Such a jump in graphical quality. I just wish the original GBA had a backlight so you could see the graphics.



Where am I? Who are you? Why are you here? What's going on?



This just in, the protagonists of the Pokémon games are all aliens.



Missed a frame of text, promise it won't happen again.

Everyone in the armpit of a town I live in.



Can I eat it?



Some people collect them, some people want to use them to take over the world, some people wanted to sell them, they generally get passed around like currency.



A professor doing research? Are you sure you aren't M. Night Shyamalan because that's SOME KIND of plot twist.



I'll give you 3 guesses.

Punches in name.



Disregard originality, acquire actual name.



You can put that Lotad away now.



Now I understand, he's god and he wants me to pick my gender and name and stuff.

NOW THAT I HAVE SAID IT, IT IS NOW CANON.



Can I at least get a brochure?



See, he can even tell the future.

GOD.



Friends? I can't even talk. I guess that's the price for meeting with god.



It's funny because he won't be there.



And now I'm in a truck.



And now I'm leaving the truck.



How this truck got here is anyone's guess. It's not like there are roads anywhere but major cities.



She made me, didn't she?



See, god knew.



I miss Johto already.



Of course I didn't get my own room. Dad's Pokémon NEED THEIR BEAUTY SLEEP.

Walks inside.



Way bigger than how it looks on the outside.



At least with robots you can turn them off. What happens if Pokémon start revolting? Now I see why N doesn't like this.



What? I don't live in the wine cellar anymore? Awesome.



Him getting me a clock almost makes up for him never being around.



God, those Vigoroth look terrifying.

Heads upstairs.



Another thing, how the hell did they beat me inside and already have enough time to set up my GC? Vigoroth can't learn Extreme Speed.



Well, better set the in-game clock.

Sets clock.

Mom barges in.



Well, I can't watch the rats fight that one tarantula anymore, but besides that it's a pretty large step up. You even splurged and got me a first generation Macintosh Personal Computer.



Not that you did anything.



I'm never coming back here.



What are you? An infomercial for things I can't have?



That computer isn't worth the plastic its casing is made of.

Walks downstairs.



What do you want from my life?



A gym leader in a news story relating to HIS GYM? No.



You suck. A lot. Just saying.



Seriously, I'm shocked I haven't ringed your neck by now.



I don't even want Latios or Latias if it means coming back here.



I wonder if his friend is god...



My dad is friends with the all-knowing invader of dreams!



Yeah, I need him to make sure he tells me what came first, the Torchic or the egg?

Goes to Lord Birch's house.



A mere mortal is married to god?

Truly this woman will soon ascend to god-hood.



...



SHE READ MY MIND.

GOD.



How long as she been the same age as me?



She must have known it was me, being the child of two gods and all.



Since your god, she's definitely upstairs now. Well, better completely forget about finding god himself and distract myself with his offspring.

Goes upstairs.



Oh no, she'll want a sacrificial offering. D:



Just read my mind.



Maybe one day I'll have the power to read peoples' minds.



Could you tell me how the truck got here? I have no clue how.



Glad to meet you too MAY.



Not much of a dream.



He does know everyone. Being omni-sentient.



Has she noticed I'm not much of a talker?



Someone has social problems.



And then it got creepy.



Your dad could have died because of you, just saying.



Somehow, I beat her there.

Goes to help Divine Savior Birch.



Hey look, a small person.



They're pretty hard to miss. What with the GBA's terrible sound chip.



You could always just run.



Quite easily. It's not like I don't have any Pokémon.



SOMEONE'S IN TROUBLE.

Leaps into action.



Oh noes, Super-Birch is being attacked by a giant raccoon.



Now, he could easily smite this raccoon, but, I'm sure he wants to test me.



Okay.



Now, to let you people decide my starter Pokémon. I'm thinking of a number between 1 and 100. Whoever is closest gets to choose the species, they will not have a nickname.

The number was 36.

ZIGZAGOON ATTACKS!



My first Pokémon battle! Surely this will blow my mind.



I can't wait!



Yeah, this is gonna take a while.

Several Scratch spams and victory later.



Without a Pokémon, of course.



You are the worst God/Pokémon Professor ever.



OH CRAP, he can hear me. Gotta repent!



Wait, he was just searching my mind for my name. n_n



See you there. Perhaps.

To Professor Birch's Lab/Holy Land



Yes?



Of course, you would know.



I scratched repeatedly. It wasn't very hard.



I was planning on donating. Competence is very rare in this world.



Thanks. With his fire power I can burn all of my enemies to a crisp. n_n





I'm not creative enough.



Thanks bro.



She ran right by you when you were getting attacked.



No, but I don't think I have a choice in the matter.



Happy long enough not to devour my flesh and consume my soul.



'Kay.

Goes to Birch/Super God residence.

Walks and talks to Mrs. Birch.



I just got trolled by god. :C

Walks North to Route 101.

Manages to get to Oldale without random encounter.



Gee, I wonder why that man is blocking the route?



I don't see why I can't just walk around them, but okay.

Walks North to Route 103.

ENCOUNTER.



This is gonna be painful.

Torchic used Scratch!

Wingull used Water Gun!



Okay...

Several rounds of back and forth later.



Better go to the Pokémon Centre, something even I can't make interesting. :U

Heals.

Continues North.

ENCOUNTER.



GEE, I wonder if this is going to be long, tedious and repetitive?

Several Scratch spams later.



I was right.

Back to Pokémon Centre.

Back up North.

Talks to May.



She speaks to herself.

Crazy.



How did you know I was here? I don't speak.



I wish I could be god and see what's inside of peoples' pockets.



I don't see why not.



I've been a trainer as long as you. Your Pokémon is just as strong as mine. Actually, it's weaker.



Yay, my first rival battle!



Oh yeah.

Torchic used Scratch.

Mudkip used Water Gun.



Hmm. I might not win at this rate.



I'm going to have to do something drastic.

Torchic used Growl.

Foe Mudkip's Attack fell!

Mudkip used Tackle.



Now, it's a matter of Scratch spamming.

Several rounds of spamming later.



That's a lot of info.



Beating seasoned trainers.

Like a boss.



Getting paid?

Like a boss.



I'm a prophet now?



How can you tell that?



Step 1: Put Pokémon in ball.
Step 2: ?????
Step 3: PROFIT!!!



Bye.

Walks South with her.



You're the fast one.

Continues South.

Enter Holy Ground/Birch's Lab.



'Sup bro.



How does he know this?

God.



And I beat her without breaking a sweat.

I am a prophet. I wonder how I'll save the world?



I'll need it for my world crossing quest to save humanity.



Magical technology is magic.



I like how you randomly establish that May is your child.



While you screw around with Pokémon, you send your under-aged, defenseless daughter into the wilderness for you?

You sir, are a douchebag.



Be amazed!



More presents? :D



Magical Pokémon capture capsules.



An omniscient narrator?



Gotta catch 'em all!



I'll do the same.



If I find any intimidating Pokémon, I'll be sure to catch them.

May leaves, I follow and head North.

WILD MOM APPEARS!



What do you want?



Where did you think I was the past few minutes?







Have you been stalking me?



Shoes that will become completely obsolete once I get my bike? Sweet.



They'll be useful until I get to the bike city.



Narrator count: 2

Can't get through a long anything without a counting gag.



What?



Did you just skim over the instructions? How stupid are you?



And now she changes the topic.



I'm a prophet, I don't need you or your smelly home.



I hate you.

Begins walking North.

ENCOUNTER!



Low on health.



What a magical function.

Continues North.

Oldale Town.



Hey look, it's this game's equivalent to the old man who needed coffee. I wonder how his track search went...



AND?



I've never felt such a strange combination of anger and pity.

Heals up at Pokémon Centre.

Walks West.



That sucks.



Time for another spam-a-thon.



That wouldn't have helped.

Continues West.



Bug Pokémon, the Pokémon equivalent of low-level grunts.



This is getting annoying.

Scratch spam both of his wimpy Wurmples.



Die in a hole.



What the hell is that thing?



Holy crap, it's a person.



Now, the game is just screwing with me.

Walks North.



God-freaking-dammit.



I'm going to rip you to shreds.



I wonder how long this will go on?

Scratch spam both his Zigzagoon and his Tailow.



You were wrong.

Walks East.



What are these things?



I only see one.



I guess.



Narrator count: 3



What the hell?

Walks West.



Not fighting you.



Finally, civilization.