[Other Original] Depression

[Fernbutter]

Hey guys I just wanted to do this random oneshot of some BS story that I just came up with. I apologize severely if I made plenty of errors in both spelling or grammar, please have mercy on me.
Warning: Includes a very dark theme, death, suicide, cutting, and lots of feels.

Here we go.

Depression

It finally happened, what I had dreamed to happen sooner or later.

I couldn't believe it, but it was really happening.

I was falling apart, my life slowly started to deteriorate.
Which I thought would be good. But for very obvious reasons,
It wasn't.

I don't know why, but I wasn't very surprised when I had found out about my condition.
But that apparently wasn't the same story for everyone else.

Even though I knew that it could greatly affect my life, and everyone I knew, everyone who had cared for me and was concerned about me, especially my friends and family, and what it could do to me as well.

Slowly, thoughts of disturbing ideas started to show up in my head, I wasn't crazy, but it felt like I was.

They said that I need to exercise more, eat more, and sleep more.
That wouldn't have been so hard if it wasn't for my Fatigue, Anorexia, and Insomnia. I wasn't exactly born a strong person.

Everybody was worried about me. I wasn't.

Considering that I was "sick" and that I needed "help", I don't really see any way they could have helped me, partially because I was simply just that stubborn.
They started giving me meds for it, therapy even, but it was all for naught.

I don't really see what good would have come to doing those things anyways, why? Because first, the drugs they were giving me to make me feel better, made me feel way worse, and in more ways than one.
Second, the therapy just made me irritable.
And last, I was an introvert, I hated people.
My friends, or at least those who didn't hate me, I could tolerate them.

As for everyone else, I just hated every single moment I would stay with them.

I started remembering those thoughts I had last time, the suicidal kind of thoughts, they had pierced through my head.

And I had actually considered some of them.
I didn't like the idea of using the drugs through overdose, mostly for the reason because that it is handled by my personal nurse, Paige, she was my friend, I could tell she liked me, and I knew couldn't talk her out of anything.

I wanted to feel a peace, one which cannot ever be obtained through living.
I wanted to kill myself in a way that I would slowly pass away, happily.

But it would have to take some planning, and the perfect timing, because my watcher kept an eye on me almost all the time, probably so I wouldn't try anything stupid.

After a few weeks, everything in my life had now started to loosen up a little bit too much.
A few weeks after my condition was diagnosed, someone had broken into the house my parents lived in; I lived at my dorm at school.

Apparently because my parents were rebels of some sort, or at least my father, they had always fought for the people and believed in what was truly right, those who were lucky to survive all the fighting with the government would continue their lives.

But in the end, both of them had taken the fall.

When we had found them, my father had very large lacerations on his arm and back, my mother was an entirely different story; she was mutilated beyond recognition, cuts and gashes everywhere on her body.

They took shelter in a hidden bunker my father had built awhile back, I knew where it was, probably because I had helped him build it; they died there together, in peace.
After that, it made me feel worse for not being there with them, everything else started crumbling shortly after.

I slowly started losing all of my friends, they would always be there for me, to cover my back when I needed it most, there was my roommate Joss, Cass, Nathan, Paige, and Tom.
But I guess they had gotten tired of me.
They would visit me in my room, I would just lie there, not saying anything, I would have known it would happen sooner or later.
Nate left without a word; he just left, and he never came back ever again.

Cass was next, she said,
"I'm sorry, b-but I can't do this anymore."
I couldn't blame her.

Next was my roommate Jose, He didn't leave though, he just disappeared, nobody knew where he went.

Last to go was Thomas, he was my childhood friend, and I've known him since I first moved in to town with my parents.
Of all the people, I thought Tom would stay with me, but he didn't, he told me to pull myself together. Then he left.

Paige stayed with me for awhile; she would always visit my room every day, then one day she had snapped.
She threw my tray of the table, she screamed,
"I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE!"
...
"Why?"
I had asked her, she was tearing heavily, her face damp around her eyes, practically sobbing.

"Because, what is the point of caring for somebody, IF THAT PERSON DOESN'T EVEN CARE ABOUT YOU ANYMORE?!"

This was the first time I had heard her soft, calming voice, now filled with anger, sorrow, and disgust.
She ran out of the room, streams of tears running down her face. I stared at her as she burst out the doors.

Now was my chance.

I was still very weak since I was very fatigued and I hadn't used my legs in a very long time.

I slowly walked over to the bathroom, closing the door behind me as I got in.
I opened the small cabinet behind the mirror by the sink.
I had hidden a razor behind the small boxes.
I filled the bathtub with warm water.
I check the razor to see if it was sharp enough, or this wouldn't work.


I slipped myself into the bathtub.

I held the razor blade in my right hand, up to my left wrist.

I pushed the blade into my skin, and then sliced it along.

It didn't even hurt. I watched as the crimson fluid started leaking out, mixing with the water.

I was halfway there, Nirvana. I took the blade into my left hand and did the same to my right wrist.

I could feel myself start to drift away now.

I was so relaxed, I was at peace.

It was at this that I had realized something.

The one thing most people wouldn't really understand if they won't go through what I had gone through.

Why do people love life, but hate death?
I asked myself,

I thought back,
Because, life is nothing but a beautiful lie and death is a painful truth.

 

[Nolafus]

I really liked this story. I must admit that some stories go for the mature theme and either add way too much, or way too little. This had a good balance, but now, it's time for grammar.

...everyone who had cared for me, was concerned about me...

I'm not convinced about this comma. It seems unnecessary to me because it's not splitting an idea. Normally you would add a comma when you're transitioning to a new idea and one side can't stand by itself as a sentence. In other words, I would remove it.

That wouldn't have been so hard if it wasn't for my Fatigue, Anorexia, and Insomnia, all I wasn't exactly born a strong person.

I'm confused at your choice of words here. I think a little revision would help.

Apparently because my parents were apparently rebels of some sort,

The two apparently's seem a little redundant. I would remove the second apparently to help with the flow.

They started giving me Meds for it, therapy even, but it was all for naught.

Meds shouldn't be capitalized since it's not a proper name for anything. It doesn't sit at the beginning of a sentence either, so there's not really a reason for it to be capitalized.

I think my favorite part about this story is the voice. It's very prominent all throughout the story. You also keep the speaker down to earth instead of spacey and philosophical until the very end, which is oddly refreshing.

I'm having a few qualms with plot holes. There seems to be a lack of information at some points and loose ends that keeps the reader wanting more, but not in a good way. For instance:

those who were lucky to survive all the fighting with the government would continue their lives.

Wait, people are fighting the government? Why? How are they fighting? His parents were pretty cut up, did the government do this? Why? Is the government sending troops to beat up people who don't like them?

because my watcher kept an eye on me almost all the time, probably so I wouldn't try anything stupid.

Who is this watcher guy? How does he/she/it keep an eye on our reader if he/she/it doesn't live with them?

They took shelter in a hidden bunker my father had built awhile back, I knew where it was, probably because I had helped him build it; they died there together, in peace.
After that, it made me feel worse for not being there with them, everything else started crumbling shortly after.

Why were they cut up? What in the world happened? Why did they build a bunker in the first place?

There's a lot to be answered and it wouldn't take all that much time to resolve these questions. If you patch these holes up, the story will come alive a lot more. These are minor things, but things that prevent your reader from fully investing in the story because I got interested in these things, but they were never answered.

I feel like the ending could be a big twist ending. I know that you tell us that the speaker is going to commit suicide very early on (which is awesome by the way), but this could be a whole Romeo and Juliet thing where you think that things might actually go well for a second. If you can make it seem like our speaker is going to go out and reconsider their life when Paige has her breakdown, then make the speaker go commit suicide, that would make the ending pop even more. It's a pretty cool ending as it is right now, but I feel like the ending could really pop.

Overall, a really good story. You handle the maturity theme very well and it ends beautifully. I like the unique viewpoint and ending line to think and ponder about. Just be sure to fix the grammar mistakes and plot holes. I really liked this story, good job!

 

[Fernbutter]

Thanks for the feedback, I kinda forgot to proof-read it because I was in a little bit of a rush when I was writing it.

note: I get it was confusing at times, but Paige was the watcher at the time. I'll try to fix that.

 

[Nolafus]

Thanks for the feedback, I kinda forgot to proof-read it because I was in a little bit of a rush when I was writing it.

note: I get it was confusing at times, but Paige was the watcher at the time. I'll try to fix that.

I had my suspicions that Paige was the watcher (that sounds so creepy), but I wasn't 100% sure on this.

Once the updates are done, be sure to post in this thread again. I'll definitely be looking forward to the updates you add.

Oh, one more thing. About my suggestion for the end, it's only that, a suggestion. I read through what I wrote and I think I may have worded that suggestion like you had to do it. If you decide to not do it, don't worry, the ending is good just the way it is.

 

[Fernbutter]

If you see this then I just kinda edited it a little, not really adding to the story, maybe I'll write a prequel to it. And a sequel.