Rai's Poems

So upon my return to pokemon community, I have discovered that there is a poetry thread :3 And while I was away poetry has become a pastime of mine so the timing is perfect! I guess I will post a few poems at a time. I love feedback so comments, concerns, and critique are very welcome! :3 Enjoy~

Conspiracy Theory - This is one of those poems that is pretty hard to find any flaws. The rhythm, style, and rhyming are all very grand. It has a strange blend of a metaphor and of a survival story, or something like that.
The only thing that boggles my mind is "But their fingers creep in with streaked golden gall." That...didn't seem to sound right to me. I don't know.
But in simple words, you did a super job!

Guardians - Not quite as good as your previous one. But still very remarkable.
The description of the crows and their actions are detailed beautifully. The rhythm is a bit off. But if it was a free-verse poem you were writing, I'll let it slide.
Good job! And keep going!

Both are lovely poems, Rai. "Conspiracy Theory" in particular is powerful, even if it seems the perspective in question is confused. There isn't much I can critique on this poem. Wonderful job. ^_^

"Guardians" is an interesting poem, though. TJgamer more or less said what I could, though there is a typo in your poem. 'Sore' in the fifth line, which I'd presume is supposed to be "soar". I did enjoy this one as well, however. I'll be looking forward to seeing more of your work.

So here are two more poems by me. The first one isn't supposed to be a poetic masterpiece; I'm simply trying to convey a message. The second poem is a Carpe Diem poem which translates to "Seize The Day" if you didn't know :3 I'm afraid that the poem may go a little too fast... but that may be a good thing considering its message

Zdrast vwee tye, moi[FONT=&quot]̆[/FONT] klient.

I admit that, while I do write (and read) poetry for its aesthetic value, I rarely critique it unless the underlying theme is evident or if it really touches me on a personal level. Quite frankly, it's because I fail at picking apart the more intricate and subtle aspects of the poetic style, otherwise known as not being perceptive towards poetry. Regardless, I've decided to do a review of poetry anyway, to test how far I can actually go when it comes to poetry reviewing. Mind you, this may be the first poetry review I've done on PC (Maybe because I'm not sure if I've done one before), but done let that discourage you from reading the critique anyway.

Faceless Ballerina

The minute I read this, I was thinking Black Swan, but I haven't seen it, so I can't comment on the movie or how it may relate to the poem. What I can comment about it is how well the message is presented. I enjoyed the piece as I was looking through the eyes of the performer, and throughout, I was wondering if it may be considered an allegory for the human social condition or if I was reading too much into this critiquing business. In any case, I'll be basing my review around that abstract and possibly extraneous perspective because I'm of the persuasion that artists tend to subtly insert references to the real world subconsciously, hence my interest in the realm of critiquing.

To begin with, I quite liked how the first two lines of the poem may be a reference to social constraints and how nicely you juxtapose this with the three lines on individuality. It's really a shame that humans have to conform to these false social standards which repress creative thought, though without them I'd call the system anarchic at best. Again, this is what I meant by reading too much into that particular view, but I digress. The final two lines, confused me, to say the least, since I couldn't relate how the audience would actually literally dance with the dancers, but, if I applied the aforementioned view, I'd see it as a reference to death in this allegorical work of yours. Subtle, didn't really fit with the theme of actors on a stage, but effective nonetheless, so I commend you on that.

At any rate, that concludes my review. I might come back to do more reviews, but this will suffice for now because I'm not sure if I'm overdoing the poetry critique business. Tell me if I'm reading too much into it.

Faceless Balerina - It isn't very powerful, but it still has a sweet taste to it. A short, but pleasant, free-verse poem.

Anyone Can Die Young - I love it's message. Sort of like Opportunity, it shows that there's so much we can accomplish while we are still living this earthly life.
In addition, it also has such a mysterious theme with the words and terms used.
It's pattern was very pleasant too.

Great job!

This next is actually a religious poem. I am Pagan and this poem describes when I celebrated Imbolc a few weeks ago. Imbolc is the day when the first signs of spring become noticeable and to me this is very holy. Let me know what you think!

Brighid's Path

Hmm, no one has posted in this for a while so I am guess I am just going to post another one of my poems. This poem does not have a name yet, maybe you guys could help me think of one.

This poem really got my attention. The way how something as simple as steam is given a personality, that's weird, but awesome too.
Now a title?
......"If I Were Steam".
Yeah, I know it sounds obvious. But that's all I can think of at the moment.
Keep on writing!

Oh, the first part?
I thought that was the opening to the whole poem.
Anyway, yeah. It's very good. :cer_smile: