[COMPLETE] Let's Play Pokemon Snakewood! (HD Remix)

Thanks to the power of Religion, we're suddenly in Sootopolis. It only goes downhill from here, folks.



Apparently this Pokecenter is like the rebel base against Senex or something. Let's pay them a visit.



"Please, come over to the table. The meeting is about to start."



Dr. Blackthorn: "Just wait a little while."

I'm not even sure if things can be explained properly at this point, but what the hell. I like giving second chances.



[Theme I would use for the board meeting: Ranger Base]

???: "Firstly, I would like to welcome Jack and his Pokemon to our Hideout. I understand you have come far and have thwarted our enemies at many points during your journey."

: ("Damn right. So should we introduce ourselves? I mean, we're just as important as Jack.")

: ("Of course. My name is Bellamine - I'm directly responsible for making sure Jack is safe.")


: ("My name is Jeanne. I'd rather you not witness what a Flamethrower from me can do to you, should you ever get on my bad side.")

; ("I-I'm Ambes. Nice to meet all of you. Jack saved me and my siblings from the zombies.")


: ("Ballin's the name. I help Jack surf across our nearly seventy percent water-covered region.")


: ("I'm new to the crew, but me and Jack have met before. I'm Gauss. Nice to meet y'all.")


: ("I beat things up. You can just call me Valor.")



???: "Why are you applauding that? ... Never mind. Jack, let me introduce you to the members of... the Resistance."

Maybe they're applauding because they're being appreciative of Jack and the Crew helping so often? How they're the cornerstone of all your efforts in a sense?



Granted, you sort of had to assume there was such a thing given how Birch kept giving us suspiciously convenient information.

???: "Indeed. Now, members of the Resistance, please introduce yourselves for the benefit of Jack here."



Might as well make this a roll call of what each person represents to me towards Snakewood itself.

--

Birch has been fine with us risking our life and had the gall to say we're not doing so well at a time when we needed serious moral support. "Way to be a dick, Prof." is the best way I can describe him.

We've been helping his miserable ass the entire game and he doesn't even have an inkling of gratitude for what we do.

Woman next to Birch: "I'm Ms. Lucretia Borgia, the CEO of the Pokemart Company."

Never heard of you.

: "I'm Chloe, former head of the Inquisition, and now forced into attending this stupid meeting. You already know me."

The Inquisition was disappointing. It looked like they were going to build up into something impressive, but they sort of died out when we beat Chloe. Before even that, they lost relevance when the focus shifted to the Deadly Seven.

: "I am Veracity, the Gym Leader of Fortree City, and I am eternally in your debt."

Veracity was cool, though. The Film University was arguably the best setpiece in the entire game and the moment where we had to deal with his sister (infamous Jabberwocky line excluded) was probably one of the most emotional moments aside from dealing with Zombie Norman.

: "My name is Haruhara Haruko, 1st Class Space Patrol Officer and Gym Leader of Dewford Town."

Haruko only exists in this game because Cutlerine was a weeb. Her only saving grace in Snakewood was giving us the Yellow Vespa.

: "We have already met, young one. You aided me in my fight against the demon of the desert."

: "Ah, yes, about that..."

Izumii and the Monks were pretty cool. Granted, their introduction into Hoenn made absolutely no sense but they had nice designs. Izumii gets points for trying to fend off an Aerodactyl without using any Pokemon.

: "I saw you back in the Champion's room, Jack. My name is Steven Stone, former Champion before your brother beat me."

Steven sort of summarizes everything wrong when it comes to how Cutlerine handled the Pokemon aspect of Snakewood. The Pokemon aspect was shafted more in favor towards the random references to other things and crazy junk like the Deadly Seven; it feels tackled on after a while, as if Cutlerine had to keep it in so it could qualify as a Pokemon rom hack.

It doesn't help that many characters from the actual game get eaten/killed offscreen even when it doesn't make sense, like the rest of the Elite Four and the Gym Leaders.

Now we're at the point where Snakewood has introduced Christianity as a plot point and Rayquaza being shot down over a real life water channel.

A damn rock: "I am Lord Unbone, the famously insane fisherman who lives inside of a rock! We may have met before, I can't remember!"

... Unbone... Oh my god this dude is responsible for creating Hombone! I would have Ballin drown him, but there's too many people around for that.

: "And I am Meteor, the Dragon King, whom you know of old. Like Veracity, I owe you a debt that cannot be repaid."

Meteor was another cool character. I mean, he shares the same sprite as the rest of his species, but the dragons were some of the nicest people in the entire game.

Of course, the people that have eternal gratitude to Jack are the only few decent people in the game.



"We were expecting Esau, the Gym Leader of Pacifidlog Town, to be here, but for some reason hasn't turned up."

[Jack shivers while Birch's eyes widen a bit]

Grendel: "Anyway, since we are all now acquainted, let us get down to business. You know why we're here: to break Senex's foul grip on our land. Unfortunately, there are only four of us who have any chance of doing so: Mr. Stone, Sage Izumii, His Majesty Meteor, and Jack. They are the only ones who have the raw power to combat Senex directly."

And of course, being the Main Characters, Jack and the Crew are the ones who have to do all of the heavy lifting.

: "I hate to admit it, but Veracity is right. You are more powerful than me, Jack."

... But I thought Grendel was the one talking?

[Valor gives Jack his shades, to which Jack crosses his arms with a defiant expression]



"Why don't we four just go in and kick some ass - I mean get Senex?"

: "Because we need a plan of action. Chloe was persuaded to use her Taoist powers to find out how many zombies are in the Necropolis - and there are literally thousands. Go in there unprepared and you will die, simple as that."



: "Good enough reason, I assume..."

Grendel: "Exactly. Recently, however, one of our scouts was able to acquire this."



Ms. Borgia: "Is that what I think it is -?"

I had to resist editing her name to be Boregia. Be glad.

Grendel: "Yes, this is a floor plan of Senex's Necropolis."

[All gasp]

Grendel: "You may well be surprised - it was damn hard to get a hold of. But if you look here, you'll see that the main hall leads to THIS point here, which..."

[Fade to black transition]



I'm grateful for this transition taking up less of my time.

: "So it's settled, then. You four will enter via the back entrance, since the front is too heavily guarded."

: "Once there, I shall continue up the stairs and clear out the zombies in the rear guard post, then slay Temulence in his lair directly above."

: "Meanwhile, I'll head for the centre of the cave and trigger a few Earthquakes with my Pokemon, collapsing the main hall and trapping the enemy forces within the Necropolis, where I can deal with them at my leisure."

: "At the same time, I shall travel to the third floor, where I shall duel Gleis. I believe my powers shall be sufficient to match his."

: ("I... somehow doubt that. I dealt with Gleis's power directly and it felt more vile than anything a normal human is capable of.")



"Meanwhile I'm... er... I'm sorry, I wasn't listening."

Dr. Blackthorn: "You're going to investigate that large room on the second floor, Jack. The one marked "Incarceration Chamber" on the map. Presumably there will be prisoners there, and you shall rescue them."

: "Right! Yeah, I knew that! Investigate the Incarceration Chamber. Easy."

Jack, if this were any other situation, I would be laughing and throwing up the smiley. Now's not the time to mess around.

Though you got to admit. The shades make him look like he's being snide as hell.

Grendel: "Yes, quite. Anyway, after that, you will reconvene as soon as possible. Senex will know about your presence in the Necropolis as soon as Steven starts blasting, you can be certain of that. It will take all of your combined strength to bring him down."

The hype is tangible.

: "And don't forget: If you find Champion Landon or May, you have to get them both out of there immediately! They are both extremely important!"

: "Yeah, we get it. Tell us something we don't know, Prof."

[Jack cracks a sly grin]

Grendel: "Yes, yes. Birch is correct. Alright! Resistance Members, are we all clear on our plan?"



Grendel: "Then let's move out!"

[Fade to black transition]



Jack isn't even facing him.

Dr. Blackthorn: "No. I am afraid I am but a guide character, destined never to actually perform the action sequences myself. I cannot join you in the battle ahead, Jack."

: "I see... Well... Thanks."

Dr. Blackthorn: "There is no need. It is my job. Good luck, Jack, I hope we meet again, in happier times."

Dr. Blackthorn was pretty much the Deus Ex Machina doctor. He exists only to help us from stupidly impossible situations, which is all fine and good.



"This the final segment of the game, and things are going to get TOUGH! Harder puzzles, harder enemies. If you've got any preparations to make, make 'em now. because there won't be a chance later! When you and I are ready to go, just steer me over to Grendel and press 'A', and we'll be off."

[Bellamine slaps away the force that was possessing Jack]

: "What the hell was that?! Those words... Where the hell did they come from?"

: ("I really don't like how this Cutlerine fellow keeps possessing you.")

Alright, with that warning in mind, let me just say this:

The game has already been tough ever since the Elite Four. Don't give me crap about the puzzles being tougher either: The Madio Caves and the Inquisition Base are prime examples of the game always SuperTroll design.

Other than that, this is the one time where heeding the warning would probably be a good thing. See, while you can't fly back to the Sootopolis Pokecenter, you can return by touching Cassidy Rock again.

Then again, even if you somehow manage to make it this deep into this game, there's no amount of grinding that can possibly save you.



: "You can make the Glass of God?"

Sasakura: "No, that's my brother, Ryu."



Yes, the game actually offers you a chance to get drunk before the final battle. I actually did the challenge offscreen - there's no good reward or funny interaction. Not only that, I seriously don't think Jack would go into the battle with Senex while he's completely boozed out.

Although, imagine how that confrontation would go.

: ("Finally, some common sense.")



"Meteor says he'll fly you to the secret entrance we discovered to the Necropolis."

: "Let's slam jam."

Grendel: "Godspeed, Jack. I wish you the very best of luck. Meteor's just coming."

[Fade to black transition - offscreen Jack returned Valor's shades]


[A reminder - the theme I would use for the Necropolis: The Dominion of Hate]

We're finally here. Get ready, guys.

(I'll admit, we're at the part of the game where the game is going to get stupid. But you can't say the theme I picked doesn't fit for where we are.)



: "I'm fine."

: "Very well, then. Steven and Izumii are just here."



"Let's get moving."

[Izumii and Steven walk ahead]

: "Come, Jack."



: "Guys, I get it."

[The three of them walk inside]

But before we follow them...



Hey, would you look at that. 9 out of 50.



... This is the same room where we were imprisoned by Gleis.



"The Battle Zombie looks from you to his stumps and back again, and says nothing."

Best part about it? If you didn't somehow beat him before, he would have challenged you again. I presume you would have been sent back to Pacifidlog thanks to lazy programming, so that's always good (ugh).



"According to our information, the passage to the main base has a narrow entrance, but is wide enough for three to walk abreast."

: "Those words sound familiar..."

I swear to god if that's some sort of reference.

: "Really? Can't think why. Come on, then. You go first, and we'll follow."



"We'll go check to see if it's safe before we make you go."

Is that... basic human decency?!



Well, I'm impressed.



"You could only fit one or two people here. Huh. Remind me never to trust J.R.R Tolkien ever again. Anyway, where is everyone? ... They must have gone on ahead, to carry out their tasks. I guess that just leaves us. Okay, let's do this! To the Incarceration Chamber!"



Let's just keep going forward.



"This is the pit that leads down to the North Passages, where the Incarceration Chamber is... You should go down."

If you answer "no", the game goes "Oh, okay, it's not like the fate of the entire nation rests on you going down there. It's cool."

Gotta love video game gaslighting.



The only reason this puzzle even exists is to make this maze more confusing than it actually is. Since multiple screenshots of me hopping around the place won't be entertaining, I'll only get to the most important parts.



This is the place where you can encounter wild Moulder and Graveill. Appropriate, considering this is the zombie lair.



Believe it or not, talking to Rhydon here is vital to proceeding!



Don't be confused - it just cut to another part of the room we're already in. Talking to Rhydon opened up the small path to the center there.



Offscreen: A disproportionate amount of time used up on the damn jumping puzzle surrounding this place.


"They've been... frozen in carbonite?! Is this for real?!"

Wow, there are not enough in the world to describe this.

: "I guess it must be. Fine, I'll push the concealed switches one by one."



Might as well skip to the end.



: "ALERT! ALERT! UNAUTHORIZED MOVEMENT OF PRISONERS! ALERT!"

: "Damn it, someone must have noticed! I have to rescue those hostages, quick!"

[Jack jumps down the hole]



You know, since we're here we might as well free them.

: "... Never heard of you."

Trick Master: "Eh? Really? But I'm famous... Well, thanks for freeing me - Senex locked me up because I was so tricky I threatened his reign of terror! I must go now, and train in the mountains to become yet more tricksome."

: "... Whatever."


[The Trick Master disappears]

: "Well, that was weird... then again, everyone is."

Yep, that's pretty much this game in a nutshell. I have no idea how the Trick Master can threaten Senex considering there's a super trick maze coming up... I'm serious.



"Eh, who cares?"

Excuse you

His Gen 6 counterpart would love to disagree with you. Well, enough messing around, let's see the important ones.



: "It's me, Jack. The one and only."

: "But you... you... you look so bland!"

: "That's it? No, 'Hi, May, I'm glad you're okay?' Just a comment on how I look?"

She has a point.

: "Uh--"

: "Well, let me tell you something! You showed up and stole all the hero overworlds from Landon and I, and the Cutlerine can't spare any other ones to reinsert our custom ones! So it's YOUR fault we look like this, Jack!"

Seriously, you couldn't spare the effort to make Landon and May actually look like themselves? Whatever.

: "Ah... sorry?"

: "Apology accepted. Now free Landon."

: "Landon!"

: "Jack..? Oh my god, it's you! How did you get - Whoa. You freed us? You've gotten so strong..."


I'm seriously wondering what kind of Pokemon Jack had before he had the Crew. You know, aside from Gauss.

: "Hate to break this up, guys, but Landon we need to clear off. We're pretty weak right now and can't help in a fight."

: "Uh, yeah... Jack, I'll speak to you later okay? May and I will just go - go to the Resistance Headquarters..."

[Landon and May leave in a fade to black transition]



"Never mind, I can do that later. Right now, I need to meet up with the others and take down that necromancer!"

Cool. Let's hurry up and --



()

What the hell? Why'd the screen darken?

: ("Jack... Ambes...")

: "Huh?"

[The figure of a pale Raichu materializes in front of Jack]



[Theme I would use for this scene: Sad Story]

: ("Hi, Ambes. It's me... Big Sis.")

: ("I-Ivory?! You're a ghost?!")

: ("You had an older sister?")

: "I'm surprised. I thought you were the oldest."

: ("No... Ivory was always the oldest. Just... I didn't expect to see her here!")

: ("Ambes... You've grown so strong. I'm so proud of you, especially since you and Jack have been taking care of Shine and Spark in my absence. I don't have long in this world before I pass on...")

: ("But there's something I just have to say before I go. The journey you're on...")



[Loud thunder SFX - imagine the screen shaking as if it were hit by an Earthquake]

: ("IS BEYOND ****ING STUPID!")

[Theme that replaces the previous song: NGAHHH!!]

: ("S-sis?!")

: "Whoa!" [Jack is thrown back by her presence]

: ("S-scary, man..")


: ("I think I like her already.")


: ("... Same.")

: ("Heh.")

: ("I've been watching you guys fight, and I've just been sitting here like... 'how are they stomaching the obvious idiocy right in front of them?!' If I were still alive, I would have popped a blood vessel by now! Like it's goddamn infuriating!")

: ("B-but sis, we've worked so hard...")

: ("Huh? No, no, I don't mean you guys. You've all been excellent, even if Jack has shown to be an absolute idiot at times.")

: "Hey!"

: ("What I'm talking about are things like the Horsemen, the Deadly Seven, and all of that insanity. There were points where I straight up wanted to beat them into a pulp worse than you guys did, just from how awful it all was. Since you're going into the heart of all this madness, I may as well accompany you on the final stretch!")

: ("I mean, I can't really fight like you guys can... but I suppose you need the emotional support.")

: ("That'd... that'd be great, sis! I'd be happy to have you around after all of this time!")

: ("Awww. You're still a precious baby, Ambes. You don't have any objections to me coming along, Jacky?")

: "... Eugh. You can come, just don't call me that again."



: ("She seems very responsible.")

[BGM silences]

: ("Oh, she is! Ivory was always the one that took care of us back when we were younger.")

: ("Although... It just hit me now. How... when did you die?")

[Sad Story replays]

: ("... It was when I tried to protect our younger siblings. The last thing I saw was this strange purple-haired human wearing black and white clothes.")

: ("What!? So he...")

[Ambes's body sparks with electricity as he clenches his paws]

: ("Gleis...! I'll make him pay! I'll... I'll...!")

[He drops to his knees and cries.]

: ("Damn it, I should have been there for you!")

: ("Stop that. It honestly doesn't matter anymore. What happened... happened. If this Gleis was the one who killed me, I don't want you to waste your life hunting him down in revenge. Just be glad you and our family is alive!")

: ("But... but you're dead... look at how much he's hurt us and everyone else! He's Senex's right hand man - he deserves to pay!")

: ("I'm well aware of that. But I don't want to see you lose yourself because of someone like that. You're too good for that kind of nonsense.")

: ("She's got a point. Take it from me, little buddy... back down while you still can. I've been down that road before, and I'm lucky to still be alive.")

[Ambes pauses for a second. He looks at the others and takes a deep breath]

: ("You're right. I'm not a pacifist, but I can't stoop down to his level by holding a grudge like that. If anything that's what he wants. If we're fighting them, we have to do it together.")

: ("Let's go!")

: ("That's the spirit!")

: ("We're with you all the way.")

Sorry, I had to throw that in. Ivory will be helping me riff the game from now on.



"Prisoners have been released without due caution and authorization. All available Elite Guards to the Northern Passages to prevent their escape!"

: "Ah, crap! Distracting all of the zombies is Steven's job, not mine! Time to fight, I guess - if I can get out of this maze..."

How reliably do you expect one man to distract so many zombies? Just sayin'.



One annoying maze later, we come across our first enemy trainers in the Necropolis.



What the hell, they have country accents?!





Oh jesus. That's gruesome.

I can't be the only person that thinks this trainer class is beyond creepy. The fact they look like older Jacks doesn't help a bit. They're the "Elite Guards" that the alarm mentioned and possess some brand new zombie Pokemon.



Such as this uber-badass right here. Shinigami are probably one of the coolest Pokemon in the entire game, bar none. They're ghostly Gallades (that are still / despite being ghosts) and their color palette is amazing. Too bad they're unobtainable without cheats, otherwise I would totally have one.

They're pretty strong by virtue of being Gallade.

[The Shinigami's eyes widen as he notices Bellamine enter the battle.]

: ("Hey, babe. You're just my type - your charms are super-effective on my cold dead heart. Maybe we could arrange your funeral gown once we fix the whole 'living' thing?")

: ("Oh brother, is this guy for real?")

: ("I'm sorry, I don't associate with desperate men.")

: ("What!?")

: ("Oh, come on! You're the first actual Gardevoir I've seen since I died! I thought those pick-up lines would work, too..")

: ("... If you don't see anything wrong with the 'funeral gown' bit then I don't know what to tell you. Either way, you haven't tried looking around for someone more your league?")

: ("Please. You know how lonely it is being in this place, surrounded by only zombies, Senex and some weird redneck guys? It's torture.")

: ("Well, I'm sorry - of course I wouldn't know. In fact, I do see myself going out with you... ")

I just want you guys to picture Jack and the Headslinger guy to be looking at this conversation with confused glances.



: ("If I had no taste.")

: ("God damn, that's cold... Okay, you got me this time!")

: ("My name is Nero, by the wa--!")

[Nero's figure vanishes as his health drops to zero]

: ("Maybe I was a bit harsh on him?")

: ("... Eh, not at all. Let's keep going, Jack.")

: [Dies laughing]



Nice text wrapping technique there, Cutlerine. The ball itself isn't even that special - it's a Safari Ball with a "scary" name.



Remember how these guys were a pain? They still kind of are.



This is a new reason. Perish Song.

While it's easy to switch out and negate the effects, it's harrowing for me.



Valor's Shadow Swipe makes quick work of them, considering they're still Psychic type. I don't know why they don't just nuke him - he is part Fighting type, after all...

Not that I'm complaining - god no.



Okay, seriously. Why are the Headslingers cowboys?

It's almost as if they're... gunslingers... but with severed heads. Wow, I can't believe even that turned dumb.





Wow, that's actually... that's actually ingenious. I'm surprised Cutlerine picked now to bring in the really cool ideas, cause imagine if this was obtainable. Since they're /, you'd think I'd be intimidated by this and throw in someone else.

Nope. That's what Calm Mind is for. See, Stitcher tries to be scary and throw you all of the big Special Attacks... that Bellamine can already shrug off.

Now imagine stacking 5 Calm Minds.

[Bellamine used Psychic!]

She freaking vaporizes the thing. Despite having a Psychic resistance, it still took only two of those Uber Psychics to kill the Stitcher.



: ("I don't even have to say anything to this. I'm pretty sure it demonstrates itself.")



I hate the puzzle not because it's hard but because it just wastes time being forced to jump into the right direction.



Not pictured: Handgun.

Also wow, that's a blatant reference. You may as well call him Dirty Harry instead.





Of course there had to be another shoe-horned in reference to Gurren Lagann. Antispiral here is pretty much an evil version of Zangol, but is still a type. There's a reason why I don't usually put up Valor to Psychic types.



OH MY GOD, THAT WAS SO CLOSE.

See, what Antispiral just tried to do was hack Bellamine's head off with Guillotine. I'm intensely grateful towards the Random Number God for not letting that happen.

... But do you want to know something? Jeanne got hit by it in practice. Considering this guy's trainer is a Headslinger, that would have turned a valuable member of the Crew into a morbid trophy for Senex. Like... euuugh.



It's one things when the references don't make sense, but why now of all times?



[The screen shakes]



"I wonder how he and the others are doing."

[The screen pans to the left]



"Hello, there. This is the Cutlerine, finishing off the fourth wall. The poor thing's taken quite a battering, so I'll put it out of its misery and just talk to you directly for now. Jack doesn't know it, but your friends are running into a few complications. In fact, I think I'll show you..."

What.

Oh my god, I think I'm gonna lose it.



"But you can't defeat the destroyer of worlds!"

: "Wha--?"


[Meteor vanishes]

... What even happened. I don't even think it's in character for Temulence to kick Meteor's ass.



"But Meteor wasn't the only one in trouble. Steven was slowly being worn down by the endless waves of Headslingers and Battle Zombies."

See what I said like a few screenshots ago? Still, give him credit for surviving. Being an actual character from the games is like wearing a bulls-eye around your head here.



"Even the powerful Sage Izumii, who had bravely fought off the Aerodactyl in the desert for so long, found that he had sorely underestimated the strength of his opponent..."



In hindsight, being held up by a Pokemon that wasn't even or type showed just how horribly mismatched he was.

: "Ku! I am not yet defeated!"

: "Yes, you are."



Did Gleis just atomize him?



"Jack doesn't know about it yet, but now that I've told you, you might want to see what can be done to salvage this mission. Now a message from our sponsors."

Wow. If I were a lesser man I would have screamed my head off. Instead -

... wait, sponsors



"Hi. I'm Barney Bojangles, and I drink Rokitfule. It's the only liquor that's GUARANTEED to shorten your life by a year a gulp!"

: ("GOD, SHUT THE HELL UP! IT'S ALWAYS THE DUMBEST **** AROUND HERE! NOBODY CARES ABOUT INFORMERCIALS EVEN IN THE BEST OF TIMES, IDIOT!! AAAAAAAAAGH!")

: ("Are you alright, miss Ivory?")


: ("Yes, I'm completely fine. What gave you that impression?")

: ("... Perhaps you need to rest.")



"Please wait while I return you to Jack. This could take a little while, so don't start slamming keys in frustration if you don't get back immediately."

Oh, Cutlerine. You sure are a Guy.

Seriously though, wow. This entire sequence was just a goddamn mess. Like the screen panning thing was cool, but everything else is... whoof.



Aren't you supposed to be attacking me? Whatever, I don't care.

Anyway, welcome to the Super Trick Maze! All I have to say for this part is:



It's easily the most frustrating maze in the entire game. It was another one that was so bad that Cutlerine actually had to make a map for it.



Cutlerine, you are not winning anybody over with these stupid mazes. All they do is piss people off and make them not want to play your game, especially if there's wild encounters littered around them like in the Super Trick Maze.

These are, honestly, the lowest point in Snakewood's gameplay (the story gets its own nadir soon enough - yes, it somehow manages to top what we've already seen).

Since I am not a sadist myself, I'm just going to skip to the end for your convenience.



Another Shinigami, only this time he didn't try to hit on Bellamine. Nero is the only one that will do that.

Anyway, I should probably tell you guys something.



See, there's a reason why I'm still trying to make an effort to be entertaining despite the fact that I honestly cannot stand this part of the game.

Like I'm not kidding, this part of Snakewood is so harrowingly stupid that I don't want to keep playing or have anything to do with it... but I'm not going to half-ass my commentary.

The feeling like the Let's Player is fatigued with the game he's playing isn't something I want to be letting off. That, and it wouldn't be entertaining to you guys if I just put my brain on autopilot.



"I suppose it's no good wondering where this water's coming from, since we're on the sixth floor... I just don't care anymore. Sigh. I guess there's only one thing to do."

Have Ballin surf on the water and ignore the completely useless thing that's coming up?





Damn. I didn't want to go through this part.

We're in the S.S Cangrejo again... and this time with less purpose than ever.



"Sigh... Anybody here? Usher? No reply. That's weird. Usually, Usher shows up pretty quickly."

Jack is just as tired as I am of all this.



"Come to think about it, don't I usually fall into the cargo hold?"

???: "Hello."

: "What was that?! ... Just my imagination, then. This place gives me the creeps."


: ("Jack, when is it ever anybody's imagination?")

: "... Right."



Light Screen has no use because we have a Bellamine.



"This is stupid! There aren't any more doors, so where do I go from here?"

???: "I can help with that. Heh... readying warp..."

: "Who said that?"

To this day, I still don't know who that voice is.

Future Dan: Maybe it's a sea demon.





Alright, we have a mini-ship going back and forth like a kid doped up on sugar.



Along with an exact replica of the helpful room from a few chapters ago. There's even wild Ampharos roaming in the room outside if you want to grind.

I know why Cutlerine did this - so you could swap out your Pokemon and get a break. What I don't understand is the part immediately after this.



No, really.

: "It is? Oh my god, I'm so lucky to be here! I've gotta watch!"

You know, it's not like the world is in imminent peril or anything. It's cool.



[The crowd screams "No, don't break up"]

Band leader: "I'm sorry, our minds are made up. But we're going to leave you with our greatest hit song!"

[Crowd cheers]

: ("Okay. I'll bite. What's the song?")

Now, the part that comes after this is completely undoctored:

"Cats cats cats cats cats - OH YEAH! Dogs dogs dogs dogs dogs - OH YEAH! Mice mice mice mice mice - OH YEAH! ELEPHAAAAANT! ELEPHAAAAANT!"

: ("What IS this garbage?!")

: ("Wow, with songs like those, I don't know how they got popular in the first place...")

: ("Yeah, that was just bad.")

Since I can't take this part seriously at all, just have this song playing in the background.

: "Sob... choke... so sad... this is the last time Sumekka will ever play, and it's just... so sad and beautiful..."



: ("What the fresh hell are you talking about, Jack?")

: "Sniff... I won't let the halcyon years of their existence go to waste! I'm - I'm going down there to see them off!"

There is literally no redeeming value to this entire scene. Also, surprisingly, Sumekka was just something Cutlerine made up. Which makes it even dumber.



: ("... Alright, on the count of three.")

: ("Right.")



"I have to get to Sumekka before they break up forever! I bet the entrance to the concert is behind that steel d--"

[Bellamine and Ivory slap Jack at the same time]

: ("Snap out of it, Jack!")

: "... Huh? What happened?"

: ("It's just as I feared. He was possessed by Cutlerine again. That man keeps manipulating Jack...")

: ("What, so this has happened before?")

: ("Boy, that's really starting to make my blood boil! Why can't he just leave Jack alone?!")

: "Guys... Thanks. Let's just get out of this horrible place."

: ("Of course!")

; ("Right behind you, buddy!")



Man, these puzzles are all over the place. At least this one isn't very hard.



The key is in this can, but you have to face directly in front of it otherwise you won't get the key.



This is the message you would get if you tried to leave without doing the Sumekka stuff. However, since our Jack has common sense, I ignore the script barrier and keep going ahead.



: "Yeah, no. Screw that. I'm outta here. I've already wasted enough time as it is."

Sumekka is literally a non-entity. There is no good reason why Jack should be held up by their break up, as he would realistically not care. The sequence only exists to waste our time when we are already in the middle of storming the Necropolis.

You could remove this part from the game and absolutely nothing would be affected by it. Hence why not being able to skip it without cheats is especially jarring.

Let me summarize what happens:



Jack teleports to the stage,



Gets kicked out by a roadie,



Only to climb down the metal beams and get an autograph from the band leaders. That's it. Thrilling.



This game is really coming apart at the seams, isn't it?

Maybe Cutlerine was afraid the Necropolis was too serious or that we needed variety at the last moment? If so, honestly? Bad call.



Oh yes, have a quiz section! Because we really needed that too!

It's not even like the game gives you anything cool for struggling through this. This is not worth a healing point.



I should mention that if you get a question wrong, you're booted to the room before and all of the machines reset. It's like Cutlerine tried his absolute damndest to make sure you don't enjoy this part of the game.

Anyway, I still peg this let's play as informative, so I may as well give you the questions:

#1: There is no cow level. (No)
#2: Has Yoshimitsu's sword ever been cursed? (Yes)
#3: Fire was better than Octopus. (No)
#4: It's impossible to be Rokakku Gouji? (No)

I honestly don't care what these are references to.



This asks music related questions.

#1: "Did she, in fact, see the skater boy later?" (Yes)
#2: "In the song Tokyo, he thinks he has broken his heart again and also lost love again." (No)
#3: "What do the pillows want to wake up? Is it a duck?" (No)
#4: "My favorite song on Miho Hatori's album is Walking City." (No)
#5: "Professor K plays many songs by Hideki Naganuma." (Yes)
#6: "To qualify as a wild challenger, there's no need for any tricky style." (No)
#7: "The song Cats, Cats, Cats, made famous by Sumekka, originated in Visbu." (Yes)

If you're wondering what Visbu even is, it's a region that Cutlerine made before Snakewood was a thing.



This machine asks Hoenn-related questions, which must be hilarious.

#1: The zombie outbreak started in 2010? (No)

This one is tricky. 2010 is when Snakewood was made, not when the outbreak started.

#2: Hoenn joined the UN in 1974? (Yes - even if that doesn't make sense)
#3: Mr. Briney used to be in the Sinnoh Navy (Yes)
#4: Hoenn's most famous writer was Tancred De Lantemente. (No)
#5: Hoenn was unified in 1870. True? (Yes)
#6: Before Lilycove, Rustboro was the capital? (No)
#7: The last President of Hoenn was Marcus Cuticle? (Yes)
#8: An old Hoennian proverb says that you should never trust a goose. Is this a good idea? (Yes)
#9: Ense Protz was from Hoenn? (No)

Saying what I think about these quizzes would be repeating myself.



This one asks "general trivia" questions, which in Snakewood you know have to be ~*wacky*~.

#1: Millipedes have many legs. (No)
#2: Potato? (Yes)
#3: Do you know what furking is? (No)
#4: Doest thou shake rams? (No)
#5: The Owl and the Panther shared a pie. Yes or no? (Yes)
#6: Ist, Ist, Vth, Vth, IV Sharp 9, Vth, Ist? (Yes - ?????????????????????????)
#7: Los rapes son capaces de montar una bicicleta. (No - wow really)
#8: Yet again, I give another stupid question. (Yes)
#9: Father William can balance an eel on the tip of his nose. Yes? (Yes.)
#10: This is the last question. (No)
#11: Is the Cutlerine laughing at you now? (No - it explains that he doesn't even know you exist if you answer yes. Might as well be though.)

Well, those were all of the quizzes.



Oh, and one last middle finger to the player - if you touch this crate, it warps you back to the last room and completely undoes your quiz progress.





I think the last save I had for this episode was titled "this game is dumb", an accurate assessment of my emotional status when I was playing through to get screenshots. We accomplished literally nothing in Usher's sub.



Anyway, that's enough for this chapter. See you guys later for the... end of the game?

---------------------------------------------------------------------
Sidequest List:

• Collect all fifty Broken Hearts (9 out of 50)
• Get Strength to move the boulders

Team setup:

(Bellamine, , Level 68, ) - "Hmm... Despite everything that's happened, we're still in the Necropolis... Stay alert, everyone!"
(Ambes, , Level 62, ) - "Right, miss Bellamine!"
(Jeanne, , Level 61, ) - "Miss Ivory's introduction, the ghost Gallade that tried to hit on Bellamine... This sure has been an exciting day, hahaha."
(Gauss, , Level 67, /) - "Now I see what y'all have to deal with on a regular basis. No wonder why you guys are strong."
(Valor, , Level 63, has Plus Band, /) - "Yeah, Gauss. By the way. Ivory is kinda scary, but that's sort of why I like her...."
(Ballin, , level 62, /) - "Man, can we just get this over with already?"
(Ivory, , Level ??, /) - "... I sort of have a headache from how angry I got. Maybe I should lay down somewhere."

---------------------------------------------------------------------
Back-up Team:

(Reggie, , Level 61, has Leftovers, /) - "Alright, guys! You can do it! Kick some ass!"
(Zagon, , Level 63, /) - "... They sure are in the pit of madness, aren't they?"
(Alice, , level 62, ) - "Miss Ivory is my kind of woman, nya."
(Ace, , Level 58, has Anadrin Talon, /) - "Oh, I didn't know you liked them like that, Alice." [Alice's face turns a deep red]
(Juno, , Level 60, /) - "Guys, don't get yourselves killed in there! We don't need any more Ghost types around here!"
(Umbra, , Level 62, ) - "... All we can do is hope that they win."
(Tohru, , Level 60, /) - "Ha! Why so down, Umbra? Of course they're going to win!"
(Pumbloom, , level 56, ) - "M-MISS IVORY IS SCARY..."
(Wagner, , Level 57, /) - "They're so close to Senex... It's surprising how powerful Jack and the team are."
(Chloris, , level 61, /) - [Chloris lies on top of Wagner's head, crossing her legs] "Yeah! What else did you expect, Wagner?"
(Beatrice, , Level 50, /) - "Ahaha! Miss Ivory is wonderful! I wonder if she's a good gossiper."
(Shine, , level 33, ) - "B-Big Sis?! I... I can't believe it!"
(Spark, , level 32, ) - "What a time for her to show up, too! This is gonna be a show, haha."
(Alpha, level 55, /) - "OKAY, I'M LOST."
(Letro, level 50, /) - "FINALLY, SOMETHING WE CAN AGREE ON. BZZT!"
(Menti, , level 57, /) - "Aaaah! Jack! Don't get eaten!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Portrait Credits:

Let's get to the point.



Oh, what the hell. Robin Hood references when they're supposed to be cowboys? Come on, man, you had one job.

Also, man. Steven, Meteor and Izumii were useless. Then again, they held up surprisingly long for what are essentially NPCs in a comedy game.



After Nero, pitting Bellamine against more Shinigami wasn't even intentional. But since I'm here, I may as well say this: They're all totally checking her out.



[Poses dramatically]



Didn't get you far, did it?



This guy who thinks he can handle the Bellamine killdozer tour is called Headslinger Bandito, by the way. He might as well be wearing a poncho and a mustache just to complete the experience.

God knows Cutlerine isn't above putting Mexican stereotypes into the game.



Ahem, good sir. Your delivery needs to be more over the top so you can be properly laughed at be more memorable.

A "Ride 'em cowboy" or "Get along, doggie" would be more sufficient.



Well, we can't have that, now can we?



"The Battle Zombie choked on a laser and burnt off her spinal cord, paralyzing herself!"

God, this game just gets better and better, doesn't it.



A good comedian never runs out of material!



Oh look, it's how I feel about the game.



"Oh yeah, and you won."

We must have a comedy stand off before this game ends! I demand it!



"It's not very effective" is also relevant - it's me being unaffected by what this game is throwing at me.

Also - hot damn, Bellamine is strong now.



An ounce of prevention keeps the MADNESS away.



"If you do, I'll just read your thoughts."

You're no Gleis, buddy. You can't scare me.



Oh hey, the game is actually throwing us a "boss" right before the end.



Too bad Bellamine dominated like most of it by herself.



Surprisingly, Valor got to help.

[Valor used Brick Break!]

This might just be Valor's final moment of glory before we get to Senex.

(And of course it had to be the freaking Kamina reference too.)



I'm just going to drop the jokes for a bit and say that this guy is completely serious. The next battle is by far the hardest in the game and the most punishing. There's no way a person with my team should be able to do this, but I'm going to keep going and break the system.

Wish me luck.



This is it. We're at the pinnacle.



[Replay Stealthy Shadow]

: "Senex! Your time has come!"

: "Has it? Look around."

[Jack turns left and then right]



: "Your friends have been made conspicuous by their absence, my child."

: "Wh-where are they?!"

: "I shall let Gleis and Temulence answer that. You two! Fetch them!"

: "Yes, my lord."



They've been turned into a Star Wars reference. Calm down, Jack.

Although why Senex and pals didn't kill them is beyond me.

: "Muahahahahaha! Now, prepare to be crushed!"


[Senex charges at Jack]



[Theme for the final Senex fight: Megalomania (Live-A-Live)]

Fun fact: The actual game just has the regular trainer theme playing for the fight against the main villain of the entire game.

The person who caused Snakewood to happen and the most unbelievably goddamn powerful opponents in the entire game... just has the regular trainer theme.

Yeah no, that's boring. Seriously though, Senex is not holding back and will probably annihilate your team off of the face of the planet even if your guys are the same level or higher than his.



His first Pokemon is a Faceleech that thinks it's threatening. How adorable.



HOLY HELL THAT WAS CLOSE!

Turmur has a base attack stat of 185! Even with halved attack, it nearly killed Jeanne with one Earthquake (the above is after two Full Restores). To top it off, it's level 80! It's like... "if you're doing this, we're going to make sure you don't win."

Well, I didn't go this far into the game to quit now. Let me take those monstrously high stats of yours and make them completely worthless.

[Bellamine used Calm Mind!]









Overkill is the best kind of kill.



Senex's next Pokemon is Shaderu, who is finally at the level he should be. He'll still stand no chance.



Ambes tried to help and did. Cutting Shaderu's speed in half is a great asset for this part.

: ("He got me, sis.")

: ("It's fine, Ambes... At least Jack pulled you out before it could kill you.")



: ("Bellamine! Are you alright?!")

: ("Y-yes... I can't fail now! Too many lives are at stake!")




: ("I'll destroy you once and for all, demon!")

[Bellamine used Psychic!]





Yeah, she did more than destroy it. She wiped it from history.



: ("If you think this can stop me, think again.")







: ("Well then. I believe we've made our point.")

: ("Amazing!")



"Never subcontract the work out to legendaries, even if they're evil ones. This job calls for my... personal intervention."

: ("Bring it on, old man!")

: ("Get any closer and you'll regret it!")

: ("Touch one hair on Jack's head and just see what happens.")

: ("I won't even allow him to get that close.")



"You will never even have been born."

() [The Crew are shielding Jack from the attack - a bright flash of light covers the screen]



"Ah-aaagh! This is what Marty felt like at the Under The Sea Ball!"

: ("What.")

: "AAA- huh? I-it stopped..."

Oh no, here comes the "ending."



"Who dares to interfere with my power?"

[All of the Crew stare at Senex with a confused glance as they were just tanking the attack a second ago]

I know the Crew's not actually doing anything in the story itself, but it'd make a rattatain' picture.

[A Deadly Seven member pops in from the top right]



What, he's back?!

: "YOU!"

: "Him?"

: "Me!"

Spongebob!



Wow, are we really being saved by Asimov of all people? Oh, but it gets better from here folks.

: "Confound you Afromasters and your insanity! I do not wish to hear your haiku!"

: "My haiku goes like this: 'My fist of justice, DIGERIDOO PUMPKIN BLAST!'"

: ("NOT THIS AGAIN!?")

[Senex gets blasted off of the mountain]



"It deflects all my dark spells..."

: "Well? Would you like to hear another haiku, friends?"

[Gleis and Temulence jump off of the mountain, which is actually a puddle effect]

... Oh right, I have to say something. Uh... Wow, I can't believe I actually made it this far into the game and powered through the final boss like that. Most people would have given up by now. I guess I'm just insane like that.

Future Dan: You could even say... Deadly.





Since this isn't the real end of the game, I can't go all out yet.

: "I cannot die, for I am... unutterably moxious Accordion Thief!"

: "... Yep, you're entirely back to normal."

I don't like the "normal" Deadly Seven.

[Senex yells out wait and walks up to Jack]



Wow, did Senex really just walk back up here after he fell down the mountain? I know he can fly, but him using the stairs like a normal person is more funny.

: "There's still one more thing I can do."

: "No, not that!"

: "Yes, that!"

: "What?"

: "He's going to bake a cake!"

: ("You're serious.")

: "What?! What are you really up to, Senex?"

: "Baking a cake. Let me see... flour..."

: "Jack! Only you can stop him now! I've done as much as I can, but now it's up to you to do the rest!"



I don't know. I honestly don't know.

: "Two large eggs..."

: "Don't let him get to the water!"

: "Doesn't that go in first?!"

: "And the water..."



I swear I'm at the threshold of repeating "WHAT?!?!" over and over.

: "Demerara sugar..."

: "Oh my sainted aunt! Jack, stop him!"

: "What do you expect me to do, man?! I can't move for some reason!"



"The elevator has arrived."

: "What elevator? Where?"

: "Don't let him get in!"

???: "Lift going down."

: "NOOOO!"

[Warping SFX followed by fade to black transition]



... Uh. Serious question: what in the name of everything decent just happened? Why are we in an endless void of puddle water?



: "Yo."

: "Asimov, what's going on? What the hell happened?"

: "Listen."

[There's no music or sound effects in this scene]

: "I don't hear anything."

: "Exactly. Even the background music has stopped. It's over, Jack. By baking the cake, Senex... has destroyed Hoenn."



... WHAT!?

You mean we did the entire game for nothing?!

: "HOW CAN WE HAVE FAILED?!"

[Theme I would use for this scene: Sad Story]

: "... I understand how you must feel. But it's over, Jack. Hoenn is gone. Only the people who caught Senex's elevator survived. You, your Pokemon, me and --"

: "And Senex."

[Ambes starts crying over the others while Ivory consoles him]

: ("No, no, no! You can't be serious!")

: ("No! Rubus...! Is this really how it all ends...?")


: "Yes, and him... Are you alright, Jack?"

: "Just peachy, Kate. The world is my oyster."

: "Jack? That's a quotatio--"



It's official. Jack has snapped.

: "It - it can't be..."

: "How weary, stale and unprofitable --"

: "It is! It is!"

: "-- Seem to me all of the uses of this world."
: "Jack... This is it. This is what the prophecy was talking about..."

: "Even doctor Feelgood couldn't help me now!"

: ("What in the goddamn...?")

Okay, okay, cut the music. Sad Story clearly isn't going to be working given where this conversation is going. So instead have Jolly Ol' Spekkio playing throughout this entire travesty.

If the game isn't going to take itself seriously, then I shouldn't either.



: "You've gained access to the Cutlerine's knowledge of references! The Pop Culture Nexus itself!"

: ("You cannot be serious.")

: [Shrill incoherent screaming]

: "Huh? No way! I can't - can't have that sort of power!"

: "It's true. Think back to the last few things you said. They've all been references!"

: "Oh... And when I killed Esau, I did it by exposing what he was a reference to..."



: "Exactly!"

: "But this changes nothing... It's still hopeless..."



: "Why are you giving me this? Do I stutter?"

: "Another perfect cryptic reference... Come on! With this sort of power, we can actually defeat Senex!"

: "What about fixing Hoenn?!"

YES PLEASE TELL US HOW

: "The power of the reference is limited only by the number of ideas already used. As long as there is some way that this sort of situation has been resolved before in another story, we can do it again here by using references."

This is the dumbest muk I've seen in a while, which is impressive in its own right. By the way guys, this game was nominated in several spots for Hack of the Year 2011 over at Pokecommunity here? Should probably bring that up now before I forget.

: "Alright! Let's do this and kill that nasty old guy!"

: ("Bellamine... do something! Please, god!")

: ("There's something stopping me from doing anything! It's completely possessed Jack!")



"Well, well, well. Look who survived. Please, feel free to mourn the ruins of your native land while I destroy Asimov again."

: "Grr!"


Now, this next part, I'm not even joking around. This is really how the text reads in the game:

"JackHOW DARE YOU DO THAT TO MY PRECIOUS UNDERLING' PUNCH!"

Cutlerine just did not give a psyduck by the end.

[Flash of light]



"What the hell...? Was that... a referential attack? But how...?"

: "'WHO DO YOU THINK I AM' KICK!"

: "AGH! T-the prophecy... Damn that blasted oracle! These attacks are powerful beyond reason..."

: "Kick reason to the curb and do the impossible!"

I refuse.



: "Jack! Be careful - you can't reference the same thing too many times or it will cease to have effect!"

What am I reading?

: "And that is the very reason you cannot defeat me. You may be stronger and have access to ALL the references the Cutlerine does - but I am infinitely more experienced! I do not have many references to use, but I know how to use them! Now: 'Twas brillig, and the slithy--"

You're no Lewis Carroll, Cutlerine. Don't even try it.



: "Oh no! It's a strong one! Watch out, Jack! It's whiffling here right now!"

() : "What's the problem? Just throw one of the Crew at it. The reference thing is stupid."

: ("Huh? Jack somehow broke through the possession?")

: "--did gyre and gimble in the wabe--"

: "What is it? What's coming?"

: "HE is! The Jabberwock!"

We just beat Senex and all of his Pokemon, all of which were at least ten or so levels above us. There's no way the Jabberwock would even stand a chance.



"I need a good reference to combat it."

Or you could... I don't know, have Valor make Senex's face concave. Because he's a Dark type and therefore weak to being punched.

: "Got it!"

[Venusaur cry]

: "Hurry, Jack!"

: "Come on, Asimov! I'll land you with care!"

: "What?! No, surely your power isn't so great--"

: "This is just the place for a Snark!"

: "No, you fool!"

: "Jack, close your eyes!"

: "What?"



"Don't ever look at it!"

: "You can't force me to look at it either, Asimov! This is a stalemate!"


[Asimov peels Senex's eyes wide open]

: "No! Unhand me! Let go of my eyes!"

: "Never! Jack! Keep going!"

[Flash of light]

: "It's almost here!"

Guys, how did this go from fighting a zombie apocalypse and the dark lord that created it to a reference battle between kindergarteners?

[Jack shut their eyes tightly]



"In the midst of the word he was trying to say, in the midst of his laughter and glee, he had softly and suddenly vanished away, for the Snark was a Boojum, you see."

: ("I literally have nothing to say. To think I was worried this would have made sense! Can't have that, now can we?!")


: ("Agreed. This is indefensible.")



"What do I do now? Put Hoenn back? I'd better bring back Asimov, too. Let's see... Oh! That's it! All I need is to use the Atlas! Damn, Gina, this reference is so handy! Here comes a massively improbable plot device! Compleat Atlas, activate!"

[Fade to black transition]



: ".... What the absolute psyduck just happened?!"

: ("You were completely possessed by him again. Apparently, it helped bring everything back together... but...")

: ("It was all a load of crap!")

: ("Yeah, what she said.")

: ("At least everything is... fixed? At least our efforts weren't in vain.")

: "Okay, good. I don't know how I would have taken it if everything we loved was destroyed forever."

Can I just be real for one second? That actually happened, right? The act of citing a reference was used to save Hoenn from being destroyed.

I think the dumbest part about this is that Cutlerine tries to pepper the story with clues of "oh references are going to be important later on" when it all builds up to mediocrity.

I should also take this time to mention (If I hadn't already) that Cutlerine thought the plot of Snakewood was better than the canon plot of the actual Pokemon games. Yes, everything we've seen he thought was better than the actual games.

I really hope the man changed his mindset as the years passed, because that's not a flattering first impression of someone.

Future Dan: Doubly so when you consider Black/White have Actually Good plotlines that stand on their own, and that's not getting into discussions about Sun/Moon or even Gen 9, which for all of its faults has some of the best character writing in the series yet.



A horribly pretentious ending. Oh wait, that's in the Art Museum next chapter.

: "... It's over, everybody! It's over, it's over, it's over! I beat Senex with the help of Asimov, Gleis and Temulence are gone for good, and - and everything's fine!"

All: "Hooray!"

Grendel: "Wait!"

: "What is it?"

Grendel: "I've still got reports of zombies..."

: "Uh... (Damn it, that's my fault. I restored Hoenn to its state before Senex destroyed it. That nasty old necromancer's gone, but those zombies would still be there...)"

Oops. That's our Jack. *Laugh track plays*

Honestly, though. The one thing we were trying to fix and you did half of the job. Way to go, hero.

: "Uh... that's bad. Can't imagine why that should be."


Grendel: "Well, we'll soon mop them up without Senex to stop us."

: "That's true."

: "I've got a message!"

: "Let's hear it."




"We're all invited to... a celebratory party! On Gym Island! Oh, and Jack, there's going to be a reward for you there. Come on, let's go!"



"Damn! I'd better figure out how to get to Gym Island!"

Wow, the guest of honor doesn't even get to go with them. That's sad.

I don't understand why you couldn't have just teleported Jack to Gym Island instead of making us do this. By the way, you are supposed to take a wild guess to know where to go from here. But first, a bonus area.



Remember how in Chapter 3.5 (ah, the memories) we went in here but didn't really explore it? Well, now we can.



Choc... Orange. This is related to Radiorange, by the way. Just... it becomes important at the end of the unfinished Trick House.



It's literally an unfinished Trick House. The Abandoned Ship theme playing here, after all of the stupidity we've seen throughout this game, makes me yearn for the actual Ruby/Sapphire/Emerald games due to them being infinitely better. That, and I like getting sappy to certain songs.



"MECHADOLL 32 AM I! I ASK ONLY QUESTIONS ON CHEESE!"

: "Dear god!"

[Jack punches the robot on the head]

Yeah, I'd be terrified if a life-sized robot shaped like a man came up to me and started asking cheese questions too.



"I'm not done building my new Trick House. Oho! You have a Chocolate Orange! That's all well and good, but I could make it trickier!"

You need an empty slot in your party to even activate this event, by the way.



"Aha! Here we are. Take this."



Yes, we get a reference to Clockwork Orange of all things. At this point, it feels less like Cutlerine wanted to show people things he liked and more like he's shoving it in your face, like "LOOK AT ALL OF THESE THINGS I KNOW ABOUT. AREN'T I COOL."

This entire game is just teenager cringe solidified into video game form.



It's literally Radiorange but in different colors and with a mechanical eye. I guess you could say it's worthwhile? I'm not the person who made Snakewood. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯



Anyway, here's what we have to do next. You have to catch Roclobster at Dewford and take the Hard Disk Solo that comes with them.



Then you have to go all the way to Slateport and bring the Hard Disk Solo to this rock.

"Music began to play! Sounds familiar... What's this?"



I think I had to title the saves for this part "how the hell do you figure this out theatre" because of how needlessly cryptic/complicated it was.



Oh boo hoo. Go cry me a river, Forgotten Afro.



I just had to go item scrounging one last time before I proceed with the plot.



Anyway, remember this lady? Gabriella? Turns out she's how you get to Gym Island. This was another thing Cutlerine had to tell everybody about because nobody could (rightfully) figure it out by themselves.



"Why do you have two? Anyway, those tickets mean I can take you to Gym Island! Hop on and let's go!"

Cool. Let's blow this taco stand.



"Damn it, a rock! Well, we'll see who's tougher in the end!"

Is that really a smart ide--

[Gabriella revs back and smashes into the rock, which actually removes it from the overworld]



I... I didn't know it was possible to alter the overworld like that.

Gabriella is too badass for me.

Anyway, that's the end of chapter 29. See you guys next time for the finale of Snakewood, where I can finally clean my hands of this game for good.

------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sidequest List:

• Collect all fifty Broken Hearts (9 out of 50)
• Get Strength to move the boulders

Team setup:

(Bellamine, , Level 72, ) - "We're finally free of that nightmare! No more madness!"
(Ambes, , Level 62, ) - "Thank goodness, too. I don't know how much longer I could have endured that."
(Jeanne, , Level 61, ) - "I wouldn't get your hopes up if I were you... It still seems like there's more to come."
(Gauss, , Level 67, /) - "You just gotta chill, babe. It's time to kick back, relax and enjoy a walk down the beach or something."
(Valor, , Level 63, has Plus Band, /) - "Man, I am so glad that stuff is all over. I agree with Ambes. My head was just spinning that entire time."
(Ballin, , level 62, /) - "That lady sure showed that rock, damn!"
(Ivory, , Level ??, /) - "Thank goodness! It's all over! And I didn't have to pop a blood vessel again!"

------------------------------------------------------------------------
Back-up Team:

(Reggie, , Level 61, has Leftovers, /) - "Guys... I don't care how we did it. As long as we won, that's fine by me."
(Zagon, , Level 63, /) - "Of course, Reggie. Did you ever have any doubt?"
(Alice, , level 62, ) - "Bellamine was so powerful in those last few parts. Given how she never leaves Jack's side, I can see why... I'm sorta jealous, nya. She gets to be so close to him and all."
(Ace, , Level 58, has Anadrin Talon, /) - "Ha! I know the feeling, Alice. But well, I guess that's just how much she loves him. She's sort of like his mother in some ways."
(Juno, , Level 60, /) - "That sort of explains a lot, now that you bring it up. But hey, who are we to complain?"
(Umbra, , Level 62, ) - "... Hot damn, they actually did it."
(Tohru, , Level 60, /) - "Of course, my boy! There's no way even Senex could have stood up to their power!"
(Pumbloom, , level 56, ) - "WOW... NO MORE SENEX... DOES THAT MEAN WE'RE DONE?"
(Wagner, , Level 57, /) - "They did it. They managed to bring down this entire invasion... I can't be any prouder of Jack and the others."
(Chloris, , level 61, /) - "Although the method they did it with is... very questionable..."
(Beatrice, , Level 50, /) - [does an emotional fainting motion] "Oooh, miss Bellamine looked radiant as she was eliminating those evildoers."
(Shine, , level 33, ) - "Spark. I don't even care what happened. I'm just glad they're still alive."
(Spark, , level 32, ) - "Of course, sis. I love them too much to let anything happen to them either, you know."
(Alpha, level 55, /) - "... TRUCE?"
(Letro, level 50, /) - "APPARENTLY BEING SENT TO THE VOID HAS CHANGED YOUR OUTLOOK ON LIFE A BIT. VERY WELL THEN. BZZT!"
(Menti, , level 57, /) - "I... I'm still here? Jack... saved the world? Wow..."
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Portrait Credits:

Well, we're on Gym Island now. Believe it or not, the plot of Snakewood that seemed to go on forever has finally concluded.

Hallelujah.

The only things stopping this from being a two-screenshot chapter with the second screenshot being The End on a black background are the things I've yet to show off... which are still going to give me migraines.



: "Where is everyone? Wasn't there meant to be a party?"

: "Yeah, you kind of missed it."

: "What? But it was in my honor!"

Wow, the person who saves everybody's asses from utter destruction and he doesn't even get the credit he deserves. To think, this could have been easily avoided if Jack was just teleported to Gym Island with them. I seriously don't see any reason why we had to guess the way to get there.

: "Well, you snooze, you lose. I've still got this present for you, though."



Well, that lets me cross off Strength off of the Sidequest List... but you're still getting a restraining order.

: "Well, I'll be off. I have work to do."

[Fade to black transition]

: "Well, that was a disappointment. Still, I suppose I can still challenge these gyms... or not, given how I have no real interest to do so."

Yeah, what he said.



"If you had a Deoxys, you could totally bring it here and change its form, but you don't, so you can't. Ever."

Wow, even the flavor text is getting sassy for no good reason. That should tell you how far we're falling.



"Oho! They've gone far away, I don't know where."

Mr. Artist Stereotype knows what he's talking about. We'll meet up with Landon and May in a moment, though.



... Man, I can't even work up the emotion for this. The only place I can go with this is probably saying some joke that's in bad taste like "was she extra crispy".



Snakewood is like That Guy if he were made into a video game. Don't be like Snakewood.



This guy has a Level 85 Zebstrika that tries to be scary with Volt Tackle...



But the Crew sort him out immediately. After Senex, nothing scares me.



"The great Gym Island Stadium!"

Yeah, keep deluding yourself buddy. If you use walk-through-walls on the door behind him, it'll take you all the way back to Petalburg City. It's as strange as it sounds, but nothing we haven't come to expect from this game.



There's literally no purpose to the stadium as we never get to go down there ourselves. But at least it looks pretty cool.



: "... You are SO not."



Yeah. She's totally this guy. I believe her. Don't you?



"Until there's Nothing Left."

I'm not going to question why Gym Island is packed with all of the crazies, but I'll forgive this one because I feel the same way as him.



Generic NPC dialogue?! How can this be?



"You can imagine my surprise when I came home! Hoho!"

I would not be surprised if this entire game was a three ring circus where the entire show is to infuriate the player/Jack.



I'm not going to challenge the gyms at all. They're pointless even by the standard of this game due to them not being that interesting or even challenging.

They just... exist. I'm surprised Cutlerine even went to the extent to put in a postgame, but it was so mediocre that he might have well not bothered.

The only notable Gym is one where a guy transforms into different trainers as you fight him... which doesn't really give you anything. There was also another one which is a reference to Jet Set Radio, which I know would have pissed off one of my friends.



Apparently, the gym this dude is standing in front of requires a sidequest to bypass him. Since I'm done with this game as it is, I'm just gonna skip to the point.



God bless cheating. I have no idea where I would have been if I didn't have it for this.





... oh

Wow, this is some psyducked up scenery right here. Oh, and would you look at who's here!



: "Senex! I thought you were dead! And what is this place?"

: "A master of death cannot die. And this is my lair... Black Rock."

: "But it's just some mess of glitchy reality..."

: "Indeed. I don't know why it's named Black Rock. Still, that's beside the point. You have come here, seeking the final challenge - and I accept it! In my true form, I prepare to do battle, and I shall strike the last blow for undeath! Hiyaaaaah! Undeath!"

Wow, even Senex turned into a dork by the end. Wait, that happened earlier when he baked a cake that somehow managed to destroy all of Hoenn.



Yes, he really is a wild Level 90 old man.

This is what they meant by "Senex is strong even without his Pokemon" because he's literally the stand-in for Rayquaza's slot. Senex himself is / with an dump truck of legendary stats and strong moves to use them with.

But by this point, does anybody really care? The game is already over.

Oh well, time for some cruel and unusual punishment!







: "Suck it, old man!"



Welp, we just captured the main villain of the game. I guess we can consider him a member of the crew until we waste him.



: "Wh-?! What is the meaning of this? Why this name of all things?"

: "Oh, you like it? Figured it would appreciate it with all the other things you stole."

: "I don't know what you're talking about."

: "Oh, spare me. Did you honestly not expect anybody to notice that you've been using Yveltal's powers of death and some other junk to animate the zombies?"

: "... Damn, I thought that was a secret. How did you figure it out?"

: "I didn't. I skimmed through the intel we gathered before raiding the Necropolis - something about you being an old rich politician that sacrificed their humanity? I dunno, I kinda glazed over that part. That, and I had a feeling when "Death himself" killed the Horsemen you created but left me and my Pokemon alone. "

: "No... I can't believe a punk like you ruined me like this! All those years of plotting and building power... wasted."

: "Hope you like doing community service, dickweed - cause offing you would be way too generous."



"Now all that's left is to figure out my past. I'm sure getting through these memories quick today, aren't I? It was only this morning that I set out from Oldale."

: "... Wait, no it wasn't. What the hell am I talking about? It's clearly been a few days, if not a week."

: ("What do you even need to know about your past for, Jack?")

: "... Good question. I don't know. There's not really much of a purpose, especially with how far we've come."



These are Senex's stats, if anybody's wondering. He's not only a wild old man, but he's also a karate grandpa. Damn.

Anyway, I should probably show you what the Turmur sidequest is like.



1. Mush Mask, which is given to you by talking to the man in the Rustboro Pokemon Center.

I'm positive I covered this in an earlier chapter but didn't know what it was for. Also, the man's sprite disappeared. You can even walk through him and everything, but he suddenly comes back into existence.



2. Cologne, which can be traded for Mush Mask to someone with a Scientist sprite on Route 118, on the right side of the grass south of Route 119.

"I do love mushrooms so... No? Well, how about I offer this rare and expensive item in exchange?"

Sure, Breloom Fetish Guy.



Jack should probably use some of it after all of the walking around we've done.



3. Spark Token, which can be obtained by trading the Cologne in the Dewford Trendy Sayings house, to the thirsty guy. You can also pick up a Sludge Bomb TM there.

"If you don't mind, could I drink that?"

: "... Uh, sure."

Man: "Take this in exchange."



Man: "Damn! Y-you tricked me! This Colonge is poisonous!"

: "What did you expect?"

How dumb would you have to be to drink Colonge? This is a serious question and I expect it to be answered.

Man: "Urghhh... I must flee to a hospital!"



Sweet. The TM there is Sludge Bomb, which is appropriate considering this is the same house you get it in the normal games.



"She's staring out in to space, mumbling the word 'crabsticks' over and over again. It seems unlikely you'll get through to her."

Don't care.



Tough cookies, you stack of pixels shaped to look like an old man.



4. Thunder Cub, traded for the Spark Token in the Count's house in Fortree City.



: "Then... treasure it forever!"

Count Hex Maniac over here has the Thunder Cub, which is exactly what you think it is.

You really have to trek throughout the entire region to do this sidequest, damn.



"Your Thundercub was playfully chasing a butterfly when someone's Sparkly Pony passed by. I'm sorry to say that the Thundercub killed and ate it. Due to the incident, it seems to have grown up all of a sudden. Here, see for yourself!"

... There's so much edginess to this that I can't even put my finger on it.



5. Cat's Eye, obtained by visiting Fort Draco and entering the island's rightmost cave, the Endless Plains, and giving the cub to the Dragon. Come back later to learn it's eating a sparkly pony and becoming a Shinx. Remove the "Cat's Eye" from Shinx's possession.

Yeah, that's right. We get a cute little Shinx after it just brutally murdered and ate a Blitzle. Isn't that adorable?



6. Go to the Lilycove Sewers and find the girl who likes Shinx. Give her the Cat's Eye for the Pachi Sword.

The screenshots speak for themselves.



"... What? You want something in return? Take this, it's useless."

Why Don Patch? Oh right, Cutlerine had a massive hard on for Bobobo and felt emulating it was a good idea.



7. Take the Pachi Sword to Mt. Chimney and give it to Chikuwa vendor (aka. Don Patch) for a Hajike Bird.

Insert comment.



8. Bring the Hajike Bird to a Hiker on Route 134 for a Rydrake Wing.

I have no idea how you're supposed to figure this out on your own, but I guess that's why there's a wikia for Snakewood.

Yes, there is a wikia for this hack of all things.



9. Finally, bring the Rydrake Wing to the Meatfather in Rainy Cave (yeah the icy place) on Route 120 to summon from another dimension a level 60 Turmur.

Yeah, this sure is a thing. Apparently, the Rainy Cave where we got the Rain Dance TM is also the home of some mafia that works with frozen meat.

I literally cannot be bothered to care, but I'm happy to say that wild Sneasel are running around here.



Our final Broken Heart! We're finally finished collecting them!



... You're probably giving me a weird look like "What the fresh hell are you talking about, Dan? I thought there were fifty. And what's with the animation of Shulk pelvic thrusting?"

For one, the animation is there because won't cut it. Secondly, I mean it when I say that's the last Broken Heart. There's not actually... fifty. There's only ten. No, really.

You'll see what I mean in a bit.



"When my friends have a problem, I am the one to whom they turn to have that problem solved. Oh? That massive bladed wing you carry on your back... The one that spans four or five meters... That's a Rydrake Wing, yes?"

goddamn, I didn't know we were carrying a Super Buster Sword

Meatfather: "That Rydrake Wing is not of this world... It has crossed our universe from another. We should send it back. Shall we do that?"

Okay, whatever. I don't know how this has anything to do with Turmur, but alright.

[Kyogre cry]




"Quickly, Jack! There's no time to explain, but ready yourself for battle! That thing is coming for us!"



: "Dude. I beat one that was level 80. I'm pretty sure this isn't a problem at all. Jeanne?"

: ("I'm on it.")



I was trying to capture it, but killing it is fine too.

: ("Might as well, anyway. It was far too ugly not to put out of its misery.")



Anyway, about the Broken Hearts? This is where you go to turn them in.



"Now, I have made it my mission to collect up and store the many hearts the zombies have broken in Hoenn."

That's quite the a morbid hobby.

Collector: "Oh! All of them... All 50 Broken Hearts."



... I want you guys to stare at this screenshot and read that sentence again, preferably multiple times, to let it sink in.

I actually had to do a double take to make sure I wasn't being gaslit, and even the save state for this moment was called "WHAT."



... I'm not complaining, since this means I don't have to go on a collectathon and play this game any longer than I have to.

(Was there seriously supposed to be 50 but he decided to cut it short at 10 due to time constraints or something? I don't get it.)

Next, you have to go to the Marine Science Museum in Slateport... for some reason.



Yes, collecting all of the Broken Hearts gives you Shaderu... Wait, didn't I explain this before? Oh, what the hell I'd explain it again anyway.

All of the "evil legendaries" have really low catch rates, which I guess is expected considering Jack kicked their asses into next Sunday.



This is another part of the Frigid Way I had neglected to show off before, seeing as I didn't have Strength before.

The Frigid Way is still one of my favorite dungeons in the entire game just because of how uncharacteristically pretty it is, especially for Snakewood's standards. I just love it.



Oh my god, what are these ugly things? Technically speaking, these are the replacements for the Regi Trio, who are only unlocked after you get Strength from Asimov. I said I would be covering everything so they count too.



Their sprites are horrendous and stupid looking. Not only that, they're all level 66 which I assume is some half-baked edge thing.

The Furi Trio are (X), (Q) and (Z) respectively. Furi X is primarily a physical attacker, Z is the Stalemate Pokemon incarnate and Q is the most well-rounded. They're not that great, so I recommend you don't really waste your time looking for them. Or don't play Snakewood period.



I'm surprised this sign even had a message, let alone a message that's best suited to an Elder God's tongue.

Anyway, enough fooling around. It's time to go to the Art Museum and see that ending.



[This doesn't even deserve a serious song. Just put... uh... I dunno, this song: Jolly Ol' Spekkio]

: "Who are you?"

???: "I AM BARQESH! I AM A LIVING GOD!"

Arceus would like to ask you some questions.

: "You're that man the guys at the monastery worship! The one who doesn't look like a man!"

Barqesh: "I LOOK LIKE A MAN, PUNY MORTAL! NOW PREPARE TO DIE!"

Yes, like having another comic book villain in this game was necessary.

: [Jack claps his hands and puts up fisticuffs]

[Two flashes of light]



Barqesh: "Oh no! My arch-enemy, Professor Slocherbooten! I must flee!"

... Scratch that, calling you a comic book villain is too generous.

[Barqesh vanishes]



: "What?"

: "We have to leave!"

: "What?"

: "May and I are getting ready to ascend to a higher plane of existence, Jonathan Livingstone Seagull-style. Come close, and we'll tell you the secrets to your past--"

[They both vanish]

... Why did we rescue you two if you're just going to disappear? What's this "ascending to a higher plane of existence" garbage? I have too many questions that can't be answered.



Even in the darkest moments in the game, Jack is the only one that speaks any amount of sense.

: "Yo!"

: "What the hell is going on here?!"

: "It's me! Meteor's daughter, the psychic egg!"

: "What do you want?"

: "I have the resolution to the ongoing quest for your past! Straight from the Cutlerine himself!"

Oh, this is going to suck.

: "What?! Tell me!"

: "The truth is... Your past doesn't matter! This memory loss is a chance for a new start. Whatever your old life was... Whatever you had before... Whatever you were in that past life... It's gone. And it's never coming back. So just forget about the past, lose your purpose and get on with your life!"

: ("What does she even mean 'it's never coming back?' Didn't me and Jack meet because of the past or something?")

: ("Don't try to think about it too hard, Gauss.")

: "... What? I mean, WHAT?! What kind of ridiculous moral to the story is that? Come to think of it, what sort of ending is that?! Okay, I have to sort this out with the Cutlerine!"

Is that really a good id--

[Fade to black transition]



: "I see. That was a very enlightening talk. I'd never seen my world in that way before... This is all being made up as we go along, isn't it? There was no plan, no overarching plot... This is... what real life is. Confusing, stupid, maddening - and, when it comes down to it, without any discernable meaning... My god, I've discovered the truth about life... I guess all that remains for me to do is say... It's the end. Goodbye, Face in the Sky, It's been a blast. But... I don't need you anymore. I'm going to ascend..."

This is some of the worst pseudo-intellectual crap I've read in a while.

You can't act the way you did this entire game and expect me to just smile and take it while you spout off some nonsense about life. I don't know if he just got tired of writing a straightforward story and wanted to make himself look smarter than he actually was, but wow.

Future Dan: Honestly have to agree with you here. Pretentious 16 year old Cutlerine or not, it's still a huge cop out!



[Sonic 3 - Doomsday Zone]

... What? Guys, I'm not talking.

: "What?"

Me, apparently?: "No."

: "Hey, Sky-Face! You can't stop me!"

Me, apparently?: "Yes, I can - and I will. I'M the one playing the game, not you. I can do what I want, and I say you're going NOWHERE!"

This is going beyond pretentious and into "my god, what is wrong with you" territory. I can assure you that this is going a bit too far.

: "G-g-gah! Fine! I'll stay! But you remember - this means there's no resolution!"

Me, apparently?: "There's no resolution anyway. This is why I love this game - it's so fantastically stupid. Plus, the Cutlerine's a genius, and amazingly handsome. Did I mention how big of a genius he is?"



ENOUGH. You are not going to use me as a mouthpiece!

Damn! To think I tolerated your dumb ass this entire game with the hopes that you could potentially be a cool guy. You blew it.

This is how you know an edgy teenager wrote this.

: "Yes.... He is awe inspiring... [Sigh] Fine. Let's go do what you want to do, Sky-Face."



()

: "... Wait, what am I saying? Cutlerine has an ego the size of the sun. I'd sooner be dead than give someone like that praise. I don't care how often he possesses me, I'm not going to like him."

: ("What in the name of everything decent just happened?!")

: ("I... honestly don't know. I'm actually at a loss for words for once.")

: ("Whatever happened, though, it sure seems to have bothered Jack a lot.")

: ("... Hm? What's that?")

[A note materializes out of thin air and gently falls to the ground]

: ("A note?")

: "Huh? What's all this about?"

Note: "Jack, the real Sky-Face here. I didn't say any of that stuff. I'd be more than happy to let your journey end in a way that's far more appropriate, so don't let that get to you. You and the Crew deserve better than this."

: ("Apparently the person looking out for us is far more benevolent than we had expected.")

: ("Good thing, too. I was ready to become feral due to all of this.")

: "Wow... Alright. I feel a bit better knowing that they want things to be better for us. Let's go, guys."



This was another thing the people who played Snakewood (bless your hearts) couldn't really figure out on their own.



Basically, you're supposed to get a Pokemon that knows Explosion because you can't break the crate with the Arclight Spanner for some odd reason.



Say hello to Lunatone who exists only for blowing up this crate.



[Current audio in-game: Psychic encounter theme]

... Hello, blue-haired obvious reference man.

With a place like this, you'd imagine some real crazy stuff to happen here.



"It is uncertain where Mount Doom actually is, since it is only accessible through a rift in time that unexpectedly opened up in the Lilycove Museum's basement a year ago. However, it has swiftly become--"

Okay, long story short, this is where Luca Zamon goes to when we beat her. There's no point to the rest of the fluff because I've become completely disillusioned with this game.



Luca Zamon looks weird on the overworld.



She was actually very hard to catch, but I still got her anyway.

Well, that was nice and all but let's try leaving.



Huh? Beating/Capturing Luca Zamon somehow catches this guy's attention.

[He hops up to us]



"That shows fighting spirit."

: "Uh... what do you want, strangely-dressed manly looking hero?"

Definitely Kamina, who are we fooling: "You don't know my name? Who the hell do you think I am?! I'll show you who I am, and test your fighting spirit into the bargain!"



YEP. The final fight in the entire game, and it's with the actual Kamina of all people. I did not expect anything less.

I knew the Gurren Lagann references had to come full circle.



Also, he's level 100. This should be terrifying as he has ridiculous attack and good speed... but we still have this in the bag.



This is the second time Bellamine has been frozen, but it's not like that matters. She's going to beat up Kamina.

[Bellamine used Psychic!]

: "Damn straight."

Now Bellamine holds the title for the manliest hero. Yes, I know what I said.



"You can be an honorary member of Team Dai Gurren! Well, I'd better go."

[Kamina walks away for a second, only to face Jack]

Kamina: "Oh, and one more thing. Don't believe in yourself, Jack."

: "Eh? That's a pretty stupid thing to --"

Kamina: "Believe in the me who believes in you! ... Oh. It usually goes down better than that."

: "Just leave now, please."




kamina pls



Anyway, we may as well return to Fort Draco.

-

()



: ("... No. He's not the one.")

--



: "It's... sunset already. But it still feels like there's something else I have to do."



Oh, snap. What's does it look like?



... Uh.



Yes. This is technically the final legendary in the game, and it's some sort of plesiosaur monster. Tea Barqan here is a / type with some decent stats, even though we're literally at the end.

I don't think I went and caught him. Oh, well.



[Theme I would use for this final scene: Epilogue - To Good Friends]

In hindsight, this ending is more for the Crew and Jack more than it is for the actual game.

[Jack stares at the dusky ocean with the Crew]

: "We've got a lot of work to do rebuilding Hoenn, but for now I think we deserve a rest. "

[Ambes looks up at the stars]

: ("... We're the lucky ones, aren't we?")

: ("Before Senex attacked Hoenn, I had no idea what I was going to do with my life. When I saw everything coming apart, I was scared I couldn't do anything to help... or worse, end up becoming a zombie myself. Not to get too maudlin, but I felt worse than useless.")

: ("You're not alone there. We've lost so many people. Our original trainers, Jack's father... all because of the mad ambitions of some lunatic. I can't think about my first trainer's face without tearing up anymore.")

: ("There were parts where I felt like giving up, but I didn't because I couldn't bear letting any of you down.")

: ("I cherish all of you from the bottom of my heart - regardless of whatever circumstances might have brought us together, we're family.")

[Ambes chokes up]

: ("Dang, Miss Bellamine - you really got me with that one.")

: ("Likewise. There's no one else I trust more than you guys - especially you, Bellamine.")

: ("I'm just happy to have met a group as wholesome as you for once! Warms my heart to see y'all care for each other like this.")

: ("I'll admit... I wasn't sure how you and Jack were going to deal with things.")

: ("But after seeing you in action, I can't doubt you anymore. I'm glad you saved my siblings, but I'm especially thankful that you helped Ambes grow out of his shell! Now he's the strong Raichu he was always meant to be.")

: "No problem. All he needed was some encouragement, that's all - that applies to all of you too."

: ("Personally, I'm just glad all of that madness is over.")

: ("It really is all over, huh? So what do we do now?")

: "Living with dragons sounds like a cool idea."

: ("Can't argue with that.")

: "So... that's it. This adventure sure felt like a fever dream, didn't it? But hey... at least I met you guys. That's good enough for me."

[Jack and the crew gaze at the ocean]



Well, that's it. This has been an experience, guys. I've completed the game 100% (or close enough) and I can finally move on from it. My thoughts on Snakewood as a game will probably go up as a bonus chapter, but for now I'm completely done.

See you later and thanks for coming along for the ride.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Final team setup:

(Bellamine, , Level 72, ) - "To think... We've grown so strong and come so far."
(Ambes, , Level 63, ) - "Is it okay to get so emotional for no reason?"
(Jeanne, , Level 64, ) - "Nah, you're fine. I'd be surprised if you DIDN'T get emotional at this, Ambes."
(Gauss, , Level 67, /) - "Ha. Maybe after this we can go get something to eat? I'm starving!"
(Valor, , Level 67, has Plus Band, /) - "I'd be down for that. What kind of food do dragons make?"
(Ballin, , level 63, /) - "I'm glad I could help Jack at all. I mean, being a Qwilfish wasn't inspiring hope..."
(Ivory, , Level ??, /) - "Aww, there, there. You're still a precious baby, Ambes."

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Back-up Team:


(Reggie, , Level 61, has Leftovers, /) - "Break out de snacks and the spores! We did it!"
(Zagon, , Level 63, /) - "... No thank you, Reggie. But yes. I'm glad this is all over too."
(Alice, , level 62, ) - "Nya! I'm so proud of everybody for getting so far. You've all been excellent, nya!"
(Ace, , Level 58, has Anadrin Talon, /) - "Same, babe. Although I'm surprised Bellamine took out the manly hero guy with Jeanne."
(Juno, , Level 60, /) - "I may have only had one fight, but it was a damn good one. Thanks for bringing me along, Jack."
(Umbra, , Level 62, ) - "I'm glad to see everybody's happy."
(Tohru, , Level 60, /) - "They even captured Senex and everything... What a cruel twist of fate, hwahaha!"
(Pumbloom, , level 56, ) - "I'M SO PROUD OF BALLIN!"
(Wagner, , Level 57, /) - "I can't believe I was originally your enemy. If I had known this was going to happen..."
(Chloris, , level 61, /) - "It's fine, Wagner. You're a pretty cool guy, you know."
(Beatrice, , Level 50, /) - [is sending out an aroma to soothe everybody out of sheer happiness]
(Shine, , level 33, ) - [Pounce-hugs Ambes]
(Spark, , level 32, ) - [Pounce-hugs Ambes too]
(Alpha, level 55, /) - "... YOU'RE NOT ALL THAT BAD."
(Letro, level 50, /) - "IS THAT... CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT? AH, YOU INSTALLED A HEART, I SEE! YOU SHOULD HAVE HAD A BIT MORE FAITH IN THEM FROM THE BEGINNING! BZZT!"
(Menti, , level 57, /) - "Hurray for Jack! Wait... I'm still a zombie... Oh well."

(Senex, , level 90, /) - "This is so humiliating."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Portrait Credits:

#1: Bellamine

• Species: Gardevoir
• Gender: Female
• Portrait:
  
• Level during the finale: 72
• Type:
  
• Ability: Synchronize (Passes on status condtions to enemies)
• Held Item: Sand Cloak (Decreases enemy accuracy - makes Bellamine look cool)
• Final Stats:
  • HP- 213
  • Attack- 128
  • Defense - 134
  • Sp. Attack - 239 (!!)
  • Sp. Defense - 166
  • Speed- 154
• Moves:
  • Move 1 - Psychic
  • Move 2 - Calm Mind
  • Move 3 - Teleport
  • Move 4 – Shock Wave
• Theme song: Illusionary World (Final Fantasy IV - normal) / Heartache (Undertale - battle)
• Idea/Name origin: Original concept
  • If applicable, what does said inspiration look like: N/A
• Met at: Brought into the world of Snakewood as a Level 3 Kirlia via gameshark.
• Overall analysis:
  • Despite having a rough start with the prevalence of Dark types and strong-at-the-time zombies, Bellamine effectively hit her stride when she became a Gardevoir. Her raw power boosted with Calm Mind made mincemeat of everything in the game even if it resists Psychic, and her surprising durability to things like Earthquake made her even more valuable.
  • To top it off, I really like how I made her into Jack's overprotective second mom. She's always there to protect him, which is supported by the fact that she's the only member of the Crew that hasn't left the active team since the game started. I am so glad I hacked her in, because it was exactly what Snakewood deserved.

#2: Ambes

• Species: Raichu
• Gender: Male
• Portrait:
  
• Level during the finale: 63
• Type:
  
• Ability: Static (Occasionally paralyzes an opponent on contact)
• Held Item: Electric Honey (Increases the strength of Electric moves)
• Final Stats:
  • HP- 213
  • Attack- 144
  • Defense - 96
  • Sp. Attack - 136
  • Sp. Defense - 110
  • Speed- 166
• Moves:
  • Move 1 - Thunderbolt
  • Move 2 - Flash
  • Move 3 - Ice Punch
  • Move 4 – Thunder Wave
• Theme song: Dark Cloud Main Theme
• Idea/Name origin: Original concept. Ambes comes from the organic gemstone of the same name.
  • If applicable, what does said inspiration look like: N/A
• Met at: Petalburg Woods at level 6
• Overall analysis:
  • Ambes is squishy, fast, and packs a punch (I'm sorry). He's not really that powerful compared to the others and can't really take a hit, but he makes up for it with style and by being good support. I really have my friend to thank for making his portraits, because I'm positive I couldn't have had Ambes evolve into a Raichu if she didn't.
  • Ambes is closer to a straight-out hero than other members of the Crew thanks to his incredible determination and bravery. (Him beating up Zapdos despite being ten levels lower is probably the best example of this - I'm serious, I was amazed that even happened at all) I guess it helps that he's one of the nicest people in the entire team.

#3: Jeanne

• Species: Ninetales
• Gender: Female
• Portrait:
  
• Level during the finale: 64
• Type:
  
• Ability: Flash Fire (Absorbs the enemy's Fire moves and powers up your own)
• Held Item: None
• Final Stats:
  • HP- 182
  • Attack- 133
  • Defense - 131
  • Sp. Attack - 137
  • Sp. Defense - 145
  • Speed- 161
• Moves:
  • Move 1 - Fire Pump (Flamethrower)
  • Move 2 - Will O' Wisp
  • Move 3 - Confuse Ray
  • Move 4 – Sunny Day
• Theme song: Red and Black (Bayonetta)
• Idea/Name origin: Is based off of the rival from Bayonetta
  • If applicable, what does said inspiration look like: Here. In fact, have another.
• Met at: Route 117 at level 14.
• Overall analysis:
  • Jeanne is another member of the team I could never do without. The Confuse Ray and Will O' Wisp combo got me through many awful situations in the game and the Sunny Day boost helped out a lot if I wanted to pile on the damage. I loved writing out her parts because of how sharp and sassy she wound up being, which has to be a boon for people reading who get bored of me just going through screenshot to screenshot killing mooks.
  • I'm positive Jeanne's shining moment was when she sweeped through the three Diamandix in the Abandoned Mine, who I'm pretty sure were intended to be nigh-invincible roadblocks. I'm serious, Haydunn got to that point and gave up because of how ridiculous that fight was.

#4: Gauss

• Species: Toxicroak
• Gender: Male
• Portrait:
  
• Level during the finale: 67
• Type:
  
  /
  
• Ability: Limber (Prevents being paralyzed)
• Held Item: None
• Final Stats:
  • HP- 202
  • Attack- 177
  • Defense - 112
  • Sp. Attack - 126
  • Sp. Defense - 106
  • Speed- 125
• Moves:
  • Move 1 - Bright Idea
  • Move 2 - Poison Slash
  • Move 3 - Sludge Bomb
  • Move 4 – Flatter
• Theme song: Rottytops (Shantae and the Pirate's Curse)
• Idea/Name origin: Original concept
  • If applicable, what does said inspiration look like: N/A
• Met at: Handed to us by Dr. Blackthorn in the Abandoned Mine.
• Overall analysis:
  • Gauss never got to fight, ironically, despite being listed on the active team. Due to his late game newcomer status, I was about to not do anything with him until the game said he was Jack's first Pokemon. The decision to personalize Gauss came after I had already made the screenshots for the final chapter, but what the hell. How could I say no to fighting frog? Besides, he's a chill guy.

#5: Valor

• Species: Zangol
• Gender: Male
• Portrait:
  
• Level during the finale: 67
• Type:
  
  /
  
• Ability: Immunity (Prevents being poisoned)
• Held Item: Plus Band (Increases the strength of Normal moves - also used to make Valor look cool)
• Final Stats:
  • HP- 206
  • Attack- 194
  • Defense - 104
  • Sp. Attack - 110
  • Sp. Defense - 130
  • Speed- 153
• Moves:
  • Move 1 - Slash
  • Move 2 - Shadow Swipe
  • Move 3 - Brick Break
  • Move 4 – Iron Slam
• Theme song: [Sword of Justice] Battle (Shin Megami Tensei 2)
• Idea/Name origin: Is based off of the angel Valor from Bayonetta 2
  • If applicable, what does said inspiration look like: Here.
• Met at: Route 114 at level 35.
• Overall analysis:
  • Valor only really had one job - that is, beating the absolute piss out of everything. His amazing strength and his varied moveset tears everything apart, plus the Kamina influence of Zangol adds to the charm (in my opinion, at least). Zangoose needed to get some respect, so I just had to put this guy in.

#6: Ballin

• Species: Qwilshark
• Gender: Male
• Portrait:
  
• Level during the finale: 61
• Type:
  
  /
  
• Ability: Poison Point (Occasionally poisons an enemy on contact)
• Held Item: Soma (Increases the strength of Water moves)
• Final Stats:
  • HP- 187
  • Attack- 165
  • Defense - 127
  • Sp. Attack - 123
  • Sp. Defense - 108
  • Speed- 153
• Moves:
  • Move 1 - Dive
  • Move 2 - Surf
  • Move 3 - Storm Surge (Hydro Pump)
  • Move 4 – Poison Slash
• Theme song: Green Scream (Darkstalkers 3)
• Idea/Name origin: Based off of Ballon from Haydunn's Nuzlocke of Snakewood. Fun fact, Ballon was a girl.
  • If applicable, what does said inspiration look like: N/A
• Met at: Route 105 at level 14.
• Overall analysis:
  • Ballin was someone I honestly didn't expect following me to the end of the game. Sure, I needed a Surf guy, but Ballin? It's cool though, because Qwilshark is pretty cool. Sure, he may have mismatched stats due to Water being Special, but as long as he can ferry Jack around everywhere I'm not complaining.

#7: Ivory

• Species: Raichu (ghost)
• Gender: Female
• Portrait:
  
• Level during the finale: ?? (Actually 80)
• Type:
  
  /
  
• Ability: Lightning Rod (Absorbs Electric moves to boost Special Attack)
• Held Item: None
• Final Stats: Since Ivory wasn't even an actual in-game character, stats don't count for her. Just assume she was like Ambes but stronger.
• Moves:
  • Move 1 - ???
  • Move 2 - ???
  • Move 3 - ???
  • Move 4 – ???
• Theme song: Ngaah! (Undertale)
• Idea/Name origin: Original concept. Her name is also based off of an organic gemstone to compliment Ambes... on top of being based off of a certain character from Undertale.
  • If applicable, what does said inspiration look like: Here.
• Met at: At the Necropolis
• Overall analysis:
  • Ivory was a hell of a last minute addition. I was building up that Ambes had an even older sister for a while but I forgot about her until the very end. She doesn't get to fight so her stats are moot, but I like to think that if she was capable of fighting, she'd be a stronger Ambes due to how I present her personality.
  • I was originally going to make Ivory much more somber, but given where Snakewood was going, I figured "nah" and made her a "incredibly rough but honest/responsible older sister" character instead. In hindsight, it was for the better.

#8: Reggie

• Species: Parasect
• Gender: Male
• Portrait:
  
• Level during the finale: 61
• Type:
  
  /
  
• Ability: For some strange reason I can't hope to comprehend, Reggie has no ability.
• Held Item: Leftovers (Gradually restores a small amount of HP per turn)
• Final Stats:
  • HP- 182
  • Attack- 171
  • Defense - 144
  • Sp. Attack - 93
  • Sp. Defense - 135
  • Speed- 77
• Moves:
  • Move 1 - Cut
  • Move 2 - Stun Spore
  • Move 3 - Poison Powder
  • Move 4 – Leech Life
• Theme song: White Waking (Used in Space Funeral)
• Idea/Name origin: Based off of Reginald from Haydunn's Snakewood Nuzlocke, but... Rastafarian. Yes, I know, how do I do it.
  • If applicable, what does said inspiration look like: N/A
• Met: Is one of the three starter choices at Littleroot Town
• Overall analysis:
  • Man, Reggie just could not catch up with everybody else. Paras was the worst choice out of the starters and it shows, given how Reggie could barely stand up to anything and nearly got slaughtered in every fight. He got some moments of glory here and there (the best being when he dealt with Ab Horse Man - I mean, Vigourlan), but things sort of grew out of control as the game progressed.
  • He became a background character in a sense and just sat around getting toasted off of his own spores, which in reality might be preferable to getting gored by some undead abomination.

#9: Zagon

• Species: Dragoone
• Gender: Female
• Portrait:
  
• Level during the finale: 62
• Type:
  
• Ability: Bulletproof (Blocks critical hits...?)
• Held Item: None
• Final Stats:
  • HP- 189
  • Attack- 143
  • Defense - 82
  • Sp. Attack - 112
  • Sp. Defense - 206
  • Speed- 117
• Moves:
  • Move 1 - Headbutt
  • Move 2 - Surf
  • Move 3 - Fire Pump
  • Move 4 – Dig
• Theme song:
  Green Scream (Darkstalkers 3)
• Idea/Name origin: It was something I made off the top of my head
  • If applicable, what does said inspiration look like: N/A
• Met at: Route 102 at level 3.
• Overall analysis:
  • Zagon served her job well as a professional surfboard and headbutt maniac. Unfortunately, she sort of lost relevance when Ballin did her job but better. Dragoone's insanely high base Special Defense is nice and all, but it was a case of "too little, too late" for me.

#10: Alice

• Species: Delcatty
• Gender: Female
• Portrait:
  
• Level during the finale: 62
• Type:
  
• Ability: Cute Charm (Occasionally infatuates opponents on contact)
• Held Item: Oran Berry (Heals HP by 10)
• Final Stats:
  • HP- 171
  • Attack- 98
  • Defense - 96
  • Sp. Attack - 65
  • Sp. Defense - 76
  • Speed- 112
• Moves:
  • Move 1 - Double-Edge
  • Move 2 - Doubleslap
  • Move 3 - Faint Attack
  • Move 4 – Attract
• Theme song: Catus Carnival (Blazblue)
• Idea/Name origin: I just made it up off of the top of my head
  • If applicable, what does said inspiration look like: N/A
• Met at: Route 102 at level 4.
• Overall analysis:
  • Alice will forever be remembered for seducing a headless Houndour and then re-murdering him in cold blood. Despite all of the fun I could mine out of Alice being a maneater, she got hit hard with the "can't catch up" disease. Poor girl. At the very least she got to evolve with the others.

#11: Ace

• Species: Swellow
• Gender: Male
• Portrait:
  
• Level during the finale: 58
• Type:
  
  /
  
• Ability: Guts (Boosts Attack if afflicted by Burn, Paralyze, etc.)
• Held Item: Anadrin Talon (Increases the strength of Flying moves)
• Final Stats:
  • HP- 149
  • Attack- 124
  • Defense - 80
  • Sp. Attack - 68
  • Sp. Defense - 70
  • Speed- 176
• Moves:
  • Move 1 - Fly
  • Move 2 - Aerial Ace
  • Move 3 - Focus Energy
  • Move 4 – Quick Attack
• Theme song: Comona (Ace Combat 4: Shattered Skies)
• Idea/Name origin: I just made it up off of the top of my head.
  • If applicable, what does said inspiration look like: N/A
• Met at: Route 104 at level 5.
• Overall analysis:
  • Ace is interesting. See, while everybody else on the active team was becoming more and more powerful, Ace was still able to stand his ground for a bit and stay relevant. His usefulness in combat dwindled, but he found a new purpose as the team's flyboy even if there's some areas we can't go over thanks to some arbitrary limitation.
  • I'm personally amazed that he was able to take out a Kenchukuo despite how teeth-grindingly infuriating they are.

#12: Umbra

• Species: Absol
• Gender: Male
• Portrait:
  
• Level during the finale: 62
• Type:
  
• Ability: Pressure (Raises opponent's PP usage to 2 PP per move)
• Held Item: None
• Final Stats:
  • HP- 171
  • Attack- 202 (!!)
  • Defense - 86
  • Sp. Attack - 101
  • Sp. Defense - 77
  • Speed- 109
• Moves:
  • Move 1 - Shadow Ball
  • Move 2 - Swords Dance
  • Move 3 - Cut
  • Move 4 – Rock Smash
• Theme song: Riku (Kingdom Hearts II)
• Idea/Name origin: Original concept
  • If applicable, what does said inspiration look like: N/A
• Met at: Route 120 at level 36
• Overall analysis:
  • Hot damn, look at that Attack stat! That's even more than Valor! If Umbra was able to Mega Evolve, he definitely would have had a permanent spot on the team. That, and well... to be honest, I sort of wanted Umbra to be like that aloof guy that turns out to be really sweet. You know the ones.

#13: Juno

• Species: Banette
• Gender: Female
• Portrait:
  
• Level during the finale: 60
• Type:
  
  /
  
• Ability: Insomnia (Prevents being put to sleep)
• Held Item: None
• Final Stats:
  • HP- 149
  • Attack- 148
  • Defense - 76
  • Sp. Attack - 107
  • Sp. Defense - 95
  • Speed- 92
• Moves:
  • Move 1 - Curse
  • Move 2 - Shadow Ball
  • Move 3 - Will O' Wisp
  • Move 4 – Skullbreaker
• Theme song: Spooks of Halloween Town (Kingdom Hearts)
• Idea/Name origin: Original concept mixed in with some Mashiro Kuna from Bleach.
  • If applicable, what does said inspiration look like: Here.
• Met at: Mt. Pyre at level 38
• Overall analysis:
  • Juno was a one-scene wonder too, thanks to her super sentai-esque beatdown on Zombie Norman's team... but believe me when I say that if I had Juno earlier, I would have cheesed through a lot of the game.
  • She's a very easy counter to Pokemon like Gorelax and has an even greater Will O' Wisp strategy than Jeanne thanks to Curse sapping away 25% of the enemy's HP per turn on top of Burn and raw physical damage. I also really like Banettes.

#14: Tohru

• Species: Hariyama
• Gender: Male
• Portrait:
  
• Level during the finale: 60
• Type:
  
  /
  
• Ability: Guts (Boosts Attack if afflicted by Burn, Paralyze, etc.)
• Held Item: None
• Final Stats:
  • HP- 265
  • Attack- 182
  • Defense - 94
  • Sp. Attack - 74
  • Sp. Defense - 95
  • Speed- 87
• Moves:
  • Move 1 - Surf
  • Move 2 - Fake Out
  • Move 3 - Arm Thrust
  • Move 4 – Rock Smash
• Theme song: Fuuma Stage (World Heroes SNES)
• Idea/Name origin: Is based off of the character from Jackie Chan Adventures
  • If applicable, what does said inspiration look like: Here.
• Met at: Solar Caverns at level 13
• Overall analysis:
  • Long before Valor came around, Tohru served as the muscle of the team and is still the big "uncle" character. He's built like a tank and hits like one too, but surprisingly Fake Out was his most useful asset due to the STAB-boosted priority flinch.
  • It helps that even while Valor took his spot, Tohru is still meatier and could probably win if the two clash.

#15: Pumbloom

• Species: Exploud
• Gender: Male
• Portrait:
  
• Level during the finale: 56
• Type:
  
• Ability: Soundproof (Is immune to sound-based attacks)
• Held Item: None
• Final Stats:
  • HP- 199
  • Attack- 119
  • Defense - 82
  • Sp. Attack - 125
  • Sp. Defense - 90
  • Speed- 92
• Moves:
  • Move 1 - Pound
  • Move 2 - Jump Kick
  • Move 3 - Astonish
  • Move 4 – Hyper Beam
• Theme song: Never really decided on one
• Idea/Name origin: Is named after the obvious Game Grumps reference
  • If applicable, what does said inspiration look like: Look at it here.
• Met at: Rusturf Tunnel at level 14
• Overall analysis:
  • Pumbloom only existed on the team because he was an extended reference to a Game Grumps thing. He sort of grew into his own thing, which was primarily "Ballin's shy friend". Poor guy never got to really be important.

#16: Helmaroc/Wagner

• Species: Aerodactyl
• Gender: Male
• Portrait:
  
• Level during the finale: 57
• Type:
  
  /
  
• Ability: Rock Head (Prevents recoil damage)
• Held Item: None
• Final Stats:
  • HP- 158
  • Attack- 136
  • Defense - 93
  • Sp. Attack - 90
  • Sp. Defense - 83
  • Speed- 169
• Moves:
  • Move 1 - Take Down
  • Move 2 - Supersonic
  • Move 3 - Ancient Power
  • Move 4 – Scary Face
• Theme song: Never really decided on one
• Idea/Name origin: Was originally named after Helmaroc from the Legend of Zelda. When his name changed to Wagner, it referenced the dragon of the same name.
  • If applicable, what does said inspiration look like: Helmaroc. Wagner.
• Met at: Fought in Famine's Desert at level 40
• Overall analysis:
  • All of the one-scene wonders have some sort of quality to them that make up for their performance in battle. Wagner helped take down Veracity's Ho-oh without much of a fight, but the more interesting stuff is how... well, I hate the story of Snakewood but still.
  • Wagner was supposed to be one of those old villains who gradually changed their perspective about the heroes as time passed. Notice how he changed sides and almost immediately became loyal to Jack when he saw how well he handled the team throughout the chapters.
  • By the end, he completely gave up on Senex and formed a sort of odd friendship with Chloris. I dunno, the progression isn't immediately noticable as some of the other team members but I like it.

#17: Benedict/Chloris

• Species: Hyperegg -> Celebi
• Gender: Female
• Portrait:
  
• Level during the finale: 61
• Type:
  
  /
  
• Ability: Natural Cure (Recovers status ailments upon switching out)
• Held Item: None
• Final Stats:
  • HP- 203
  • Attack- 147
  • Defense - 134
  • Sp. Attack - 122
  • Sp. Defense - 144
  • Speed- 159
• Moves:
  • Move 1 - Leech Life
  • Move 2 - Softboiled
  • Move 3 - Eruption
  • Move 4 – Egg Bomb
• Theme song: Minish Village (The Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap)
• Idea/Name origin: Original concept, but the name comes from a nature nymph in Greek Mythology
  • If applicable, what does said inspiration look like: N/A
• Met at: Given to us by Prof. Birch and hatched at Route 104
• Overall analysis:
  • Man, Chloris is serious wasted potential. I hyped up the Hyperegg family to be like these super OP Fakemon, yet when Chloris actually evolved into a Celebi... she sorta never got her chance to shine. The bad moveset from Hyperegg carried over, and she evolved at a really bad time. Oh well, at least she's cute.

#18: Beatrice

• Species: Roselia
• Gender: Female
• Portrait:
  
• Level during the finale: 50
• Type:
  
  /
  
• Ability: Natural Cure (Recovers status ailments upon switching out)
• Held Item: None
• Final Stats:
  • HP- 119
  • Attack- 72
  • Defense - 63
  • Sp. Attack - 110
  • Sp. Defense - 107
  • Speed- 76
• Moves:
  • Move 1 - Mega Drain
  • Move 2 - Giga Drain
  • Move 3 - Poison Sting
  • Move 4 – Stun Spore
• Theme song: Commander Yammark stage (Megaman X6)
• Idea/Name origin: Original concept
  • If applicable, what does said inspiration look like: N/A
• Met at: Route 117 at level 14
• Overall analysis:
  • As I said in the actual let's play: If Beatrice could evolve into Roserade, she would have had a permanent spot on the team. Alas, being stuck as only Roselia hampered her usefulness by a lot.
  • To rub salt in the wound, I don't think Beatrice even did anything aside from beat up a wild Hombone... Oh well. Again, at least she's cute.

#19/20: Shine & Spark

• Species: Pichu
• Gender: Female (Shine) / Male (Spark)
• Portrait:
  
  (Shine) /
  
  (Spark)
• Level during the finale: 33 / 32
• Type:
  
• Ability: Static (Occasionally paralyzes on contact)
• Held Item: None
• Final Stats:
  • HP- 62 / 59
  • Attack- 39 / 35
  • Defense - 25 / 17
  • Sp. Attack - 34 for both
  • Sp. Defense - 37 / 34
  • Speed- 43 / 47
• Moves (shared):
  • Move 1 - Charm
  • Move 2 - Tail Whip
  • Move 3 - Thunder Wave
  • Move 4 – Sweet Kiss
• Theme song:
  Catus Carnival (Blazblue)
• Idea/Name origin: Original concept made up for the let's play. Their names are based off of the Shinespark from Metroid.
  • If applicable, what does said inspiration look like: Here's what the Shinespark in Super Metroid looks like.
• Met at: I gamesharked Pokemon encounters so they would appear on Route 110 at level 12.
• Overall analysis:
  • Shine and Spark were just there to be cute and be emotional support for Ambes. Technically, Ivory died trying to get them away from the zombies and that's why she's a ghost... which in another context would be kind of sad.
  • In Snakewood, though, it just gets drowned out by all of the stupidity Cutlerine lays around the game.

#21: Alpha

• Species: X32763 Camera
• Gender: Male programming
• Portrait:
  
• Level during the finale: 55
• Type:
  
  /
  
• Ability: Levitate (Is immune to Ground attacks)
• Held Item: None
• Final Stats:
  • HP- 188
  • Attack- 139
  • Defense - 126
  • Sp. Attack - 130
  • Sp. Defense - 71
  • Speed- 101
• Moves:
  • Move 1 - Hyper Beam
  • Move 2 - Discharge (Thunder)
  • Move 3 - Iron Slam
  • Move 4 – Data Stream (Electric attack - sends a "virus file" into the opponent. Has priority and 100/100 power and accuracy)
• Theme song: Shadow Devil (Megaman X5)
• Idea/Name origin: When I came up with the name, I thought of the final boss of Megaman Battle Network 3.
  • If applicable, what does said inspiration look like: Here.
• Met at: Captured in the basement of the Film University at level 50.
• Overall analysis:
  • When it came to Alpha's personality, I was sort of backing on the whole "killer robot" thing that the game built up to. As time passed, he became less and less of a dick until he was erased/brought back in the ending.
  • Now he's not a killer robot so much as he is a tsundere one. When it comes to combat, Alpha had the chance to become really beastly with Data Stream and the ground immunity... but Ambes already took his spot. Can't win 'em all.

#22: Letro

• Species: Magnezone
• Gender: Male programming
• Portrait:
  
• Level during the finale: 50
• Type:
  
  /
  
• Ability: Sturdy (Prevents 1-hit KO moves from affecting the opponent. This is before Gen 5 made it a pure "survive a deadly attack with 1 HP" deal, so it's virtually useless here.)
• Held Item: None
• Final Stats:
  • HP- 143
  • Attack- 83
  • Defense - 128
  • Sp. Attack - 132
  • Sp. Defense - 102
  • Speed- 74
• Moves:
  • Move 1 - Spark
  • Move 2 - Thunder Wave
  • Move 3 - Thundershock
  • Move 4 – Supersonic
• Theme song: Opening Stage (Megaman X1)
• Idea/Name origin: Letro comes from removing the E and C from electro.
  • If applicable, what does said inspiration look like: N/A
• Met at: S.S Cangrejo at level 15
• Overall analysis:
  • Letro is strange. His utility in-game was to fix the elevator in the S.S Cangrejo and before Alpha came along, he was the team's radar for horrible things ahead. When Alpha came along, it started off as a giant morality clash... but slowly descended into a "two guys who always bicker about stuff" sort of deal until they just straight up wound up liking each other.
  • I don't think Letro ever really got into a fight too, so there's that. Man, there's so many guys in the Crew who never got to do anything.

#23: Menti

• Species: Zombified Azumarill
• Gender: Female
• Portrait:
  
• Level during the finale: 57
• Type:
  
  /
  
• Ability: Huge Power (Doubles attack, if I'm not mistaken)
• Held Item: None
• Final Stats:
  • HP- 207
  • Attack- 105
  • Defense - 120
  • Sp. Attack - 82
  • Sp. Defense - 119
  • Speed- 85
• Moves:
  • Move 1 - Rollout
  • Move 2 - Boilingwater (A much weaker version of Scald?)
  • Move 3 - Double-Edge
  • Move 4 – Rain Dance
• Theme song: Never really thought of one
• Idea/Name origin: I read through some deviantart comic where a dude has a zombified Lilligant for some reason, and I figured having something like that would be cool.
  • If applicable, what does said inspiration look like: Here... oh wait, he deleted it off of his deviantart. Good thing I saved it.
• Met at: Route 120 at level 37
• Overall analysis:
  • Menti is the Ill Girl trope incarnate. All she wanted was to be with the other crew members, yet got stuck in the second box. At least she cheered up at the end when she became an Azumarill... Now that I'm looking at these stats, though, Menti had the capacity to be a real bruiser.
  • If the Physical/Special split was in effect and if Menti had a good Water attack, she would have completely wrecked house with that 210 Attack.
• To compare, even Umbra only had 202. Although, I'm not sure if it completely doubles your attack or just increases it by a lot. Still, she could have been really good... if she were in the right generation.

Welp, that's all of the Crew. See you next time for more bonus chapters.