Dead Highway

music17

    • 9
    Posts
    17
    Years
    • Seen May 5, 2018
    Hey, I'm new to PokeCommunity, but I've been writing for who knows how long. I am also known as llamasshouldfly on DeviantArt. So here is one of my poems, I wrote on a whim!

    I lay alone across the dead highway
    Last to remain and Last one to Live
    I feel my death slowly approaching
    And yet I do not feel sad
    My life has not been perfect
    Nor should it have been
    But I realize I have been alone
    And that is my home
    Alone. Different.
    That is where I belong
    Away from human kind
    Away from the destruction
    So I lay alone across the dead highway
    Feeling the cold tar across my back
    I try to raise my hand and yet it won't move
    I open my eyes and all I see is white
    A mother's last words, replay in my ear.
    A father's last doubt still in my soul
    And yet I feel alone
    No one there to guide me
    Only the light
    But yet the light is dark
    I see a demented view
    One that burns in the distance
    And know I realize I'm in Hell.
     
    Rhythm: Sloppy, maybe due to the nature and choice of words. Remember, metric has to make up if the poem doesn't enjoy a rhyme scheme.
    Form: This is a weak factor here, it's compressed, lacking a structure. remember, that also contrubutes to rhythm. You could divide it on stanzas.
    Description: You did fairly well on this one; I like the diction, though towards he end you strayed a bit from the solid picture you had throughout the poem.
    Creativity: Nothing breathtaking or really amusing/touching, but there's a significant amount of originality.

    Overall, it's a poem that really wants a structure and well-defined metric. Nevertheless, it's a good work.
     
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