

By its own nature, an idiot's psychology is NOT analyzable, only the question of what the idiot is causing. Therefore, and it is pointless to ask what an idiot is thinking exactly, as that's not the idiot's purpose.

What do you mean, 'lack of content'?

Click to expand...

Lack of analyzable material.

Eh, no idea what you mean here.
Oh, and the remark about 'wearying the reader' is untrue, for it is relative.
For example, you may dislike reading two hundred-year-old-stories and call them 'boring', while I may like said stories and call them 'fun' or 'exciting'.

Click to expand...

Yeah, you didn't know what I mean.

For any serious reader, it IS true that a unnecessary adjective is nothing but distracting and tiring.

---------------------------------------------

Actually, the truth was that post I made in July was just to get Frostweaver's attention since I lost contact with him at the time. I know nothing about fanfiction. XD Just replying to you for fun.

uh...

*glomps the girl in Lily's avatar*

*blushes*

*runs*

P.S. Anata wa baka.

*Leave the psychology for the lighter parts, it's worth more there.*

Going to have to agree with SB on this one. I'm fairly new to fanfic-ing, but I read quite a bit, and I have to say that the best psychological...for lack of a better word..."stuff" always occurs during a particularly dark time. So it is with my fic, and so it is with what I read.

Wow, Frostweaver. This is a good analysis. Say, if tis threadf isn't just for that story, could you do a analysis of my Pokemon Mystery Dungeon story, please?:)