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[Pokémon] Four Journeys

BZRich64

The Mustachioed Machamp
  • 146
    Posts
    11
    Years
    Chapter 19
    Spoiler:
     

    BZRich64

    The Mustachioed Machamp
  • 146
    Posts
    11
    Years
    Chapter 20
    Spoiler:
     

    BZRich64

    The Mustachioed Machamp
  • 146
    Posts
    11
    Years
    Chapter 21
    Spoiler:
     

    BZRich64

    The Mustachioed Machamp
  • 146
    Posts
    11
    Years
    Chapter 22
    Spoiler:
     

    BZRich64

    The Mustachioed Machamp
  • 146
    Posts
    11
    Years
    Chapter 23
    Spoiler:
     

    BZRich64

    The Mustachioed Machamp
  • 146
    Posts
    11
    Years
    Chapter 24
    Spoiler:
     

    BZRich64

    The Mustachioed Machamp
  • 146
    Posts
    11
    Years
    Chapter 25
    Spoiler:
     

    BZRich64

    The Mustachioed Machamp
  • 146
    Posts
    11
    Years
    Chapter 26
    Spoiler:
     

    BZRich64

    The Mustachioed Machamp
  • 146
    Posts
    11
    Years
    Chapter 27
    Spoiler:
     

    BZRich64

    The Mustachioed Machamp
  • 146
    Posts
    11
    Years
    Chapter 28
    Spoiler:
     

    Cavespider_17

    Charlie
  • 87
    Posts
    6
    Years
    • She/Her
    • U.K
    • Seen yesterday
    Chapter 1- Review
    Spoiler:

    Summary:
    ֎ Overall the story seemed to make mostly logical sense, however, my question about Oak's memory is still important in regard to canon.
    ֎ Grammatically, as it went on the grammar mistakes were more or less far and few between, however, I would check through your semi-colon and conjunctive usage.
    ֎ Plot wise, the story is so far reasonably true to canon/parallel in regards to the anime, with some extended sections, which does add to the overall interest created in the text.

    ֎ In regards to new paragraphs, I would add an extra space between each, as it currently is quite hard to detect when a new paragraph has been started.
     
    Last edited:

    Cavespider_17

    Charlie
  • 87
    Posts
    6
    Years
    • She/Her
    • U.K
    • Seen yesterday
    Chapter 28- Review

    Spoiler:


    Chapter 28
    Although there also a bit different.
    Should be "they're"
    Chapter 28
    even though according to our records they haven't known each other very well
    This sentence comes across quite awkwardly. I would reword it.

    Chapter 28
    going on there."
    Should be "going on there?"


    Summary:
    ֎ Overall the short interaction between the characters
    ֎ Some grammar mistakes, particularly with shortened words.
    ֎ Logic wise, everything made sense and functioned.
     

    BZRich64

    The Mustachioed Machamp
  • 146
    Posts
    11
    Years
    Chapter 29
    Spoiler:
     

    BZRich64

    The Mustachioed Machamp
  • 146
    Posts
    11
    Years
    Chapter 30
    Spoiler:
     

    BZRich64

    The Mustachioed Machamp
  • 146
    Posts
    11
    Years
    Chapter 31
    Spoiler:
     

    BZRich64

    The Mustachioed Machamp
  • 146
    Posts
    11
    Years
    Chapter 32
    Spoiler:
     

    BZRich64

    The Mustachioed Machamp
  • 146
    Posts
    11
    Years
    Chapter 33
    Spoiler:
     

    BZRich64

    The Mustachioed Machamp
  • 146
    Posts
    11
    Years
    Chapter 34
    Spoiler:
     

    BZRich64

    The Mustachioed Machamp
  • 146
    Posts
    11
    Years
    Chapter 35
    Spoiler:
     

    BZRich64

    The Mustachioed Machamp
  • 146
    Posts
    11
    Years
    Chapter 36
    Spoiler:
     
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