A Generation Into Sinnoh's Future

Introduction:

In the future, Sinnoh is rebuilt, with new Gym Leaders, and more cities. A boy named Jack wants to be the best Trainer there is, and he'll stop at nothing to get his goal.

Chapter 1: The Beginning

Jack was awakened by the chirping of a newborn Starly and its mother. He yawned, stretched, brushed his spiky white hair out of his grey eyes, then slowly paced towards his Fire Pokémon-themed calendar. Fire-breathing Charizards, Chimchars, and Quilavas were displayed above a calendar with red text.

"Today is my tenth birthday, but what does that mean again?" Jack questioned.

"Are you ready to head to Professor Sakura's lab to get your Pokémon yet, Jack?" Jack's mother yelled from downstairs.

"Oh, yeah, my Chimchar awaits!" Jack quickly dressed himself in a black t-shirt, black blazer, blue jeans, and white running shoes. He rushed downstairs, past his young, brown-haired, blue-eyed mother, grabbed a slice of buttered toast on the table, and ran out the door, swallowing the toast whole.

He ran down the street and up a large hill where a white laboratory was waiting for him on top. He walked through the automatic doorway and a tall lady in her twenties was waiting for him.

"Oh, so you're Jack, correct?" the lady asked. She had long, black hair, green eyes, a purple shirt, a lab coat on over it, white lab pants, and black shoes. "I'm Professor Sakura. Your mother called me yesterday to tell me that you'd be coming today. She says you love fire Pokémon, so I prepared a Chimchar just for you. But if you're thinking you may want another type, there are two Pokéballs containing Piplup and Turtwig on the table behind me."

"Nope, I'll take Chimchar," Jack replied.

"Okay, here you are!" Professor Sakura said as she handed Jack his Chimchar in a Pokéball. "And here are five more Pokéballs for catching wild Pokémon. You can buy more at the Poké Mart here in Sandgem Town. It's not too far away from here."

"Thanks, Prof!" Jack ran out the door and back to his house in Twinleaf Town. He packed, said his final farewells, and set off on his journey to claim victory in the Sinnoh League.

Jack was walking triumphantly down a road when suddenly he met a young man resting against a tree.

"Hello, do you know if this is the right way to Oreburgh City?" Jack asked.

"I'm from Kanto. I'm pretty lost, too," the wanderer replied. He wore a brown tattered cloak, brown sandals, and a brown cowboy hat and had spiky beige hair and blue eyes. "My name's Ethan."

"I'm Jack."

Suddenly an urge rushed through Jack. He could not hold it in, but felt awkward letting it out. Finally, he let it out.

"Hey, Ethan. Do you want to … um … battle?"

"Sure. I haven't battled in a while."

"Okay, then! Go, Chimchar!" Jack's attitude suddenly changed as he released his Pokéball and a red, petit monkey with a flaming tail came into appearance.

"I choose Poliwag." Ethan calmly opened his Pokéball and a blue ball with blue feet, a spiral on its belly, large eyes, a feather on its head, and round, pink lips appeared.

"Chim … char!" cried Chimchar.

"Poliwaaaaaaag … " growled Poliwag.

"Poliwag!" Ethan ordered. "Use Water Gun!" A powerful stream of water blasted from Poliwag's mouth.

"Chimchar! Dodge and use Ember!" Jack shouted. Chimchar jumped above the water and fired small fire bullets from his mouth.

The bullets hit Poliwag, but barely hurt it. Chimchar was angry at that, and Poliwag amused. They had already made rivals with one another.

"Poliwag, use Double Team!" Multiple Poliwags appeared. "Now, Water Gun!" They shot at Chimchar and doused him. Chimchar was on the ground, unconscious.

"I lost … " gasped Jack.

"It was a fun battle, but I really must be going now. Poliwag, return." Poliwag disappeared into a red flash and Ethan walked away.

Jack was now serious. He had a rival who had a type advantage and could beat him anywhere, anytime, any place. He wouldn't devote himself to fire. He'd focus on balance. He had lost, but learned a good lesson. A lesson that would help him win the Sinnoh League.

To Be Continued …

No offense, but the typical '10 year olds w/ rival go on a journey' isn't original. At all. The story is rather tasteless. Bland description, cliché plot, and just boring impression.

Try again.

Lily said:

No offense, but the typical '10 year olds w/ rival go on a journey' isn't original. At all. The story is rather tasteless. Bland description, cliché plot, and just boring impression.

Try again.

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Thanks for the comment. I'll try to make it better. The truth is, trainers start at 10. I need a beginning. And the rival won't be there much.

I see where you're getting at, but don't worry. Majority of new fanfiction writers start out that way. 10 year old receiving first Pokemon, rival, aspiration to be the best, etc. This has been a continuous tradition, which is what turns your story unoriginal. There has been attempts to break this custom with new ideas, and those ideas are generally accepted. Perhaps not with acclaim as some have, but accepted nonetheless. You can make it better. Good luck!

Lily said:

I see where you're getting at, but don't worry. Majority of new fanfiction writers start out that way. 10 year old receiving first Pokemon, rival, aspiration to be the best, etc. This has been a continuous tradition, which is what turns your story unoriginal. There has been attempts to break this custom with new ideas, and those ideas are generally accepted. Perhaps not with acclaim as some have, but accepted nonetheless. You can make it better. Good luck!

Click to expand...

Thank you.

For all: Any ideas? Want your trainer included? PM me and I'll see what I can do.

Hmm, I haven't read it yet, except for the prolouge.

The prolouge isn't really a prolouge at all though. Most authors will make their prolouge's about as long as your first chapter, then make the first chapter longer. I don't think I've ever seen a prolouge that's been two sentences long. D:

I agree with Lily, however. You add description in little bits and parts, but they don't really 'flow' with the story.

"Oh, yeah, my Chimchar awaits!" Jack quickly dressed himself in a black t-shirt, black blazer, blue jeans, and white running shoes. He rushed downstairs, past his young, brown-haired, blue-eyed mother, grabbed a slice of buttered toast on the table, and ran out the door, swallowing the toast whole.

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Describing his mother in such a quick jumble of adjectives wasn't really nesseccary, as it would've been just as well to not describe her at all. Jack, in this instance, is the focus, so you should've spent more time describing what he was wearing, his eye color, his hair color, and not his mother's.

That's all I can read with the time I've got though, so my suggestions are:

1. Add description! It's an annoying thing, I know, and I used to absolutely hate it when people told me that I didn't add enough description. But it helps the reader to imagine what you're imagining, and that's the whole point, isn't it? ^^

2. Length! I, as a reader, hate reading super short chapters! When I've waited and waited, I expect to see not only some quality, but some buffed up quantity! ^^

and

3. Originality! (like Lily said,) But I don't think the 10-year-old starting out as a trainer thing is always cliche'd. You can easily make the concept your own, by adding an original element. A cliche fanfiction can easily turn into a very enjoyable cliche fiction if you write it with skill and style. >D

Well, I added hair and eyes at the beginning, and I know the beginning is cliche, but I promise it'll be more original. Like y'know how Ash usually helps people? Well, Pokemon are more complex in this and there will be evil Pokemon, and Jack helps the good Pokemon.

Ooooo can you add me to the story?

If you can make me a trainer with brown hair a messenger bag and a Piplup with me everywhere I go and it would be cool if I could have as my other guys the pokes in my signiture also maybe my trainer could go along with you?

Thanks Piplup Master

Most people said things I wanted to, but I'm going to add one more thing:

Never, EVER ask for people to give you trainers to add into your story. Trust me, I use to do this when I was 9, when I use to only write stupid cliche trainer fics and I regret it. MAKE YOUR OWN. You can choose the pokemon they get, and you can choose their outfits and personality. Also, if the owner of the trainer does something they don't like, then they won't be too happy with you.

Chapter 2: Jack's First Lesson

After Jack's loss to Ethan, he continued to travel to Oreburgh City. Along the way, he ended up in Jubilife City. Since Chimchar was tired, Jack went to the Pokémon Centre. It was there he found his second Pokémon.

"Really?!" Jack exclaimed. "It's for me?!"

"Yes," Jack's mother replied over the phone. They were talking via telephone and screen. "It's a birthday present from your father. He is searching for Legendary Pokémon in Hoenn, and stumbled upon a Treecko for you."

Jack took the Pokéball from the teleporter and admired it before minimizing it and attaching it to his belt. He left the centre and explored Jubilife City before someone pulled him aside in front the Jubilife Trainer School.

"You're a trainer, right?" the man asked. "I'm Glenn, a teacher at the Trainer School."

"Yes."

"We need a trainer, quick! Bandits are attacking our school!"

"Let's go!" They headed into the school. Two figures were standing on a desk. One had long blonde hair, blue eyes, a goatee, and a golden cloak on. The other had wavy, black hair, brown eyes, and an orange cloak on.

"We are Team Olympus," they said in sync. "We challenge you to a battle, Jack."

"How do you know my name?" Jack asked. They just smirked at him.

"I am Hermes," said the first bandit.

"I am Venus," said the second.

"Glenn, I can't take them on together! Go get help!" ordered Jack.

"Right!" replied Glenn, running into the streets of Jubilife City.

"Go! Whismur!" called Hermes. A blue puff with stubby feet, arms, and yellow ears appeared.

"Go, Chimchar!" shouted Jack.

"Whismur, use Tackle!" Whismur threw itself at Chimchar.

"Chimchar, dodge!" Chimchar dove to the side. "Use Scratch!" Chimchar sliced at Whismur with his nails.

"Whismur, Uproar!" Whismur started ranting, and a loud noise started shattering glass and crumbling the walls. Chimchar was covering his ears in pain as he fell to his knees.

"I'm back!" Glenn yelled as he returned with Ethan behind him.

"Jack!" Ethan exclaimed. "I'm here for you! I choose: Poliwag! Poliwag, use Water Gun!" Poliwag blasted Whismur into a wall.

"Grr, you'll pay!" growled Venus. "Skitty, release!" A pik and yellows cat was released. It had squinting eyes and a tail with bell-like apparel on the end. "Skitty, use Tackle!" Skitty charge at Chimchar.

"Chimchar, Fury Swipes!" called Jack. Chimchar jumped over Skitty, then started raking it with its nails continuously. "Ember!" The fire bullets blasted Skitty into fainting.

"Whis … Whis … Wh … Louuuuuuuuu … " Whismur glowed and then became a Loudred. It was bigger, had regular arms and legs, a meaner-looking face, and two giant speakers for ears.

"Poliwag, use Water Gun!"

"Chimchar use Ember!"

Both attacks hit at once, sending a burst of steam across the classroom. Students gasped in awe.

"Poliwag!"

"Chimchar!"

"Pound!"

"Headbutt!"

The Loudred was hit from both sides. It fell to the ground and fainted. When the steam cleared, Team Olympus was gone. Ethan left, and Jack received many thanks before he left as well. He left Jubilife City after healing Chimchar and set out to Oreburgh City.

To Be Continued …

Hmm.

Still not enough description. Try reading the writing guides here, my friend.

Also, you switched tenses on us.

Two figures are standing on a desk. One had long . . .

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And so on. Two figures ARE standing on a desk? They HAD long blonde hair? Doesn't make sense. Watch what you write. :P

This just annoys me, I don't know about anyone else.. don't put "to be continued" at the end.. we obviously know it's going to be continued if you're not rejoicing about the end of the story at the end/beginning of your post.

I'm sorry, but this is sounding like a rehash of the anime. The evil bad guys are a team that gets introduced in the second "episode", and are defeated by a new trainer. And his rival who has a type advantage over his own starter.

Look, I know how difficult it is to make a Original Trainer story that doesn't follow the games or the anime. You got to try some idea that's different from what's been done before. Read other fics to see how they're done, and what's been done before.

Try different starters. Really, give your main character a Bidoof and send him out into the world. Readers will be shocked and what to see more of how your character can make it with a doofy-looking beaver creature.

Don't just give him stock rivals. Don't have stock characters. Make them different. Make them odd. Like have your main character refuse to become a trainer, but he gets forced to be one because his parents think it's the right thing to do.

Don't just make an evil team that's evil because they break into official institutions. Make his main conflict be something where he has to catch a certain Pokemon or his house blows up. Or something different.

Or hey, even just your writing style could be different. Develop your own style that feels comfortable to you and it'll be refreshing to readers because it's so honest.

There's so many possibilities. Don't get so wrapped up in writing the same old formula. Keep writing until you just find that idea that you want to run with, and that'll shock the readers. Good developed real characters can help with this as well. If the characters feel real, then the readers will care about them.

Everyone else said what other things I could have said. Listen to the advice given to you, and use it to grow. But most of all, just have fun writing. It's the main thing.