Elite Beat Four

[Apathetic_Yen]

~Elite Beat Four~

Warning! Violence, language, and some crude humor

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Table of Contents
Prologue
Chapter 1 The Temp
Chapter 2 Past or Now?
Chapter 3 Door or Bust
Chapter 4 Help Not Wanted
Chapter 5 At "The Soaring Starly"
Chapter 6 Ignorance

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Prologue

It was dark, so dark that it could almost be called pitch black. It was the night of a full moon, but for some reason there was not any moonlight. In fact the moon couldn't even be seen, it was gone.

It had to be there, it was just there a couple of minutes ago, a boy thought to himself, walking down a tenebrous, dark path. It was so dark in fact, that the only part of the boy that could be made out was an outline of his body.

There were no mountains or clouds that could have blocked its view, so what was going on?

A lake nearby was not shining from the moonlight either.

How could this be? What's going on?

The boy began to pick up his pace and walked quickly, making his way towards the lake. He looked to the sky and noticed that the stars were beginning to go out one by one. It grew even darker. Instinctively, the boy once again picked up his pace from a fast walk to a slow jog. Suddenly he heard something, something large, coming from behind him. It was the sound of tremendous wings flapping in the air, but he did not turn to look, for he knew what it was that was following; instead he stopped walking and began to jog.

The boy continued to jog, breathing heavily from fear, when he heard the sound coming from behind him growing steadily louder. The boy felt a sudden chill go down his spine and without knowing, tripped on a rock on the road and landed on his face. He tasted blood and spat it out on the ground as he picked himself up as quickly as he could, stumbling along the way, but managed to get to his feet and start running again.

It's so large that it sounds like it's coming from right behind me, but its still a good distance away. I've got some time left.

The boy, relieved that he had that time, time to do what though, broke into a sprint and ran as fast as he could manage towards the lake.

Gotta keep running, gotta keep running.

Those words kept going on over and over in his head.

Can't let it get to me, can't let it-not yet!

He stumbled again on another rock in the middle of path, and it would have been a very painful fall had he not caught himself. Everything went by him las a blur because of the speed he was running at. He could not tell what he was passing and what was going by him, although he thought he saw something moving along side him before it eventually disappeared.

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When he finally reached the lake, he pulled a pokeball out of his pocket and threw it hard behind him, something he hadn't done in a while. He decided to turn around to see what he was running from, eager to face his soon-to-be opponent, but wasn't even given the chance. In front of him, inside the lake, a large pillar of water surfaced and threw itself on top of the boy.

"Sh*t!" he cried out as he was sucked into the pillar of water. "I-I can't-get-OUT!"

The pillar of water took him to the center of the lake and began to suck him down, trying to drown him. He struggled to get himself out of the swirling vortex and back to the surface, desperate for a breath of air.

I-m-must-get-oo-ut!

The boy had always been afraid of drowning, but who wouldn't be, as death quickly follows. He kicked his heels in an attempt to swim out, swinging his arms wildly, even though he knew it was no good. He closed his eyes, knowing it would be the last time he would ever do so, but noticed something had changed. The vortex had stopped swirling and he was free from it, but he did not make his way towards the surface. It was not that he had drowned but when he opened his eyes to see what was going on he was now staring face to face with a large object in front of him-a monster, a legend.

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Chapter 1 The Temp

"So, is that it then?"

"Yup, that's about everything. It's all yours, for now."

"When are you coming back?"

"Oh, maybe a couple of weeks or so. I don't know, it could be a few days from now. I'll probably be sent back early."

"Than why are you doing this? It could just be a waste of time."

"I've got to get out and test my skills, this is the only way to really do it, and I want to do this anyway."

"Fine, whatever works for you. I guess I'll see you later."

"Yah, well, take care then, and don't mess anything up, I like things the way they are."

"Alright I won't. Oh, you forgot to give me the keys."

"Right, sorry about that. Here you are. Well, now I'll be going now, goodbye."

At that moment the man in a blue jacket and black pants with yellow spiky hair left the building, a pokemon gym. The person the man in the blue jacket was talking to stood there watching him leave. When the spiky haired man was out of sight, the person looked down at the keys he was given. He was only about fourteen years old, yet he looked old enough to be mistaken for a short sixteen year old. He was dressed in nothing more than a black coat that covered his entire body, with a hood that covered his face to the point where it was nothing but a shadow.

"Hmm, I guess now I should just wait then," he said to himself. He really had no idea what the gym leader did in his spare time, waiting for random trainers to come by and challenge him. "Gosh, how troublesome. It could be days before a trainer actually shows up. Good thing I'm getting paid for this."

It seemed like hours had passed before a trainer actually did show up. He was a boy in his early teens, dressed in a teal jumpsuit. It could be assumed that this boy was what some people in those particular clothes prefrerred to be called, a cooltrainer. Based on his physique, an older, muscular type, he looked as though he may have gained some experience from travelling to other regions, however, it was unknown if he had.The boy looked around, expecting to find someone he knew.

"Hey, where's-"

"Not here. He had some business to take care of," the guy in the black cloak answered, already knowing what the question was going to be.

"So are you a temp if that's the case?" The boy asked.

"I suppose I am," the guy replied back. "Do you still want to challenge me than even though I'm not the real gym leader?"

"You'll still give me a badge if I win right?"

"What other reason would I be here for than?"

"Well," the boy said, "I'll fight you!"

This was going to be easy, the boy thought. I'm fighting some nobody without a name, or a face for that matter, so I guess he won't be as much trouble as the real leader. "So," the boy began to ask, "what are the rules?"

"Two pokemon each, no time limit, only one KO is needed to win the battle. Shall we start?"

"Ready when you are," the boy said. "I'll start off with...Sceptile!"

A large, green, lizard like creature came out of a pokeball and onto the battlefield. The guy in the cloak looked on without any reaction. He simply put his hand in a pocket, pulled out a pokeball and held it out on the palm of his hand. He did not throw the ball at all; he merely opened it up and out came a large white a red ball, also known as an Electrode.

"Weak," the boy said to himself. That thing won't stand a chance at all.

"Sceptile, use Solarbeam now!" The boy said proudly.

The Sceptile's seed pods on its back began to glow as it charged up its attack. The room began to glow a beautiful green and brightened as the attack charged up more and more.

An attack like that so soon, the cloaked guy thought. Hmph, this should be interesting.

At that moment the Electrode began to roll at a fast, blurring speed around the Sceptile. The Sceptile, still charging up its attack, looked around him as he saw nothing more than a red blur flying around him. The Electrode continued rolling in circles around and around the Sceptile, creating a red ring around it.

After a few more seconds of spinning the Electrode broke out of its ring and struck the Sceptile at a super high speed, interrupting the Solarbeam's charge up, and knocking the Sceptile far against the wall. At the time the Electrode made contact with the Sceptile, it let off a large spark, adding to the damage done to the pokemon; The Sceptile just received a thunderbolt/rollout combo.

The Sceptile managed to get up, only to take another rollout attack from the Electrode. After contact had been made, the Electrode bounced off of the lizard's body and shot a Gyro Ball at it, impacting even more damage. The Sceptile showed severe signs of fatigue and the boy had to do something to keep his Sceptile from being knocked out, fast.

"Sceptile, return!" The boy yelled as he brought his weakened pokemon back to its ball. "I didn't want to pull you back so soon, but it looked like it was the best decision I could have made. I can't believe it! That pokemon of his didn't even give me a chance to react. No matter, I'll still get him with that ball's one weakness." The boy reached into his pocket for another pokeball and threw it. "Go Onix!"

An Onix shot out of its pokeball and made its appearance on the field, towering over the Electrode.

"Onix, use Earthquake!" he said in a somewhat childish, yet evil tone, knowing the damage that an Earthquake could do to the electric type pokemon.

Onix's body began to vibrate violently, causing the ground to rumble and shake everywhere. The ground was beginning to split as parts of the ceiling gave away and fell to the floor. When the boy looked to see what damage had been done, he saw that the Electrode had taken no damage; it was floating off the ground, thanks to its Magnet Rise.

The cloaked trainer simply stood there with his arms folded, staring directly ahead of him at his opponent and nothing else. The Electrode then began to fly around the field, letting off massive Sonicbooms at the Onix. It looked as though waves of amplified sound were being launched at the Onix from several different locations. These attacks were rather weak, yet they came so fast and frequent that the Onix was quickly losing health.

"Onix, use your Iron Tail, quick!" the boy yelled desperately.

Although the Electrode was moving around at high speeds, the Onix timed its Iron Tail perfectly and swung it into the Electrode as it was coming in that direction. The attack looked as though it did alot of damage (the whole place shook as a result of the attack) yet the Electrode simply hovered like it was doing so before as though it had never been touched in the first place, despite a couple of scratch marks across its face. The Electrode then drove itself straight into the Onix and let off a more powerful Sonicboom at point blank range. The attack dealt a massive amount of damage and managed to knock out the pokemon.

"No way! I lost with a pokemon that had a type advantage!" The boy said, stunned by the sudden defeat.

The cloaked guy returned his Electrode and turned to the boy.

"Just because you have a pokemon with a type advantage, doesn't mean it will necessarily win. It's all about the strategy you use," the cloaked guy coldly replied.

I know that, the boy thought to himself, I could care less about the type advantage. The reason why I'm shocked is that I lost to a person who is simply filling in the role for this gym leader! I would assume that they're weaker, but I guess I could be wrong.

"Well, I learned a lot from that battle, I guess I'll try and come back some other time," the boy said as he shook hands with the cloaked guy. "By the way, what's your name? I bet you're famous for your battling."

The cloaked guy simply looked at him and turned his head. "That is information I don't give out to others, not yet at least. When they come, you'll probably hear of me again, only the next time you'll know my name."

"Oh, alright, I understand," the boy lied. Who the hell were they? What was he talking about? Was he being cocky about him knowing his name in the future because he expects he'll be that famous or something?

"Well that's it then, I gotta get to a center." And the boy quickly took off towards the nearest Pokemon center. The cloaked guy continued to stare off into the direction the boy had left. For the entire duration of that battle, the cloaked guy had not even issued out a single command.

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Chapter 2 Past or Now?
*About two weeks later*

A young boy, about fourteen years old, was traveling up Route 222, on his way to Sunnyshore City to challenge the gym leader, Volkner, so that he could finally gain entry to the Sinnoh Pokemon League. His name was Lee. He was a tall trainer with brown, curly hair and looked very sturdy for his age. Lee was a native of Johto and had already competed in the Johto League, as well as the Kanto. He was very smart and a strategic battler, helping him earn twenty-fourth place in his first pokemon league competition. He was now on his way to finish with Sinnoh's gym challenges so that he would be able to go on to the Sinnoh League Tournament.

At last, after more than half a year of traveling through Sinnoh, he had reached his final destination before he would be able to go on to the Sinnoh League tournament, which was actually months away.

So after this win, he thought to himself, I'll have plenty of time to train and relax, and at the best possible place ever, the beach! The idea of this was very pleasing to him as he began to sprint towards Sunnyshore City looming over the horizon.

"Whew," Lee said to himself, panting as he walked into the city, "That was a longer run than I thought!"

Lee wiped the sweat off of his forehead as he started asking some townspeople where the gym was. The city was very beautiful and had many people in it. A man had told him where to go, and with that, Lee took off towards the final gym, ignoring his aching legs. Lee noticed the road he ran on had solar panels placed together, generating power for the city. A lighthouse was looming in the background as Lee turned to look at the beach, wanting to go down there and relax, but remembering that he had more important things to take care of first.

When Lee reached the gym, he noticed a sign outside that said:

Sunnyshore City
Pokemon Gym Leader: Volkner
The Shining, Shocking Star

"He's not an electric type leader,' Lee sarcastically said to himself as he pushed the doors open to step inside the gym. The place was rather bright, with a yellow-colored theme, and had gears and levers placed onto the wall and ceiling, all turning in a perpetual motion.

Interesting, Lee thought, a gym leader who decorates his gym with this kind of stuff. Whatever, where is this guy any-oh that must be him.

Lee spotted a hooded figure watching him, sitting behind a desk in the corner of the room.

"Hey are you the gym leader, Volkner?" Lee eagerly asked.

"No, I'm not," replied the cloaked man. "I'm only here to take his place for a little bit, but I still offer the gym badge to any trainer who can defeat me."

"Great, then its settled!" Lee excitedly said. He could not wait to get his hands on that last badge. "I'd like to challenge you to a battle."

"Very well. I guess we shall do this now," The cloaked guy calmly said, as if he weren't excited for the coming battle. "The rules are simple. No time limit, two pokemon are allowed to battle, but it only takes one KO to win."

One KO only, that's different, Lee thought. Lee always seemed to be troubled by unusual rules. Why couldn't they just go by standard league rules instead.

"'K, I'll start off with, Zangoose!" Lee said as he threw a pokeball, releasing a Zangoose.

The mongoose pokemon came out of its pokeball and its first reaction was to jerk around its head to examine its surroundings before it stared directly forward, waiting for its opponent to show. Again, the cloaked guy reached in his pocket as he did before, pulled out a pokeball, held it out the palm of his hand, and released a yellow pokemon Lee had not seen before.

"Electivire!" the pokemon cried out. It stood there, showing off its power by discharging some electrical bolts to intimidate the Zangoose. The Zangoose seemed unaffected by this mere distraction and instead concentrated on what it was about to do.

"Cool, I've never seen an Electivire before," Lee said to himself. "Now I get to see one in action."

"So... Let's begin," The cloaked guy calmly said.

At that moment the Electivire channeled electricity into the air and straight into Zangoose. The Zangoose was momentarily stunned by the attack, and when it looked up after taking the Thunderbolt, it received an electric-filled punch into his gut. The Zangoose spat out blood as it fell over backwards, unable to recover, but it had not been defeated, nor was it even close to submitting.

"Zangoose, use Double Team!" Lee ordered, pointing his finger towards Zangoose as though he were ordering a legion of troops to their death.

The Zangoose suddenly appeared to multiply before the Electivire's eyes. However, Electivire immediately countered the Double Team by letting off a powerful Thunder attack and zapped a good chunk of the fakes away before the Zangoose and its remaining clones ran straight towards Electivire.

"Zangoose, Fury Cutter!"

The Zangoose's remaining illusions began to cut furiously at the Electivire. However, nothing happened because they were simply fakes, yet it was a good trick to use because it forced Electivire to block every attack that came, expecting that the next Zangoose that comes to attack will be the real one. Eventually the real one attacked and cut Electivire up badly.

The real Zangoose, finished with its first attack, created more clones of itself, and jumped into the middle of them, hoping to hide itself in the mass of identicals. However, before the Zangoose disappeared amongst the newly formed crowd, Electivire managed to lock on (not the attack itself) to the real Zangoose, never letting its eyes off of it. Soon enough, the real one, along with its fellow clones, were given the order to continue using Fury Cutter.

As expected, the cloaked guy thought to himself. But Electivire is smarter then that! I trust he'll know what to do.

The second the cloaked man stopped thinking about it, Electivire readied himself for another barrage of images, and one real attack. His eyes were completely focused on the real one, waiting for it to get closer and closer until finally-CRACK! Electivire held up his hands against a quickly created glass shield, Protect, causing Zangoose to impact itself straight into it and fall off onto its back. Electivire removed the protective shield, picked up Zangoose by its collar, and drove a fast Thunderpunch into the struggling pokemon's face, sending him flying across the battlefield. Lee never had the chance the other trainer had to recall his pokemon to send out another; Zangoose had already fainted.

Lee simply stood there in astonishment. "Who is this guy?" he questioned himself as he returned Zangoose to its pokeball. How was he this good? He never even told his Electivire to do anything; it simply acted on its own! The cloaked guy went forward expecting some sort of handshake or gesture for having the battle, but Lee simply looked at him with a confused face.

"What are you?" Lee asked. It was a little odd of a question, but what Lee had just witnessed was almost unheard of. "You didn't even say anything to your pokemon, are you some sort of psychic or something. I've heard of that kind of stuff before but have never seen it."

"No," the cloaked guy replied, "I'm not a psychic, nor did I have any other means of communicating with my pokemon at all. In a way, they simply acted on instinct, not command. I'll tell you the truth, only because I like you, that my pokemon are specially trained in a way that they could act on their own whenever in battle. If things get too serious or they simply need some assistance, then I will give out orders. Otherwise I simply trust that they will do the right and the best thing possible."

"Wow, you must be really good, well I mean you are but what I'm trying to say is that, you're even good-better than what I thought you were as good as you were before, I mean now. I mean your better than what I thought you were before you said all that.," Lee said. No one knows why that was so hard to even say, but the cloaked man simply stood there scratching his head, trying to figure out what the hell Lee just said.

"My Zangoose is pretty beat up after all that," Lee started saying, "I'm going to go to the pokemon center now. I'll probably be back soon (when the real gym leader is here, he can't be as strong as this guy!) so expect to see me again soon."

He turned to leave and opened the door. Lee turned back to talk to the cloaked guy once more.

"You know, in case this makes you feel better, your the first gym leader to have beaten me in a very long time," Lee said as he began to make his way toward the door.

"Wait," the cloaked man said as Lee opened the door. "You mean you haven't lost to a single gym leader, up until me, ever since you fought Morty of Ecruteak."

Lee was stunned to hear this. "How...how do you know about that?"

"Lee," the cloaked guy replied, "I know alot about you. I know that you are a native of the Johto region, who used to live in New Bark Town before you left for your journey."

This guy has to be a psychic, Lee thought as he began to freak out about how some random person knew who he was. I never even introduced myself to this guy (I probably should have) and he knows my name, where I lived! Have I been stalked this entire time?!

The cloaked guy continued. "You graduated from your trainer school at the age of ten with three other people. They were your best friends at the time. I don't know if they still are or not, but I do know their names as well. Mitch, Chris, Alex, and you, a group of young boys starting off on their journey together, yet along the way, began to split." The cloaked guy paused for a moment before continuing.

"When you and Chris lost to the first gym leader, your 'friends' simply took off, leaving you two behind to train on your own. In the end you managed to win the next battle, yet you ended up following in your friends' footsteps as you left Chris when he failed beat the Azalea gym leader, Bugsy, a second time." The cloaked guy paused again to look up off into space before he continued.

"You ended up catching up to Alex and Mitch and from there took off, reaching Ecruteak along the way, only to lose to Morty. However, your friends were kind enough to stay with you until the very end, where you defeated Morty on your second try." The Cloaked guy bit his lip as he continued on.

"When you went through to Olivine, Cianwood, and back through Ecruteak, you crossed paths with the lagging Chris. That would be the last you would have seen of him, as you three continued your journey onwards to the Pokemon League, where you earned twenty-fourth place, where as Alex placed twenty-two and Mitch seventeenth. After that I have no records of what you were doing or where you three even were. And so, a little over four years later, I now find you in the land of Sinnoh, challenging the string of gyms they have here to take part in the Sinnoh Pokemon League." The cloaked man looked at Lee who wore a face of confusion on him. "Interesting how you still haven't been able to figure out who I am. I thought I would have given you enough hints in my explanation."

With that said, the cloaked figure took off his hood to reveal his shadowy face. The guy looked as though he was about fifteen from the face (although he was actually fourteen) with long, dark brown hair. He looked straight into Lee's eyes, which looked as though he had been hit in the face with a book. "Now do you know who I am?"

 

[Duncan McNeil]

Okay, well I just finished. You've got a bit of work to do here, but I'll see what I can do to help.

At that moment the man in a blue jacket and black pants with yellow spiky hair left the building, a pokemon gym. The guy he was talking to stood there watching the man leave. When he was out of sight, the guy looked at the keys he was given. He was only about fourteen years old, yet he looked old enough to be mistaken for a short sixteen years old. He was dressed in nothing more than a black coat that covered his entire body, with a hood that covered his face to the point where it was nothing but a shadow.

This was a bit blocky. Description is very tricky to get right, so don't worry too much. Simply reading some of the better fics on here as well as books will help quite a bit.

It seemed like hours had passed before a trainer actually did show up. He was a boy in his early teens and looked as though he had some experience in other regions. It was unknown if he had been outside of the region to the surronding regions, but it was clear that he had plenty of experience, especially if he were to have made it this far in the league.

Erm, this was all apparent by just looking at him? Might want to clarify that a little.

"Well," the boy said, "I'll fight you then!"

Then, not than.

The Sceptile began to glow as it charged up its attack.

Extra clarification would be appreciated here as well. Did his entire body glow? Maybe his yellow seed pods? You see what I'm saying?

An attack like that so soon, the cloaked guy thought. Hmph, this should be interesting.

Needed a period at the end of that sentence and the H should have been capitalized.

At that moment the Electrode began to roll at a fast, blurring speed around the Sceptile. The Sceptile, still charging up its attack, looked around him as he saw nothing more than a red blur flying around him. The Electrode continued rolling in circles around and around the Sceptile, making a red ring around it. Just than the Electrode broke out of its ring and struck the Sceptile at a super high speed, knocking it far against the wall. At the time the Electrode made contact with the Sceptile, it let off a large spark, adding to the damage done to the pokemon; The Sceptile just received a thunderbolt/rollout combo. The Sceptile managed to get up, only to take another rollout attack from the Electrode. The Electrode bounced off and shot a Gyro Ball at it, causing even more damage. The boy had to do something to keep his Sceptile from being knocked out, and fast.

Yikes, that's a block of text. Space it out more so it looks neater. Besides that it's okay, but it seemed rushed. Instead of just listing off what happens, add more description to it. It's very common in battles to that, so try to make this better than 70% of other battle sequences. Small additions such as what the Pokemon are thinking and how the react when they are struck really enhance the sequence.

An Onix made its appearance on the field, towering over the Electrode.

Again clarification is needed here. Did Onix come out of its Pokeball? Did it come out from underground? I strongly suspect the former, but it's difficult to tell.

Thanks to its Magnet Rise.

The T needed to be capitalized.

Although the Electrode was moving around at high speeds, the Onix timed its Iron Tail perfectly and swung it into the Electrode as it was coming in that direction. The attack looked as though it did alot of damage (the whole place shook as a result of the attack) yet the Electrode simply hovered like it was doing so before as though it had never been touched in the first place, despite a couple of scratch marks across its face.

Here again extra description would have helped. Yes, the attack looked like it did a lot of damage. But how so? Was the Pokemon panting heavily? Did it have some clear sign of battle damage? Adding things like that will help the reader get a better picture of what was actually happening. The last sentence was also a bit too long. Try spliting it into two, okay?

Chapter 1 Two Weeks Later

There really shouldn't be more than one chapter in a post. Once you are ready to post the next chapter, put it into a new post. I suggest you split the chapters apart.

A young boy, about fourteen years old, was traveling up Route 222, on his way to Sunnyshore City to challenge the gym leader, Volkner, so that he could finally gain entry to the Sinnoh Pokemon League. His name was Lee. He was a tall trainer with brown, curly hair and looked very sturdy for his age. He had already travelled through the Johto and Kanto regions and was now almost complete with the Sinnoh. Lee was a native of the Johto region, and at the Johto league tournament, he had placed in the top twentyfour finalists, which was really good for first year trainers. At this point in time now, he was flying through the Sinnoh region, toppling the gym leaders over like they were nothing.

Stu alert! For one, self-inserts are a big no-no. I'm one to talk, seeing as my main character shares the same name as my username. But make sure that he is not perfect. He is really looking like a Stu right now, though. It might not look so bad, but the last part was overkill. He's toppling Gym Leader like their nothing? That's gotten Stu written all over it. Please, please don't write a Stu. Give him realistic qualities, personality quirks and flaws.

Lee wiped the sweat off of his forehead as he started asking some townspeople where the gym was at. A man had told him where to go, and with that, Lee took off yet again towards the final gym. When he reached the gym, he noticed a sign that said:

Corrections in bold. Unfortunately description is lacking here. Describe the city. What does it look like? Are there interesting landmarks? Skipping through the entire town so quickly didn't work very well. Slow down and describe all of the surroundings.

He's not an electric type leader, Lee said to himself as he pushed the doors open to step inside the gym. The place was rather bright, with gears and levers here and there. Intresting, Lee thought, a gym leader who decorates his gym with this stuff. Whatever, where is he any-oh that must be him.

Same thing here. What did the gym look like?

Eventually the real one attacked and cut Electivire up badly.

Extra a at the beginning of attacked.

As expected, the cloaked guy thought to himself. But Electivire is smarter then that! I trust he'll know what to do.

Corrections in bold.

Electivire held up his hands against a large glass shield, Protect, causing Zangoose to impact itself straight into it and fall off onto its back. Electivire removed the shield, picked up Zangoose by its collar, and drove a fast Thunderpunch into the struggling pokemon's face, sending him flying across the battlefield. Lee never had the chance the other trainer had to recall his pokemon to send out another; Zangoose had already fainted.

Forgot a space in between struggling and Pokemon. One small question here. You described Protect as a large, glass shield. Do you mean Electivire created a glass shield, or that the Protect resembled a glass shield?

It was a little odd of a question, but what Lee had just witnessed was almost unheard of. "You didn't even say anything to your pokemon, are you some sort of psychic or something. I've heard of that kind of stuff before but have never seen it."

Misspelt psychic.

Anyway, that just about covers everything. The masked man was an interesting touch, but why did you reveal his identity so soon? It seems like little more than an afterthought.

I'm sorry this seemed so negative, but I just pointed out what I saw. Try to listen to at least some of my advice and I'm sure you will improve. The more you write the better you get, so keep at it!

 

[Apathetic_Yen]

Anyway, that just about covers everything. The masked man was an interesting touch, but why did you reveal his identity so soon? It seems like little more than an afterthought.

I'm sorry this seemed so negative, but I just pointed out what I saw. Try to listen to at least some of my advice and I'm sure you will improve. The more you write the better you get, so keep at it!

Thanx for the tips. In response to your question, I had to, it plays a more important role in the story, and it wouldn't work if I didn't. I know, it kind of ruins a good myster, but the main character is actually the cloaked guy, not Lee. This is nothing but a minor intro.

 

[Apathetic_Yen]

Chapter 3 Door or Bust

"No," Lee replied.

"Oh my gosh," the guy started, "I was trying to be as serious as possible about this but you had to completely ruin the moment and make me just about lose it. Seriously I thought you were the smart one of the group! It's freaking me! Chris! Gosh, I can't look that different."

Lee continued to stand there, examining Chris' face, then, a new expression stuck him across his face. "Ohhhhhhh now I see it, yah your Chris........Oh shoot it's Chris! What the, no...no you can't be. No......Hmmmmm...what's your favorite color?"

"Oh my gosh I just told you how I knew everything about you!" Chris exclaimed. "It's GREEN!!!"

"But, but you can't be...like...how the heck did you get so good?"

"Training, and lots of it," Chris replied.

'But, but what's with the cloak and stuff. You turn evil or something?"

"Geez, always gotta be so stereotypical about things don't yah," Chris said. "I can see that you haven't changed so much."

"True," Lee replied with a grin. "But there must have been something else you did to get that good in only four years!"

There was something, Chris thought. The motivation to...never mind. He'd laugh if I told him that. What a lame way to get motivated into doing something like this.

"Just, just training, extreme training," Chris lied. I don't think I'll ever tell him.

"Hmm whatever than," Lee said, seemingly disappointed because he expected something amazing. Lee decided to change the subject a bit. "So, what are you doing at this gym anyway. Where's what's-his-face?"

"Well only two months ago I came to Sinnoh, you should already know why."

"No. I don't," Lee replied.

"Tch, to compete in the league," Chris replied in an irritated tone. "Anyway I was doing very well here and I eventually found myself here in Sunnyshore, ready to fight the last leader."

*About three weeks ago*

"Hmmm, guess this is it then," Chris said, examining the city, looking for the gym. He was dressed up in his cloak with his hood on. "Sinnoh was okay, but still not much of a challenge. Oh well, after this guy, I'll finally have some time to myself to be as lazy as possible. Haven't done that in awhile, it would be nice."

Chris walked the streets until he came upon the building he was looking for. However, he noticed that the front doors were locked.

What the deuce? Chris thought as he began to knock on the doors. His knocking began to increase and got louder and louder as he was getting more and more frustrated. After some time (seven minutes and thirty-two seconds of straight knocking and pounding) he noticed on the door, which was beginning to crack, a sign that read:

To all Trainers who wish to challenge me,

I regret to inform you that the gym is closed for now until further notice. The reason for this is strictly classified.

~Volkner :P

"F**K!" Chris said loudly as he kicked the door, which ended up busting wide open, creating a big gaping hole. "Oh sh*t! I broke it!" Chris said as he heard a yell come from inside the gym.

"Hey, what the hell, who did that?! Get your ass over here kid! You're gonna pay for breaking my door!"

Chris simply stood there, frozen in fear of what was about to take place. "I can't get inside," he nervously stated. "The door is still locked."

A person approached the broken door and opened it. He looked extremely angry.

"Listen, I didn't mean to break your door, honest!" Chris pleaded.

"Don't give me that crap!" The man in a blue jacket and black pants with spiky yellow hair said. "You were the one pounding on my door before it broke, weren't you?" Apparently the sinister looking clothes Chris was wearing had no effect on the man's attitude toward him. Chris was just another kid.

"I'm-I'm sorry...sir," Chris apologized.

"Errrrrrr.... sigh, what's done is done," the man said. "I'll accept that apology of yours, but just so I know it isn't fake and I get my door fixed back together, I want you to pay me back the money in damages."

"Well okay than," Chris said, feeling the pressure come off of him. Money was no problem at all. After all, I did win a bunch for getting first place in the Hoenn League.

Chris handed him the money and turned around to get away as quickly as possible to avoid anymore trouble when the man called back to him again.

"Hold up. I assume you're a trainer who wanted to fight the gym leader, right?" The man asked.

"Yah, that's right," Chris replied. He suddenly felt a nervous contraction in his stomach.

"Well, now that I know who you are, I don't think I'll let you," he replied.

"What? But I said I was sorry and-and I paid you the money!" Chris cried.

"So, doesn't matter, I can refuse challenges to trainers, like I am now, whenever I feel like it," the man coldly replied.

"But that's not fair! You can't just single me out like that, even if I did destroy your door! It needed to be replaced anyway." Chris complained. This jerk, he thought, ain't stopping me from finishing this league!

"Well than," the man replied, "How about we make a deal. You buy me a new door and put it together, and I'll agree to battle you, after I'm done with my other work. You have time, don't worry, the Sinnoh League isn't for months now."

"I'm completely aware of that," Chris replied in a harsh tone. "But if I fix your door, than you'll battle me?"

"That's what I just said."

"Than it's a deal! The name's Chris!" Chris stuck out his hand to shake with the man's. For a couple of seconds, the man simply looked at Chris' hand as though he had never heard of a handshake, but eventually made the connection.

"Volkner, leader of this gym," Volkner replied with a smile. "Now, there's a Home Depot nearby, get this door here," Volkner began to write out on a piece of paper the door he wanted, "and bring it back as soon as possible. The sooner the better because I don't plan on having wild pokemon come inside the gym during the night. If you don't finish putting that door up by than and if that happens, guess what you'll be doing?" At that moment, Chris took off onto town, praying that he'd finish the job in time.

 

[Apathetic_Yen]

ugh no one's reviewing, so I'll post another chapter :P

Chapter 4 Help Not Wanted

"Done," Chris said as he began to test out the new door he had placed. The sun had just about dipped done over the horizon, so he had just finished in time.

"Good, now you might as well spend some time to relax here at Sunnyshore. I still have my things I need to finish and it probably won't happen soon. Good night!"

Ugh, but I wanted to relax after I beat you, Chris thought. Well, might as well go back to the pokemon center.

A week passed and Chris was on the verge of cracking. He did not want to start relaxing until he got the task of beating Volkner out of the way. The thought of when he'd be able to kept on looming around his mind. That's it, he thought, I can't take this anymore!

Chris marched up to the gym's door and began knocking, not as violent as he did the first time, but just about.

"Volkner! Open up in there! It's me Chris!"

After a few minutes of waiting Volkner finally opened the door. "You know I'm not finished yet," he said as he pointed to the sign on the door.

"I know," Chris replied, "but this is taking way too long. Let me help you with what you need to do-"

"NO!" Volkner said as he blocked the door, preventing Chris from walking in. "Sorry, but this is kind of my project you see."

"But I can help you get the job done faster," pleaded Chris. He really wanted to battle.

"But this is supposed to be a surprise for everyone," Volkner said, again pushing back Chris to prevent his entry.

"Oh come on, a surprise? What do you got to hide anyway? Wouldn't you at least want to finish this soon?" Chris asked.

"Well, I would, It would be nice," Volkner said, thinking on it.

"Then let me help," Chris said as he tried to push through Volkner again.

"No, now, now, just hold up. Let me think about this. Uhhhhhhhhhh no, you can't." And with that he shut the door on Chris's face. Chris was beginning to get getting irritated.

"Come on," he yelled, "I just want to help, please?"

A couple of seconds passed before the door opened again. "You promise you'll help me with this?"

"Yah that's what I've been asking," Chris answered.

"And you won't tell anyone what's inside right?"

"No as long as you don't want me to."

"Well................alright come on in, I'll show around." With that said, Volkner opened the door wide open to let Chris in, who gazed upon the interior and saw an enormous amount of gears, systems, levers, everywhere. There were some built on the walls, on the ceiling, and in a large unused pile on the ground.

"Uhhh, this is it?" Chris asked, expecting a bit more.

"Yup, my designs. I was feeling a bit bored with the interior so I decided to decorate."

"Hm," Chris said, "Interesting, I guess. Well, where do I start?"

Chris had begun work helping Volkner decorate his gym. The job became alot faster and more efficient thanks to Chris' help, which caused Volkner to appreciate him a bit more. During their time working together, Chris would tell Volkner stories of his previous journeys and Volkner would do the same for Chris. Another week would pass, but the setup was complete. Volkner's gym was ready to reopen.

"Whew, finally finished," Volkner said to Chris with a smile on his face.

"Yah, we're done," Chris panted; it was clear that he was much more exhausted. "So, I guess now we'll take a break, and, start our battle right?"

"Right, a deals a deal," Volkner replied. "When you're ready, come back. I'll be waiting."

Chris looked extremely delighted. He would finally be able to wrap things up. But even though the whole purpose for helping Volkner was to be able to battle him, he also managed to make friends with him as well, despite their rather bad start.

After two hours of resting up and preparing, Chris headed back to the gym to have their battle. When he stepped inside, he was already facing a battle-ready foe with a Luxray already out.

"Don't think I'll go easy on you just because you helped me out," Volkner called out.

"Heh, I wouldn't if I were you," Chris replied. "I'll show you what I mean exactly."

"The rules," Volkner began, "no time limit, one pokemon each, no substitutions. Are you ready?"

"You already know that answer," Chris replied, reaching for his pokeball, placing it in the palm of his hand, and releasing what was inside.

"Swamp swampert!!" The pokemon cried as it stepped onto the battlefield. It was pounding its chest, tying to intimidate the Luxray before him, though it paid no attention at all, and instead let out a ferocious roar which seemed to intimidate the Swampert.

"Don't let him get to you," Chris said calmly. Let's do this. Immediately Volkner made the first move.

"Luxray, Discharge!"

What is he thinking? Chris thought. As if that's gonna have an effect.

The discharge hit Swampert, but had no effect on the water/ground pokemon, yet that was not the point of the attack. The whole arena became super bright to the point that it was impossible to see anything. When Swampert was able to see again, he took a direct Take Down from the charging Luxray. Swampert was knocked backwards somewhat, dazed from the blinding light and the sudden attack.

"Luxray, Irontail!"

Luxray swung its tail hard at Swampert, hitting it hard in the face. The Swampert covered its hurt face as a result of the powerful attack. Chris, arms crossed, seemed to have not lost his composure despite losing the advantage of the battle. This is only the beginning, Chris said to himself.

Swampert then poured out a huge amount of gushing water from his mouth and began to flood the arena. He then charged through the water and struck Luxray with a powerful Waterfall attack. Luxray was knocked into the air several feet before he fell and landed back on the ground on all fours. Stupid cat, Chris thought, that's always an advantage they have.

"Luxray, use Crunch!" Volkner ordered. The Luxray began running straight at Swampert, electrical sparks trailing behind him. But as Luxray jumped in the air to bite Swampert, Swampert grabbed Luxray's open mouth and shut it quickly. Swampert then swung around and around until he let Luxray go, throwing him into a wall. The Luxray managed to get back up, but was about to take a Take Down attack form a charging Swampert.

"Substitute Luxray!"

A clone suddenly appeared from Luxray's body and took the full force of the Take Down. Luxray leaped over behind Swampert, awaiting Volkner's next order.

"Charge Beam!"

A ray of light appeared from Luxray's mouth and shot out at Swampert, hitting him directly in the eyes, but it did no damage to him. However, that wasn't the point of the attack. It had caused Swampert to become temporarily blind.

"Now Luxray, Hyper Beam!"

Another beam of light started to appear in Luxray's mouth, only it was bigger and this time it was going to deal some massive damage.

"If Luxray's special attack went up as planned," Volkner said, "Than there's no way Swampert can survive this one."

When Swampert's vision returned, the next thing he saw was a beam of light heading directly for him and a fast speed. All looked lost as it hit him. Now Chris looked worried. The blast had created an enormous explosion in the gym and he did not know if his Swampert would still be standing. Only shortly after the first explosion, a second explosion was created and it shot out towards and directly hit Luxray!

"What the?" Both Chris and Volkner said.

When the smoke finally settled, a weary looking Swampert was standing over a knocked out Luxray. The battle was over.

"What, how did he-"

"Mirror Coat," Chris stated as he brought back Swampert. "Not common for his species, but they can learn it. I'm surprised Swampert didn't faint as well."

"Well it's over. You won, congratulations Chris!" Volkner said as he returned his Luxray to its pokeball. "This is the Beacon Badge, you earned it."

Volkner handed the badge over to Chris, who raised it high to show off his win to the sky above him.

"Thanks Volkner," Chris said. He stared at his new badge and then put it in a case full of other badges. There were many different badges inside, all coming in different shapes and sizes.

"Well, I'm done now, and there's nothing left to do but train and relax till the tournament," Chris said on his way out the door. "I'll still be in town, so if you need something, just come looking for me."

"What am I going to need you for again anyway?" Volkner said to himself as he watched Chris leave. The phone began to ring in the other room, and Volkner walked over to answer it.

 

[Apathetic_Yen]

Chapter 5 At "The Soaring Starly"

Chris sat down next to the beach, enjoying the view and the cool ocean breeze. It was mid-June, summer had just started but he was still wearing his cloak. Chris was beginning to enjoy his break from battling when Volkner suddenly showed up next to him.

"Chris I need you for sec, actually...I just need you for awhile!" Volkner said as he grabbed Chris and began to pull him. He was dragging him along towards his gym when he looked back at Chris who was utterly confused by the sudden need to ruin Chris' break "By the way, it's been June for quite some time, and you're still wearing that cloak. Isn't it a little too hot?"

""It's never too hot," Chris simply replied.

When they reached Volkner's gym Chris noticed a suitcase sitting by the door. "I think I know what's going on," Chris said to Volkner. "You're running away."

"No," Volkner exclaimed. "Not at all, I love my gym, my job, the city I live in-anyway I brought you up here because, I'm not running away. I'm leaving for awhile to, errrr how should I put this, fight the Elite Four."

Chris merely looked at him, wanting to laugh so hard, but managed to bite back his tongue before asking, "Ok, but don't you need to be champion of the Sinnoh League before you can do that?"

Volkner smiled and replied, "Wow, I thought you were going to laugh at me for doing this (Who says I wasn't, Chris thought) but the reason I'm able to do this is because of the connections I've made with them. Me and Flint, one of the elites, were good friends back in the day and he's offered me an opportunity to challenge them. Just for fun of course, I don't really have what it takes to beat any one of them."

"So you're doing this, for fun. That's it? For fun? Just because you can?"

"Yep, really the only reason why," Volkner replied. "So, the reason why I have you here is, I need a person who can watch over the gym while I'm gone. And you've been a trustworthy person to me so far."

Did you hit your head or what? Chris thought. I kicked your damn door wide open! How is that very trustworthy?

"So," Volkner said, "You wanna do it? I'll pay you."

At the sound of pay, Chris' mouth automatically acted on its own and said, "Yes! I'll do it for you!"

"Good, then it's settled," Volkner replied. "Here's what you need to do while I'm gone. You'll need to battle all the trainers that come to challenge you, no turning down any unless you've got a good reason. Clean up after every battle, I don't want there to be a big mess for me to clean up when I come back. Make sure everything works right in the gym as well. I hate seeing a couple of lights that are burned out or even beginning to dim. Clean up the facilities, I can't stand dirty bathrooms. Lastly, the gym hours are from 9:00 AM to 8:00 PM. Always be ready by at least 8:30 in the morning, and finish closing up by 11:00 PM before you head out to return to your apartment or wherever you sleep at."

"The pokemon center," Chris replied.

"That figures," Volkner stated. "Anyway, have fun looking after this place. I expect to come back to see it the same as before."

"So, is that it than?"

"Yup, that's about everything. It's all yours, for now."

*Present Time*

Chris ended his story. He looked down, and then looked back up again at Lee. "So, it has been a while, hasn't it?"

Lee was kind of annoyed at such a stupid question, but decided to answer in a happy tone, "Yah, it has been."

The two stood there for another two minutes in the same position without uttering another word to each other, just staring. The silence was broken by another question from Lee.

"So tell me," Lee asked, "What is the cloak for, really? There has to be a good reason."

"There doesn't have to be a good a reason," Chris replied. He looked away, feeling extremely bothered and insecure, which Lee sensed.

"You seem bothered by the question, this is the second time I've asked you, and you have had that same reaction."

"It's nothing!" Chris yelled fiercely. At that outburst Lee looked at him with an expression of fear and doubt. Chris had an angry expression on his, which quickly died down to a saddened one. "Sorry for yelling Lee. It's just that, I've already told you my reason, and that's it."

Lee gestured in a way to say that he understood, but Lee knew he was hiding something. So why would he openly show himself to Lee if the whole idea of the cloak was to hide Chris' identity. It was puzzling, but Lee knew it would be a bad idea to question any further. He changed the subject once more.

"So, what have you been doing since you last left Johto, or better yet, what have you been doing since we last met in Ecruteak?"

"Training," Chris said blatantly. Lee was feeling rather annoyed.

"Seriously," Lee asked, "What have you been doing? Have you done anything major? How many pokemon do you have?"

"Well lets see," Chris began, "After leaving Ecruteak I continued on through Johto, still struggling. Nothing interesting happened though, except I continued to lose to gym leaders on a regular basis," he said in a heavy tone. "Well, after losing two times to Clair, you know that hot-headed dragon gym leader; I realized I didn't have the time to make it to the pokemon league. It was only a day away from starting, no time at all to get there, so I decided to return home to New Bark to save face."

"Save face?" Lee asked. "From what?"

"You. You and Alex and Mitch," Chris said in a colder, heavier voice. "I was only an eleven year old by then, and the only thing I could think of after I realized that I couldn't compete in the league was your guy's reaction."

Chris began to pace back and forth around the room. It was clear his happy, cheerful emotion was gone. He was being serious about this.

"I was afraid of you guys and the torment that you would bring me, for not being at the league. Alex always bragged about how much smarter he was than me, even though I was one year older then him. Mitch always bragged about how he was so much stronger then me. You on the other hand," Chris pointed at Lee, "never bragged about anything, but who said you needed to. It was clear you were simply better then me."

Chris walked over to a window and stared outside. A storm was approaching the city.

"I was the oldest of the group, yet it seemed like I was the youngest, and you guys never failed to point that out to me."

Lee was feeling really bad about this, he never knew how much trouble he really caused Chris. Some friend I was, Lee thought.

"I knew what was waiting for me if I were to show my face to you guys at the league; me, a trainer who couldn't even get eight badges in time." Chris looked back at Lee, with a glaring look. "So I left Johto."

Lee looked at the ground, ashamed for a moment, and then looked up again at Chris.

"But, there are plenty of trainers out there who have trouble doing something like that," Lee said. "You just so happened to be one of them, but it's nothing to be ashamed of."

"But," Chris started, "You guys wouldn't have said something like that, would you? Don't lie to me Lee, I know you guys too well."

Lee did not answer. He only looked away, not wanting to look at Chris' face. It became silent again, but this time Chris broke it.

"So with that said, I'll tell you what happened when I left Johto."

Lee looked up, relieved that the previous conversation was over, and that he would finally learn of what happened to Chris after he left Johto.

"So, I left Johto to travel in the land of Hoenn," Chris said.

Hoenn, Lee thought, I was thinking of going there right after Johto too, but Alex and Mitch persuaded me not to, saying that it was more convenient to go to Kanto first.

Chris continued. "There I trained harder then ever, determined to beat the gym leaders there better then what I could manage in Johto. Seriously, I'm still embarrassed whenever I think back on when I was a trainer in Johto."

Chris shivered with a disgusted look on his face and continued on.

"So I trained, and trained, and trained some more, and more, and some more, and more, until I finally thought I was ready enough to beat the gym leaders there. Boy was I wrong!"

Chris suddenly began to bang his head on the wall next to him until Lee managed to stop him from giving himself a concussion.

"Thanks," Chris said. "Anyway I decided to make a slight twist in my training efforts, which turned out to work well for myself."
"What is it," Lee asked.

"What is what?"

"Your training method?"

"Oh my training method. Yah I forgot to tell you, it's a secret training method. Yah, no more on that subject-anyway I..."

Ugh, why doesn't he just tell me, Lee thought to himself. The rain outside was beginning to pick up as well as the wind.

"...challenged the first gym leader, and, well, the rest from there is history. I beat everyone and went on to win the Hoenn Tournament. There, short simple, and to the point." Chris ended his story. Lee however, was not satisfied and wanted to know more.

"But surely something interesting happened along the way?" Lee asked. "Not just winning gym battles, right?"

"No," Chris stated, "That's really all that happened. Anyway its getting late. You wanna stay at the gym?" Chris asked. "Volkner doesn't want me to stay here but what he doesn't know won't hurt him right? Besides, that means I don't have to spend the night in those uncomfortable beds at the pokemon center. Gosh those things suck."

"Yah, that'll be fine," Lee said. "I'll just wait for Volkner to show up anyway so I can battle him instead."

"What? Now you're scared of me?" Chris teased.

"Ha ha, I guess you could say that," Lee gave out a small chuckle. Although he laughed at this, he knew that it was true. Chris had a power to be feared, a power that Lee wanted as well. How did he get this good? Lee kept asking himself. What is his secret? I want to know!

"The bedroom's over there," Chris pointed out towards a hallway nearby, "You can put your sleeping bag somewhere in there if you don't mind."
"It's fine with me," Lee replied as a crash of thunder was heard. "Much better then outside."

-------------------------------

Chris was sound asleep, despite the sound of the heavy rain falling outside and the constant cracks of thunder. Lee on the other hand, was awake, only just, but still awake. It was not because of the rain or thunder outside, but something else was bothering him, and it would not leave his mind.

"How'd he get so good?" Lee thought. "I mean, it only took him a year in Hoenn to take the cup. That's prodigy status right there and I can tell you, he ain't no prodigy! Hmph!"

Lee was feeling a bit more tired, yet he still couldn't help but think, "And in less then four years, he becomes so great that even I wasn't able to stand up to him. When we last met he could barely beat Whitney! Unbelievable, just unbelievable. It's, it's almost unfair!"

Lee caught himself from thinking anymore jealous thoughts. He laid there, realizing what he just thought, and shut his eyes completely, trying to block out any more of those thoughts from coming, wanting to sleep so badly. But it was no use, the thoughts kept on coming.

"I graduated from the pokemon academy we all went to with the best grades! Chris did come in second, but his skills were nothing compared to Alex and Mitch's, who both graduated with the third highest grades. It would seem a lot more logical that I would be better then Chris, better then the rest of them for that matter. What's wrong with me? Am I beginning to weaken already? I'm only fourteen! Why is he better then me? Why am I not as good as I should be? What did he do to get this good?! What? What? What?!"

A cold sweat dropped down off of Lee's face. He felt anger within him, questioning everything he could think of: his skills, his talent, his knowledge, even his own personality. It's something that everyone seems to do when they are angered and the only thing they can do is blame themselves and ask these kinds of questions. Eventually Lee was able to put these thoughts away and fall asleep, only to wake up two hours later to the ringing of an alarm, signaling that it was already time for Chris to get the gym prepared for the day.

"Hey Lee you wanna help?" Chris asked. "I could show you what a gym leader does everyday for the rest of their poor pathetic lives."

Lee merely gave that 'ugh' sound, meaning that 'if you disturb me, you will die.'

Chris looked at him and said, "Alright, but you don't know what you're missing."

Another two hours would pass before Lee actually woke up, much to his dismay. He was awoken by the sound of a battle in the room next to his.

"I wish I could have gotten more sleep," Lee said to himself. He was extremely drowsy, but the sounds of explosions going off were too much for Lee to sleep through, not even a Snorlax could sleep through it (well, not really, but it's a good analogy).

"It's gonna be a looooong day," Lee said and sighed heavily. "Damn."

-------------------------------

One more trainer would come by (and get beat) before noon approached, signaling Chris' lunch break.

"Hey, let's go into town," Chris said to Lee, who merely stood there like a lifeless zombie (get it lol). "They got this great restaurant called "The Soaring Starly". Trust me they got some good food!"

Chris and Lee walked over into town and into the restaurant. They had ordered their food and were now waiting for it to come when just then, Lee's pokegear began to vibrate.

"Well that's a surprise," Lee said, looking at the pokegear's screen. "It's Mitch."

"Really now," Chris said with some enthusiasm, "Tell him I'm here and I said 'hi'."

"Alright," Lee replied to Chris, and then began to talk into his
pokegear.

"Mitch! Hey what's going on.........No..........no........Oh yah about him, you'll never guess who it is.......no........what the, heck no!........No it's Chris!.................Ya I know I was surprised myself! You should see him now, he's really strong..............no, pokemon kind of strong, well, I guess he could be physically strong.............Oh trust me, I think he could beat you.....................You wanna talk to him....................Later? Well why?.................................Oh, well what do you want to tell me?...............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................What?! No way!................................How the-errrr, hold up for a sec-Chris!!!"

Lee screamed over the table as though Chris was a hundred yards away from him. "Listen, when is Volkner coming back?"

"I don't know, I already told you that," Chris said. He began to get a little worried. Something serious had happened.

"Crap! I'd like to get this over with before I---Mitch you still there," Lee turned his attention back to the pokegear. "Listen, give me one more week. Chris and I will be over there as soon as possible on the next ferry. Just wait for us in Olivine. One week Mitch, got it? Call back if anything else happens. See ya."

Lee placed his pokegear back in his pocket. He looked up at Chris with a worried expression on his face.

"Is our food ready yet?" Lee asked.

"No, it's not on the table as you can see." Chris replied. "What's going on?"

"I'll tell you later," Lee said.

"Why can't you tell me n-"
"LATER!!"

All the people in the restaurant jumped up at the sound and turned around to look at Lee.

"Sorry," Lee said, embarrassed at his outburst, "I'm just a little, a little tense that's all." There was sweat running down Lee's face.

Something wasn't right, Chris thought. I've never seen Lee angry in my life! Seriously!

Eventually their food would come and had to be quickly eaten so that Chris would find out what Lee was talking about. As soon as they were finished, they paid their bill and left, but on their way out, Lee picked up a newspaper from a dispenser. As they walked back to the gym, Lee was tearing through the paper, looking for something. At last, as they were on their final stretch of road to the gym, Lee began talking.

"Here it is, here it is!" Lee said.

"What?" Chris asked, "What is?"

"Alright, here's what happened."

 

[Apathetic_Yen]

Chapter 6 Ignorance

"Look for yourself," Lee said as he raised the newspaper to Chris, revealing the article Lee was just reading. It read:

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Team Rocket Activates Continue to Grow in Johto: New Casino in Goldenrod

"Wait," Chris said as he took his eyes off of the paper, not fully aware of the problem, "Isn't there already a casino in Goldenrod?"

"It closed down two years ago," Lee replied, "But keep reading, it gets worse."

The article read:

'Team Rocket, a leader in the commercial business, stated yesterday that they will be buying the old Goldenrod Casino, which is currently empty, in Goldenrod City today.
"The people of Goldenrod City and Johto have lost one of their sources of entertainment two years ago," said a Team Rocket Executive, "But with our arrival, that will soon change. Our business has room to begin its expansion, which is going to take place here in Johto."
This statement was well supported by many individuals, who feel as though they lost a part of their beloved city two years ago.
"I really miss the old casino," stated a resident of Goldenrod, Mark Uss. "It's good to finally see something happen in the city again."
Most people are enthusiastic about this, but others aren't taking to it so well, especially the elderly.
"That casino gave us nothing but trouble," Maria Smith said. "It was a good thing that it was gone, and now it's coming back. We don't want big businesses like Team Rocket coming into Johto, they'll give us even more trouble; we're fine with what we got!"
A poll was taken a year ago, asking people whether or not they wanted the casino back. 79% wanted the casino back, while 13% said they didn't and 8% weren't sure. However, with Team Rocket in the process of buying the old casino, it looks like it won't be long before we have a new one.
Team Rocket is most famous for their casino in Celadon City, which is one of the city's best attractions. Prizes there include Pokemon, TMs (Technical machines) and other misc. pokemon items, making it a great destination for pokemon enthusiasts. -AP Writer'

"Okaaaaaaay, what was so bad?" Chris asked.

"What's so bad?!" Lee replied in a hysterical tone. "It's Team Rocket in Johto! That's what!"

"What's wrong with that?" Chris asked. Lee looked as though his face had been hit with a frying pan.

"Are you serious," he asked, "Team Rocket is an organization whose only care in the world is for money. Not people. Not pokemon."

"Really?" Chris said. "I thought that they were a simple business that's only around to make our economy better. Oh wait, that's right, they are!"

Lee looked at him with an astonished look. "How can you think that?" He asked.

"Because they do," Chris replied. "Seriously, you're overreacting about this Lee. Team Rocket's not as bad as you think they are. Besides, weren't those statements about Team Rocket not caring about anyone or anything just dumb rumors created by a rival company anyway? What were they called again, Organization Space Shuttle or something like that? Yah you're overreacting. Besides, what are we going to do when we get to Johto, run around Goldenrod with picket signs, telling Team Rocket to get the f**k out of here? It's pointless, they won't listen and... I miss that casino."

Lee looked at Chris, shaking his head disappointedly. "Oh how ignorance is bliss. You really have no idea what Team Rocket is capable of doing, do you?"

Chris looked at him and then towards the road again. "No, I guess I don't."

They continued walking along the path until they reached the gym. The long silence of their walking was broken suddenly by a loud shriek coming from the inside.

"Oh sh*t! Did you remember to make the bed Lee?"

"I was sleeping on the ground, remember?" Lee responded.

"Crap."

-------------------------------

"Pleased to meet you Lee," Volkner said, shaking Lee's hand. "Now, we'll go ahead and start our battle, just as soon as..." Volkner turned around to look at a cloaked figure slinking away in the background, trying to escape out the back door.

"CHRIS!!!!!!"

"Ha ha, hey there Volkner, so how'd you do? You know, your battle with the Elite Four?"

"You were right Chris, I wasn't ready for them, but I had a good time, so I stayed longer then expected," Volkner replied with a smile.

Whew, Chris thought, off the hook. He continued to make his way out the door when Volkner called back to him.

"Oh ya before you go," Volkner said, reaching in his pocket. "I forgot to pay you. Oh wait that's right, you stayed in my gym, in my bed, when I told you not to. Oops! Well, I guess I'll put this money back in my pocket and not pay you for not following my rules. Oh well, maybe next time."

"But-bu-but-bu-but!" Chris stammered, then stomped his foot on the ground. "Dangit!"

He turned to walk out the door and then turned back towards Lee. "Call me when you're done Lee. I'll be waiting at the pokemon center. Ha ha, just kidding, but I will be there just so we have a place to meet up," Chris told Lee as he turned his head towards Volkner.

"Volkner, later!" And with that he took off down the road.

"So Lee," Volkner said. "Are you ready for this?"

Volkner pulled out a pokeball from under his sleeve and out came a Raichu. "Raichu!" It said, ready for battle.

"Course," Lee replied calmly. "I've been ready."

 

[Astinus]

This review only covers the prologue and chapter one.

The moon was out tonight, but for some reason it did not let out any moonlight. In fact the moon couldn't even be seen, it was gone.

I'm iffy on the contradiction here. It irks me for some reason. I guess because the first sentence implies that the moon was out, but wasn't given off any light. And then the second sentence implies that the moon isn't even there. So does the moon suddenly disappear?

He looked to sky and noticed that the stars were beginning to go out one by one.

You are missing a "the" between "to" and "sky".

instead he stopped walking and began to jog.

He's already running, as was mentioned when the stars began to go out. Why would he go from a run, to a walk, and then to a jog? If he knew what was behind him was something dangerous, why not just keep running?

The boy felt a sudden chill go done his spine and without knowing,

"Done" should be "down".

The boy, relieved that he had time, time to do what though, broke sprint and continued to run towards the lake.

"broke into a sprint" I also feel that the "time to do what though" should be in a separate sentence instead of in the middle, where it just sounds odd. Like: "The boy felt relief that he had time. Time to do what, though? He broke into a sprint, since that was his only option…"

In front of him, inside the lake, a large pillar of water surfaced from the lake and threw itself on top of the boy.

No need to repeat "lake" in this sentence.

"Sh*t!" He cried out before he was sucked into the pillar of water.

The first "he" after the dialogue should be lowercased.

I'm just not feeling any sense of urgency with this prologue. It's your sentence lengths. When trying to convey a mood of urgency you use short sentences. Plus, you need to get us into the head of this boy even more. What physical reactions is he having to being chased by a monster? Sure, he's out of breath from the running, but give us more internal thought. How does he know what it is behind him? Give us a little more information without revealing who the monster is.

-

"So, is that it than?"

Wrong one. It's "then" that you are looking for. "Than" is used for comparing two things.

He was a boy in his early teens, dressed in a teal jumpsuit, a cooltrainer is what they were called.

The last part of this sentence is iffy. Why are they called "cooltrainers"? Is it just the teal jumpsuit that defines being a cooltrainer or not?

"So are you a temp than if that's the case?" The boy asked.

Wrong one again. It's "then". And it should be a lowercased "the" because it's a dialogue tag.

I'm fighting some nobody without a name (or a face) so I guess he won't be as much trouble as the real leader.

I can't think of any reason for the parenthesis to be used here.

"So," the boy began to ask, "What are the rules?"

The "what" should be lowercased.

The guy in the cloak simply looked on without any reaction. He simply put his hand in a pocket, pulled out a pokeball and held it out on the palm of his hand. He did not throw the ball at all; he simply opened it up and out came an Electrode.

First of all, watch the usage of adverbs. They weaken your writing. Second of all, watch the repetition with words. And speaking of repetition, I'm getting irked at the fact that it's always the "guy in the cloak" or the "boy" being used as the only identification for both these characters. There should be some other ways to identify them.

After contact had been made, the Electrode bounced off of the Lizard's body and shot a Gyro Ball at it, impacting even more damage.

Why is "lizard" capitalized?

I could care less about the type advantage.

He thinks he can win with a type advantage. He complains when he loses after having a type advantage. And yet he doesn't care about the type advantage. Seems to me that he does care about the type advantage.

"Well, I learned a lot from that battle,

That's two words: a lot.

Still have a few problems that Duncan had mentioned. Some of your descriptions are just blobs of text. This is still missing the grip of emotions in it. You were on the right track showing how arrogant the cooltrainer was acting, but there's still more. Like during the battle, it was just straight description of what attacks the Pokémon uses. Break it up with the trainers' reactions, or the Pokémon's reactions.

You're off to a good start, there just needs to be a bit more. I don't know yet how the later chapters are, but I do hope to get around reading them at some point.

 

[Duncan McNeil]

Well, you've got a few more chapters done now so I'm just going to give you a general review.

For one, description really needs help. I'll give you an example:

They continued walking along the path until they reached the gym. The long silence of their walking was broken suddenly by a loud shriek coming from the inside.

This basically just skipped through what happened here. Even if you don't think anything interesting happened here, at the very least you could have skipped through it. Like this:

They continued walking along the path, the gym approaching in the distance.
-----
"We're here." said Lee happily, as the pair reached the gym. Before they could go further, though, a loud shriek pierced the silence.

This is far from perfect, but you see how skipping often works much better than just saying "They continued along the path intil they reached the gym.".

The best way would to take advantage of the walk down to the gym to get in some CD (Character Development). Have them talk about the long time since they've seen each other, tell stories, anything so that we can get to know them better.

The plot seems fairly decent so far, so not much wrong there. Even though I've already said it, Lee still seems like a bit of a Stu.

"Well okay than," Chris said, feeling the pressure come off of him. Money was no problem at all. After all, I did win a bunch for getting first place in the Hoenn League.

See, give your characters flaws. They really aren't interesting, it's just a lot of dialogue. If you give them interesting quirks and flaws, they will be much better for it. Just think of things that your friends do for example. Does one of them have a bad habit? Give it to one of your characters. Things like that greatly improve your characters.

Well, all in all you have improved. But you still have a ways to go before this fic reaches its' full potential. Keep working on your description and characterization and you'll be doing a lot better.

 

[Apathetic_Yen]

Well I fixed up Chaps 1&2 and I'll use you're guy's advice for the next ones later (felling too lazy right now) so don't review the rest until I finish editing those. dang my rough drafts suck

See, give your characters flaws. They really aren't interesting, it's just a lot of dialogue. If you give them interesting quirks and flaws, they will be much better for it. Just think of things that your friends do for example. Does one of them have a bad habit? Give it to one of your characters. Things like that greatly improve your characters.

Well, all in all you have improved. But you still have a ways to go before this fic reaches its' full potential. Keep working on your description and characterization and you'll be doing a lot better.

Well actually, the four main characters are completely based on my friends. I know I haven't introduced them too well yet but they definately have flaws lol.