The RPT Secret Santa! [Event][Icy]

​

Ronald McTaggart III​

Walter Holt​

By Ice & Pikachu

Walter had selected a location at random from the list. Now that he was there, through magic shenanigans, he realized that it might not exactly have been the easiest of deliveries to pick.


The instructions had come with a postcard of a lush, green area with a treacherous river and dangerous beasts lurking. However, the landscape Walter was currently looking down upon was covered in snow, waters frozen over and beasts likely to have hibernated. Or so he'd like to hope. Else he'd simply have to convince the poor animals that they should leave him be! No problem.

Ronald really didn't know what he was getting himself into. He had dreamed of exploring the human world for ages, but he didn't expect to end up in an arena for blood sports. Especially not while wearing a teal robe and a wizards hat. He had taken out, and not in the murdery kill way, but in the distract him and take his place way, one of the little dudes before he was able to dress up. He was now indistinguishable from the others he walked around with. His little staff with a blue crystal at the end of it was still a mystery to him. The other two wizard hatted guys in this group had the same wands, but he didn't know if they were just for aesthethics or if they actually had a purpose. It did look cool, though, he would definitely take it home with him.

The guys around him were dead silent, and didn't speak at all. Which Ronald liked because while he probably did speak minion, or English, or what ever language they'd speak, his voice would be a dead give away. The North Pole accent was a very distinct one.

A creaking sound was heard, and a door opened. The guys around him quickly started moving, in what seemed to be a set formation. Ronald was second in line, but he quickly got poked in the back by the guy behind him. He seemed to have a different dress, and a melee weapon. He agitatedly signaled to Ronald that he should move back, and the penguin quickly did. As he took place at the complete back of the lign, he sighed. With such strong sense of formation, he didn't really get the chance to explore, did he?

On the other far end of the map, similarly dressed up creatures in red started to march down the streets of what Walter assumed to be some kind of base camp. There weren't really any places to sleep though, not even much shelter over your head unless you were tiny like those robed creatures and could fit into the towers that stood guard over the base here and there.

He looked down at his instructions again. This "Baron" was apparently living somewhere close to the center of this winterland. Which would mean heading out into that forest and tracking him down. No problem! Walter had trekking through rough landscapes and faced fearsome foes before. Hoping that the Baron's home wasn't too far off, he snuck out from the strangely empty base together with the robed figures but as they continued marching down a wide road, Walter instead ducked into the forest.

The snow deep in places, but it was still cold enough in the air for him to not get warm simply from trudging through it. When he had been going for a while, he started hearing suspicious noises ahead. Perhaps she should be more sneaky - if there was company in the forest, he wouldn't want them to notice him before the Baron did. Or at all, for that matter! Secret Santa duty.

Ronald had marched past three towers that seemed to be turrets at this point. He now stood at a point where the path split into two, either straight ahead or taking a corner into a frozen river. The road ahead mirrored the one he had just come from it seemed, and he knew that this Baron was at the middle somewhere. He decided to take off into the river. Behind him he heard a multitude of voices yelling at him.

"What is he doing?" he heard, at a very high pitch. "Minion off-track, minion off-track! Someone get him!"

Ronald tried to ignore them, and just glid over the ice. A glance at the left revealed a big dragon to him. A dragon could be a Baron, right? He quickly took a turn, and slid up to the dragon. He stood up, took off his wizard's hat and grabbed a small present out of it.

"Well, am I allowed to assume that you're Baron? If you could guide me to your christmas tree, that wou-" a fireball hit Ronald straight in the face. His costume caught on fire, and he didn't even get the chance to defend himself. He just fall over, and it went dark for his eyes. When the darkness disappeared he was in the same room he had started in earlier again, only his robe seemed to have changed from blue to purple.

"Okay, I don't think I'm fully comprehending the situation," he thought to himself.

Meanwhile, Walter had reached the other end of the river. There was an area among the cliffs on the opposite side that was suspiciously reminiscent of a place for a cool, magical, super strong creature to hang out. A good place to check out!

The post-apocalyptic warrior jumped down into the water below but had only taken one step before a loud warcry hit him. Turning his head, he noticed a huge man coming towards him, sword swinging. Another warcry, or screech perhaps, was heard and Walter noticed someone running through the waters from the other direction too. This person, however, was a tiny furry creature with a hat and goggles.

Quickly adding 1+1, Walter jumped back into some tall reeds by the beach behind him. His conclusion seemed to be right, because if the oncoming warriors had noticed him, they didn't care. Instead the man with the sword swung it as he approached the smaller creature, who tried to get a shot in at its opponent with some kind of blowdarts. Walter watched them for a while, battling it out merely a few meters in front of him, while he tried to figure out how he should escape the scene unseen. After all, Santa's elves had said for him to not be seen by anybody other than possibly the Baron himself...

From a distance, Ronald could see the same fight happening. They seemed to completely ignore him and his minion squadron while they were engaged in battle with a group of blue dressed minions. He tried to sneak out and slide over the ice towards the fight. He could see a big monsterous creature rise up above the cliffs, and recognized what seemed to be a lonesome christmas tree on the clif next to it. That monster must be Baron, Ronald thought.

"Oh, no, you're kidding, right, again?" one of the blue minions yelled out.

"I'll call it in," a purple answered, while he shot what seemed to be just pure magic from his wand. "Man, these new hires don't know what they're doing."

"Get back in line!" one of the minions yelled towards Ronald, who blissfully ignored them. It wasn't like he would be out of a job if he didn't return. The fuzzy creature Ronald had spotted from the distance earlier was awfully close now. He was around Ronald's size, and seemed to shoot blowdarts towards the sworded warrior. Without any warning, the fuzzball turned around and shot at Ronald, who quickly dodged out of the way, and started running in circles, until he found his way into the bushes, where he bumped up against a rugged, well built man.

Automatically, Walter drew his switchblades and jumped up. Unfortunately, he had still not quite learned that one of the daggers wasn't for stabbing anymore. The magical blade touched a straw of reed and in the blink of an eye, the man was completely gone from sight.

Ronald was utterly confused as to what happened. Just coming up to the man made him disappear. It seemed that confusion was the best word to describe this whole mission with. Ronald didn't have time to asses his next move properly, as he had to dodge out of the way for more blowdarts that followed him.

The grass straw which was now Walter wiggled, also confused, before it decided to break out from the ground and dodge an incoming blowdart as well. He couldn't quite communicate with the minion in this form but - hey, was that a penguin? Sure, they were in some kind of winterland, but he hadn't seen any beaks on the other minions marching out from the base. In any case, the robed penguin seemed to want to hide from the fighting man and creature just as much as himself, so Walter made a quick decision.

He jumped out from the straw form, probably surprising the penguin and the fighters once again. He quickly stomped a hole in the ice surrounding the reeds, grabbed the penguin by the arm and pushed him down into the cold water at the same time as he dipped the edge of his magic switchblade into the liquid. The next second, the man was gone again. Walter was now one with the river, which was a very odd sensation. To be smeared out over a large distance, to not quite have a proper shape, and to be composed of a lot of disconnected molecules. It was a marvel he could form thoughts at all. Perhaps there was such a thing as a soul, after all?

No time for philosophy now, though. The penguin was gasping for air inside of Walter (again, a truly odd sensation) so the post-apocalyptic warrior exerted what force he could to swiftly push the bird towards another hole in the ice, further away. Hopefully they would have escaped the fighters here.

Ronald was pushed up through the other hole, which seemed to be across the river near some other patch of reeds. Following him was Walter, diving up into human shape again. He immediately sheathed the magic switchblade.

"Enough from you for a while," he muttered to it. "Are you alright?" he then asked the robed bird on the ground.

Ronald coughed out water. Normally he would be totally fine when swimming underwater, because penguins swim, that's their whole thing. Giving a penguin the time to breath would be more proper etiquette though.

"I am fine, although I do appreciate you asking," Ronald said, "Now, please continue your doings and forget about me, while I take off."

"Hang on there," Walter said and grabbed the little bird's shoulder before he could skedaddle off. "You don't happen to know where the, um, the Baron lives, do you?"

"I happen to be going in that direction, I suspect, although I do not know for sure. But you're free to follow me. Just, ehm, make sure you really do forget about me when we're done okay." Ronald sighed. He had been seen, and a talking penguin like him was sure to leave an impression. Slowly he started to make plans as how to silence this person if he saw him delivering the actual presents.

"Ah, yes of course!" Walter laughed heartily. "And you will probably forget about me too, as soon as we're there, right? But lead the way then! And once we're there, we'll forget. As I said." He scratched the back of his head. Oops, why did he have to save that penguin from the fighters? He wasn't supposed to be seen! He'd just have to deal with it somehow.

"Because you ask so nicely. I guess one could say we have arrived now," the penguin said, and he bowed towards Walter. When he looked up again, he had a look of utter confusion on his face. "Oh my, it looks like I've been comprimised. Please turn the other way and forget about, if you would so kindly." He put one leg up, and did a fantastical spin on the other, and started marching towards the cliffs again. He reached the outer side of the reeds, and slid on his belly between the fuzzy creature, sworded warrior, and a blue trident wielding fish thing that had now joined the brawl.

"Wait-" Walter called out, but the penguin was gone before the word had even ended. "Did you just... Forget me? I said when we're there..."

He looked around, struck by a realization. "We're here? Where?"

Not wanting to go back to the fight (did none of them ever die or run away?), Walter instead started climbing the cliffs until he was at their top. No match for a well conditioned male! Something glimmered in the corner of his eye. Was that a Christmas tree? Standing lonely on a cliff just a little bit further ahead?

But there was also something more. A huge monstrous demon who was now rising up from the ominous area Walter had spotted earlier. The one where he thought this Baron person would likely hang out in. So... That must be the Baron's Christmas tree. Now, how do get the presents there without getting detected by the giant snake like monster hovering over it?

Yep. Poor Walter grew up after computers and computer games were already dead and gone with the apocalypse. Keep playing your games, kids, and stay tuned for the next part of Ronald & Walter @ Summoner's Rift...

​

Sugarrine floats through the air, enjoying the cool air and singing an incredibly catchy song she had heard earlier. It was the perfect kind of day, where nothing out of the ordinary could happen, and she could just have fun.

And then her phonebook started glowing and vibrating, indicating an incoming message. While some might be annoyed at the universe for playing with them like that, Sugarrine is just excited to get a message. "A message? For me?" She gasps, eagerly opening the book and reading it. Although the news is grim, being called on to help Santa fills her with determination.

"Don't worry, Santa. I'll help you deliver those presents. And maybe I'll add some of my own! Imagine how happy they'll be to get two presents this year! Allons~y!" She darts off across the tundra, sugar trailing behind her like snowflakes. She happens to fly over a gingerbread house, adding a new coat of sugar to the roof. She proudly gives herself a high five for that.

Once she reaches elFBI HQ, she zips straight over to the list. "What needy family will I help today? Eenie, meeny, miney, YOU!" She stabs her finger at a random button, and a satchel full of gifts appears at her feet. Curious, she takes time to read her assignment.

"The Amazon Jungle? I've never been there before. I hope the humidity doesn't affect me too badly..." She bites a finger in concern, glancing at the presents. "No! I have a job to do, and I'll do it in style!" With a snap of her fingers, a cookbook appears from thin air. She straps the satchel to her back, flying back to her house to prepare her spells, perusing the book for the best method.

"Cotton candy cloud? Not a practical means of conveyance... Bouncy gummy shoes? Not in this dress... Ooh, here's one! I'll bake a portal to the Amazon! Let's see, what will I need..." She runs around the kitchen, gathering material components and mixing them in a bowl. Once everything is ready, she starts casting the spell.

"Higgitis, figgitis, miggitis, mum,
Prestidigi-tonium!
Eye of the newt and cinnamon,
Open the portal jump in!"​

Her oven door falls open, releasing a puff of pink smoke, but no portal. "It failed?! How? What went wrong?" She reads the recipe again, hands trembling. "Oh wait, here it is: You can only open portals to areas you can clearly envision. Silly me, I've never seen the jungle!"

Her confidence restored, she flips the cookbook to one of her favorite spells. "I guess the super speed potion will work just as well!" She waves her hand, conjuring a ceramic mug filled with brown liquid.

"Cream and sugar to improve the taste,
A shot of espresso to grant me haste!
Moving fast is better than slow,
Drink it all up and here! We! GO!"​

She drains the cup in one pull, then shudders with pleasure as the warm liquid reaches her belly. She shoots outside, flying faster than the speed of sound. "Whoosh! Amazonian jungle, here I come!"

☆☆☆☆

Will Sugarrine successfully deliver her gifts? Stay tuned to find out! Same Secret Santa time, same Secret Santa channel!

Ronald McTaggart III​

Walter Holt​

By Ice & Pikachu

Last time in Ronny and Wally Christmas Adventure Hijinks Time: Let's Save Christmas, Ronald, a penguin with human intelligence, and Walter, a human with a description too long to fit into a small paragraph at the start of a post, were tasked with delivering presents to Baron Nashor, a huge, scary, but good hearted employee of the league of legends. Unfortunately, Walter had never heard of League of Legends before and as such did not realize that the Baron was actually the monster in front of him right now... Luckily, Ronald was not quite as uninformed.

The big sea monster that hopefully was Baron screamed. It either was yelling at the creatures battling in front of him, or really mad at the penguin slowly climbing up the side of his cliff. Ronald really didn't know. He would've taken huge sea monster as a language in high school if someone had told him he would need it one day, but he didn't. He didn't go to high school either, but that's not the point Ronald was trying to make.

Walter was busy attempting to look like just another rock on the cliffside, while he spotted the penguin again, climbing in his general direction. How to get his attention without alerting the big monster? Hmm. It did seem as if the monster was pretty much preoccupied at the moment with glaring angrily at the fighting champions on the border of his little half frozen laguna. What if...

"Hey, penguin pal, whom I have totally never ever seen before and therefore do not remember!" he hissed, although it sort of became more and more of a shout the more words he said, as he realized that hissing was not quite enough over the terrain and distance.

"Why, hello there," The penguin pal Walter did totally see before and therefor did remember said back, "how can I be off service?"

"Aren't you feeling quite the urge to, I dunno, toss a rock or a magical ray down on those battling people there? That'd be fun, I think! But I can't quite reach, and I don't have my magical wand on me at the moment, so I'd like to ask you to do it for me!"

"Aha," Ronald said, "I see where you're going. Well, I do not, but let's pretend that I do." He picked up a rock from the side of the cliff. With only one wing to hold onto the wall with and no opposable thumbs to speak off, Ronald dropped off the side. He did manage to chuck the rock, but the effects were a bit redundant, as he landed at the same space less than half a second later.

The creatures he landed between all immediately turned around and stared at him. He was still wearing his minion outfit, which made it really confusing for these characters that were really used to minions not really acting, well, sentient.

Walter facepalmed and prepared to rescue the penguin once more. He decided to ignore the monster for now and started jumping down the cliffs with the agility of a man who had fought zombies and scavenging gangsters all his life. He landed next to the penguin just as one of the champions seemed to decide that Ronald was more fun to focus on than his other enemies for a change.

What the creature that will be reffered to from now on as poison dart squirrel, and nothing but poison dart squirrel didn't know was that the minion disobeying was not one of the creatures that would fill his wallet on defeat, but merely a penguin trying to spread christmas cheer. Going in for what many would describe as a 'last hit', the poison dart squirrel shot a, well, poison dart at Ronald, who quickly ducked away, flopped onto his stomach, and slid between Walter's legs.

Walter wasted no time in jumping forward and simply slicing the edge of the poison dart squirrel's weapon off with his blades. Poison dart squirrel started protesting wildly about 'unfair' and 'not proper conduct', something Walter understood nothing of. In his apocalyptic wasteland, there were no rules of conduct, just efficiency and common decency.

As Walter turned around to see Ronald's situation, he saw him slide towards the big sea monster creature, who readied themselves for an attack. With one fell swoop the monster struck down, and gulped the penguin in one swallow, minion suit and all.

"Oh," Walter found himself saying. "That's a pity."

The champions, including agitated poison dart squirrel, backed away a bit. It seemed like they didn't want to keep fighting here now that the big monster had started acting at last. As if they were too low level or something. In a matter of seconds, they had even run off in different directions, leaving Walter alone in front of the massive beast.

"So," he said, taking a deep breath and raising his blades while looking up at the respectable creature. "Only you left to stand in between me and my Christmas tree. What do you have to say for yourself?"

The creature started to cought and twitch, and Walter was suprised by how flexible hips this creature had. It bowed over, and a stench fled the monsters nostrils. He fell down on the ground with a loud bang, and snow clouds arose, while the ice made a crackling noise. It twitched a last time, and a green wrapped cylinder shot from its mouth, hitting the wall and rolling slowly to underneath the tree.

A loud female voice was heard from seemingly everywhere: "Baron Nashor has been slain."

The monster went up in smoke, but it seemed no dressed up penguin was left behind either.

"Well. That's one way, I guess," Walter scoffed as he sheathed his weapons and walked across the lagoon, avoiding the mysteriously dark hole in the ice where the monster had been sitting in the water. "I'm sorry, little friend," he murmured and gave the swallowed penguin a mourning thought.

But at last he could put his gift under the Christmas tree of Baron... Nashor? Hadn't he just heard... That name... As he slowly stood up and let his eyes rest on the twinkling tree, he started to realize one thing, and another and...

Nah. His mission here was done. He had delivered the gift to the Christmas tree, and even if the Baron was not here right now, that shouldn't count as breaking the contract. Content with that, he turned around and went to search for a way out of Summoner's Rift.

--

Ronald slowly climbed out of the huge monster's throat he was occuppying. He was covered in slime and sea monster snake thing creature saliva. As he slid throught the teeth and jumped out, he turned around and nodded to the monster.

"My honest apologies."

"No worries, respawns ay," Baron answered, but Ronald could see him softly shaking his head as he straightened his tie, and walked out. "Man, the wife'll never believe what a day at work I've had."

​

Feline Vermin

Her super speed gives out above the Amazon river, sending Sugarrine tumbling through the air. She flails wildly, tossing a bottle into the water. A soda bubble rises from the river, which she daintily bounces off, landing on dry land. "Nailed it! High five!" She raises her hand, waiting for a high five. With no one around, she gives it to herself, bringing her other hand up and clapping them together.

With that essential part of her landing strategy over with, she looks around the area. It's dark. With a wave of her hand and a puff of powdered sugar, a pair of glasses made from lollipops appears on her face. "Go go, night vision!" The white lollipops turn green, allowing her to see in the dark. She silently darts from tree to tree, careful to avoid any living creatures. The bag of gifts weighs heavy on her back, but her resolve stays strong.

"Now, where am I supposed to go, again?" She consults her map, following the river to a nearby tree house. Or rather, a tree village. "Go go, thermal vision!" Her green lollipops turn red, allowing her to detect the body heat of the village residents. "Hmmm... looks like the target is asleep, and so is his family. All accept you, Mister Night Guard..."

Sure enough, a lone ape stands outside the Jones residence, keeping watch over the village. "Ah-ah-ah, Krug Jones! You're supposed to be asleep this time of night. Go go, night vision." Her cookbook appears in her hand as she floats up, hovering above Mowgli's house. She finds the spell she needs, pulling a handful of raw brown sugar out of her pocket and sprinkling it over the ape as she sings.


She blows a kiss as she finishes, the sugar lightly coating Krug's head. He wobbles as he falls asleep... then sneezes, instantly waking up. He looks up, seeing Sugarrine floating above him. He ooks in confusion, causing her smile to fade. "I... failed?"

Krug throws a banana at her, and the fruit bounces off her forehead. She catches the fruit, quickly peeling it and launching the soft interior into the ape's mouth, shutting off any noise he might make. "So that's how it's going to be?" She asks, her high-pitched and perky voice dropping into a lower, huskier register. Saltina is here, to punish the naughty monkeys.


"It's Christmas Eve! Time for all good monkeys to go to bed!" She pulls a wand out from behind her back, pointing it at Krug.


White sand streams from the wand, washing over the ape. He rubs his eyes, but this only works the sleep sand in deeper. He lays down with a yawn, snoring softly. Saltina chuckles, snapping her fingers and summoning a black purse. "Santa gives naughty monkeys coal. But I'm too cheap for that. You're getting Smoal." Saltina leaves a lump of synthetic coal in the ape's stocking, turning to smile at the closed bedroom door. "Not yet, little boy. There are other naughty monkeys to visit before I leave. My sister will be back for you later."

She chuckles as she flies out of the house, leaving behind a trail of salt. She checks her phonebook, seeing which apes made the naughty list. "Christmas is a time when good kids get presents, and bad kids get punished. Let's go do the old goat's work."

Tinkles McCrinkle​

Rayenne Phillips​

By Foxrally & Lord Sephear

Tinkles cused under his breath and angrily shoved a mound of snow that was on the side of his transport sleigh. Curse holiday season, making me deliver presents to a monster... It was born naughty anyway, why even bother? he thought to himself, sulking. The air was dry and hot as the vehicle neared their destination.

The conductor, a burly and intimidating reindeer, called out to him from the front of the sleigh. "Tinkles, get ready for your descent! We've almost reached your stop."

"How long is the trip meant to last? I must get back to Santa before the day has passed." Tinkles asked, peering at the deserted land below him.

"No idea. Farsnuzzle hasn't had any visitors in years. Guess people are too scared of him." the muscly reindeer shrugged. "You'll probably be alone for the trip."

They were quickly drawing closer to a strange looking cave in an otherwise barren and empty land, Tinkles could even see two specks standing outside of the cave they were descending towards. When he could finally make them out he saw two adult humans standing outside the cave. One man was gesticulating wildly and seemed to be raising his voice. The other was simply standing there with his arms folded over his chest...which was mostly uncovered by the leotard he was wearing, exposing his hairy chest.

What are the two humans doing? They seem to be arguing... he thought, shielding his eyes from the sand that was blown in his direction as the sleigh landed behind a boulder, a short distance from the two men.

"Alright, this is your stop. Your bag's in the back, make sure not to confuse it with the others-" the reindeer began.

"Yeah, yeah, do I look like a rookie to you? Might as well call me Tinkles Junior if you do." Tinkles muttered to himself, hopping off the side of the sleigh. He checked the baggage compartment. It was filled with multicolored bags, each labelled with an elf's name as well as the recipient's. Tinkles' was by far the smallest, which made him wonder what a giant rock monster would do with such a tiny gift. But again, rules were rules and he couldn't check the gift before it was opened. He grabbed his candy cane and the bag and managed to tie it to his belt. As soon as he stepped away from it, the sleigh took off again, zooming off into the clouds.

"Listen here, this is an amazing discovery! It's going to take special equipment and trained professionals to delve into this chasm, I'm not just going to let some...some...male ballerina go in because he's got some sort of christmas errand!" The man who'd been flailing his arms could be heard yelling at the other man, who simply looked at him with the kind of stern wisdom that firmly stated he knew better than his conversation partner, and he was losing patience.

The loud man stopped dead, and adjusted his glasses when he noticed Tinkles, thinking at first that a strange reflection must have messed with his vision. When Tinkles was still there after the man blinked a few times, he gasped and ran over to the large-but still miniscule elf and looked closely at him. "What's this now?! First a cave with a chasm I can't even measure the depth of and now a...some sort of imp?! What else does this year have in store?"

"Elf." Tinkles corrected. He looked at the man, unimpressed. "You look more like an imp yourself." He turned his head and raised his eyebrow at the flamboyant 'male ballerina'. "Are you sure you didn't get the wrong chirstmas present? Your attire looks rather... unpleasant. Anyways, glasses man, I require your shuttle for an undisclosed plan. Please give it to me fast or I will be forced to whoop your-"

The man in the leotard cleared his throat loudly before Tinkles could finish. He then gave the elf an unreadable look and said, in his swarthy Brazilian-Russian accent: "Good, you've arrived, let's go." and strolled right into the cave like he owned it. The man in the glasses ran in front of him and tried to block the way, but before he could get another word out the one in the leotard leapt into the air, doing several somersaults before landing on the other side of the scientist and continuing to walk. Tinkles snickered at him and used the acrobat's distraction to scuttle through between his legs, and followed him onward into the cave.

"So, you look like you have a job here too. My name's Tinkles, what about you?" he asked, catching up to him.

"I am Rayenne." The man stated simply as if no more of an introduction were necessary. "I was contacted by...Saint Nicholas to help with the delivery. It would appear you prove the job's legitimacy."

Maybe Farsnuggle is more dangerous than I thought... Let's just hope he likes what he got. Tinkles thought to himself, anxious. "Rayenne? That's enough for me! Do you know how long this trip will be?" he asked.

"No." Rayenne said and continued walking.

"Ah..." Tinkles sighed disappointedly. He simply wanted the job to be done with, and he wasn't particularly fond of hot deserts, caves or hot caves in deserts. After a few more minutes of silently walking ahead, they finally reached the machine that would send them to Farsuggle. In short, it was an impressive-looking pea pod. The outer shell was rusty and seemed to be worn from repeated failures at going deep enough. At the front was a drill almost twice the size of the rest of the body, and the back was opened like a tin can, revealing the rather bare-bones interior (spare a few mining tools and control panels).

"We're seriously expected to trust this rickety piece of junk with our safety? Even my two-hundred-and-ninety-three year old watch isn't that rusty!" Tinkles asked, looking up at Rayenne.

Rayenne inspected the machine thoroughly, blinking when a small burst of steam blasted his face and moistened his hair. "Hmm, it'll do." He said matter-of-factly, as if he were an expert on the matter. "We should make haste before-"

"Hey! Stop right there you drill thieves!" Echoed from closer to the cave's entrance.

"...that." Rayenne finished.

The scientist who the drill apparently belonged to came huffing up to the pair, followed closely by a group of men in uniforms who were apparently security of some sort.

"Oh for Santa's sake, give me a break!" Tinkles sighed angrily. "Another few minutes of delay... more waste of my day." At least it was an excuse to punish these naughty men like Krampus had taught him; children got boring after a while. "I trust you can hold your own? I won't be able to dispose of these naughties alone." he asked, pulling out his trusty Billy. He snickered. "Time for a good old Yuletide beating, and end this little meeting."

Two large raven-like wings sprouted from his back as he laughed, and he darted upwards.

Without another word Rayenne stepped into the pod and pressed a green button to turn the machine on, he figured something like it would need time to warm up. When he stepped back out one of the security guards had broken ranks from the group that was staring in awe and fear at the flying elf to charge at himself. Rayenne took off the pair of dark blue gloves that matched his leotard so perfectly and clenched his fist, standing in a way that showed he was ready to throw down....Then right before the man reached him Rayenne flipped into the air and allowed the guard to simply slam face-first into the machine before landing behind him and pushing his head into the wall of the pod to cement his defeat.

Using Rayenne's fabulous takeout techniques as a distraction, Tinkles plunged into the terrified group of men, including the glasses man from earlier. While most were lucky to dodge him, an unfortunate guard was placed right in the center, causing him to be hit in the face by a three-hundred and twenty-seven year old candy cane. The others dispersed and pulled out their tazers.

"Y-you and and your zookeeper need to drop your weapons, now!" one of them stuttered, visibly reluctant to even engage the pale winged elf.

Tinkles cackled as he flew upwards again. "That's not very nice! If I was you, I'd start thinking twice, because you're treading on thin ice!" he chimed. "Now scuttle along before my friend over there makes you pay the price!"

Rayenne pounded a fist into his open palm for emphasis and several of the men recoiled, including the scientist who was in charge. After another moment's hesitation the scientist yelled "What are you lugs waiting for?!? It cost a lot of money to put that drill together! And think of how revolutionary examining that winged devil would be!"

"Elf." Rayenne corrected in a scolding tone before Tinkles could retort.

The pair wasted no time getting into the now warmed-up drill. Buttons and screens were showing graphs, tables and smart-looking notes about rocks and temperatures, as well as a detailed map of the course - which was a straight line, really. "You, ah, know how to move this thing? We've wasted enough time dawdling." Tinkles asked, squinting at one of the screens and tentatively flipping a switch.

While Tinkles spoke Rayenne was looking out the door's window at the scientist banging on his stolen machine. The acrobat mouthed "That's very dangerous" at the man before stepping away to examine the controls more closely. A green button had started the machine so maybe it would get it moving too. It was only then that Rayenne noticed there were two green buttons on the control console and he raised an eyebrow quizzically.

"......Eeney meany you." Without visibly looking at the different buttons he pressed one and the drill's pleasant hum exploded into a loud roar as the machine shot forward and fell straight into the huge chasm.

Tinkles McCrinkle​

Rayenne Phillips​

By Foxrally & Lord Sephear

Rayenne looked quickly around the pod the pair stood in and then back at the console. "That drill needs to be spinning before we hit the bottom."

Tinkles eyes grew wide as he realized what was going on. "You're saying we're trapped in a falling tin can?! Maybe we should have asked the glasses man..."

As tools and boxes began flying through the air, an idea came to his mind. "Press every button and switch, remove any safety pin! Maybe that ought to make it spin!" he exclaimed, barely dodging a flying wrench.

That was all Rayenne needed to hear before he began pressing buttons deliberately as if he knew exactly what he was doing, he'd never let anyone think otherwise. One of the buttons did seem to make the drill move a bit, but the loud grinding noise they could hear even over all the crashing of loose objects showed it wasn't ready to go anywhere yet. Rayenne began to press more buttons, then he finally saw...."Só podes estar a brincar comigo." A safety pin holding a napkin over one last button. As soon as Rayenne smacked the button the drill finally got spinning, beginning to build up speed in it's rotation before the finally reached the point where the scientist had previously stopped drilling. The machine landed with an audible clang and began progressing towards the core of the earth at an extremely fast pace.

Tinkles looked at one of the screens which displayed their position, speed and depth. "At this speed, we'll be there lickedy-split! Though it might still take a bit..." he sighed and picked up one of the stools that had been flying around the room and sat on it.


After an hour of silence and foot-tapping, Tinkles asked "Do you know any Christmas song? If you don't I can teach you, it won't take long."

"Well, my favorite is Щедрик." Rayenne said plainly, now relaxing in a chair Tinkles didn't recall seeing when they came in. "В лесу родилась ёлочка is also very pleasant. Though I am always ready to learn more."

"Wow, those are my favorite too! We've got a lot in common, me and you." Tinkles said despite having no idea what Rayenne had said or if it even was a legitimate song. "I can teach you, it's easy. You'll learn it in a doozy." He cleared his throat.

"Jingle Bells
Santa Smells
Krampus is just great,

On christmas night
He goes outside
And spreads the Christmas hate,

Oh!
Jingle Bells,
Santa Smells,
Krampus rings his bell,

On christmas night
He sees you hide
And he sends you straight to he-
I mean, he sends you his farewell!"

Tinkles grinned, clearly proud of his perfect memorization of the tune. "See? It's easy as a breezy!"

Rayenne was already humming the tune to himself when Tinkles finished. He was a bit confused at the mockery of saint Nicholas, who he assumed to be the elf's boss, but he couldn't deny the song was catchy. "Very nice." He then gazed out the window and smiled. "I believe I see light."

Tinkles raised an eyebrow. "Already? According to the trajectory database, there still are still at least a few hours till we reached Farnuzzle's place. Maybe the readings on the map are incorrect, we should have it checked!"

Just as he spoke those words, the drill began visibly slowing down, and getting quite hot inside. A voice echoed through the machine. "Air Conditioning activated. Prepare to enter mantle."

"Mantle? That's what Santa wears to bedtime with his little hat! What do they mean by that?" Tinkles questioned.

"This mantle is a part of Earth's subterranean structure." Rayenne explained without actually going into detail about its significance. Before he could return to contemplating the possibility of finding any beautiful people to have a bit of fun with near the home of this "Farnuzzle" after they delivered his gift, the drill hit the mantle proper. Their pod was jolted so hard that Rayenne was launched from his chair and had to catch himself with a handstand. "No turbulence warning."

Since they still had some distance to Farnuzzle's lovely abode one would assume they had plenty of waiting to go before they had to do anything else. But all hopes of a short nap were dashed the pod began to rumble much harder than before, shortly before it stopped rumbling altogether and its inhabitants were left with the same feeling of weightlessness as when they had plunged into the chasm to begin with. They seemed to have broken through the mantle much faster than they should have and were falling towards a surprisingly well-lit cavern. Neither one had time to say anything before they crashed into a large pool of mud caused by water dripping onto the dirt from nearby.

Tinkles groaned and stood up, rubbing his backside. "What on earth- I mean, what in earth just happened now?"

"We fell." Rayenne answered.

"Has the machine somehow turned around?" He glanced through a small porthole on the side of the machine. Before him looked like what seemed to be an ocean of thick mud, in an immense cave. "This certainly doesn't look like what I imagine the core to be like, maybe we went off-track. We need to see if we can find a way to get back!"

The controls of the machine -or at least the ones that weren't broken- were all flashing red, and screens showed incomplete readings coupled with error messages.

"This machine has no legs, so ours will have to do." Rayenne answered bluntly, adjusting his leotard. He didn't bother reacting to the fact that everything he'd ever been taught about geology was apparently a leotardload pantload of lies, there were more important things to worry about. Without bother to give how they would get back out without the drill any thought, Rayenne threw the door open and gracefully jumped out onto the mud without sinking into it. (After all, he would never ruin his leotard with splashing). Tinkles, impressed by his agility, shrugged and grabbed Billy before sprouting his wings and following him.

After a few minutes of Rayenne gracefully dancing on the mud's edge and Tinkles flying after him, they finally reached what appeared to be land - despite it being hundreds of miles under actual land. Strange, mushroom-like plants grew out of the muddy soil, and could be seen covered in strange-looking rocky insects. As soon as the pair stepped forward, the insects all froze, as if looking at them. When they laid still they looked like regular old pebbles.

"How are we supposed to find a giant rock monster when everything looks like rocks? We're not even sure what he looks like, or if it even talks!"

"Perhaps one of the other rock creatures speaks?" Rayenne proposed, looking around at all the strange bugs. None of them moved in the slightest, but he had already seen a few of them moving about before the pair had been spotted. He leaned down uncomfortable close to one of the smooth little rocky creatures and raised an eyebrow at it as if just that should be enough for an answer. "Where is Farsnuzzle?" He demanded rather casually. Nothing happened at first, but after enough staring the insect began to twitch under his withering gaze.

For once Rayenne actually didn't just act as if he was incapable of failing. He gave up on 'the look' and turned to Tinkles. "How does one persuade a rockbug to do something?"

"Well, maybe-" Tinkles began.

Suddenly, a rather large boulder appeared from under his feet, tossing him into the air as it emerged. Managing to keep his balance by sprouting his wings, he watched as the boulder began rolling quickly in Rayenne's direction. "Watch it!" he called.

Rayenne shook his head at the boulder's rather rude intrusion and jumped on top of it, keeping on top of it like a circus bear. "No manners whatsoever, Bosco rolls in his grave looking at you gospodin rock."

As Tinkles watched from above, he did not notive the other boulder that had somehow climbed onto the giant mushroom tree and was hurtling straight towards him. It screamed "YATTAA!" and hit him right on his back, sending him tumbling to the ground.

"Uma rocha que grita?" Rayenne exclaimed.

"Sim, intruso!" the rock replied in perfect Portugese, shifting into what seemed to be a small golem-like imp. He turned to face the dazed Tinkles. "You made mistake coming to here!"

"И это говорит португальский?" Rayenne stammered out, switching languages on the spot and leaping off of the rock he'd been balancing on. "Mister rock, we come in peace, why do you attack us?"

As the rock-creature picked him up by the scruff of his neck, Tinkles attmpted a wild swing at its arms so it would let him go. Unfortunately, he had underestimated the durability of a creature made completely out of stone; and the monster promtly threw him into one of the mushroom trees. "Потому что мы сильнее , чем вы! And this our home, not for you!" it called out to Rayenne, stomping its rocky foot on the ground and picking up Tinkles again.

"How many languages does this creature speak?" Rayenne wondered out loud, genuinely shocked for the first time he could even remember. He swivelled his head at a loud noise and his eyes widened at the sight of the boulder he'd been on before rolling towards him again. Rayenne smirked and jumped on the rock once again, this time guiding it towards the monster holding Tinkles until they slammed into each other, freeing the elf. "Who is stronger remains to be seen, foolish young pebbles!"

The rock that had hurtled towards its friend had shifted into a similar humaoid form and was rubbing its head. "Owww..." it groaned. The other seemed to have been knocked out cold, as it had turned back into a boulder. Wasting no time to run away, the first one picked up his friend and ran off into a hole in the ground, muttering jibberish as it ran.

Tinkles stood up and dusted his clothes. "How disrespectful! I ought to thrash that pebble!"

"Indeed." Rayenne agreed, wiping off a scuffed spot on one of his shoes. "How could a creature so far beneath the earth be so multi-lingual and yet so brutish and barbaric?" It was at that point that the Brusszilian heard a small pitter patter in the corner of his peripherals and turned too see all the rockbugs skittering away. Most of them were already out of reach, but one unlucky little pebble had it's rockshell pinched between Rayenne's fingers and it was lifted up into the air to dangle in front of his disapproving eyes. Once again he raised his eyebrow for 'the look' and demanded answers.

"That is the final straw, do you see how even though we were attacked nobody came to any serious harm? You will not be hurt, but we need something to go on and I am beginning to lose my patience."

For a few seconds, the rockbug helplessly flailed around, hoping to free itself but to no avail. It tiny legs drooped down as if it had given up. "Please mister, I am weak! I will answer anything! Just don't make hurts to me!" it yelped.

Rayenne kept his eyebrow elevated for a few moments longer, then let it drop and set the bug in the palm of his other hand, more than ready to snatch it back up if it fled. "Nobody will be making hurts on anybody else." He said with a sideways glance at Tinkles, who snarled threateningly. "I have only one simple thing I need your assistance in, pedrinha. Where is the being known as Farsnuzzle? He is owed a seasonal gift of yuletide festivity."

The rockbug instantly seemed to relax at the mention of Farsnuzzle. "Snuzzles? How can you not make findings of Snuzzles? You are making stands on him right now!" it chirped.

Tinkles McCrinkle​

Rayenne Phillips​

By Foxrally & Lord Sephear

"Snuzzles is so nice, letting us make walks on his back!" The man recoiled instantly and looked down at his own feet, eyes wide.

"What? You're telling us this island has been him all along? Absurd, surely you must be wrong!" Tinkles said and looked around, confused. He mockingly tapped the earth with Billy. "Wake up, buddy. Delivery's ready."

"Yes Senhor Farsnuzzle...счастливого Рождества and... sorry about the drill, on your back." Rayenne said, now feeling a very rare hint of guilt at the realization of where they had crashed. Rocks don't like drills very much you know.

At the mention of his name, the earth suddenly began trembling - even worse than inside the drill machine. The rockbug on Rayenne's hand took the opportunity to hop off and scuttle away into one of the many holes in the mushroom trees. The pair felt the earth beginning to rise - or the mud-sea level drop - as Farsnuzzle awoke. The previously flat island was beginning to tilt more and more to the side, meaning they had probably been standing on Farsnuzzle's head the whole time. Realizing this, they quickly ran towards the trees to get a grip stop themselves from falling.

They looked at the rest of the island from their new viewpoint. What had appeared to be a medium-sized slab of land was now a long stretch of rock, almost akin to a snake. The piece of rock that was Farsnuzzle's head slowly looked around, the weight of his body considerably slowing his movements.

"What... did I... just... hear?" it bellowed sleepily. "Have... the delivery... people.... come yet?"

The man standing atop Farsnuzzle's mushroom tree despite the awkward angle leapt back down onto the giant stone creature's head and slid down to his nose so their target could see him. "Si, we are here to wish you Feliz Natal and a С новым годом."

Two large, semi-flat stones which appeared to be farsnuzzle's eyes slid to where Rayenne was standing. "Oh... there... you are..." he began. "I'm sorry... I didn't... even... have... time to bake... something for you..."

Tinkles sprouted his wings and flew over to where Rayenne was. "Don't worry, rocky. Santa's the only one who likes a cookie. That's why he's so fat, he should start dieting for that..." Rayenne gave Tinkles a scathing look with an eyebrow raised at the very notion of denying cookies.

"No, no... I... always... make something... for guests..." Farsnuzzle slowly shook his head. "My... childen... will take... you... to our... guest room."

As he said that, two boulders popped out of the top of his head and rolled towards them. "Wait, aren't those the rocks that attacked us earlier? With them, I'm not going anywhere!" Rayenne agreed by glaring impassively at the Snuzzle-children as they approached.

Farnuzzle raised one of his rocky eyebrows. "Attacked...? I... will deal... with them... later. They... will... take you... safely, don't... worry."

Without feeling there was anything else to say, Rayenne gave the massive creature's nose a friendly pat before nimbly climbing back to the top of Farsnuzzle's head in short leaps. He strode forward and simply watched the boulders, waiting for an explanation. The two rocks shifted slightly, as if ashamed of their behaviour earlier. "Make follows to us." one mumbled, before sliding down the mountain that was Farnuzzle's back.

The two of them followed, Rayenne gracefuly sliding down while Tinkles flew at his side. When they had reached the bottom, a large hole opened up in the sea of mud, revealing a life-size, rocky living room. They wondered why a giant rock snake would have such small furniture, but didn't think too much about it and jumped inside.

The rock-children led them through to a small room with a few chairs and a table. In the center of the table, a small vase with a tiny mushroom-flower was placed. Farnuzzle's voice could be heard from outside, along with the crash of what seemed to be rocky pots and pans. "Almost... done!"

A few minutes later, an incredibly large rocky tail slithered through the hallway and into the room, with a baking mitten and holdng a tray of cookie-shaped rocks. "I hope... you... like them..." he called from outside.

Rayenne was beginning to think he would need a facial expression to replace his raised eyebrow with, it had practically been glued in the 'up' position since he'd left home....No, he couldn't let the world lose access to any of his perfect features, that was a crime he could literally be prosecuted for. He grabbed one of the rocks off the tray and studied it. It didn't exactly look appetizing, but manners were manners, and their host was being very kind considering the entrance they had made.

He bit into the rock and his eyes bulged...AT THE FLAVOR! His teeth actually sank into the cookies perfectly and the taste was indescribable. There really isn't anyway to describe it other than that one could definitely tell one was eating a rock, but it was a soft, delicious, perfectly baked rock. "Yummy." He muttered to himself, in awe for perhaps the only occasion of his life.

Tinkles looked at Rayenne, and back at the cookies. "I, ah..." he began hesitantly. Deciding he had nothing to lose (teeth were replaceable anyway) he grabbed a cookie and meekly took a bite. "Hey, this is pretty good!" he exclaimed, finsihing the cookie in one vicious bite and eagerly grabbing another. "I'd munch all of them if I could!"

One of the rock-children tried to reach out for a cookie. He was met by a swat to the hand with Farsuzzle's tail, and a stern "AHEM."

"I'm... glad... you like... them." Farsnuzzle said. "We don't... get... too many... non-rock... visitors, so... I had... time... to practice."

"It shows my friend." Rayenne said, the urge to grab another roockie overpowering even his legendary will of....stone as he gracefully maneuvered his hand through Tinkles' defense to snake another treat. He actually took the entire roockie in a single bite before his eyes widened and he tapped Tinkles on the shoulder, tapping more and more fiercely until he stopped stuffing his face. The acrobat's own gob was too full to speak at that moment, but when Tinkles finally looked at him he pointed at Farsnuzzle's tail, and then the elf's belt.

"Hm? Oh, yes. the gift! I shouldn't let my mind drift." Swallowing the last cookie that was in his mouth, Tinkles untied the gift packet that was attached to his belt. "Here you go! I'm not sure why it's so small, or if you could even see it at all..."

He placed the gift on the table. Farsnuzzle pointed to the entrance of the house, as if instructing them to go outside. The pair looked at each other, but it was a bit late to question anything at that point. The two rock-children took the gift and led them out. The giant rock snake's head was resting on its back now, so it could see them clearly. "I'm... so... excited! Last year's... present... was a... lifetime supply... of flour... I... wonder if... anything can... top that?"

Rayenne wasn't so sure. After tasting the cookies that flour was used for he couldn't help feeling it was a gift for the whole world, not just Farsnuzzle.

"Can we make unwrappings to it, dad?" one of the rock children asked.

"Hmm... Fine... But be... careful..." Farnuzzle agreed.

The wrapping was viciously torn off by the two, with bits and pieces flying everywhere. They opened the box and inside was...

"What's that?" one of them asked, pulling out the small, box-like device. "Is it for making eats?"

The other prodded the antenna that suddenly popped out. "It's not a rock..." it asked, snatching it from its sibling.

Tinkles seemed just as confused as them. "What on- I mean, in earth is that machine? It's unlike anything I've ever seen!"

Rayenne smiled, it was so simple, and yet so far out of the mind for a gargantuan rocksnake in a rockworld in the Earth's mantle that it was perfect. He gently took the device from Farsnuzzle's children with a stern waggle of his finger and held it up for the father's tail. "A wireless router! São Nicholas' perfect foresight strikes again! Now meu serpentina de pedra amigo, Вы можете общаться с внешним миром and view as much of their content as you see fit!...I only hope that the mantle is not recognized by region locks."

Farnuzzle beamed excitedly as he look at the machine. "I can... finally... watch my.. favorite... shows! Gordon Ramsay... aqui... vou eu!"

Tinkles shrugged. "Well, glad you like it." He looked at his watch. "Oh no! The sleigh is coming in a bit!"

"Mmm..." Rayenne thought to himself before tapping the end of Farsnuzzle's tail. "Sorry to trouble you one more time my friend, but where is the exit? Our...method of entrance isn't reusable."

"Oh..." Farsnuzzle looked at the broken drill. "I don't... think.. that can... be... used... for anything... other than... a toybox..." he pointed at one of the cave's walls, which was quite a far distance away but still reachable with a few graceful twirls. "There's... a hidden... staircase... there... It's there... for... some reason... I've never... used it... but... you can! It might... take some time... to... reach the... surface, though..."

As he spoke, he slammed his tail on the ground and a section of the wall broke off, revealing a wide staircase with unusually large steps.

"Why did nobody tell us of this?" Rayenne exclaimed at the sight of the stairs, looking at Tinkles as if it should have been in the mission briefing before he was sent out.

"Hey, I work on a tight schedule! This delivery's more... unusual." Tinkles crossed his arms. "Anyway, let's go! We can't be slow!" he said, sprouting his wings.

"Of course!" Rayenne dashed onto the first step, then stopped and poked his head back out to wave at Farsnuzzle and his children. "Farewell my friend! Enjoy your gift! I'd recommend not giving those boys of yours the wi-fi password!" He shouted, then quick as a licorice whip he began to regally leap up the stairs multiple steps at a time.

Tinkles wasted no time flying to him. "Oh, and old Krampus says: Happy Holidays!" he called out before zooming into the staircase."

OBEYME in 10,000 BC Part I