Banjo-Kazooie: The Story

[Drifblim]

I decided to base this story off the Nintendo 64 game Banjo-Kazooie. No, it's not NaNoWriMo, but rather my account of the events that occurred within that game, taken from the perspective of a novelist.

Introduction

Out at sea the Isles of Hags rest. Within the largest of these islands a large mountain with a long-extinct caldera sits, the caldera furnishing a large pillar in the middle of a small but fertile pasture. Protruding from the cliff encasing the caldera is a massive rock sculpted into the head of a toothless, psoriatic hag. Within this rock and the adjoining section of the cliff, Gruntilda Winkybunion, a denizen of the witchcraft subculture, makes her home and keeps in contact with the company she has always counted as friends in an age in which the subculture in which she resides has been subject to scrutiny by the rest of the world. Perhaps as a result of the seclusion she has been forced to embrace, excepting her fellow witches, she has subscribed to the belief that her beauty somehow surpassed that of any other woman in the world, although her own face was the model for the shape of the rock she lived in. Thus commences a story of how far she would go to assert such an insurmountable claim.

What could that hag want now, Dingpot, a rusty pewter cauldron situated on a pell-mell bonfire, lamented as Gruntilda swung into the chamber for the daily consultation. She would always do this in an act of a strange paranoia, making sure Dingpot would not be able to detect any dame fairer than she was. For years Dingpot was happy to report the same thing: Gruntilda, her hideous countenance notwithstanding, was indeed the fairest in the Isle of Hags. This was all of truth — until a year ago.

In the pasture within the caldera, only Bawls, Toppers, and Collywobbles lived. These creatures were initially leftovers from an experiment gone awry onshore by comrades of Gruntilda but had to be disposed of. So they were deposited in the caldera to the dismay of the inhabitant of the soil below, Bottles. A nearsighted, bespectacled mole that chose the mountain as reasonable housing for his large family, he would let his children frolic on the pasture above their residence — until the vegetable mutants showed up. These mutants, while virtually incapable of attack, scared the children and forced Bottles to take action. Within a year of the introduction of the mutants, he had successfully domesticated all of them and used them to practice defensive measures.

Bottles and Gruntilda did not speak to each other; however, Bottles could recount the occasional voyages the other hags would make to the rock on the cliff to carry out mischievous deeds. One day, he figured, I'm going to have to have that ended. This he bore in mind as he went with his usual business for years.

One night, though, he was awakened by bumps coming up from the pasture. Determining that the hags were back for another go, he went up to the pasture and found a pile of fire logs. He immediately knocked the pile down to announce his presence — but the figures near the cliff didn't stir. Bottles raced over and surveyed them more closely as they worked on building something. The figures turned out to be two bears, one with a backpack and yellow shorts and one with a star-print shirt. The two were hammering away in the night, unfazed by Bottles' arrival.

Dismissing them as mere visitors, he returned to the molehill from whence he came. On the way, however, he tripped over one of the logs he had toppled. The log rolled to the bears and smashed into whatever they were building. The two wasted no time in detecting the source of the aberrant log, and soon they were two feet away from Bottles as he raced back into his molehill.

'Stop!' the bear with the backpack called. Bottles did so, taking the chance to survey the bear who had called him. The bear wasn't furious, to Bottles' surprise; rather, he had a very friendly complexion.

'I…I'm terribly sorry,' Bottles stammered.

The bear laughed.

'Ohohoho! No need to be, we can build a new one in no time flat.' He paused. 'Say, are you a resident here?'

'Why…why yes I am,' Bottles answered hesitantly, taken aback by the bear's amiable approach.

'Excellent!' the bear smiled. 'A neighbour! I never expected that when Hilda told me to move out to this place….So, what's your name, neighbour?'

'Bottles.'

'I'm Banjo. Nice to meet you, Bottles. You're quite lucky to have such a fine property!'

'I live underground….'

'No matter, underground must be nice too. Heh, you like it?'

That's it! Bottles realised. He could probably help me! 'Say, Banjo, you know that monolith in the cliff over there…?'

'Oh, that thing?' Banjo wheeled around. 'Looks nothing more than a harmless shear to me.'

'Hags, Banjo,' Bottles corrected him. 'Every week or so I see these hideous-looking women flying in from all over the place to that ramshackle dwelling my neighbour keeps.'

'What things?' Banjo's affect hadn't changed.

'Witchcraft. And some other stuff I don't — and perhaps don't want to — know about. Every week it's an assortment of shrieks, lights, and laughter. Wakes the kids up. It's been a pestilence as long as I've been here. I know given my short stature I can't march up as I would back in the woodland and threaten her with the ordinance, but this has gotten so out of hand — what with these — these — mutants —' Bottles gestured toward a patch in which some Toppers were resting. 'That hag releases them into the pasture without a regard for them or me. Well, she probably doesn't know about me being here, but sooner or later I'm going to have to do something about it. Even though my kids have become oblivious to it, I'm still itching for a chance to get that — that infernal gobbledy**** away from here!'

Now Banjo had dropped his bubbly manner and became sympathetic for the traumatised mole. 'Is…there anything I can do to help, Bottles?'

'I don't know,' sighed Bottles. 'Maybe it'll all evanesce. Gruntilda will be out of here in a few years after burning her rat hole out.'

'Banjo!'

The other bear started for Banjo and Bottles. 'Banjo, why don't we go to — oh, who's this?'

This bear, upon closer observation, could easily be Banjo's sister. Both had large noses and the same ratio of stature. She also seemed as carefree as Banjo was before Bottles explained his predicament. This bear, though, had blond hair tied into two ponytails and was about half Banjo's height.
'Oh, I must introduce you! Bottles, meet my sister Tooty. She's been bouncing off the walls ever since we got here. Always eager for an adventure!' Right on cue, Tooty jumped up gaily.

'Oh. Hello, Tooty,' Bottles replied.

'Hey!' Tooty responded. 'How do you like this place?'

'I…well, what I mean to say —'

'You don't need to go through it again, Bottles,' Banjo overrode him. 'It's almost pitch-black here, we'd better go inside.'

Bottles was happy to concur. The two bears retired to a house at the foot of the nearby portion of cliff while Bottles descended into the safety of his molehill.

------

Now, a year after Banjo and Tooty arrived on the island, the noises from the monolith became less frequent and more sporadic. The truth of the matter was that Gruntilda, who had conducted the rituals with her fellow hags out of satisfaction of her own body, had started to become disappointed. She would gradually increase her consultation with Dingpot in order to keep up what little spirits she had. This Dingpot did, even for the year in which he uncannily was aware of the arrival of Banjo and Tooty.

Tonight, though, Dingpot had had enough. Gruntilda was coming down the stairwell for another consultation, prepared for an uplifting stigma of confidence, even feigning it as she walked down. Then the door flew open and she strolled over to Dingpot, sat on the bench, and prostrated over the sinister contents. 'Dingpot, Dingpot, on the bench, who's the fairest-looking wench?' she implored his assent one more time.

'Why, it's Grunty, I must say,' Dingpot replied vapidly. 'She really takes my breath away.'

Grunty picked her nose and smiled. As she started to rise, Dingpot cleared his throat. 'Er…' he began, stuck on how to address his concern, 'but there is, this girl….'

Grunty immediately sat back down and demanded that Dingpot produce what he meant. Soon enough, the contents came together and produced an image of a bear with bright blond hair. 'Why, it's Tooty,' he said slowly.

That was the last thing Grunty needed to hear. 'No, no, no, you must be mad!' she protested. 'Greater beauty cannot be had!'

'It's Tooty, she's gentle and glad,' Dingpot defended his position.

To his relief, Grunty did not kick him over as he had envisaged. Rather, she stormed right out of the chamber without a second thought.

 

[Careful With That Axe Pichu!]

Ooooh, this is awesome! =o Today I found myself lurking through this forum which I don't really visit very often- hence my surprise to see a member's writing about one of my favourite video games... BK.

Okay, besides expressing my love for the theme you chose to develop... I must say that after reading this introduction I'm pretty much satisfied and happy I wasn't wrong expecting a great write from CW... You described the characters very well, the introduction is excellent and really gives a clear idea of the place and situation. An excellent choice of words, imagery, and great diction.

Overall, I think this will be a great, great fic.

I hope you continue writing it, knowing you now have at least one constant reader.

 

[Drifblim]

Chapter 1: Snatched!

While Grunty was fuming at Dingpot's report, Tooty had come back from talking to Bottles, carrying in her mind his suggestion that she ask Banjo to take her on an adventure. Banjo was tired when she asked him.

'Tomorrow, Tooty, I promise,' he yawned. Satisfied, Tooty retreated to her quarters at the back of the house. Banjo, shrugging off the promise, collapsed on his bed and had started to fall asleep when he felt sharp jabs at his back. He rubbed his eyes and rolled over to see a Breegull bird with bright red plumage with gold-encrusted wings and a sharp yellow beak jabbing him from out of his backpack on the pole.

'You promised that giddy tot an adventure?!'

'Kazooie, it'll be short and sweet. Get back in your backpack.'

'Don't you remember what Bottles was saying? There's a hag living in that excuse for a home in the cliff!'

'We won't go anywhere near —'

'Yeah, yeah, yeah!' Kazooie doubted everything. 'That's what you promised when you took her to Fungi Forest! I mean, if we have to call Donkey Kong to get her out of another one of those quagmires, she won't be safe to take anywhere!'

'Just go to sleep, Kazooie….Trust me this time.'

'Fine. But don't call him again in that case. I'll make sure he doesn't come.'
But by the time that line was spoken, Banjo was sound asleep.

'What a good brother,' she muttered before retreating into the backpack.

----

'Klungo!' Grunty hissed at the green ogre who had been finishing a two-chamber contraption in the operating theatre of the lair. 'You did a good job, I must say, it's bound to drain to me any beauty away!'

'Yessss, missstresssss,' Klungo muttered as he turned away from the work and opened a door nearby. In the closet stood an old man dressed in the attire of a voodoo shaman. He had been trying to break free of the hawser that bound him to the floor with little success; he had been imprisoned earlier as an inhabitant of the cliff who had had the audacity Bottles lacked to litigate with Grunty over the noises coming from her lair. He normally would have had his staff, but it had been tossed to the other side of the room prior to being locked in, rendering him powerless. Klungo examined him as he continued to struggle in vain and then disconnected the hawser from the floor. He then carried the shaman to one of the chambers of the contraption and slammed the door. Grunty then entered the other chamber, shut the door, and gave Klungo the signal to begin a test run.

The contraption immediately overheated and stopped working after six seconds. Grunty, angered by the failure, came out and forced open the door to the other chamber. The shaman had been tied up when placed in the chamber, but now the hawser was gone and his head, hitherto old and wrinkled, was now an inflated orange skull. He took a second to examine his own changes as Grunty tarried, and then he dashed out, grabbed his staff, and took off before Grunty could summon guards.

'Gone!' Grunty lamented. 'Gone! And I haven't changed a bit! Klungo, keep on making this contraption fit!'

Klungo picked up the wrench and started working again. Grunty, meanwhile, decided that it would provide enough time for her to get the subject she really wanted to make her ambition of being the prettiest woman alive true.

----

The noise from the failure of the contraption was enough to concern Bottles again. Having previously enjoyed an unusually quiet period, he became worried again. His fears reached fever pitch when he saw Tooty pacing around the pasture the following morning, gleeful as she usually was.

'And why are you so happy?' he asked as she rounded a turn for home.

'My big brother says we're going on an adventure when he wakes up!' she gushed.

'Oh, that's good,' Bottles responded, momentarily oblivious to his concern. But as soon as he finished uttering those words, he saw an unusual cloud formation over Grunty's dominion. As the clouds became darker, he slowly realised that he had to do something to get Tooty back in the house before things went awry.

'Tooty, you'd better race home!' he said nervously.

'Why?' said Tooty, unfazed.

'Up there in the sky!' Bottles gestured to the cloud formation, which had just produced a sprite speeding around it. This sprite quickly dove down into the caldera and increased in size. Bottles knew what was going on. Grunty was finally venturing out — and headed straight for him and Tooty.

Grunty cackled as she steadily sped downward, detecting Tooty from one thousand metres above. She kicked her broomstick and charged, emitting sparks as she approached the molehill where Tooty was standing and narrowing her eyes sinisterly by the metre she came close, making it apparent to Bottles that, when she finally landed in front of him, she had a wicked plan in store. Paralysed with fear, he could only watch the scene that unfolded. 'Come to me, my little pretty,' Grunty cooed. 'Soon you'll be ugly, what a pity!'

Bottles immediately snapped. His blood pulsed harder and he flew out of the molehill to tackle the witch. She fell over at first due to her stocky stature, but got back up and flung the mole off. She then rounded on Tooty and grabbed her arm. Before she could get back on the broomstick, though, Bottles leapt out and clawed her abdomen. Grunty pulled him off with difficulty, flinging him into the broomstick and snapping the front end. She then boarded the broomstick and sped off, cackling as Tooty whined for help until she could no longer be heard.

Bottles didn't waste any time after Grunty left. He came to Kazooie's backpack and told her to wake Banjo up right away. Kazooie proceeded to peck at Banjo as he lay asleep. Banjo instinctively brushed her aside, but she yelled, 'Get outside, Banjo, we've got trouble!' By then the pole had leaned so far out that it fell right on Banjo, waking him right up.

'Kazooie….' Banjo murmured. 'Maybe I should move that pole away from the bed.'

 

[Cursed]

Sorry to sound rude, but Kazooie seems to simply pop out of nowhere. Maybe an introduction between Kazooie and Bottles should happen in the introduction?

 

[Careful With That Axe Pichu!]

Sorry to sound rude, but Kazooie seems to simply pop out of nowhere. Maybe an introduction between Kazooie and Bottles should happen in the introduction?

Kazooie was properly described, not to mention her origins are still unknown, and the nature of the story is to leave us with certain curiosity when it comes to her, as her personality will arise slowly as the story goes on (since she wasn't really properly introduced in any of the games). Though that's only my opinion based on the remembrance of past days full of B-K & B-T.

Now to the story, CW; I liked the chapter alot. I still admire how can you create such apt environments and dialogs for these odd characters, making the readers who actually know and love the story already enjoy this fic much more. I see you aren't too attached to keeping the story perfectly similar, and that's good, 'cause you manage to put your own touch and originality... Keep at it!

 

[Drifblim]

And we have more.

2: First Steps

Grunty didn't exactly leave a clean slate where she had abducted Tooty. The ground was scorched from the broomstick charging in, and the flowerbeds had been damaged. This Banjo pondered as he grudgingly took up the backpack and made his way outside. At the centre of the ruined ground was a dandelion, which he would trust Tooty to hold on to as she skipped around the pasture prior to her abduction. Now the dandelion had been trampled on, its stalk snapped. As Banjo examined the dandelion, the realisation gradually dawned upon him. 'She…she's not here,' he said forlornly. 'Tooty! TOOTY!' he frantically yelled, running around the scorched area.

He had been running for about five minutes when the ground below his feet began to tremble. Soon he was down on the ground, his vision temporarily blurred. Then, a voice called out.

'Banjo!'

'Tooty?' Banjo responded.

'Gone,' the voice retorted. Banjo, unwilling to believe the word, rubbed his eyes to see Bottles standing before him atop another molehill.

'…Don't do that!' wailed Banjo.

'I had to get you out of that fit of yours,' Bottles retorted.

'Yeah, but you could at least show some consideration for the lady, glass face!' a muffled sound came. Banjo stood up and Kazooie came out of the backpack he had on. 'And I would have pecked Banjo on the head again if he wouldn't grab my beak again!'

'But what did you do that for? Tooty's gone, we need to get her back!' Banjo broke into a run but Bottles held him back.

'Are you mad?' Bottles inquired. 'She's gone. Picked up right next to me by that hag!'

Banjo froze. 'Gruntilda?'

'Yep. I knew that hag was up to no good all along. Problem is, what on earth could she possibly want with Tooty?'

'Make her a little more respectful for the flowerbeds, I guess,' Kazooie snarled.

Banjo sighed. 'She…are you sure, Bottles?'

'Am I a good neighbour or not?'

Banjo stared at the rock on the cliff for a few seconds. The head whose shape the rock resembled had its mouth open, from which a suspension bridge spanned half of the pasture until it reached the summit of the mountain. Some of the bridge's planks had been removed. 'How could she have come down here?'

'Broomstick.' Bottles' face flushed with frustration. 'A broomstick. Probably loaned from one of those hags she cavorts with! And there was me removing planks from that bridge so that she couldn't come down and terrorise my family!' His head swivelled. 'But now…dear God, I should have marched right in and evicted her with my bare paws. Or better yet, scaled the rock and plugged up its orifices so that she'd die of despondency!'

'Then why don't you do that?' Kazooie challenged.

'Because….' Bottles hesitated. 'Well, I've got the kids and all….'

'Look, Bottles, we'll get her,' Banjo snorted.

'No!' Bottles interjected. 'You can't. There's no telling what's up in those annals. At the very least I'll teach you what I've done with those mutants, but I doubt it'll help….'

Banjo was pensive. Bottles did have a point: Neither he nor Bottles had been up in that rock. Moreover, whatever Gruntilda may have scattered about within would surely pose serious danger to him. If Bottles could teach him a few moves, he figured, it would be immense help. 'Sure, you can teach us,' he said finally.

'Excellent!' Bottles cheered. 'Follow me to the patch.' He descended into the molehill and Banjo ran for the patch on the other side of the pasture. When he got there, he eyed the Topper in the corner, a huge, overgrown carrot with seemingly no means to rise. But before he could start for the dormant mutant, Bottles appeared in front of him.

'Eager to go, I see. Hey Topper!' The Topper rose vertically and set for Banjo. Banjo put up his paws and slowly walked forward until he was a metre away from Topper. He slashed his hand once at the carrot and it exploded, leaving a hexagonal piece. 'That hexagon is somewhat sweet and full of energy,' Bottles remarked. All of the mutants have them. Go on, eat!' Banjo did so, and he immediately felt his blood circulating faster and became more alert. His vision even sharpened considerably. 'How does it feel?' Bottles surveyed.

But Banjo was already headed for the onion-like Bawl, which had awakened after Topper. It bounced toward Banjo and jumped, hoping to squash him, but Banjo knocked it to the ground with a swipe. 'Roll!' Bottles encouraged him. Banjo tucked himself into a ball and set himself in motion toward the Bawl. The two collided and the latter exploded, divulging yet another hexagon. Banjo ate this one, although it didn't have as much effect as the one before.

Then a Collywobble, a hovering cauliflower, rose out of a hole in the patch and made its way toward Banjo, who jumped ahead. He failed to swipe the underside of the cauliflower, but then he felt his backpack being hoisted as Kazooie popped out and jabbed her beak right into the bulb, causing it to explode like the other mutants. This time, however, a hollow hexagon appeared. Banjo tried eating this as well and felt his muscles hardening slightly. 'That hexagon's supposed to increase your vitality or strength, I don't know exactly which,' Bottles commented. 'Off to the quarry,' he added as he descended back into the ground.

Banjo headed for the quarry next to the patch. In this quarry stood four rocks, each with small eyes that blinked but availed each rock nothing of defence. Bottles appeared out of the ground below and introduced Banjo and Kazooie. 'These rocks are mutants, too, but I guess Grunty must have screwed up the experiment or something,' he hazarded. But it was no matter to Banjo; for he had bucked down and let Kazooie thrust her beak into each of the rocks, one by one, until another hollow hexagon popped out.

Then Bottles took the two to the moat surrounding the pillar. 'You expect us to sw —' Kazooie began in protest, but Banjo was already in the water and returned with yet another hexagon three minutes later.

Then he led them to a series of stumps, on which Banjo hopped on the way to yet another hexagon.

Then Banjo climbed one of the trees near the moat and came down with yet another hexagon.

Then he forded a waterfall on the far side of the caldera and came out with another hexagon. By that time Bottles had decided that Banjo had trained enough and was ready to enter the annals of Gruntilda's lair. So he led them finally to the top of the pillar in the middle of the pasture and explained the situation. 'Listen to me. I will go into the lair myself and see how you do. Hopefully you'll be able to make it. I have faith in you, Banjo. You'll get your sister back, and I'll be done with that aberrant hag!'

But Banjo was already across the newly-repaired bridge and in the mouth of the rock.

----

'Huff!' Bottles, having kept his word to survey Banjo, ended up in an area full of steep slopes and cliffs. In the middle of this area ran a ravine and stood a large pillar. This may not be as bad as I thought, he thought. But before he could think more, a bull was already charging his way.

But as soon as Bottles started to burrow back into the ground for safety, the ram suddenly stopped and was mysteriously thrown backward and landed in the ravine. Bottles looked around to find the cause of the repulsion but found instead what seemed to be a bird, coloured bright magenta and bearing an oversized beak and extremely short limbs, but failing to bear wings. The lack of wings, however, didn't keep it from approaching Bottles by flight, which was done amid a deep purple mist. This birdlike figure stared at Bottles and Bottles stared back, until Bottles finally said, 'Thanks. Who or what are you?'

The birdlike figure looked at him awkwardly. 'I can say the same,' it responded.

'I'm a mole….' said Bottles. 'I'm…not outside the mountain, am I?'

'There's a mountain,' the figure pointed to the pillar.

'No, no, I mean to say….' Bottles began but stopped for fear of offending the figure.

'Oh, in that mountain?' the figure replied. 'No, I'm afraid to say you're not. But you're still on the Isle of Hags, that I can say.'

'Then what is this place? Does Grunty live here?'

'The witch?' The figure seemed amused. 'Oh, she's right next door to this place. A shaman lives here, but from what I've gathered from the natives he's been absent for a while. It's a shame, everyone seems to revere him so much. Then again, those of my kind….' It hesitated. 'Well, we're thinking someone like him would be needed in our situation.

'This shaman in particular always made his residence in this mountain. He'd come over to where we lived and perform healing acts. He was old and wrinkled, though; I doubt a clout to the stomach would spare him. But he was extremely intelligent. All of our sort have magical powers of some sort, but they aspire to have powers of his degree. But as much as he was powerful, he tried to help some of us when the witch descended upon our homeland but couldn't stop her from doing so. Rather, she just bound him and took him along as well.

'I ended up here along with four other Jinjos. For some odd reason Grunty liked to put one Jinjo of each colour in each level of her lair. But how she managed to imprison us here, I have no idea; perhaps her memory failed her or she somehow took advantage of the shaman.'

'So she got you all too?'

'Too?'

'I have a friend who's looking for someone in here. His sister. Grunty stole her away for God knows what….'

'Oh!' The Jinjo seemed to know something. 'I think I know why. Grunty kept looking at us adoringly and I think enviously at the same time. Then she started muttering to herself about how beautiful she was but how she craved to promulgate it. But I guess it dawned on her that a warty face and hideous nose, not to mention jaundice and a bad stature, wouldn't support the thought. So she just kind of assured herself of her beauty every so often but planned to do something to make it true. Then when she arrived at this lair, she put one of us in this contraption and turned it on…and it backfired, I'm thankful for that. Then she goes into a tirade against her servant about how that hideous machine was made with the intent of robbing another being of beauty for her own sake!'

'So Tooty could have….'

'Your friend's sister may have been chosen to fulfil such a purpose.'

Bottles had heard what he needed. 'Thanks, Mr Jinjo!'

'Tell your friend to get us out of here too!'

'I will!' And he was back in the ground.

----

The contraption was ready to go, it seemed, as Grunty dismounted in the window in which Klungo was finishing up. Tooty didn't say anything as Gruntilda removed her from the broom and bound her up before throwing her in the chamber reserved for beauty transfer. She wasted no time getting into the other chamber and ordering Klungo to turn on the machine.

The machine failed to turn on.

 

[Drifblim]

Authorised to revive — chapter three.

Chapter 3: Mumbo's Mountain

A large painting of an eerily jaundiced witch whose head resembled that on which the head forming the lair entrance was based and body and pink scarf gave off the image that she needed exercise heralded the entrance to the lair as Banjo walked in. Aside from this portrait, there were only three things of relevance: two paths branching past the portrait and an odd-looking column on the left. Neither route promised much from the way Banjo came in, but he decided to try the route leading slightly downward.

All that produced was a small monolith with a bamboo door. Banjo tried to open the door, but it wouldn't budge an inch. Deciding it wouldn't be worth it to gain access anyway, he turned around, but Kazooie pecked him on the head. 'Look your nose to the left, sergeant!'

At the top of a small incline was a picture. On closer examination, this picture seemed complete but lacked a fragment in the form of one of those puzzle pieces. The picture was still able to depict a setting consisting of green and grey slopes, a ravine, and a tall pillar. Banjo turned his head briefly to the monolith with the bamboo door and thought for a few seconds. He would have thought more had Bottles not thrown him backward once more.

'As promised!' Kazooie jeered. 'Now get up, Banjo, so I can peck the hell out of that —'

'Kazooie, NO!' Banjo grabbed her neck and stuffed it back in the backpack.

Bottles cleared his throat. 'I just got back from a place that looks just like the one shown in this picture. Apparently some shaman makes his residence here, but he was picked up by Gruntilda for some experiment.'

'What kind of experiment would that be?' Kazooie implored.

'The kind of experiment that explains away all of the noises I've been hearing,' declared Bottles. 'It seems all she and her hags have been doing for the year past was trying to beautify herself. And at one point she resorted to kidnapping several creatures called Jinjos. I heard from one of them that it was probable that Tooty —'

'Could have been abducted for the same plan,' Banjo finished. 'I can't believe it.'

'She sure needs it, though,' Kazooie muttered under her breath.

'So….' Banjo began. 'Does this place have any significance?'

'I'm not exactly sure. But there's a shaman that could be living here for all we know. And he could help.'

'And how will we get in, bottle boy?' retorted Kazooie.

Bottles froze. 'I…guess it has something to do with this picture.'

'There's a fragment missing,' said Banjo.

'How indeed….' Bottles turned around and examined the picture. 'I think we'll find our answers if we find the missing fragment. And I don't think it's anywhere nearby.'

'I'll go look back in the foyer,' said Banjo. He returned to the foyer and began scanning the room for anything peculiar. Nothing had changed from what he had seen when he first entered, but now he felt as if the ascending pathway or pillar had something to tell. Banjo tried to ascend the pathway but failed, instead sliding down on all fours. He then decided to go for the pillar and started climbing — and on the top he found what looked like a golden puzzle piece. Dare I touch it? he asked himself. Might as well. He picked up the shard. Nothing happened for the next second or two.

But then a voice came out from nowhere. 'Thank you for picking me up! I am a Jiggy. Put me in a puzzle and I will open a door!'

Banjo immediately ran over to the picture and, without thinking, crammed it into the area of the picture that seemed to need it. When he did, the golden shard assumed the colours of the rest of the picture. A temblor occurred immediately and the bamboo door in the monolith opened up.

'You're in, Banjo,' said Bottles. He then burrowed back down.

Banjo entered the hole left by the door and felt his body being tugged forward. Soon he was falling through a black abyss, becoming lighter and lighter as he fell. Then, he suddenly appeared on a grey dais, face down. He turned over and was almost blinded by sunlight. I can't be outside, can I? He slowly got up and took a look around.

He was standing in the middle of a valley. In the distance in front of him was a ravine running to the end of the valley. Beyond the ravine he saw a depression and palm trees. Looking up the slopes, he noticed several bamboo huts clustered what seemed to be a golden skull. Then he saw a ruin nearby, which he thought was probably an older town. In the middle of this world there was a tall pillar. This is it, Banjo thought.

He started for one of the slopes and tried climbing it. Unfortunately, he slid back down and landed with a thud on the ground below.

'Things a bit slippy?' came a voice. Banjo got up and saw what looked like a bird but only as far as the head went. This figure had no wings but had claws. It stood on two of these claws and peered down at Banjo studiously.

'Yeah, they are,' Banjo said without thinking.

Kazooie came out of the backpack. 'Indeed they are. You wouldn't go for that again, would you, Banjo?'

'Could the red thing perhaps try?' the figure suggested. It had a low but light voice, suggesting concern.

'"Red thing"?!' Kazooie sputtered. 'I thought you Jinjos were "things" enough!'

'Kazooie!' said Banjo warningly.

'I've heard of these crackpots,' protested Kazooie. 'They say I can walk those slopes, well, I'll show them!' In an instant Banjo's feet were off the ground and he was moving backward. Up he jumped involuntarily and was up the slope without slipping once. When he made it to the top, he fell to the ground. 'Someone get this lummox off!' he heard Kazooie snarl. He then realised that Kazooie had hoisted him up and walked up the slope herself.

He got up and surveyed the area again. He was closer to the pillar and was in the cluster of bamboo huts. Patrolling this cluster was what looked like a purple monster with native adornments. 'Kazooie, do you even know where we are?' he asked.

Most unfortunately, this purple thing heard him. It rushed right toward Banjo and dealt him a clout from behind, knocking him backward. Banjo got up and slipped down the slope nearby, but Kazooie quickly came out, jabbed her beak into the slope, and hoisted Banjo up. Back up the slope he went, and Kazooie jumped toward the monster and jabbed him once. The monster exploded, divulging a hexagon like the one that came from the Topper.

The commotion evidently could be heard inside the huts, for more monsters like the one Kazooie had killed came pouring out and started for Banjo. They were soon upon him, but did not attack. Rather, the ringleader, who wore a hoop with green feathers, peered down at him. 'Who are you?' he demanded.

'I'm Banjo….' Banjo responded shakily. 'What do you want from us?'

'You killed one of our number,' the ringleader said. 'Now you shall pay!' He grabbed Banjo by the neck and was about to throw him down the slope when, out of nowhere, a heavy wind blew, sending many of the monsters down the slope to explode into more hexagons. The ringleader relinquished Banjo and turned around. Banjo got up and rubbed his eyes, finally seeing what looked like a pink monster with an inflated orange skull.

The ringleader moved toward the thing. 'Mumbo Jumbo,' he said softly. 'How…nice to see you again,' he added, exposing what seemed to be inherent distaste.

Mumbo Jumbo paid no attention either to what had happened to many members of the crowd or the damage done to the huts by the sudden gust of wind. He approached the ringleader and looked at his straight in the eye. The ringleader arched his head back.

'Mumbo heard of bear and bird,' Mumbo Jumbo reprimanded him. 'Evil witch has finally commenced evil plan with evil hags!'

This line caused whoever was left in the crowd to gasp. 'Gruntilda?' 'The witch next door?' 'It can't be!'

'But you can't be Mumbo!' one of them challenged. 'He doesn't wear a skull, for one thing!'

'Transformed into hideous machine Mumbo was,' Mumbo countered. 'Evil witch want to find beauty.'

'So I was right!' Banjo wheeled around and saw the pink figure he had met at the bottom of the slope soaring into the commotion. 'Is it really true, Mumbo?'

'Indeed,' said Mumbo. 'Mumbo heard Jinjos were part of plan too.'

'No, we were not!' the pink figure retorted. 'That witch decided to just dump us around here and in her lair because we couldn't do anything to help! Not as if we wanted to anyway!'

'Mumbo knows that,' Mumbo simply said.

'Then how do Mumbo know about us?' Kazooie spoke up. Everyone turned to look at her and Banjo.

'Jinjo shall say,' Mumbo said.

'Fine, I will,' said the pink thing. 'Some mole talked to me and said some friend of his had his sister captured! So I told Mumbo here about it and he seemed to come up with the conclusion that it was a bear like this one. Only….' he faltered.

'Go on, short stuff,' said Kazooie. 'You didn't expect a red-crested Breegull to be involved in this, eh?'

'Mumbo know about bird,' Mumbo simply said. 'Travel with bear she does. Help him up this hill.'

'I did it to show that ignorant Jinjo a thing or two!'

'That's quite enough, Kazooie!' snapped Banjo. 'What I need to know is where exactly we are and how we can get to the witch!' There was silence as the entire crowd looked at him again. Then, one of the monsters broke into laughter. 'A bear and bird go up against one of the most powerful hags in the world? Risible! She'll have you in a stew in three seconds of being in any of her lairs!' The others joined in the laughter.

'Yeah, she'll shoot that bird down like a pheasant!' another monster said.

'And make a rug out of that bear, lest you forget,' said another.

Kazooie was incensed even further. She wheeled Banjo around and stared the monster that likened her to a pheasant in the face. 'Now you listen good, big shot,' she sneered. 'I've got a beak and a bear who's willing to swipe your face to —', whereupon Banjo said, 'Don't get me into this, Kazooie!' '— bits and pieces. You've got your fruitless hoop of feathers on your waist and head and a purple belly that suggests you haven't had a good walk in three years. Who can take down the other? We'd better not see, got that?'

'Ooh, tough little woman,' jeered another monster.

'Same to you, barf belly,' Kazooie shot back.

'Get that bird!' The crowd stormed forward and groped for Kazooie's neck. Realising that this was not a good situation to be in, Banjo ran toward the pillar, but more of the purple monsters sealed off his exit. 'That bird shall get plucked!' the monsters cried. Banjo kept running around the village for a minute until yet another gust blew them all around, sending even more down the slope.

The ringleader, who was blown into one of the huts, climbed down and confronted Banjo again. 'What makes you stand that thing you have in your backpack? At that, do you think having her in your backpack affects her mood in any way? We do. Get her out of there and let us tear her feathers off for y — YEOWWW!' Kazooie had lunged forward and pecked him in the nose. The ringleader stumbled until he himself fell off the edge and exploded at the bottom of the slope.

'Who's next?' Kazooie sneered. The monsters weren't stupid — they filed back into the huts without another word. Mumbo Jumbo, who had been fiddling with his staff, turned to Banjo. 'Bird fight well,' he said.

'I'm just glad I haven't been on the brunt end of things,' Banjo replied.

'Shall we go for tea, then?' Mumbo led Banjo to the skull house that presided over the village. The grounds around it were simple, whereas Banjo's jaw was able to drop when he saw the interior of what seemed to be Mumbo's home. The walls were composed of rat skulls and adorned with gems and jewellery. Four pillars had flames roaring out the top. In the middle was a mat with a hole to make for what looked like a skull-shaped button of some sort. 'You've…got a fine place, Mr Mumbo, sir….' Banjo remarked.

'Is simple,' Mumbo downplayed him. 'Construct with whatever Mumbo can find, rat skin, stones, mortar, skulls. Is where Mumbo perfects shaman magic. Feared by villagers, is why one with green feathers resent Mumbo's return.'

'I can see why,' said Kazooie. 'You've got a house in a shape of a skull and you produce magic. No wonder they hate you. For all I know you could be Grunty in disguise!'

'Mumbo not at all like witch,' Mumbo corrected her. 'Her magic differ from mine. Her magic used not judiciously. Try deal with her, turn into something hideous. Witch always work like that. Have no friends other than hags come to lair often.'

'You don't like her that much, either?' Banjo responded.

'Mumbo subject to torture by witch. Put Mumbo in contraption, made evil servant change me. Once have normal skin and face, now orange skull and shrivelled body.'
'Once have language speak normal?' muttered Kazooie.

'Kazooie, stop it. So what would she want you for?'

'Stole Jinjos from homeland, ripped from family. Mumbo was in area, practised healings. Then witch come, kidnap them. Mumbo try save Jinjos, get taken as well. As pink Jinjo report, they go in machine. Machine not work, thrown to starve in lair. Mumbo get tied up by rope, put in broom closet by assistant.'

'That must have been awful. So, what could Grunty be doing?'

'Beauty. Bear heard commotion in village. Witch want beauty, want remove warty nose and psoriatic face.' ('And jaundice and fat behind,' added Kazooie.) 'Want be most beautiful woman in world. But won't change sardonic attitude toward world.'

'Beauty doesn't mean everything,' lamented Banjo. 'So she could have taken my sister for that?'

'Correct, make girl bear ugly, witch pretty.'

'Thank the Lord,' said Kazooie. 'No more dandelions being thrown around in the field. I guess that big scorch was the last of our — don't you swipe that paw, Banjo, I'm telling the truth! — Awwwk!'

'Kazooie just needs to take a rest from walking up slopes, Mumbo, don't mind her.'

'Why bear make friend with bird if bird so vindictive?'

'Because I'm his lifeline. The whole situation could have been avoided had he not had his rumpus in the bed the whole morning or, for that matter, promised his sister an adventure! What, was he going to take her into the lair anyway? Oh, I remember when we were in Fungi Forest back in the day before we moved out to this island; he'd take Tooty on these walks and always get stuck in the woods. I shudder to think how long it'll take Donkey Kong to recuperate from his wounds trying to get them out of that bramble-ridden quagmire he'd told them to avoid when we first settled there!'

'That pit broke out under us, Kazooie, and he didn't have any worry going in there —'

'— but he specifically said —'

'— he said nothing about bramble —'

'— but you knew Tooty couldn't brave that much anyway —'

'But that doesn't matter.' A spray of dirt meant that Bottles was now in the house. 'What matters is that Mumbo probably has told you by now that Tooty —'

'— was captured for some beautification experiment, we've gone over the damn thing before, Goggles,' Kazooie overrode him. 'But what remains to be seen is whether Banjo here is able to get her back. There's no telling what lies in wherever Grunty keeps her lodgings!'

'I have a rough idea,' the pink Jinjo chimed as he flew into the house from the door.
'By idea, you mean more of your —' Kazooie began, but Banjo raised his paw again to silence her. 'Oh, go ahead,' Banjo replied.

'Well, I suppose you came across a puzzle before?'

'Like the one that led to this place?' asked Bottles.

'She put one here?' the Jinjo inquired.

'It had a shard missing, didn't it?'

'They all have shards missing. The question is where are those shards to be found? But Gruntilda's stupid. All of the shards that comprise her puzzles have the same design. They're all jigsaw pieces. About sixteen for each puzzle. She's not very bright, but from the mole's response I gather she tried to prevent Mum­bo from returning here by posting a puzzle outside the entrance!'

'So he hid somewhere and came back when we completed it?'

'Is true,' confirmed Mumbo. 'Put puzzle up, hide Jiggy nearby. Bear find Jiggy, complete puzzle, make access to valley once more.'

'Two strikes,' said Kazooie. 'Not only does she kidnap innocent kids for cosmetic reasons, she also makes risibly inane puzzles! I guess the third strike would be having such a poor defensive system in her dominion.'

'I wouldn't be so sure,' the Jinjo assured her. 'She's actually got quite a few minions living with her. In fact, Gruntilda's energies, when they aren't on consulting her cauldron for self-assurance, are invested on making sure no-one intrudes on her personal space. The only exception is her assistant Klungo, but I don't think he'd require having these things set out against him.'

'The same Klungo I saw putting out those vegetable mutants?' Bottles asked. 'That green fat guy with a lab coat?'

'He'd be the only one doing something so menial, I guess,' said the Jinjo, 'since she certainly entrusts no-one else to do the work. I wonder how that guy ended up in close terms with her, unless she overpowered him or something. I only spoke to him once in our village when he was doing something which he claimed to be for the public works, but now it turns out that all he was doing was observing us for Gruntilda's experiment. If he'd come up with the conclusion that we would be compatible with that contraption of hers, he definitely isn't one out of the Hag's Uni….'

'But all that aside, if he doesn't turn up, other monsters certainly will?' asked Bottles.
'I'm quite positive of it.'

'Good thing Banjo proved it against those mutants, then.'

'Well, if he can free the rest of the Jinjos collected for the experiment, he'll certainly be able to get through it.'

'Whoa, whoa, whoa!' Kazooie broke them up. 'You're giving us another task? We've got a brat to save and witch to deal with for Bottles, and now we're going to get the other Jinjos out of there as well? You've got to be joking.'

'You're doing it, Kazooie. She's my sister, these are my friends. We can't deny them. And anyway, you'll get through it. You certainly could stand up against those monsters….'
'Fine, but it's certainly more than we need, Banjo!'

'I'm glad the bird-brain's finally cooperating,' the Jinjo sighed. 'Well, I'd best be off. At least I can get out of this place now and return to the village. Good luck, Banjo and Kazooie!' He flew out of the house with a draft of silvery wind and was out of sight two seconds later.

'So,' Banjo inquired, 'how are we to find these shards? Jiggies, are they called?'

'Your best bet would be to look around here,' shrugged Bottles.

'Ten witch hide in lair,' Mumbo said. 'Bear find one, eight to other districts of lair.'

'And the tenth?' Kazooie asked.

'Mumbo not know. To bedroom must guess.'

'Oh, fine,' said Kazooie. 'Ten Jiggies, we can knock that all out.'

'I wouldn't have that attitude if I were you,' Bottles chimed in. 'After all, she is a witch. She might have more than shards in her lair. For one thing, Mumbo did mention districts.'
'Districts Mumbo did mention,' added Mumbo. 'Eight districts with different danger. Is what witch say, what Mumbo see.'

'Well, whatever Mumbo say bird and bear might as well take heart,' said Kazooie smugly.
'I mean it, Ka —' Banjo began, but was stopped by what sounded like a crash of bamboo outside followed by screams. 'What could be going on out there?' Banjo wondered.

'Whatever it is, I think the villagers can handle it themselves,' Kazooie reassured him, but Banjo ran out of the house anyway.

He was greeted by a bevy of disorder occurring not far from where he stood on the porch of the skull-shaped house. Purple monsters were running amok, looking for children and possessions, defending their huts as they began to fall to the ground like playing cards. Banjo squinted near where the last hut fell and was able to make out what looked like an overgrown purple termite — or, ra­ther, an army of termites. Then, a monster ran into his line of vision and sighted him. His complexion, hitherto in hysterics over the loss of his tribal clothes, suddenly turned into one of puffed violet cheeks and eyes narrowed in disgust. 'What are you looking at, scruffy? Maybe you have something to do with this?'

Another monster turned to face Banjo. 'Hey, here's that bear! Feed him to the Tickers, that'll stop them!' He budged forward and grabbed Banjo by the limbs, and then bound him with a rope. He and a few other monsters then threw him by the destroyed huts. 'What are you doing?!' yelped Kazooie.

Soon enough, one of the massive termites was over Banjo.

----

'Wh…where are we?'

Banjo's vision slowly came into focus. He was in a chamber surrounded by walls of what looked like clay. He was able to see several pink termites crawling about on the ivy-strewn floors above. One termite came by him and laid more ivy by his feet. 'Awake,' it sneered.

'Where are we?' Banjo repeated.

'In Ticker's Tower,' the termite responded.

'Why?'

The termite chuckled. 'You'd think that you'd be safe after being knocked out and still bound to that rope, boy?'

'Urrf….' Kazooie inched out from the backpack. 'Answer the question, for heaven's sake….'
The termite leered at Kazooie. 'You must be the bird who caused an undue commotion in that village.'

'Undue commotion? I tell them straight that they shouldn't mess. I don't intend to fight. But you — you come along and wreck their village!'

'As was suggested that we do when one of them was foolish enough to step inside our mound.'

'And you feel offended by one of those purple potbellies? Sheesh, you really —'

'Enough, bird!' Another termite, larger than the one currently being interviewed, strode by. 'You were their offering.' Without another word, he brushed the smaller termite aside and held himself over Banjo, his large eyes blocking all else from view as he began to suck the air. Don't, Banjo pleaded silently, don't let him do it, don't let him eat, there's still Tooty —

'AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGH!'

Kazooie had leaned her head and jabbed the giant termite's eye. The termite stumbled backward off Banjo, knocking the smaller upside down. 'My eye! My eye!' he wailed as other termites scuttled down from the upper floors to his aid. Kazooie saw her chance and tore at the rope, setting Banjo free. He then ran for the ramp to the higher level of the mound —

'Get him!' the injured termite roared. The termites rushed to the ramp. Banjo went only a few metres up the ramp and soon began to slide slowly. The termites, however, were quickly closing in. Then, Banjo was whipped around on his back and transported up the ramp. Kazooie was transporting him again, this time up the floors of the mound. Faster and faster Kazooie sprinted, and faster and faster the mob of termites pursued. 'Get that bear! Get that bird!' they all cried. Banjo's heart began to race. We need to get out. Now.

Then light washed over him. He set his feet down on the clay and looked for a few seconds. The view of the village and slopes was beautiful — but it would have to wait. Soon enough, the termites were outside. Banjo sprinted up the ramp, which could now hold his feet, and eventually came to the summit of what he realised was the massive pillar in the view he saw when he first entered the area. At the summit, the termites stopped and leered at him. 'Well, bear? Aren't you going to pick up that shiny thing at your feet?'

Banjo looked down and saw a golden shard in the shape of a puzzle piece. It was a Jiggy. 'Go on, touch it!' the termites jeered.

After a few seconds of hesitation, Banjo reached for it — but before he could grab it, even his feet were above the ground, and soon he could see the summit of the pillar growing farther away above him. A second later, he heard a splash.

The termites had knocked him off the pillar into the ravine below.

----

'Banjo!'

It was Bottles. Banjo had climbed up the bank of the ravine to higher ground. Staring at the black feet of the short mole on the brown mud, he panted. Then, something shiny dropped next to him. 'They knocked this over the hedge by accident,' Bottles said.

Banjo groped for it and got up. 'What a lucky start,' he coughed.

'Yeah….' Kazooie sputtered. 'We…did a hell of a job up there, didn't we, Banjo?'

'Bear and bird find second of ten,' came a voice. Banjo knew what it was; the heavy Jamaican accent was a dead giveaway. 'Thanks, Mumbo,' he breathed.

He then shook the water off and started to walk toward the grey dais where he had arrived. But twenty metres from the dais, a termite rushed in front. Banjo jumped high in the hopes of letting it run below him, but Kazooie gave a squawk and Banjo was facing the sky, soon landing violently on the ground. Kazooie had turned Banjo to the sky and driven her beak into the termite, causing it to explode and divulge a hexagon, which Banjo ate to suddenly become alert again.

'The Beak Bust,' Bottles declared. 'I think those termites are scared of you now!' Banjo turned to see a horde of termites scuttling away from the area.

'Thank you, bottle boy; I had to do that for a hexagon for this rug rat to wake up from floating in the water,' Kazooie shot at him.

'Whatever, bird-brain,' muttered Bottles.

'Well, guys,' Banjo had to say, 'I think we've got our work cut out for us now. I'm quite nervous, but I think we'll get through. You'll be with us when you can?'

'When Mumbo can help,' Mumbo replied.

'Always here,' said Bottles.

'Thanks!' Banjo ran over to the dais and felt him being pulled upward. The valley vanished around him into black, and seconds later he was thrown into a ray of light which then became the cave by the puzzle he had previously completed.

Standing outside the door that led him to a confrontation with a voodoo shaman and a horde of termites, Banjo began to wonder if he really had any capacity to fulfil his task. Tooty was up wherever Grunty did her business, and Banjo couldn't just let her do what she pleased. The thought of a witch taking someone's beauty is obscene beyond anything I could have said. Bearing in mind the thought of harm being done to Tooty each second he was tarrying, he motioned to Kazooie, who turned him over and set her legs up the ascending path away from the portrait. 'We're on a road to no-wheeere,' Kazooie sung as she trotted up the path, 'come on insiiiiide….'

----

'Finisssshed, misssstresssss,' Klungo said disdainfully. He had just fixed a set of wires to the control panel which he believed to be the cause for the failure of the machine to turn on.

'I still…don't know…what you want with me….' Tooty, beleaguered by fear, asked Gruntilda as she waited in her chamber.

'My nose and skin have turned to ash, from you I give them good rehash,' Grunty responded. 'So hurry Klungo, pull the switch, I'm tired of being a fat old witch!'

Klungo pulled a lever and the contraption hissed. The doors to the chambers slowly lowered and the interiors glowed green. 'Banjo…help!' Tooty shrieked.

At this Klungo released his grip on the lever, turning the contraption off. 'Klungo, don't!' an infuriated Gruntilda hissed.

'Ssssshe mentionssss bear brotherrrr….' Klungo slurred.

Grunty's eyes widened.

Then she dashed out of the chamber and consulted her top guard, a frumpy-looking hooded figure about the shape of Klungo, stocky and with a podgy face. 'Is there another bear in here?' she snapped. 'An aye will get you shorter hair!'

'Pardon, mistress, but….' another consultant waded in. 'There's an intruder.'

'There is? Speak!'

'It's a bear with a backpack. The Tickers in Mumbo's place tell me he's made off with five Jinjos and one of your shards. They tried to detain him but some bird in his backpack prevented them from doing so.'

'Alack, alack!' Grunty teetered.

'Banjo!' Tooty cried.

 

[Careful With That Axe Pichu!]

I liked the third chapter a lot. I found it interesting how Mumbo made his appearance, and the proper character descriptions were certainly reminiscent, made it easier for me to recall what I do know about the story you're telling. The way you do it, though, may be sometimes redundant, or maybe just a bit too accurate... Not that it's exactly bad, though; it certainly can be compared to those manners maybe of good ol' Herman Hesse, or at least it's just me who feels that way about it. Anyway, I'm lovin' it.

(lawl, Fungi Forest. Been doing research on pre-release Rareware facts? XD)