Dragon Age: Champions [One-Shot, very short]

[Phantom1]

Rated M for Mature
*Mild Language
*Mild Violence​

*WARNING MAJOR SPOILERS FOR DRAGON AGE 2​

Dragon Age: Champions of Kirkwall​

Nine heros stood and faced death together. Hours ago, they had to leave behind one of their own, but still they stood strong against their foes. The nine – two from a home long gone, a dwarf with a penchant for lying, a templar's widow and her new husband, a seemingly immoral pirate, an exiled elf, a delinquent prince cast out by his own family, and an ex slave – they all stood huddled together, knowing they were now so much more than what they once had been, as the Templars closed in on them. Both sides were waiting their opponents to make the first move.

Varric and Sebastian had their arrows targeted on Cullen, who held his sword only inches away from the Champion's heart. Daggers in hand and sneering at any templar who made the slightest advance toward them, Isabela guarded a trembling Merrill. Aveline stood at the side her husband, Donnic, both willing and ready to lay down their lives for a dear friend. Carver and Fenris stood on opposite sides of the Champion. Fenris was smiling at the irony of it. They were both protecting someone they had once resented and now were about to die for a cause neither of them believed in.

No one really knew exactly what happened next. Some say the loyal templar Carver took a slight step forward defying his commander. Others say Cullen either respected or feared the Champion too much to try to arrest him. A few even say that mind control was used on the Templars. Still there are those who swear that in the Champion's eyes, the Knight-Captain saw a sheer force of will he had not seen since last since the Annulment of the Ferelden Circle, another mage, another Amell.

Still, for whatever reason, Cullen lowered his sword. Nine sets of eyes locked with his in understanding, and the Champion exhaled slightly. The rest of the templars followed suit stepping back, watching the Nine nervously. The Champion stepped backwards slowly and then, grabbing his brother by the arm, led the other eight quickly out of the Gallows. They came to the city as refugees and exiles, as they disappeared into the burning streets of Kirkwall, they left as legends. The White City of Chains indebted to them for all they'd done. Each one of them a Champion in their own right.

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Very short fic that I wrote for the last few moments of Dragon Age 2. Be sure to check out my other fanfics, here or at fanfiction.net.

 

[bobandbill]

I suppose it's to be expected that I was a bit confused as I have not played that game whatsoever, although I do feel that a touch more explanation on what they had done (or alternatively leaving out some info? As in stuff that would be assumed info for people who have played the game that wouldn't confuse those that haven't, although that might remove some parts that were quite nice to read and so I don't feel it's quite the right option). For instance a bit more on why this Cullen was about to kill the Champion would have been nice to known, mostly; in other words a mention of why the situation was in that state.

It seemed decently done though, and in such a short space you did well to still include pieces of the character's personality in it (such as one sneering, another trembling while being protected by another, and so forth). Those pieces I felt were quite nicely done.

The nine – two from a home long gone, a...(etc)...and an ex slave – they all stood huddled together,

It seems a bit off to start with 'The nine' and after the summary of characters continue with 'they all stood...' - 'they' seems like it could be removed. (Otherwise it reads 'The nine () they all stood', and we already can tell who you are referring to).

as the Templars closed in on them. Both sides were waiting their opponents to make the first move.

I did slightly question the latter part, for if they closed in it sounds like they were already making their move. Nitpicky but maybe a slight rewording could be considered.

They came to the city as refugees and exiles, as they disappeared into the burning streets of Kirkwall, they left as legends.

I'd suggest adding in something like 'but' or 'and' after 'exiles', or alternatively splitting this into two sentences at that point. Nice ending though imo.