The Sun and the Moon

[TJgamer]

A prefectly blue sky. A clear night sky. How I love to see such things.

The Sun and the Moon
Written by: TJgamer



Celestial brothers,
One of day, one of night,
That is what they are.

They make a cycle,
One of twenty-four hours,
And repeats always.

The Sun rules the day,
Up from the east it rises,
And sinks to the west.

It creates blue skies,
It can pierce through clouds with rays,
And provide us warmth.

The silvery Moon,
Once blackness covers the earth,
The Moon is its light.

The small twinkling stars,
Decorate the ebon skies,
With ancient stories.

Observe the Sun's shine,
Observe the Moon's nightly gleam,
Observe their greatness.
​

Please tell me what you think. Comments, flaws, anything.

 

[Scales]

The only thing I can see is that the entire scheme practically cries out for Rhyme. It looks like you would have a talent for it, due to your grasp of diction. I hope your next poem has a good Rhyme scheme, it always makes the piece more pleasant to read.

 

[TJgamer]

Thank you!
I forgot to mention the structure I used here. Sorry about that.
It's a haiku poem. Haiku poetry is a form of Japanese poetry that doesn't depend on rhyming, but on syllables.
Read this for more details
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Haiku

Oh, and if you like a rhyming style poem, check out my other poetry works. Most of them consist basic rhyming.

 

[Scales]

Thank you!
I forgot to mention the structure I used here. Sorry about that.
It's a haiku poem.

Ah I didn't recognize it was a Haiku. My apologies. I usually expect the author to post if they are creating one.

 

[MegaSlowBro.]

Its really good, but maybe you could make it more memorable...? I felt like I just skimmed over it, not remembering anything interesting. It was nice. I'd like to see more ^_^