You're one of the only people I know whose anxiety manifests like this. The other person being myself, of course. I sympathize with your grief. :(
I was diagnosed with severe anxiety 2013, but I've struggled with it for much longer than that. I've really been fighting a battle trying to manage these intense fears since my mother passed. She was 51, and no one expected it. It was sudden cardiac arrest, brought on by alcohol withdrawal and years of bodily abuse, and since then I've been in a steady state of constant nervousness; convinced I'm going to suffer the same fate. Like Axton, I mostly find my anxiety hits its stride at night when I'm trying to sleep (of course), and I'll start getting those aggressive, recurrent, intrusive thoughts brought on by the stupidest of things. Like being able to hear my heartbeat when my head is against a pillow, for instance. And I'll end up in a full blown panic because I end up working myself into quite a lather just trying to redirect all of those feelings.
I'm so terrified of my own body and what could be inside of it; illness and disease lurking in my genome or my environment waiting to strike me dead without a moments notice. Steady, irrational fears of the unknown, dying, and not being in control..
All that said, I'd like to think I've made extraordinary progress in the past couple of months! I'm working towards recovery, and faithfully doing everything my doctor says, from medication to therapy, no matter how expensive (it's like an investment in myself, you know?). And I'm really feeling the anxiety taking a backseat to more appropriate, rational emotions that don't keep me awake at night or force me to stay home during fun outings.
I'm feeling normal, and it's pretty awesome. :)
