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The Sun and the Moon

TJgamer

A Pokémon Poet
1,093
Posts
14
Years
    • Seen Oct 13, 2021
    A prefectly blue sky. A clear night sky. How I love to see such things.


    The Sun and the Moon
    Written by: TJgamer



    Celestial brothers,
    One of day, one of night,
    That is what they are.

    They make a cycle,
    One of twenty-four hours,
    And repeats always.

    The Sun rules the day,
    Up from the east it rises,
    And sinks to the west.

    It creates blue skies,
    It can pierce through clouds with rays,
    And provide us warmth.

    The silvery Moon,
    Once blackness covers the earth,
    The Moon is its light.

    The small twinkling stars,
    Decorate the ebon skies,
    With ancient stories.

    Observe the Sun's shine,
    Observe the Moon's nightly gleam,
    Observe their greatness.



    Please tell me what you think. Comments, flaws, anything.
     

    Scales

    Man of Infinite Jest
    1,719
    Posts
    17
    Years
  • The only thing I can see is that the entire scheme practically cries out for Rhyme. It looks like you would have a talent for it, due to your grasp of diction. I hope your next poem has a good Rhyme scheme, it always makes the piece more pleasant to read.
     

    TJgamer

    A Pokémon Poet
    1,093
    Posts
    14
    Years
    • Seen Oct 13, 2021
    Thank you!
    I forgot to mention the structure I used here. Sorry about that.
    It's a haiku poem. Haiku poetry is a form of Japanese poetry that doesn't depend on rhyming, but on syllables.
    Read this for more details
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Haiku

    Oh, and if you like a rhyming style poem, check out my other poetry works. Most of them consist basic rhyming.
     
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