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Old June 13th, 2012 (8:48 AM).
Elite Overlord LeSabre™'s Avatar
Elite Overlord LeSabre™ Elite Overlord LeSabre™ is offline
On that 'Non stop road'
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Shimoda City
Age: 93
Nature: Quirky
Posts: 9,571
What? Elite, you were the one who inspired me to get into fan fiction, which allowed me to gain the skills to get into original fiction (Not to mention finishing my first novel). Don't get so hung up about failure, because that's all it does: Hangs you up.
Actually, it's more the fact that I'm portraying just about everyone's favorite (game) trainer in quite the negative light and I'm expecting a bit of backlash upon the next chapter when he reveals his true colors.

Y U du dat? Red iz teh ROXORZ!!!11!!1! How dare U show him as a cheat?
Yeah, I'm totally expecting reviews like that, especially as more of his secrets are revealed.

I liked your reasoning for why the "Legendary Trainer" hung out on top of a tall icy mountain in the middle of a dangerous wasteland. A good parody of one of the many logic farts that exist in the Pokemon universe.
Sure it's dark, desolate, and dangerous, but if you've got some sinister secret you need to keep hidden, it's the perfect place. Not to spoil anything, of course :P

But really, living somewhere like that doesn't make any sense to me, unless you're purposely trying to hide yourself... most people I know would go crazy over the lack of human interaction, myself included. Of course, that's not saying Red didn't go crazy...

And I always thought a "champion" would want to live in the lap of luxury... fancy house, nice cars, butlers and maids serving them.

I'm also enjoying the way you keep slipping in the fact that Leaf is the true champion of Kanto, I know from your blog how annoyed you were when that weakling with the Pikachu appeared at the summit of Mount Silver instead of Leaf.
That is pretty much what inspired this story in the first place (well that and a couple of other things not even related to Pokemon) and it's definitely something I feel passionately about. I feel sorry for her, the game creators design this great looking character, then they completely forget about her...

A pretty solid piece in my opinions, this new character of yours has a great tone but I believe that she needs interaction with other characters for me to see her true colours. I can't help but wonder, "does she talk like this to everyone?"
Once again, it's a case of waiting till the next chapter, when she meets up with another character near and dear to my heart, and they go headfirst into this case.

Stripping her of everything she had worked for was a nice way of starting the story and the whole injustice of the matter has me rooting for her all the way.
I thought it was important to make that distinction - she actually earned the title then had it taken away. She's not just another jealous trainer looking for the spotlight.

50+ hours of me playing Leaf Green with her character (and the Pokemon party she mentions) is proof that she should be the one who holds the title.

In order to combat this powerful protagonist you're going to need to employ a cunning, violent antagonist who isn't afraid to do anything to dirty her name and put doubt on her claims of a champion title. I'm hoping that this will become more of a psychological battle between the unknown antagonist (unless it is the elite four in general) and your protagonist with each trying to out-predict the other in a winner takes all think-to-the-death.
Don't worry... the antagonists have plenty of power, resources, and motivation behind their actions, and only one's been revealed thus far... I think I've made the main antagonist plenty sinister and evil, but you'll be able to decide that when you meet the person next chapter... I actually intend this to be a part brains, part brawn affair. There will be gun fights and car chases involved, and stuff will explode, as you'd probably expect from anything written by me :P

As my wild and incoherent speculation suggests, this has plenty of potential and I hope that these words you are reading on the screen right now can convince you to continue!
Well, right now I'm just waiting on feedback from a rough draft of Chapter 1, so expect that up this weekend... hopefully xD

Thanks for reading and commenting! And if all goes well, you'll see chapter 1 sometime this weekend, complete with further developments of the conspiracy, the ones behind it, and the ones trying to expose it :P

Elite Overlord LeSabre™
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