[Other Fanfic] Born into revolution

[Solar the rabbit]

Chapter 1
A blue Hedgehog walk into the theater. He had on a blue coat with a cross on it,dark blue leather boots on, pure white gloves and a blue triangle shaped hat. The hedgehog had brown eyes with a tuff of brown hair on his forehead and had a hard face also. He keep walking as blond human man up to him and ask for his ticket. He push his hat into the human hand and keep walking. "Do you want me to take your for sir"The man asked asked. The hedgehog simply raised his hand as a no. The hedgehog enter the room where the play had already started. He scooted pass others to get to his seat. "Forgive me, Thousand pardons, Excuse me please." He said. The hedgehog finally got to his seat to see a brown fur fox near his seat. "Jules how are ya friend." The Fox said with a grin. "Hello there Cain." Jules said with a smile. Jules sat down next to Cain and whispered :"So where the target?" "Up on the balcony. The stair are guarded." Cain whispered back. "Then I'll just find another way. He said. Jules look around a saw that and went around back stage climbing over the actors head undetected. Then he got the balcony he sat behind his target. "Donland Jackson. Jules said in a polite voice. "Jules Vento," the hedgehog target spoke in tired voice. Have you come to kill me? "Yes I have," Jules said "You have a piece of Eden needed to change the world. And for it worth I'm sorry. "A damn lie." The target said. A blade sprung from Jules wrist and stab the man. He rid a necklace from his neck and turn to see a boy rabbit looking at him with big eye. Jules put his finger to his lips and walk away. By the time he was in the lobby every found out that his was dead. He walk outside where his carriage was waiting for him step inside it and green cat asked how the play was. "It was really dull to tell the truth."He said. The carriage took off and Jules took out the necklace and smile showing fangs that shine in the moon light.

 

[Nolafus]

Alright, I'm afraid I'm going to have to restrict you from continuing. The chapter is way too short, there's no spacing, and the grammar isn't that great. I would first recommend spacing it out. It helps make the chapter look a bit longer, and more inviting to read. Here's what I mean:

He push his hat into the human hand and keep walking.

"Do you want me to take your for sir" The man asked asked.

The hedgehog simply raised his hand as a no. The hedgehog enter the room where the play had already started. He scooted pass others to get to his seat.

"Forgive me, Thousand pardons, Excuse me please." He said.

The hedgehog finally got to his seat to see a brown fur fox near his seat.

The key is pushing that enter button twice after every paragraph, or when someone speaks. If you look at what I did above, that's what I want you to do. It will help a lot, trust me.

The second thing I want you to pay attention to is grammar. In other words, there's a lot of mistakes. Here's what I mean:

A blue Hedgehog walk into the theater.

The trouble is with the word "walk". The issue is that there's no tense attached to it. Reading a bit further, I'm guessing you want the past tense form, so that would have to be "walked".

"Do you want me to take your for sir"The man asked asked.

I would read through that dialogue again and try saying it out loud. There's something really off about it I want you to fix. Also, you missed the space after the dialogue.

Those are the main two mistakes I'm seeing throughout the chapter. I can't stress enough how important proofreading is. If you're having trouble picking out the mistakes on your own, try reading this out loud. I can guarantee that you'll pick up on stuff that doesn't sound quite right.

Since you have talked to me, I want you to edit this and send it my way. I'm not doing this to be mean, I just want you to be the best writer you can be.