BROKEN;; (OOC/SU)

[Skymin]

Go for it man! As long as it's readable! <:

 

[TornZero]

Thanks. Here's the link to it: https://www.box.net/shared/ds1e95g63uxadagmctya (I am glad Box teamed up with Google Docs.)

 

[Skymin]

Thanks. Here's the link to it: https://www.box.net/shared/ds1e95g63uxadagmctya (I am glad Box teamed up with Google Docs.)

Good so far! Just a few things...

Okay, so, um, I'd really prefer if the truth wasn't revealed to him until recently. After the strange things started happening as apposed to when he was like, 12 or whatever.

Second, maybe a little more on the appearance when he opens his ball? Maybe spikes on his hands, a tail, the funny hind leg look?

Also... I don't think I understand what is happening in the roleplay sample? Could you try and explain it for me? It's just... the ball would have been kept in a safe place, your guardian would have known the importance of it. And nobody knows about you the orphan kids except a select few, although i don't want to say much without spoiling anything. Did nothing weird happen to Luca? His... aura didn't come through?

But other than that, your style is great!

 

[TornZero]

Good so far! Just a few things...

Okay, so, um, I'd really prefer if the truth wasn't revealed to him until recently. After the strange things started happening as apposed to when he was like, 12 or whatever.

I could put it around high school, but it kind of breaks down the purpose of his guardians going missing/killed if it was like, right before it happened. It would look like they revealed something the mafia didn't want them to say and they got the death sentence.

Second, maybe a little more on the appearance when he opens his ball? Maybe spikes on his hands, a tail, the funny hind leg look?

I can definitely arrange it. I actually had a few ideas for obviousness, but thought it would look a bit better subtler than a tail.

Also... I don't think I understand what is happening in the roleplay sample? Could you try and explain it for me? It's just... the ball would have been kept in a safe place, your guardian would have known the importance of it. And nobody knows about you the orphan kids except a select few, although i don't want to say much without spoiling anything. Did nothing weird happen to Luca? His... aura didn't come through?

Of course the ball's in a safe place, but knowing what Lucario looks like compared to the stranger (I planned on editing that part a bit to make it seem clearer, too, but the vague masked appearance and the "it's been a while" would have given some of it away), it would make it seem like Lucas' spiritual father had more influence than just giving him powers, and his guardians would seem more reluctant about things than they did earlier on; and they were pretty much killed and/or tortured for it. As for Lucas' aura, his getting pissed off at home showed it through it gathering in his hand like he was about to charge up an Aura Sphere. His eyes burning were supposed to be more like how Lucario has to close his eyes to "see" Aura.

But other than that, your style is great!

Thank you! I actually just recently got back into roleplaying, after about a 3-year absence.

My response is in bold, and I'll have things edited and finished soon.

EDIT: Alright, it's done. The unsealed appearance is made a little more obvious with clothing changes and some strange ear-like limbs from his head (no, not cosplay, folks!), the "reveal" age is more appropriate both realistically speaking and to fit the background, and the stranger should be easier to identify (at least in accordance with my intentions for it, seen in the quote response).

 

[Skymin]

I could put it around high school, but it kind of breaks down the purpose of his guardians going missing/killed if it was like, right before it happened. It would look like they revealed something the mafia didn't want them to say and they got the death sentence.

I can definitely arrange it. I actually had a few ideas for obviousness, but thought it would look a bit better subtler than a tail.

Of course the ball's in a safe place, but knowing what Lucario looks like compared to the stranger (I planned on editing that part a bit to make it seem clearer, too, but the vague masked appearance and the "it's been a while" would have given some of it away), it would make it seem like Lucas' spiritual father had more influence than just giving him powers, and his guardians would seem more reluctant about things than they did earlier on; and they were pretty much killed and/or tortured for it. As for Lucas' aura, his getting pissed off at home showed it through it gathering in his hand like he was about to charge up an Aura Sphere. His eyes burning were supposed to be more like how Lucario has to close his eyes to "see" Aura.

Thank you! I actually just recently got back into roleplaying, after about a 3-year absence.

Okay, well, um, i need you to change about how he meets his true father, okay? those guys dont come in until a much later date. if you fix that, i think everything else will just domino and it will all turn out fine!

by the way, your clothes wouldn't have changed colour with the unsealing! just your body d:

 

[TornZero]

Okay, well, um, i need you to change about how he meets his true father, okay? those guys dont come in until a much later date. if you fix that, i think everything else will just domino and it will all turn out fine!

He didn't actually get to meet his father, that's why he was disguised; it's not like Lucas was able to recognize him anyways, and I didn't plan on him getting recognized until they met later on.
I guessed the "meeting the father" thing would come in later (it's not like the Pokémon spirits can just die after possessing someone, right? o_O), I just thought having more of an influence in his background, albeit unrealized by Lucas, than just powers could be a nice difference on just the "father screws mother and leaves the kid".

by the way, your clothes wouldn't have changed colour with the unsealing! just your body d:

Meh. I felt opting in a clothing change would work pretty well, since his choice of color could be affected to feel more at home with his Pokémon side. I didn't say they transformed with him. o_o

The response is in the quote again. :D

 

[Skymin]

Its kind of essential I dint have the real fathers until later. Don't worry, I will reveal why soon after we start!

So yeah, sorry. You're gonna have to think up another way they die, if you want them to! My characters own dies by wild pokemon if that gives any inspiration!

 

[Alley Cat]

I nearly forgot about this I've been so busy! O_O

 

[TornZero]

Its kind of essential I dint have the real fathers until later. Don't worry, I will reveal why soon after we start!

So yeah, sorry. You're gonna have to think up another way they die, if you want them to! My characters own dies by wild pokemon if that gives any inspiration!

I messed with the words a bit, and now the stranger's basically a blind ninja that was looking for Pokéballs for who knows what reasons. I kinda think it sounds pretty good since defense forces will probably kill him off in the background. =D

 

[Alley Cat]

Is anybody else as excited about this as I am? >.<
I keep checking back every fine minutes, thinking, OH BOY! MAYBE IT GOT ACCEPT! xDD

 

[Skymin]

I messed with the words a bit, and now the stranger's basically a blind ninja that was looking for Pokéballs for who knows what reasons. I kinda think it sounds pretty good since defense forces will probably kill him off in the background. =D

Okay um... I guess... that's okay about the fourteen thing. And... the history... I can... yeah, I guess. I'm still a little iffy, but I can adjust some stuff.
OKAY ACCEPTED.

Is anybody else as excited about this as I am? >.<
I keep checking back every fine minutes, thinking, OH BOY! MAYBE IT GOT ACCEPT! xDD

HAHAHA YEAH I'LL LET YOU ALL KNOW WHEN IT IS!! I already have the first post all written <:

 

[Sewaddle]

I AM ALSO EXCITE. I haven't forum RPed in so long so I can't wait :DDDD

Though, I may be going someplace from tomorrow to next Saturday(? I think that's right) where I may not have Wi-Fi in the room I'm staying but at another part of the place itself. Nonetheless, I'm gonna probably try and get on every day, especially when the GT comes (since I'm helping to host a couple events and all).

Just letting you know in case I don't have Wi-Fi, period :>

 

[♋Chains♋]

70+ posts on the OOC Thread, and we haven't even started. The future is bright, lol~

The IC should have been up by now, though.... :/

 

[Alley Cat]

Indeed it should have. No idea why it is taking so long. =/

 

[Sewaddle]

Well, the only Mod is either on a DLoA or she's no longer Mod (I think it's the former, though), and the upper staff have other things to do, especially with the GT coming up. This should also be a given by now, but they have lives outside of PC, too~ I doubt the first thing on any of their minds is "OMG WE NEED TO APPROVE/DISAPPROVE THESE RPGS". I'm excited for this, but if I still have to wait, then I'm cool with that.

Anyways, it'll get up when it gets up.

 

[Skymin]

I know! I put it up a few days ago! Unless one of the mods got confused and didn't accept it because it lacked a sign up and stuff since I think it didn't need it... s:

maybe i should send ParallelZero a message or something (since RHCP doesn't come back for a little bit?)

 

[XxSweetDreamsxX]

Some threads haven't been going through ever since moderator Red went on her vacation. Its the same thing with my own RP I started. No OOC Thread, as well as other users' RPs that were made before she left...

Others can't get their ICs approved either. :/ Some users get lucky with theirs being approved, but if their not no one mentions why. You might as well send it again.

 

[Neptune Vasilias]

Please reserve a spot for me. My SU would be up around tomorrow-ish. ^u^

EDIT: Sorry, could give me some more time. Today was a busy day and I'm just exhausted to continue my SU. ><'

 

[Skymin]

no problem! d:

i suspect we aren't going to start until RHCP gets back anyways ;~;

 

[Alley Cat]

well darn. :( this just sucks!