SBaby
Dungeon Master
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- Seen Apr 9, 2015
SomeRandomDudeonanothersite said:
<head hits keyboard> Fullmetal Alchemist doesn't suck... It doesn't make me want to drive my car 80 miles an hour into a brick friggin' wall!!!
But wait a second... I think there is one out there I CAN do now. One anime of which my enmity for is... Unlimited...
Final Fantasy Unlimited
Alright. We all know (or at least most of us know) that there has never been a good piece of media based on the Final Fantasy games. Final Fantasy the Spirits Within was a movie so bad that it sank the production company. FFVII Advent Children had an overly complex plot, buried in a sea of anime-style fighting. And Legend of the Crystals was an FF wannabe spinoff that is so bad, I'll be saving it for another time. Let's just say that Matt Miller and Sherry Lynn are so embarassed about that one, they refuse to list their characters on their resume.
So I figured I'd give this one a try, against my own will and the wills of countless forum goers who warned me about this one. To you, I can only say: 'You were right. I should've listened'. Anyway, let's take a look.
For God knows what reason (and I mean this, I have no clue on this one), Square decided to make a Final Fantasy anime that was geared toward kids. Why, I don't know. They've got this mainstream audience that's in love with the series, so would it really be too out of line to expect something a bit closer to what we get in the games? I guess not. Oh well, on with the show.
The series opens up in Tokyo with this seemingly cataclysmic battle between two monsters, one resembling Leviathan and the other resembling what can best be described as a spliced Bahamut with a giant gun. The two demonstrate their monsterness by perpetually wiping out the city's military (which consists entirely of helicopters and aircraft carriers, apparently). Then they attack each other and cause an explosion while some scientist marvels at the fact that this hasn't ever happened in our history. Gee, no duh. I don't seem to recall giant monsters ever appearing out of nowhere and wiping out the military, unless the alien they're dissecting in Area 51 turns out to be a giant dragon with a gun for a nose.
Anyway, ten years after the giant Godzilla battle, you've got two kids named Ai and Yu. I and You. Gee, how original. I've already got a bad feeling about this one. Their goal, is to board a train. But not just any train, you see. This train is special. For it happens to not only look alot like DoomTrain, but it's the only train in the world that can take the kids to Wonderland, a world parallel to Earth. I'm not making this up. This is the Final Fantasy Anime.
So you've basically got two parallel worlds, a train that goes between them, and giant monster battles. Can anyone tell me what the above line is a description for? I'll give you a hint, it's a description for Digimon. And ironically, the animation is in almost the exact same style as the first four Digimon movies. No wonder the animator doesn't work on Digimon anymore. They probably can't get their jobs back.
Anyway, they meet up with a female mage (who's name escapes me at the moment), a Chocobo (named Chobi) and a guy named Kaze, who summons monsters by, get this, firing a gun. After putting dirt in it. I'm not joking. Don't get me wrong, he looks really cool doing it, but considering what else we've got going with this Anime, that doesn't save this show.
Now, onto the story, or lack thereof. The average episode usually involves Ai and Yu getting into some trouble with a monster, Chobi occasionally eating a pepper to gain a power, the female Mage using her spells, which are normally useless, and Kaze bailing the gang out with his gun. Occasionally, the gun doesn't work or Kaze gets knocked out. But that's the gist of ninety percent of the series. And don't expect the ending to make much sense either, since the series was continued in a Manga that maybe 5 people have seen outside of Japan.
Other than Kaze and Chobi, the characters are cliche, stereotyped, and just flat out boring. Even the ninja and emperor, who should both be way cooler, turn out to be a disappointment. Seriously, it's really a shame when the cutesy comic relief character is more interesting than the villains.
There's more, but you're probably bored already. Anyway, this definitely wasn't a Fantasy, but I've probably watched it for the Final time. Wow... That was a really bad punch line...
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