[Other Fanfic] The Soon-to-be Cop

Nick entered the academy, confident that his dreams will finally come true. The lobby was simple enough: A simple fountain in center and a solitary desk currently manned by a cougar. A screen above him read 93. Nick's own little slip of paper had 106 on it. It was going to be a long wait indeed. With nothing else to do, Nick decided to sit down and listen to something. He settled on 'Dancing By the Moonlight' by Prowlers of the Night. It was one of Nick's favourite bands as he grew up. Seconds turned to minutes. Minuted turned to hours. Finally, the number 106 appeared on the screen. Slightly trembling, Nick slowly approached the desk.

- Hi! I am Nick Wilde and I would like to enroll myself into the Academy. Nick said, trying to sound a professional as possible.

- Do you have the application form? The cougar manning the desk replied, sounding slightly bored. Evidently he didn't like doing desk work at all.

Nick handed the paper to the cougar. Again, Nick would feel butteflies in his stomach. What if they would reject him? What if his criminal past is already known to the ZPD at large? After a few minutes, the cougar stamped the form and returned it to Nick.

- Looks like everything is in order. So, it truly seems like famous Nicholas P. Wilde has decided join the police. It seems Judy Hopps has had a good influence on you.

- You could say that, yes. She has been my moral support for these past few months.

- Now that everything's said and done, looks like you're all set. Jenny Frost, our resident instructor, would be quite pleased to have you here. The classes start in about two weeks. Make sure to be here as soon as possible.

- Oh, don't worry about that. I'm a fox of my word. Always has been. Also, if you do happen to see Carr--- I mean Judy Hopps, be sure to give her my regards. Two weeks you said? Well, better to go home and prepare myself. Ciao!

Nick then excited to Academy, looking towards the challenges that would await him on his journey to become a cop.

[FONT=&quot]Protip: In English, quotation marks are generally used instead of a quotation dash. True, some writers (very few) use it, but it's generally seen as non-standard punctuation.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Aside from that, you're off to a good start. You should also not hesitate to proofread because there are some errors here and there (eg. "butteflies", "past is was already known", etc).[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]And if I may offer a suggestion, you might want to start your first chapter with a hook that makes people want to read your next one. From what I've read so far, you seem to indicate you're just writing about his academy days, and that's not very interesting. What is interesting, and what happens in shows with a school/academy setting, is that the protagonist usually must overcome some challenge. This challenge is generally foreshadowed early on.
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[FONT=&quot]It doesn't have to be difficult foreshadowing either. For instance, instead of being easy, the admissions procedure could make it harder for Nick to join because of his criminal past. Or perhaps he'll meet a jerk[FONT=&quot]-fa[FONT=&quot]ced[/FONT][/FONT] rival applying at the same time. I'm just getting these off the top of my head. My point is that you should at least try to capture the reader's interest in the first chapter / prologue. [/FONT][FONT=&quot]Sure, you could write for your own pleasure, but then why post it online right?
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So Miz covered the bases of writing, I'll cover the Zootopia end of it. It's really hard to ruffle Nick's fur, Judy being the only one to have done it with the tax evasion accusation (not including the incident where he was a child, because of course that would've hurt more), and I think that even if he was nervous about applying to be a police officer (which he rightly should be, don't get me wrong) he'd smooth-talk his way through it, 'cause that's what Nick's like. The only instance I saw of that was his last line of dialogue where he almost calls Hopps "Carrots" with that flamboyant goodbye. Similarly, it's not an effort for him to sound professional. And without that tax evasion thing on his head, Nick doesn't really have a criminal past. He's a con artist, and a pretty damn good one. As we've seen by his permits and, ahem, gift with semantics ("Yes, red wood, with a space in a middle. Wood that is red.") he generally operates legally.