Afterward-Ash

[Weblegende]

Chapter 1: The beginning
Everyone's heard of Ash, and Misty right? Well, there's a funny story about that. After Ash defeated the Sinnoh league he retired back to his long lost home in Kanto. Ash had send mail to his mother, and informed everyone he'd be coming home. The moment he stepped on the forgotten carpet of the house, Ash's old friends hid around the room. He dropped to the couch before him.
"Surprise!" they all shouted.
"He-ha!" Ash said.
They all threw a party for him. The champion. Ash. My father.
Misty had still had her job as the Cerulean gym leader; along with her sisters even though they were away most of the time. Misty heard about Ash's return soon after Pr.Oak. She had rushed with along the path to Pallet Town. When she knocked on the door to their house, Ash answered. Right then and there they fell in love…again.
"Welcome home, Ash." Misty said.
They spent the whole night at that party. Well 3 years later they were wedded at a nearby church not long after they had me. The daughter. Alex.
I think you know what happened when I turned 10….
I yawned as my eyes opened. The sun hitting my brown wavy hair. The window behind me was shining. "Ahhuu" I yawned.
"Good Morning, Alex" called Mom.
I hopped out of bed and got on my clothes.
"Whuu" I said.
It was time. Time for the moment I'd get to pick a Pokémon. Back when I was four, my family and I moved to Hoenn's Petalburg City with our friend May and her child Jake. Then after that we finally said goodbye to them, and moved on to a city in Sinnoh called Sandgem Town. My dad had a friend named Dawn who lived here but no one told me why she moved somewhere else. Maybe she went on a journey. Enough chitchat. Anyway, when I opened the door to go to Professor Rowan's lab when…
"Honey, you forgot your poketch!" said Mom
I never really found out where Dad was. Mom handed me the poketech, and my running shoes. I went to the lab door, and out came my rival. Damion. He shoved me with his shoulder and I fell. He just trampled on by like nothing happened. I then dusted myself off and walked in. I tried to keep my cool ,and not go after him, and well I survived. It was well, whiter than I expected. Nothing was there!
"UGH!" I screamed. It was kind of girly for me, so I sighed again.
Nobody was there. No computers. No Poketch. No tables. NOTHING!
"What the – is happening!?" said I.
When I was leaving the clean building I must've sighed because my pet budew named Flora came in.
"Bud-ewwww!" she yelled.
I looked around and fell on my knees. The last thing I saw was Budew hitting me with its leaves.

 

[Weblegende]

Chapter 2!

Chapter 2: The awakening​

"Budewwww! Budewwww!"

I felt Flora frantically nudge my arm. "Ugh…my head is killing me" I sighed. Budew leapt into my arms, "Dewww Dewwww!" Flora squealed with delight. "At least someone missed me" I thought.
Why did I blackout?
"Damion…!" it must have been Damion, but what did he do? I shook off the thought and continued on my way to the first destination on my Pokémon journey~ Jubilife City. I think my mom might have my pokeballs. I walked over to my house and barged in.
"Mom!" I yelled.
No answer. No sound. Nothing.
"This is a strange day."
I took the pokeballs off of my living room table.
Now Budew could go in its new pokeball.
"See you Budew!" I said.
It refused to go in the ball. UGH! I kept shooting the pokeball at it, but it just wouldn't go in!
"Okay, you win this time. Flora." I guess my Budew would be like my Dad's Pikachu.
Now I really continued to Jubilife.
Some things have really changed since my Dad disappeared. Mom never even told me why. He was there a year ago and now we have no idea where he is. Like I haven't seen many pokemon in the grass.
That forest wasn't so long after all because I was almost at the end when,
"You can't run forever!" called a girl.
"Help me!" a boy called.
I noticed that boy was Damion, and he was being chased by what seemed like a crazed fan. Her brown hair was pretty, and she was a couple inches taller than me. She wore a short green dress, but it looked like a green shirt, and min-skirt because the belt at the waist split it.
"My first battle!" I cried.
"Alex help me!"
He needed my help.
Whuu.
"Go Flora use Razor leaf!"
"Dewwww!"
That razor leaf was awesome. It flew before the girl and stunned her in place.
"Now, use tackle on that girl!" I said.
"Ouch!," she said.
He got away thanks to the help of Flora and I. I pet her on the head, and she returned to normal.
The girl stood up and dusted herself off.
"I can't believe he got away!" she screamed.
" Well, I'm Bianca."
"I'm Alex and this is Flora, my budew."
We started walking through the end of the forest, but I thought she was really mad at me for letting Damion get away.
Sky-scrapers, clowns, schools, people. Everything is in Jubilife!
"Bianca, have you been here before?" I asked.
She turned to me and said:
" Yeah I have friends who lives here. Dan—"
A boy about a year or two older than me appeared before Bianca. His blonde hair was clean, and neat, but there was a twirl in the front. Then I noticed he had a Pokemon beside him, it was black with rings of yellow on it. I pulled out my poketch, and it said that was a dark-type pokemon called Umbreon.
"Bianca, who's this?" he said.
I looked at him. I said:
" My name is Alex, I'm a trainer."
"Ah, that was a nice razor leaf back there."
I thanked him, and he told me his name was Dan.
" Would you two like to get some rest at the pokemon center?" Dan asked.
Bianca, and I agreed we should rest our pokemon.

When I awoke Bianca was still asleep. Flora was on the floor. Dan was in the other room with another trainer. I went to get dressed, and Flora woke up.
"Flora, come with me."

 

[Weblegende]

Chapter 3- Flora's Check up and Jason
We walked silently as the floor of the hallway creeked. I didn't know Pokemon centers were so old. I was thinking about how old these wood floors were when I heard a yawn. I quickly threw myself at the wall. I was breathing very quickly because I thought someone would get mad at me for waking them up.
"Budeww!!" said Flora
"Shut up." I whispered.
She then realized it and ran to the wall. This caused an even greater bang.
"Is anyone out there?" A voice said.
I couldn't see this voice, but then I saw the brown, wood, door open, and someone crawl around for a light. They flicked it, and looked to there left. There I was. It made me feel strange because someone was staring at me I didn't know, and they were in only their boxers, and t-shirt. He had nice brown hair, and was about a year older than me.
" Is there a problem?" said he.
I walked away from the wall and toward the door. I remember Dan was in this room next to me, but I don't remember walking to the Pokemon Center with him. He told me his name was, Jason a trainer on his way to the Elite Four and the being the Champion. He said he was only 15, and I was 14. He explained how he had 3 badges already, and I didn't have one. It was a nice conversation, but I got a bit girly.
"Really? You have a budew too? I love them!" I then giggled in a girly way. I don't usually act too girly, but he impressed me, and it just kind of happened. I couldn't believe we talked for an extended amount of time than I thought. Especially while he was'nt even fully dressed. This was too cliché.
"And just so you know, you can contact me through your poketch. I'm staying with my brother Dan, but he's traveling with Bianca, and now I guess you.." He added.
Then, we ended the conversation, by giving eachother our Poketch numbers. I walked back with Flora who just looked at Jason, and me during the conversation, and did nothing.
"Dew…" She said while she rubbed against my leg. Then, I went into the room, and saw Bianca awake.
"So, how was your time with Jason?" she questioned.
"Nothing special- but we did exchange numbers."
The day passed on at the Pokemon Center, but then I saw that face. Lunch was great, and after it, I noticed me and Bianca, and Dan had become good friends with one day of traveling together. We shared lots of laughs, and good times together.
"Bianca, you still never showed me your Pokemon!" I said.
"Oh then say hello!" She reached in her large, black, bag that she always carried around and threw two tiny pokeballs that doubled in size. Then the lids opened the slightest, and a bright red light came out. It formed a Pokemon, I didn't know exactly which one, and then the light disappeared and there was a Pokemon. It was amazing how this happened within a few seconds, if not one.
"Mudkeep!" The blue one squealed. It had two orange udder like objects on each cheek. This one, not like others I have seen on T.V, had an orange star on it's back.
"This is Mudkip. She has a birthmark that I feel makes her very special. She doesn't know too many moves, and isn't too fast, but she can defend very well."
She clicked her Poketch and clicked it a few times. Then she looked up at me..
" I checked my friendship with this program on this poketch. It says I have great friendship with Mudkip!" She said it an excited way.
The next one didn't say anything. It was an evil looking Pokemon; I examined it and noticed this new Pokemon.
It had a black blade on its head, sharp enough to cut thorough wood in one shot. A white coat with some black spots, which Bianca told me was unusual in an Absol. She also explained how it was the destruction Pokemon, and that it was her first Pokemon. It was a pet before a battling Pokemon.
The day passed by until I saw Jason while me and Bianca were training. It was her Mudkip against Flora. How easy could it have gotten! One razor leaf and that thing was knocked out! I noticed that Flora's razor leaf had gotten stronger since it was use don Bianca. That is the only move I know that it can use.
"Hey, Alex I was watching you train your Budew, and wanted to battle it." Jason already had a pokeball in his hand that he was bouncing up and down. Then a another boy came up from behind him
" This is Cody- I'm traveling with him."
"Hello, Alex. Jason told me that you had a Budew her name is…" He paused. Then he got it right.
"It is going to be a double battle, you and Bianca against me and Jason Over at the Battling Stadium across the street here at Jubilife!" said Cody
"Ready Espeon?"
"Espee!" she shouted.
Me and Bianca nodded.
"Houndour I know your ready.. Go!" Cody thorugh the tiny pokeball up in the air, and it open as the dog Pokemon with the fire blowing out of its mouth. It was black all around except for some white rings on it's back and legs with a little shell looking like thing on its head. It had some orange on it's stomach, and the outside of its mouth and chin.
Bianca threw out her Absol. That Pokemon with the blade on its head. It was powerful in battle, as when we started it used Razor Wind. A giant wave of wind flew and hit Jason's Espeon.
"Use confusion Espeon!" It's eyes turned pink and a line appeared around Flora, but not Absol.
"Ha! Absol isn't affected by psychic moves! " She pointed at Houndour, Cody's pokemon." "At Houndour! Use tackle!" Absol ran up to Houndour and turned on its side while pushing itself into Houndour. This was while Flora was being thrown around because I guess confusion lets Espeon control Flora physically.
"Come on Flora break out of it! I know you can!" Then Bianca heard me and yelled at her Absol to hit Espeon while it was distracted. It was successful and I looked up at Jason's face he was disappointed but then got ready to order Espeon to use another attack. He whispered to Cody. Then he did something that ended the battle.
"Houndour use ember!" Cody issued. Houndour snorted out smoke, and then took a breath and breathed out two flames that were quick and hit Flora and Absol before they could see it.
I then grabbed Flora and then flame hit me. Bianca wasn't fast enough and the flame hit Absol, and Absol flew into Bianca.
"Espeon use confusion on both of them, they are distracted now!" Jason screamed in an excited way. He threw out his arm when he said it. By now I was a bit scared and then more. Espeon's confusion caused its eyes to go pink as usual, and then the outline of pink on us, and we were then forced to let go of our Pokemon and then they flew into eachother.
"Budeww!" She yelped in pain. Then I noticed that Jason had not wanted this but he just wanted to win.
"Absol." He knew Flora and I were in trouble.
Dan was watching the last part of this battle and while I was looking at his Umbreon I looked up and his eyebrows raised and then he looked at Jason.
"Budeww!" Flora squealed while flying through the air. Then she hit me and I fell in excruciating pain. Absol ran over to me along with Bianca Dan and Jason. Cody was worried, but didn't want to come over to me.
"Are you okay!?" Jason questioned.
I looked up and took his hand Flora jumped out of my grip and then she dropped. She was too tired. She was knocked out. Dan picked up the unconscious Budew.
"Let's go back to the Pokemon Center-now." I then realized that Pokemon get healed there.

 

[Weblegende]

Chapter 3

Chapter 4- Emotion Pokemon?
The rest of that day was just resting, and my friends watching their Pokemon heal. Nothing special, except I noticed instead of how Damion acted towards a win was unlike Jason's. Jason did not brag, and did not scold his Pokemon if they lost. I wouldn't know for sure about what he would do when he lost though…
The next day Flora, and I were well rested. I don't know how Bianca and Absol were because Nurse Joy said they went off with Jason, and Cody. I asked her again.
"They're off to see the new Wi-fi center." She noticed I didn't know what that was. "It's where people can trade, and battle against people in other regions. I'm sure they'll tell you when they come back."
"Flora, let's go train with Dan." I met up with Dan, outside of town. Jubilife was too crowded to battle in the streets unlike Sandgem…
After walking through some grass, we found a good place to train. It was a normal training lesson as with Bianca and her Mudkip. Dan's Umbreon was a pretty good match though…
"Umbreon tackle!" The Pokemon charged forward and slammed into Flora. I didn't know how Flora could stay in her place while getting hit. "Perfect! Now I see some sand, use Sand Attack." The Pokemon then stuck its feet into the nearby sand pile, and flicked it at Flora. I had enough and decided that Flora had to attack.
I thought a lot for what to do. "Flora, use razor leaf to make him move back." Flora did it. "If we can get Umbreon to go back, then we can try something new. Nurse Joy told me to try it." Dan looked up at my eyes.
"What is she-? " he questioned. "Oh." Then he tried to analyze what I was going to do next. I pointed straight forward at Umbreon and said,
"Flora try to use sleep powder." I then put down my arm, and lifted her up and threw her in the air, then she spun around and her little root on its head opened. A bunch of little spores flew up in the direction of Umbreon. Both Dan and his Pokemon were amazed. It didn't long though, because Umbreon yawned and then fell to sleep after he breathed in the spores.
"Good job Alex!" said Dan. I thanked him, and he called Umbreon back into his pokeball. He praised the Pokemon even though it was in the pokeball.
On our way back we spotted something. Something was following us. I think it was a little kid as it was small. Dan I think noticed it too, so then we turned around and I threw Flora up in the air, signaling her newest move, Sleep Powder.
Dan said, "It's not a kid. It's a Pokemon." I pulled out my poketch, and Dan told me too put it away. He knew what it was. The emotion Pokemon, Ralts.
"It looked so much like a kid!" I rubbed my hair, and picked up Flora. It was asslep so I thought it would be easier to catch. In my pocket I decided to pick out a pokeball.
"Go pokeball!" It flew up in the air and shot the beam at the Ralts. The Ralts was mine! I caught my first Pokemon! It felt so good, and Dan nodded at me. I think was he was happy for me. The pokeball came back to me and I stuffed it back in my pocket.
" You did a good job Alex. We should tell the others, I believe they'll be happy for you!" We nodded at each other and walked back to Jubilife City. During this time we talked about our past, and our families in which we left to be a 'Pokemon Master'. Dan and I didn't talk much before, Bianca and I were closer. We reached the Pokemon Center quickly and found Nurse Joy serving the others supper. I told them how it went, and Dan added what happened at the end of training. They then told me that Jason traded his Treeko, that I didn't even know he had, to someone through Wi-Fi.
The next morning, after me and Bianca got dressed we met with the rest of the group, and we decided that we should leave Jubilife, and head for Oreburgh. As usual for the past couple of days I had trained Flora with Bianca. I decided to use my new Pokemon, and have Flora watch.
"Go Ralts!" It didn't come out though.
You wanted me?
"Who said that?" I looked at Bianca. "Did you say that?"
"Say what I didn't even send out Mudkip yet!" She yelled at me.
You called for me. From your pokeball.
"You? Are you in there? Are you Ralts!? I asked the pokeball.
Bianca asked if I was okay, and then sent out Mudkip. I then realized it was talking to me telepathically. I tried to contact it.
Come out of the pokeball! Don't you want to battle Bianca's Mudkip?
Yes, I will battle. Everytime you want to contact me do it telepathically. I was glad Ralts would battle.
"Go Ralts!" I didn't even throw it in the air it just opened by itself.
We're at an advantage Ralts, they don't know what we are going to do. Use confusion on Mudkip!
Mudkip was picked up, and thrown at the ground, and then it shook off, and broke through.
"Learning anything Flora?" I was hoping to hear an answer back like Ralts did…
"How did you do that? Mudkip use tackle!" Ralts was hit and jumped back. "Use it again!"
"Mudkeep!" It yelled and then got Ralts.
I'm being hurt, what should I do? I am awaiting your orders!
I know now- use teleport. I think you can use it.
Great, I'll use it when Mudkip makes a move.
Bianca told her Mudkip to use water gun this time. The first time she tried to get Mudkip to use it. Mudkip's mouth opened, and then there was a beam of water shot out in the direction of Ralts.
Now. I will teleport.
Ralts winked at the Mudkip then disappeared. Then Ralts appeared behind Mudkip, and used confusion. Then it threw Mudkip at the ground. It was knocked out. That was only what I thought. Then the Mudkip sprang back up and tackled Ralts to the ground.
"Your Ralts. He is amazing. That teleport was great. I just had to trick you to win."
I told Ralts he did good, and he felt excited for another battle. Bianca and I walked back, and we started to pack up our stuff at the Pokemon Center , and we said goodbye to Jason, and Cody. As we walked out I received a call on my Poketch.

 

[Astinus]

Hey there! First, let me welcome you to PC and to Pokemon Fanfiction! I figure that you would appreciate a review that would help you with your writing.

Grammar fixes are made in bold. And I only have time to review the first chapter, so just keep that in mind while reading my review. If something is explained later in the fic, just say so.

Everyone's heard of Ash, and Misty right?

Don't need a comma after "Ash".

Ash had sent mail to his mother

The moment he stepped on the forgotten carpet of the house, Ash's old friends hid around the room. He dropped to the couch before him.

This makes it seem as if they were all waiting for him to enter the house before hiding. If they wanted to surprise him, they would be hiding before he entered the house.

The champion. Ash. My father.

Having "My father" there really throws the reader. Because we don't know who's telling the story, all of a sudden knowing that Ash is a father without much other knowledge is shocking.

Misty heard about Ash's return soon after Professor Oak did.

She had rushed with along the path to Pallet Town.

Cerulean is a rather long distance away from Pallet. Like, a few possible week's worth, depending on how quickly she can get through Mt. Moon. She wouldn't make him to Pallet that quickly to be at the party, especially since Ash answered the door, or if she learned early enough to leave.

"Welcome home, Ash," Misty said.

Well three years later they were wedded at a nearby church not long after they had me.

Um, technically, Ash is still ten in Sinnoh. He doesn't age. So if you're placing this three years after Sinnoh, you're going to have to deal with thirteen-year-olds in love, because in the show, Ash really hasn't aged. So it's just weird.

The daughter. Alex.

Just as a note: "Alex" is automatically thought to be a boy's name, unless it's short for something. But eh...

I think you know what happened when I turned ten….

The sun hit my brown wavy hair.

"Ahhuu," I yawned.

"Good Morning, Alex!" called Mom.

"Whuu," I said.

I went to the lab door, and out came my rival, Damion.

I tried to keep my cool, and not go after him, and well I survived.

It was well, whiter than I expected. Nothing was there!

Wait. What? You didn't really say that she went into the lab. The last I knew, she was at the lab door and knocked down. Then you're describing the inside of the lab.

When I was leaving the clean building I must've sighed because my pet budew named Flora came in.
"Bud-ewwww!" she yelled.
I looked around and fell on my knees. The last thing I saw was Budew hitting me with its leaves.

What? Alex is going to the lab to get her first Pokemon but she already has a pet Budew? And now it's suddenly attacking her?

In general, you need to press the Enter button twice to make a new paragraph, to leave a blank space between each paragraph. You should also look over your story before you post it to catch the missing punctuation errors that you had.

Alex doesn't seem like that different from any other OT that I've read. She's related to Ash and Misty, but that doesn't show in her character. She reads rather flat, since she doesn't seem to have any feelings toward the fact that she's leaving home. And Misty doesn't even have any of her personality, even as a mother.

That's what's missing from your story. The actual feelings of the characters. They don't react to anything really. You should work on that more.

 

[Weblegende]

Oops... Sorry.

Thanks.. Sorry about it.... :] I am new to writing Pokemon Fanfictions...