[Pokémon] A Vengeance Story

[Weâvile2]

Authors Notes -
.This is a Fanfic set in the Pokemon World. The region is called Jinntin, a world with a dominant mountain towering over the region. (See list of areas below)

.This Fanfic is age 16+. Battle scenes are graphic, but nothing to descriptive or bloody. There is a single scene of brutality, and I wish this will maintain the rules of the Guidelines.

.If this passes muster, then I will probably make this a RP.

.Pokemon types do not exist here. Move types, however, do.

.New Chapters posted once or twice a week.

.Here is a list of locations around Jinntin, listed from the Southernmost, to the Northwest, then North-east, South-East and back:

Vinespear Town - Home of Proffesor Mahogany.

Lakeville - Jinntin's most popular radio show is hosted here.

Jade City - The Great Jade stone is the centrepiece of many of Jinntin's festivals.

Marshfoot City - The Safari Zone is built here.

Mountain Ranch - While not a city, the Mountain Ranch, situated in the middle of Mount Shade, contains a final challenge to trainers wishing to battle the Elite Four.

Lovecove City - The Grand Festival Pokemon Contest is hosted here yearly.

Verita City - The Game Corner is found here.

Uccisore Town - The criminal team, Team Shadow, are based here.

Mintleaf City - A popular fishing spot, Mintleaf is said to have a legendary Pokemon underground.

Blackfoot City - The last gym in Jinntin is found here.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A Vengeance Story​

Chapter One - A Lifestyle Changed

Pokemon Trainer Ace Michaels was a strange chap. He didn't raise his Pokemon. He stayed in the same spot all day, training his Weavile and Bellosom. Whenever a trainer came by, he would stop them and command them to ''LOOK AT MY PRETTY PRETTIES!''. Yes, strange indeed. And, this day in particular, as more daily training ensued, a young man began walking down the route. Young, but...he had a certain aura around him. Sensing this odd presence, Ace appeared in front of the boy and challenged him.

''Hmm. OK. But my Kadabra is out of my control...'' The boy muttered.

Ace shrugged, sending out Bellossom.

Ten seconds later, Ace was down to just Weavile.

'''Weav! Weav!'' She shrieked. She began clawing wildly and savagely at the Kadabra, her claws leaving scars. The Kadabra was down. I've beat it!

To make it's mark, Weavile unsheathed a claw, placed it under the Kadabra's eye and...

Slice.

The scars it clawed would easily fade. But that slash was a permanent mark, sealed in blood. Walking back to Ace, Weavile smirked devilishly.

'''Kadkadkadkadkadkadkad...''

Weavile turned.

'''Kadkadkakkadkadkadkadkadkad...''

Its... its UP?

''KadkadkadkadKADKAD... KADABRA!!''

The utter suffering of a 23 hour training session felt good as eating a Poffin at this point. The Kadabra was breaking Weavile's mind. Sweat broke down her forehead, and she was down on her knees.

After a minute of intense suffering, the Kadabra put it's spoon down. Weavile savoured the moment. Looking up, shocked, Weavile tried to decipher why it had let go.

Seconds later, it had the answer. Seconds later, Hell had broke loose unto Weavile.

''WEAAAAAAAAVVVVVVVVVVVV!!!!!!!'''

The pain that Kadabra had put upon Weavile was nothing now. Panting for a few precious morsels of air, Weavile could see nothing. But she knew what had happened. The Kadabra had literally blown Weavile's left eye out. Air was not flowing in. She passed out.

Several days later, Weavile awoke to find itself in a Pokemon center. A Chansey was looking at Weavile happily. Turning, the Chansey squealed in happiness.

''Oh? Chansey? Is the patient awake?''

The Chansey squealed again.

''Great!''

A Nurse Joy approached the bed Weavile lay in.

''It's OK, sweetie. We've stitched that eye and bandaged it up! I must say, you're a very fit Pokemon. You're ready to go out now, if you'd like.''

A frown on it's face, Weavile nodded. It jumped out of bed, and the Joy guided her out.

''Here's your Weavile, Ace. Remember, keep her out of danger for a while.''

Ace looked up. ''Right... right.''

Weavile was put in her Luxury Ball.


Two minutes later, outside the Pokemon Center, Weavile was released from it's Pokeball.

''Weav?''

''Go. Now.''

'''Wea... Weav?!''

''You heard me. Scram. Vamoose. Areviderci.''

Ace spat next to Weavile, then threw her Luxury Ball to the ground and broke it with his foot.

''You are of no use to me now.''

''Weav...?''

''Hmph.''

With that, Ace walked away.

Weavile stood at the same spot in disbelief. In anger. In pain. After an hour of nothing, she moved, and came across a puddle.

These freakish bandages...

Clawing through them, Weavile found her new face. A scar was embedded where her eye once was.

Walking slowly away, Weavile soon found an abounded pipe. Crawling in, she felt the cold. She tried to sleep.

 

[Snooki Polizzi]

Authors Notes -
.This Fanfic is age 16+. Battle scenes are graphic, but nothing to descriptive or bloody. There is a single scene of brutality, and I wish this will maintain the rules of the Guidelines.

You're right, there is no description at all in this.

.If this passes muster, then I will probably make this a RP.

muster?

.Pokemon types do not exist here. Move types, however, do.

oh?

.New Chapters posted once or twice a week.

I ain't seening any new chapters.

.Here is a list of locations around Jinntin, listed from the Southernmost, to the Northwest, then North-east, South-East and back:

Why not just list the cities in the actual story as part of the description when they arrive there?

Vinespear Town - Home of Proffesor Mahogany.

Lakeville - Jinntin's most popular radio show is hosted here.

Jade City - The Great Jade stone is the centrepiece of many of Jinntin's festivals.

Marshfoot City - The Safari Zone is built here.

Mountain Ranch - While not a city, the Mountain Ranch, situated in the middle of Mount Shade, contains a final challenge to trainers wishing to battle the Elite Four.

Lovecove City - The Grand Festival Pokemon Contest is hosted here yearly.

Verita City - The Game Corner is found here.

Uccisore Town - The criminal team, Team Shadow, are based here.

Mintleaf City - A popular fishing spot, Mintleaf is said to have a legendary Pokemon underground.

Blackfoot City - The last gym in Jinntin is found here.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A Vengeance Story​

Chapter One - A Lifestyle Changed

Pokemon Trainer Ace Michaels was a strange chap. He didn't raise his Pokemon. He stayed in the same spot all day, training his Weavile and Bellosom. Whenever a trainer came by, he would stop them and command them to ''LOOK AT MY PRETTY PRETTIES!''. Yes, strange indeed. And, this day in particular, as more daily training ensued, a young man began walking down the route. Young, but...he had a certain aura around him. Sensing this odd presence, Ace appeared in front of the boy and challenged him.

''Hmm. OK. But my Kadabra is out of my control...'' The boy muttered.

Ace shrugged, sending out Bellossom.

Ten seconds later, Ace was down to just Weavile.

'''Weav! Weav!'' She shrieked. She began clawing wildly and savagely at the Kadabra, her claws leaving scars. The Kadabra was down. I've beat it!

To make it's mark, Weavile unsheathed a claw, placed it under the Kadabra's eye and...

Slice.

The scars it clawed would easily fade. But that slash was a permanent mark, sealed in blood. Walking back to Ace, Weavile smirked devilishly.

'''Kadkadkadkadkadkadkad...''

Weavile turned.

'''Kadkadkakkadkadkadkadkadkad...''

Its... its UP?

You should add more description here, i mean this kadabra fellow is just mumbling its name over and over again, I was confused when you're like its... its up?! and then kadabra screaming in ecstasy.

''KadkadkadkadKADKAD... KADABRA!!''

The utter suffering of a 23 hour training session felt good as eating a Poffin at this point.

Are you trying to say that this battle was 23 hours long, that poffins suck or that 23 hour long training sessions are good?

The Kadabra was breaking Weavile's mind. Sweat broke out on her forehead, and she was down on her knees.

After a minute of intense suffering, the Kadabra put it's spoon down. Weavile savoured the moment. Looking up, shocked, Weavile tried to decipher why it had let go.

Seconds later, it had the answer. Seconds later, Hell had broke loose unto Weavile.

Seconds later, snooki had read the story. Seconds later, she finished.

''WEAAAAAAAAVVVVVVVVVVVV!!!!!!!'''

hot.

The pain that Kadabra had put upon Weavile was nothing now. Panting for a few precious morsels of air, Weavile could see nothing. But she knew what had happened. The Kadabra had literally blown Weavile's left eye out. Air was not flowing in. She passed out.

This is decent description, your best so far.

Several days later, Weavile awoke to find itself in a Pokemon center. A Chansey was looking at Weavile happily. Turning, the Chansey squealed in happiness.

tf? if ace didn't care about the pokemon why would he bring it to a pokemon center.

''Oh? Chansey? Is the patient awake?''

The Chansey squealed again.

''Great!''

you could get a job on the anime writing staff.

A Nurse Joy approached the bed Weavile lay in.

''It's OK, sweetie. We've stitched that eye and bandaged it up! I must say, you're a very fit Pokemon. You're ready to go out now, if you'd like.''

A frown on it's face, Weavile nodded. It jumped out of bed, and the Joy guided her out.

''Here's your Weavile, Ace. Remember, keep her out of danger for a while.''

what has he been doing for all those days, why would he stay for it if he was just gonna abandon it?

Ace looked up. ''Right... right.''

Weavile was put in her Luxury Ball.

Two minutes later, outside the Pokemon Center, Weavile was released from it's Pokeball.

''Weav?''

''Go. Now.''

'''Wea... Weav?!''

''You heard me. Scram. Vamoose. Areviderci.''

Ace spat next to Weavile, then threw her Luxury Ball to the ground and broke it with his foot.

awww, poor weavile.

''You are of no use to me now.''

guys always say this to me after we hook up.

''Weav...?''

''Hmph.''

With that, Ace walked away.

Weavile stood at the same spot in disbelief. In anger. In pain. After an hour of nothing, she moved, and came across a puddle.

These freakish bandages...

Clawing through them, Weavile found her new face. A scar was embedded where her eye once was.

so she has no eye? I'm confused...

Walking slowly away, Weavile soon found an abandoned pipe. Crawling in, she felt the cold. She tried to sleep.

she was passed out for like a week, why she going to bed again?

Look, don't think I'm bashing on you or being mean, i'm trying to be nice, but this could use a lot of work. Your main flaw is the amount of description, I mean if you just have these short lines with spaces in between them and like no paragraphs, you know somethings wrong.

It's creative and dark, I like the overall plot, but you need to portray it better. Going into detail about little things like scenery, setting, emotions and appearance can be very helpful.

 

[Weâvile2]

Thanks for the advice. In regard to the questions...




You should add more description here, i mean this kadabra fellow is just mumbling its name over and over again, I was confused when you're like its... its up?! and then kadabra screaming in ecstasy.



Are you trying to say that this battle was 23 hours long, that poffins suck or that 23 hour long training sessions are good?

No, no, no. Weavile was trained by Ace 23 hours a day. Compared to what Kadabra's power did to her, the feeling of an intense workout felt like love.


The Kadabra was breaking Weavile's mind. Sweat broke out on her forehead, and she was down on her knees.

After a minute of intense suffering, the Kadabra put it's spoon down. Weavile savoured the moment. Looking up, shocked, Weavile tried to decipher why it had let go.

Seconds later, it had the answer. Seconds later, Hell had broke loose unto Weavile.

Seconds later, snooki had read the story. Seconds later, she finished.

''WEAAAAAAAAVVVVVVVVVVVV!!!!!!!'''

hot.

The pain that Kadabra had put upon Weavile was nothing now. Panting for a few precious morsels of air, Weavile could see nothing. But she knew what had happened. The Kadabra had literally blown Weavile's left eye out. Air was not flowing in. She passed out.

This is decent description, your best so far.

Several days later, Weavile awoke to find itself in a Pokemon center. A Chansey was looking at Weavile happily. Turning, the Chansey squealed in happiness.

tf? if ace didn't care about the pokemon why would he bring it to a pokemon center.

Ace may have not wanted Weavile any more, but he wouldn't want one to DIE.


''Oh? Chansey? Is the patient awake?''

The Chansey squealed again.

''Great!''

you could get a job on the anime writing staff.

Luv the sarcasm.

A Nurse Joy approached the bed Weavile lay in.

''It's OK, sweetie. We've stitched that eye and bandaged it up! I must say, you're a very fit Pokemon. You're ready to go out now, if you'd like.''

A frown on it's face, Weavile nodded. It jumped out of bed, and the Joy guided her out.

''Here's your Weavile, Ace. Remember, keep her out of danger for a while.''

what has he been doing for all those days, why would he stay for it if he was just gonna abandon it?

Contemplating his decision about Weavile, between training with Bellosom.

Ace looked up. ''Right... right.''

Weavile was put in her Luxury Ball.

Two minutes later, outside the Pokemon Center, Weavile was released from it's Pokeball.

''Weav?''

''Go. Now.''

'''Wea... Weav?!''

''You heard me. Scram. Vamoose. Areviderci.''

Ace spat next to Weavile, then threw her Luxury Ball to the ground and broke it with his foot.

awww, poor weavile.

''You are of no use to me now.''

guys always say this to me after we hook up.

''Weav...?''

''Hmph.''

With that, Ace walked away.

Weavile stood at the same spot in disbelief. In anger. In pain. After an hour of nothing, she moved, and came across a puddle.

These freakish bandages...

Clawing through them, Weavile found her new face. A scar was embedded where her eye once was.

so she has no eye? I'm confused...
Read the story carefully. You see that part where Weavile gets her eye blown off by a Kadabra?


Walking slowly away, Weavile soon found an abandoned pipe. Crawling in, she felt the cold. She tried to sleep.

she was passed out for like a week, why she going to bed again?

She has just been abandoned by her trainer. Had her eye blown off. She was trying to shake off and forget sorrows.

Chapter Two coming later today.

 

[Weâvile2]

Chapter Two
Into the Forest​

Weavile awoke, still cold. Crawling slowly out of the pipe, she stretched her arms out and tried to welcome fresh Dawn. But fear and spite had got the best of her. The scent of a new day ensnared her senses.

New day, new life.

Still confused over Ace, Weavile slumped forward, her one eye scanning the route to the right of her. It was a stretch of barren land. Turning and gazing in the other direction, she could see a forest in the distance. Behind her was a small road that led to the Pokemon Center she was released from. Too many bad memories...

Weavile tried to look on the plus side. No more agonizing training sessions. I am free! She began to decide on which route to take. The large stretch of road was inhabited by a few Bidoof. The forest, like most, had a vast array of insect Pokemon. Easy enough. No match for my Ice Breath. The Forest it is, then!

I have to go mid-chapter... :l I'll continue tomorrow.

 

[Astinus]

That's exactly why you don't write your story directly onto the forums. If you write it in a word processing program like Word, Wordpad, or even Notebook, you can save the story to your computer so you can work on it at your own pace. Instead of having to leave in the middle of the chapter, which would call for thread closure.

Also, if you write in a word processing program, you don't have to rush the chapter out. You can take the advice Snooki gave you, work it into your chapter, leave your chapter for a few days, and then come back and read it over to see if you can fix it up to be even better.