[CORPSE] Discombobulated Dish-washing Wonder Malarkey.

Let the madness ensue!!

Once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far way, so far away that it only exists in your imagination; lived a boy. He was no ordinary boy, he was a Pokémon trainer; and not just a run of the mill trainer, no… he was the best.

This special trainer started his journey similar to most trainers; he received his started from the local professor. No, he was not late like a lot of trainers, (apparently over-sleeping was a fad in this world) he was early. Being on time, like most people should be, gave him the first pick.
He trained day in and day out to become better, but always failed at becoming the best.

Becoming the best was something to be high held in the world of the trainers, not every trainer could become the best, and for a good reason. You had to past tests, and reach achievements that were meant to be impossible. In compilation, they were called "The Best Tests^TM"

Some argued that the test were too hard, and un-ethical. While they had good arguments, they were always struck down in court because of tradition.

It took our hero eight months to pass all the tests, and be crowed 'One of the Bests,' but that was not good enough for him. He wanted to be the 'Best of the Best.'

Becoming the 'Best of the Best' was no walk in the park. You had to take even more tests, and beat the entire group of 'One of the Bests,' it only took him six weeks once his starter evolved for the third time.
Once he was the 'Best of the Best,' he found himself bored and lonely. He had his Pokémon, and they loved each other like neither have loved another, be he was still missing… something, he felt incomplete.

In an attempt to satisfy the emptiness in his heart, he set out on a journey that took him across the world and back. Along the way meeting may new people, some nice, and some not so nice. But he was never able to find that one.

Getting old, and depressed, his lifelong partner, his starter Pokémon left him in search of a human who was "Not so self-centered, and didn't have one's head in the clouds."

Bed ridden with grief, he had lost the will to live. Hours melted into days, and days melted in to months.

Soon seventy-nine months had gone by before he got out of bed. And when he finally did make it out of bed, he had one thing on his mind, death.

And so, he was on the verge of committing suicide, when he looked down and saw a

And so, he was on the verge of committing suicide, when he looked down and saw a wonderfully perfectly large kitty litter box. Oh, how Entei had searched for the best kitty litter box that would fit him! And there it was!

"Raikou, look at it! Ain't it the bestest kitty box you have eva' seen?" Entei asked, his tongue flapping around and out the corner of his mouth.

The beast of thunder and lightning (though wordy, it was better than the title of "beast of wind") rolled his eyes. "Entei, Ah ain't got no idea why in the name of Ho-Oh's-"

"Mummy-Daddy."

"Ah said shut up when Ah am talkin'! Now why is this big ol' box so important for ya? Ya just gonna-"

"Enough!"

The beast of flames and the beast of thunder and lightning flinched. Walking slowly towards them was the beast of wind (Raikou snickered), Suicune. The blue Pokémon, with an oh-so-graceful toss of her head, glanced down at the kitty litter box.

"I see that we have finally found the sacred item we have been searching for. Tell me, Entei (obviously not his real name. It's just the shortened human-language version, of course), why is this item so sacred?"

With a proud happy grin, Entei answered, "It stays crunchy, even in milk."

Raikou spun on his clawed paws to stare wide-eyed at his breathren. The tiger choked. The tiger sputtered. The tiger gagged. The tiger finally formed a complete sentence. "Ya wanna eat it?"

Entei's answer was to stick his tongue out from between his fangs and grin like the happy idiot he was.

Suicune shook her head. "Raikou, it does not matter how you personally feel about Entei's eating habits. As long as he is happy eating the kitty litter that he also enjoys rolling in-"

"And sh-"

"Raikou, enough. We have helped Entei look for this item nearly all our lives, and we have now found it. If you do not mind, I shall now leave you two to check on the northern portion of Johto. We shall meet again." With that, Suicune bounded off.

Raikou grinned. "Looks like Suicune gots a little toilet paper on her arse." He snorted in laughter before taking a few steps to the left, a few steps to the right, and then running away.

He snorted in laughter before taking a few steps to the left, a few steps to the right, and then running away.

"Wait!" Ashley shouted. "You're still wearing my sweater!" The black-haired boy didn't look back, sprinting with surprising vigour down the face of the high green hill, gaining speed with every flash of his sneakers. It was a wonder he didn't tumble and roll.

From where she sat on the spine of the hill, the view below opened up like the deep end of a pool from just beneath the water's surface. The park spread itself out before her, carpeted in thick grass with a curious viridian tint. Some trick of the light lit up the heads of the strollers on the winding paths, bringing them into sharp focus. But Johnny seemed quite far away, probably because the thought of chasing after him weighed down on Ashley and kept her where she was, shading her face against the sun to watch his progress. At least he had slowed down somewhat.

"Who's that kid?" A short, brown-haired, hobbity boy had come up from behind her. Ashley turned, recognizing Drew. "He's the kid I'm babysitting," she replied with implied irony. "And he's just taken off with my sweater."

Drew sat beside her, folding his legs likewise and raising a hand to watch Johnny's progress. "Why's he in your sweater?" Ashley took a moment to find an answer. "Um, he…likes playing dress-up." She stood up. "I'm going to fetch him back here, 'kay?"

She was back five minutes later, dragging Little Johnny by the hand up the hill. The green sweater he was wearing hung on him like wizard robes, but he was very obstinate about taking it off. After Ashley had made him sit like a good boy on the grass, he did little but scratch his hair and kick the ground with his heels.

The three sat side by side and watched the sun sink in the pale summer sky, swelling like a ripening orange as it descended. Touching the silhouette of the city, it impaled itself on the spire of the radio tower, splitting in two – and the light, refracting off the metal and glass with a nearly audible hum, burst into rainbow fragments. The people in the park had all turned to watch. For a moment it seemed as though the whole world was holding its breath.

"Ho-Oh is supposed to fly tonight, isn't it," Drew mumbled. Ashley nodded, and sighed. "Nothing has happened. Nothing will happen." She continued to stare at the sun as it fell below the horizon, dragging the twilight down with it. She was tired of sitting on this hill night after night. Everyone knew what the summer solstice meant – but apparently Ho-Oh had forgotten.

Suddenly, there was a shriek like a tea kettle impersonating a supersonic jet and the heavy thump of touch down. Behind them, Ashley's father dismounted his Salamence. Both were rather out of breath. The Salamence was snorting like a horse. Only after the dust had settled did it become clear that the portable radio around the Salamence's neck was playing "Somewhere Down The Crazy River." Ashley's father hurriedly switched it off. Then he removed his aviator glasses and stepped into the group of three to indiscriminately ruffle heads.

Drew groaned and fell out of the picture. Ashley groaned and stood up. "Hi…Dad? You're back?"

He checked his watch. "Not for long, unfortunately. I have to take care of some strange business in Hoenn.

About to launch into a long exposition, he cast his mind back to the contents of a video he had received in the morning: a crimson river had suddenly appeared in the northern jungles of Hoenn, and children were splashing in the shallow waters.

The village elder had great misgivings about the river of blood.

Oh crap, took me a while to realize icomeanon only passed the line to me and didn't write anything... Sorry!

The village elder had great misgivings about the river of blood.

"Are you sure this isn't the Garchompeans' fault, Au'kn?" she asked the little Gible that always hanged out in their village. She turned to look at the creature.

"I'm sure it isn't, Er-dan," Au'kn answered, calling the elder by her Garchompish name.

Au'kn was the one who originally settled things between the villagers and Garchompeans and it was also his job to maintain the peace. Whenever something odd happened, the village elder turned to Au'kn to seek the causes or ask for resolutions. Au'kn had become and important and honoured member of the human society and Garchompean society alike, even though he was still fairly young. He often had the right answers for everyone. This time, though, he was clueless.

"You visited the Garchompean elders only a while ago," the elder inquired. "Are you sure they didn't mention anything strange was going to happen? Did they act strange?"

"No, Er-dan," Au'kn answered. "They were acting as they always act. Also, they said the sacred stone Gil'amean had not predicted anything out of normal. I refuse to believe they lied to me, Er-dan! Trough the name of our ancestor Garchomaul, I refuse to believe they would do that to me."

"I'm not saying that," the elder said soothingly while crouching down to pat Au'kn's head. "I'm sure this is someone else's doing." She did not actually believe so, but it was at moments like this that she really understood how young and fragile Au'kn actually was. She also understood how tiny he was, because she noticed she really had to crouch all the way down and that wasn't good for her back at all. She doubted she could get up very easily, but she scratched that thought and focused on the river of blood.

"How will we stop that river of blood? Where is it coming from?" Au'kn's voice trembled as he spoke. He was very shocked about everything that had happened. It also seemed that he, too, believed this river was caused by his own kinsmen, the Garchompeans. "Gur'ah ubunnan," he cursed in Garchompish.

The elder had heard that curse once before, but she hadn't asked what it meant. This time, she really felt like asking, but resisted the urge.

"Elder, elder!" someone shouted. "You have to come quickly! The food storage is directly on the way of this damned, bloody river! Our food supplies are getting soaked with blood!" A villager, dressed in the traditional clothing for farmers, was running along the newly appeared river bank.

"Holy..." the elder began, but didn't finish the sentence because it wasn't acceptable for the elder to speak words of blasphemy.

"Also, there's a bunch of Pokémon gathering around," the villager yelled while panting loudly. "They seem hungry and we don't have enough people to both keep them away and save the food."

"I'll keep those beastly creatures off your backs," Au'kn shouted. "I will help you, I

"I'll keep those beastly creatures off your backs," Au'kn shouted. "I will help you, I—"

And then, quite unceremoniously, Au'kn was cut off. It took a moment first for Tobias to realize his partner was no longer speaking – or, at least, doing what a kadabra's telepathic equivalent thereof was – and another moment second to begin to wonder why. He was so focused in simply running as fast as his legs could carry him that he didn't quite realize his partner had gone dead silent. Briefly, he contemplated turning around and taking a glance. His sense of reason knew that this might actually be a bad idea, considering his kadabra was by no means weak, and it seemed that he was taken out in only a couple of shots. On the other hand, his sense of curiosity and the want to actually see what happened to one of his close partners outweighed sheer common sense.

So, he turned around.

And then wished he hadn't.

Behind him, the tentacles of the beast were still writhing from the black sea. The elder god had yet to fully emerge from his primordial slumber beneath the dark waves, and for that, Tobias was grateful. He knew his sanity was a very precious thing, and the look in the elder god's eyes, from what he was told, was equivalent to five doses of LSD taken all together.

Besides, he had bigger things to worry about. Or, rather, smaller. Three of the beasts were busy with the remains of Au'kn. Their faceted eyes stared in all directions as their mandibles ripped pieces of flesh from the former kadabra while tentacles and insect legs flailed in a mad frenzy against one another. The other sixty-seven were still racing towards Tobias with mandibles and legs clicking.

"****."

Tobias turned and broke into as hard a run as he could muster. His hand scrambled to grab for another ball on his waist, and through some fumbling, he managed to release another pokémon without looking behind him. A small feeling of comfort rose in his chest when he heard his turtle roar.

"Dii-na, Hydro Pump!"

The sounds of the metal cannons clicking against Dii-na's shell reached Tobias's ears. However, soon after, so did another sound. A deafening boom drowned the chorus of clicks, followed soon after by a high-pitched cry and the sound of a waterfall. Tobias's blood ran cold as he tried to suppress his curiosity.

But instead, he turned and found himself looking at the chest of the elder god.

"****," he whispered to himself. "Don't look in its eyes. Do. Not. Look. In. Its. Eyes."

"****," he whispered to himself. "Don't look in its eyes. Do. Not. Look. In. Its. Eyes."

The boy tried to avert his eyes from the beast that stood in front of him; however the more he tried to avoid it, the more compelled he was to look. It didn't take long for him to give in, his head snapping about as he stared straight at the wide-eyed creature on the ground ahead of him, the girl he was accompanied by so far managing better.

"Pichu!" the small, large-eared rodent squeaked as the boy stared straight into its large, black, soulless eyes.

"Oh my god!" the boy squealed like a teenage girl. "It's so adorable!" Continuing to squeal, the boy sprinted over to the small Pokémon, dropping to his knees as he reached out to pick it up.

"Wait, no!" the girl who had managed to not give in to the temptations of cuteness shouted as she saw the boy running towards the beast out of the corner of her eyes.

A large grin suddenly filled the Pichu's face as it opened its surprisingly large mouth, baring its equally surprisingly sharp fangs. The girl covered her eyes and turned away as the boy screamed, finding the Pichu latched onto his arm, fangs digging into it deeply. A blood-curdling scream filled the hallway as the Pichu tore at the arm, snapping bone and mangling flesh. As the boy continued to scream, the murderous Pichu released the arm and began to tear into the boy's chest, the girl taking off and frightfully running down the hallway, covering her ears and trying to rid her mind of the boy's dying screams.

Thinking she was safe, the girl slowed down and panted, trying to calm her nerves. No sooner had she done so, however, when a voice from behind filled her with terror.

"Pika! Pikachu!"

Eyes wide, the girl turned and saw the older form of the Pichu standing in the middle of the hall, blood mating down its fur as it approached the girl with a toothy grin even more terrifying than that of the Pichu's. Looking around frantically, the girl noticed a pistol lying on the floor. As odd as it was, she had accepted not to question why there were large quantities of ammunition, weapons, and health-packs just lying around everywhere.

Picking up the pistol, the girl screamed as she rapidly fired at the Pikachu, not stopping until the gun's magazine was empty. As the dust cleared, the girl realized in horror that despite being riddled with bloody bullet-holes, the Pikachu seemed completely unaffected by the barrage, slowly approaching on where she stood backed against the wall.

Suddenly, a shot burst out of nowhere, piercing cleanly through the Pikachu's skull and out the other side. Instantly the monster fell backwards, dead at last.

Turning around to find out who had saved her, the girl found a large, gruff man who looked like he was straight out of retirement from the army. Lowering his rifle, he shook his head solemnly. "When will ya young folks learn? The only way to take down a bloodthirsty zombie is a headshot, gosh darn-it."

[FONT=&quot]"Tha-thank you," I stutter, tiptoeing around the now-zombie corpse. "What was your name again?"[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]The green, reptilian Pokémon blinks at me. "My name don't matter. Um…now where are we…oh yeah, this way."[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]It waves one of its sickles down the foreboding, black-walled alley.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]"Wait. You want me to follow you down that way?" I demand. "What's so special about that alley?"[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]"Nothin', really. Whatever you want, I guess."[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]"Whatever you want…" I muse. "Whatever you want, whatever you want, whatever you want…"[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]"Well, I want to feel inspired, but I have a Spanish test tomorrow. For some odd reason, that seems to have purged any bit of inspiration that I had before unless…"[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]"Whatever you want," the line comes back to me.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]"As fun as this-er…could be, I want it to end."[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]"How do you want it to end?" a tiny voice from within my head asks.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]I grin mischievously. "How do I want it to end…"[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]A number of scenarios flash across my mind. A giant, black, armored rave pyramid from outer space could come in and crush the landscape in its entirety. However, I do not think that enough readers would get this reference. Instead, perhaps we could perish in a white, bottomless pit. No, too random. Or…[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]A three month-old idea bubbles to the surface. Certainly, I've used it before, but with my bank of creativity as broke as it is, I figure that I have nothing left to lose.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]"You…green, bladed, bipedal Pokémon whose name I cannot seem to remember. I'm going to disappear, and find my way back to my comfortable office chair located in my basement. I will then proceed to study for my Spanish test," I command in the most authoritative tone I can muster.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]His green face wrinkles in vexation, "What are you talking about. I thought we were friends, I-"[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Suddenly, conveniently, I vanish into thin air.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]"Darn him! I bet he's going to-"[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]"Hey foo! Where are ya?" a foreign voice boomed.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Oh no. Oh. No. That idiot! That traitor![/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]"I'm gonna jack yo crib!"[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]The Pokémon shook his head disgustedly: the Pokegangsta was on the prowl. No worry, though.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]He held a scythed-arm before his body and charged down the alley waiting for the abomination to make its appearance when-[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Oh, that was easy. Out of pure chance, the blade hit something solid. The Pokémon knew what it was without even looking down at the corpse. [/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]He sighed at the writer's pitiful handiwork. The narrator could have drowned him, could have blasted him, could have melted his insides, but he choose not to. Instead, he sent this mere, weak-skulled Pokegangsta.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]"Te ayudaria estudiar por tu examen, pero no quiero. I'd help you study for your exam, but I don't want to," he seethed, flicking his serpentine tongue.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]"Besides, my Spanish-er…espanol es…terrible. Si, es terrible. Muy terrible."[/FONT]