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Diamond and Pearl: Never-ending cheat on how to obtain Celebi

Rabbit! So you believe that before you search for Celebi again, you're going to have to find a Holy Hand Grenade. It's the only thing that can harm an evil rabbit.
 
...so off you go, searching for the holy hand granade. You search on ebay only to find it costs $99999999999999999323214369314646363241269789655312355685321.46
and you think that the best way to get the money would be to...
 
invest it...you don't have time to raise the money, you need that Celebi to save Planet Fqwhgads from extinction! You need that Holy Hand Grenade now, but you'll need some help from the one person who has a lead to one. Hannibal Lecter! (You read that on Ebay...)...
 
...(that it costs $23 shipping and handling) Hannibal Lector can be found by eating a pokeball, 942 100-lb. rocks, and a piece of cow dung. After this you must throw yourself off a cliff, eat your hand 17 times, and...
 
stick your other hand up the butt of a Tauros. Then Tauros attacks then, and then tries to chase you, but he's just yanking you around, since your hand gets stuck up its butt. Then he starts runing, and runs into a freeway. Then...
 
...you get hit by a car to find you are still alive. Then... your mom gets out of the car! She is even more mad at you than she was before(look what you did to that poor poor tauros), and decides to leave you there with your head injuries. But, you can heal your head with Tauro's magical butt healing abilities. Since now he feels sorry for you, he...
 
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sits on your head and then take's a huge dump. this will cause your hand to be freed form the tauros butt. now you can go do... then a togepi come's in and it will use metronome. if it uses amnesia you will forget all you have done this far. if it doesn't use amnesia the undead burnt rattata skelletons will come to eat you. you realise you have a huge pile of **** on your head, and you wonder how it got there. you decide to take it from your head, then you feel 2 round shapes in the ****. it is 2 pokeballs, with in it a yellow deoxys with 8 arms, and a green lugia with 3 wings. now you have 4 of the 8 pokemon you need, but you can't remember where you left the other 2. so because you don't know what to do, you throw the **** in the face of a pincir that is passing by...
 
...that then attacks you, leaving a mark on your face the size of a rabbit. This reminds you that you must find the holy hand grenade to defeat the clelebi that looks like a rabbit. You find Hannibal Lector, and he agrees to...
 
slay the boogy man who lives in your backpack and a level-12345678901234567890987654321 Celibi will appear. catch it and train it in a giant magnet only using the move brave bird and if the celibi faints...
 
...the screen of your ds will brake, and you will be sad. But, if you manage to catch a shiny lv. 78 ratata on a pokemon gold game, it will miracuously be fixed. You must then...
 
Trade all of your legendaries for a Bidoof...
 
...which then evolves into your mother, who wacks you for coming back to her after she decided to disown you, and barfs on your face. You decide that the only thing to do is to...
 
...adopt a Manaphy, which can be gotten by kicking the water several times and slapping it with a towel. After that, you also need a Pikachu to zap the water, which makes the Manaphy go into a weird status that you can't understand, and floats to the top. YOUR PIKACHU MUST KNOW SURF.

Then you must grab a Magikarp with a powerade which...
 
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...smells like old cheese and will mutilate the magicarp significantly, this will make you feel very...
 
...happy, cause the Magikarp just evolved into a Nintendo DS! Using the Nintendo DS, you have to defeat the Elite Four with a level 1 Bidoof and no Hyper Potions, Revives, ect. Then, after defeating the Elite 4, you...
 
...have to go tell your rival you have had a crush on them since they were seven. You didn't know them when they were seven, so they assume...
 
...that you are crazy and stupid, so they tell you, they hate you. You must give them the kiss of death and send a level 278 Dementor on them, which is disguised as a Gengar. They immediatly say they love you, which then you must...
 
...make out with them 372747274727429502023847282 times and this can be done by pressing "a" 999999999999999999999999 times. If you do not do it within 5 seconds, your game file will be delteted. After you do this, ....
 
Kill every last one of the girl gym leaders(except Cynthia^_^she is to hot)and hide in the gts trading place and take pokemon before they are traded... then you...
 
Find out that one of the GTS Pokemon ws Celebi, but you were too late. You then proceed to curse and violently kick down everything in a tantrum of rage. Then you run away, trying to find the trainer that traded for the Celebi, and...
 
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