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Falling White

Lily

◕ ‿‿ ◕ double rainbow.
  • 3,328
    Posts
    20
    Years
    Reviews are appreciated greatly. This chapter is a bit tedious, but meh. ^_~


    Falling White





    <Chapter one>





    <Wake up>

    Pale and awkward gray blue eyes opened slowly from what seemed like an eternal slumber, large and unblinking. Time moved slowly, visions rushing by quite rapidly in spite of this. Realization took a slow turn on her, figures approaching steadily. Her mind closed in and out, trying to digest the events coming rather slowly at her. What was that floating thing in front of her? Why did it look so ancient and so frail?

    <It took you long enough?>

    It was communicating, yet in a different formal matter. There seemed to be no sound, yet the graceful wistfulness drifted in and out. She struggled to cut through the thick fog clouding over her eyes. She struggled to move, yet what was this floating sensation that enabled her to do so? The fog gradually lifted, as her eyes made out a tiny pink object. Crystal blue eyes stared right back at her, curious yet with a sign that showed much wisdom and an elegant figure attached to it.

    ?Where am I?? Her voice was so pale and ghostly, flying over to wherever she was. Was it water? Or was it just the air, endless yet supporting her weight somehow?

    <You will find out soon enough. Meanwhile?>

    The pink catlike creature breathed in close, face directly in front of her, the last thing she remembered before the fog took over at last.

    <Endure it>



    Her world was unusually a friendly shade of white. Was it friendly? Or was it mean? She didn?t know for sure, just an odd bright shade of light. Light reflected against her lonely gray eyes with flecks of blue, staring dumbly yet without emotions at the white wall in front of her.

    What is it of that bitter value people loved to take recognition of? There were no specific reasons, yet a vague imagination of ones mind. It was an unwavering figure that refused to go down, an adamant creature of some sort indeed. Yet when one thought about it?it was a guileful and inherent sort of doubt that weaved in and out of the feeble minds trying to comprehend things that should not have been understood in the first place. It never failed to perplex such innocent beings, only reaching out to those purest in mind. It was a tenacious thought that only bothered people who had enough intelligence to fully understand it. It was something that you felt was important, yet you couldn?t quite grasp the concept.

    What was it? It was a question that she wondered most of the time. People had said that once you realize that one important thing, you would hold steadfast onto your discovery, letting it continue to live in your mind, unaware of everything else. Was that how she felt right now? By living in this vast empty world, but unaware her surroundings despite the feeble distractions people put in front of her. These useless and pointless distractions that made her sick of everything else.

    A string of silver hair that looked white to her eyes coiled down to her shoulder, resting peacefully on the white dress she was in. Her eyes vaguely watched the still unwavering air, deep in thought about things she failed to understand. She turned her head at the door that had just moved and inch, then flung the whole way, causing a sound apparent enough. There stood a figure in the same whiteness along with another figure?in actual color. He was quite tall, with garments so strange and faded away to her. They were colors other than white.

    She tilted her head as they exchanged words unknown to her. The stranger kept darting his dark brown eyes towards her direction, as if inspecting her thoroughly by one quick stolen glance. She tilted her head the other way, a perplexed expression clearly conspicuous on her innocent face. She stood up slowly, walking tentatively on the soft white carpet. They two strangers stopped talking, staring at her in an interesting matter. She was like a white ghost, stepping so delicately on the floor. When she spoke, the sound she made was so small, so far away from them.

    ?Is something the matter?? She asked, voice a bit hushed. One of them cleared his throat rather nervously, staring at the other clothed in white. He nodded solemnly at him, and turned his attention towards the girl.

    ?Nothing is wrong. You may go back now.? He ordered sternly and firmly at the curious girl, bare feet retreating just a bit, as her head slowly nodded. Her silky hair went down with her, a light blue pin bobbing up and down. She was always in this whispered state, as she took another step back. He frowned, waiting for her long awaited response.

    ?Alright?? She said in that same quiet hushed whisper, retreating more back. The two strangers still stared at her, dark eyes penetrating the whole pure whiteness of the room. It was so unlike anything related to the room. She kept walking back until she felt them subdued to the background, and she felt the same soft white wall come in contact with her hands. She stood silently for a second, before crumpling down on the floor, huddled against the wall. Her delicate hands clasped themselves together in front of her knees, round eyes unmoving as they stared at the strangers now staring at her.

    One of them nervously coughed again, as they quickly exchanged words and slipped through the white doors she had never gotten past, slipped past her own white world. Their footsteps died away slowly, leaving her to wander about aimlessly in the white world of hers. She sat there for what seemed like eternity, before slowly getting up. The whiteness was pretty. But it looked as if the strangers had made it a bit dirtier. But it still reminded her of?what did you call it?...oh yes, snow. She could pretend it was snow, looking back into the day she last felt the icy coolness. But that was so long ago, wasn?t it? It was just the last flicker of imagination. Then no more.

    It was a bit of her memories after all. The rest were locked away in a secret room, or so she thought. Footsteps reached her ears again, as the doors opened one more time. The same strangers came back it seemed. What did they want? Why did they give her those odd glances like that? Why did they talk behind her back? This made her frustrated and tired, enough games. The men walked over to her. She could tell the one wearing the white cloth was familiar, while the other was a stranger to this white world. They muttered, and this time, she tried desperately to catch a word.

    ?See? She?s oblivious to her surroundings, she doesn?t remember anything that happened, and I don?t think it?ll be a good idea. She won?t remember a thing, no one knows anything about her?? The man in the white cloth said briskly yet solemnly. The other stranger rubbed his tanned face nervously, staring at the queer girl before him. He twitched anxiously, as if expecting something will happen, and turned to the other man. His voice sounded questionable, yet filled with a certain quality of curiosity.

    ?Is it okay if I ask her a question?? He inquired, bending down to the girl?s level. She didn?t blink once as she leaned closer to the wall. The white clothed man sighed.

    ?By all means, go ahead. But I assure you, it will not provide beneficial.? And he fell silent again.

    The stranger sighed heftily, staring at the girl. She stared back with his round eyes that could not be decided from gray to blue. They were so filled with innocence and a virtuous look, blended in with the pale light face of hers. He clucked, raising one of his dark eyebrows, starting with a simple question.

    ?How are you today?? He asked slowly. She blinked back, cocking her head to the side as if digesting the question properly. How?was she?

    ?I am fine?? She whispered, words barely escaping her mouth, clutching the tip of her fingers more tightly.

    He frowned again, staring at the white floor momentarily before staring at her one more time.

    ?What is your name??

    At this question, the white clothes man gave a rather exasperated and annoyed sigh, shaking his head while speaking through the muffled white cloth surrounding his mouth.

    ?As I had said, I do not know her name, and she does not remember a thing-? He halted suddenly when three small, fragile delicate words escaped her mouth, filled with doubt, yet an air of certainty. He gaped at the answer, eyes inevitably fixed on the timid reply. She had just said them, right? After all those hours trying to pry this information from her, she said this to a stranger? Not him, who visited her room every single day?

    When she spoke, her mind was at total loss. What was she saying? Why did she have a sudden vision of a pink cat flying by so quickly, unable to catch at least one glance at it?

    ?I am Hikari.?


    ~*~
     
    Hey Lileh! You know me don't you? *Hopes she knows him* Anyways, to review:

    Oooooooh, mysterious. Especially with the white. *Imagines it snowing in September, then realises that has happened before* I do realise you are trying to make it seem mysterious, but it does seem at times like you have gone a bit too far. I couldn't really grasp what that chapter meant in terms of general plot. Obviously you are going to continue with this and build it up, but more would have been nicer to actually grasp at it and taken it all in.

    The length also troubles me a bit. It does seem a tad short for a first chapter, but I did kinda mention it in the comment before.

    What I do like about it is the immense vocabulary you are using. You must have used a thesaurus to get that mustn't you? It does describe the events very vividly.

    Well, hopefully the plot should build up in Chapter 2, so we'll just have to wait and see... ^_^

    "A Vote for Justice is a Vote for MCD"
     
    Length isn't a problem. She ended it off at a right place, and the story told us quite a bit already. Length isn't so dead set to be "must be over _____ words long!" all the time... it's all about if the place is appropriate.

    And everyone who's doing a serious fanfic should be using thesaurus anyway ;p

    I also don't think that the mystery is "overdone" but it's just right. The story wasn't lagging as every time the mysterious reveals a little bit of something, directly and/or indirectly. The general plot is the girl sees a legendary Pokemon, and is actually within some white room dressed all in white. She seems to be under "captive" (notice the quotes) by some men and her name is Hikari. What's so hard to understand?

    And if someone is to complain about "well nothing is going on much" well not all fanfics need to have tons of action/plot movement... no plot is very crappy or corny, as long as your writing style is good enough.
     
    OMG I <3 YOU GUYS ><;;;

    MCD; yes I do remember you. ^^ Thank you very much for the review! A thesaurus? Well um..*shifts eyes* I look up dictioanries/thesauruses sometimes and try to learn more vocabulary for myself. >_> No, I'm not a geek. It's just fun and gives me something to do, and it certainly pays off of writing. The point of this chapter was to build up an introduction really, just trying to let readers grasp the concept, yet not so entirely. Confusing, yes but...
    oni flygon; thanks! Although this is only the first chapter, thank you anywayz. XP
    Frostweaver; well, you basically identified what I was going to say. The setting description should've told you where she was currently...ah well, not anymore. Here's chapter 2. ^_^! I included thundershock because I HATE how TR always gets hit by them, and they are unaffected. Really unexplainable. I like to think Pokemon in the perspective of reality.


    <Chapter Two>

    ?H-How did-?The white clothed man stumbled upon words, shaking his head. ?It seems some of her memories are renewed altogether?although?? He frowned hesitantly at the apparent stated fact, newly christened Hikari staring straight at him. Her eyes were filled with a strange hollowness, gray fog billowing over the last remnants of blue. It felt as if those same water drops enclosed with salt would trail down her cheeks any moment, but she did not surprisingly. Instead, Hikari spoke soft steadfast words.

    ?I?m tired of white,? She said quietly yet bluntly, trailing her fingers down the white around her, oblivious to the two men?s surprised glance at each other. She then touched the same white of her dress, then the silver glint of her hair. ?Everything is white.? She remarked soundly, joining her hands together.

    ?I live in white.? She giggled, covering her mouth with her hands, completely unaware of the stranger?s peculiar glance at the odd laughing girl. After a while, she stopped suddenly, setting her hands on the floor. Her knees lessened the closed space between her, as her head looked down, trails of hair falling down with her.

    ?But the white scares me.? She whispered, eyes resuming that empty space. Her arms trembled. ?It scares me a lot?? Her voice quivered with unknown fear, bringing her knees close to her, hugging them tightly. She set her head down, eyes shut to block away everything else. The stranger raised his gruff hand and gently patted her on the back, standing up. The white clothed man sighed low under his breath at the bunched up girl, obviously not wanting to be at their presence any longer.

    ?At least we know her name now?? He jumped at the small discovery, crossing his arms. He still carried that disapproved look on his face. ?Let?s leave. There is no point in staying if she ever acts like that. Believe me, I tried.? He said gently. The stranger nodded, letting the man lead him out of the room, closing the door behind him, leaving Hikari to dwell upon her own imagination.

    Hikari peeked open an eye. Were those men gone? Yes, they were indeed gone. She grinned mischievously, staring at the empty white in front of her. They were falling like rain, drifting to the floor. Her eyes drifted on and off. She numbly stood up, walking steadily at the white door in which they escaped out of. How did they escape the whiteness? They could slip in and out, without much of a vague thought on this.

    She tilted her head amusingly, ghostly hands outstretched to what seemed like a portal. Her eyes got lost as she stepped forwards, giving it a slight push. And to her shocked look, it opened. There was the door to her freedom from all this white. It was just staring right back at her.

    An odd smile flew by her face, as she started walking. Every step sent a pulse of excitement through her veins, as her feet stepped on something hard, and it was not white. Hikari smiled, the light getting dimmer as she walked farther away. The floor was cool, hard and a darker shade of white. It was not much of a difference, but it was darker. What was it called? Gray? She shook her head, as she resumed walking. Why was everything so dark? Why wasn?t anyone here? There was a strange rectangular object with things on it, as well as various items lying around.

    She giggled softly, skipping across the marbled floor. Every step was so light and carefree, every moment of it was like an utter delirium. Silky hair flew with her, eyes lively with this unknown kind of freedom. She halted mid air, collapsing down to her feet slowly. There it is! That pink cat she kept seeing, that kept bothering her. A childish pout crept up her face, as she giggled again. Her voice echoed as a small melody came out, resuming skipping. Hikari didn?t mind the dim light. It reflected her slender silhouette of who she was.

    She slowed into a walk as her eyes caught sight of a door? What were they? They were the same things the men used to get out, wasn?t it? Gasping with excitement at this small realization, she eagerly walked to it, hands desperately trying to regain that force so she may push it, and to feel it welcome her into another world.

    Hikari did this easily, gushing with happiness as she ran outside. The first thing she noticed; was darkness. Figures didn?t presume the most, except a round illuminating white orb blended in with the dark indigo night. Her eyes opened with surprise and a bit of fright, but stepping outside despite this. Her feet felt something different, a small breeze flying softly by her face. It was so black, unlike the white world she lived in. Everything was black and so dark. There was no sign of white, no sign of that same comfort. Instead, it was an eerie kind of glowing beauty wavering around.

    Her mind still a mess, she stumbled softly over various sharp objects, unaware of any emotions. The night air lifted her spirits. She felt like the wind, and this feeling she had never experienced before. Hikari laughed freely, walking a bit more. The dark light faded until she was sure she could not see anything. Tall objects loomed over her, a rustling noise stumbling past. What was that sudden coolness flying by so swiftly besides her? Her hands fidgeted restlessly, receiving light only from the glowing white orb. It could barely get past the thick clumps of tiny leaves cluttered?trees?

    She stopped when her eyes caught a faint flicker of light. Light! Hikari giggled nervously, but sang as she walked. Every step brought her so closer, yet still far. Her hands were reached out, feeling for anything she might get hold of. Was that pink cat back again? Again that dazed look clouded over her gray blue eyes, receiving nothing and sending nothing. Did it want to play with her? She shook her head; walking faster, hem of her dress flying with her. That light got faint, as she took a slight turn. Or was it because she veered off direction once again?

    To her dismay, it disappeared altogether. But it was a different kind. Here she was standing alone in the dark, catching a glimpse of hope until it just went away. Like the eye of a storm, midway to its destination. It was just so queer how everything seemed to take a sudden twist of turn. Something brushed past her ankles. Was it the wind? Yes, the wind indeed felt this silky and smooth. But it was something else she could not point on, something soft unlike anything she felt.

    Tilting her head, Hikari bent down, hands searching for whatever may have touched her in the beginning. Fingers grasped empty air, disappointment arousing her face. She suppressed a sudden random action of frustration as another soft sensation brushed past her legs. Was it an illusion? A figment of imagination? Or just something she couldn?t quite grasp the concept on? Her eyes were clouded over with the dark, matching the pale grayness fog in her eyes. Lost, traveling and halted.

    For a moment, it was silence, until she took a step forwards. Something was calling her, she heard it. It was a tendentious thing to her, as she took another step, eyes confused and lost. An acid feeling bothered her eyes. Why did this cat torment her like so? Why couldn?t it just come out and face her? If it wanted to play, Hikari was fine with that. But she did not like how it hid every time she managed to catch a glimpse at it. Her mind could not consolidate on the matter anymore; it was not proficient enough to understand this one thing. With an angry gesture, she uttered unexplainable words as she trudged along.

    All this time, a small part of her had been contemplating on the outcome she would have to face. Irksome branches got in her way, fist pounding on them to move. In fact, she was so lost she did not hear the angry squeal something made when her feet stepped on something unusually furry. Furry? Hikari had barely enough time before voltage of electricity shot through her body rapidly, a high pitched scream escaping her mouth. She wanted it to go away, what had she done to deserve this treatment? A spasm of pain stabbed her entire vein course, spreading quite efficiently. It gradually stopped, as the unknown creature was heard rustling into a bush.

    So this was her first experience with something new? What was this called? Hikari thought, collapsing near a tree, tear drops threatening. Her hands were shaking involuntarily, trying to ease themselves to support her weight when standing up. They clenched themselves into a fist, shakily getting up. A flash of another pink was all it took for the girl to go in an enraged scream. Her mind was lost, walking, yet still searching. Fits of tears rolled down as she beat her fists against the bark of a tree. What was wrong with her? Why was she seeing these abnormal visions?

    "Go away," Hikari said forcefully to nothing in particular, stumbling as she continued to walk. Her hand still stung from the assault she had used against that tree. Sanity seemed to leave her completely alone, empty and somewhat hollow. She forced down a choked sob as her hands gripped another tree for support. ?I do not wish to see you anymore.? Hair stuck fast against her tear stained face, nothing but a flurry of mess. She didn?t know who she was anymore, where she was going, and she didn?t know what was blinding her eyes like so.

    She couldn?t see anything; extreme light shining and digging deep into the surface of her eyes, quite painfully. Her hands reached out to cover it, but it saw past, as she turned her head away. She took a step back out of skepticism, trying to avoid this blinding light. Her ears picked up mutters, low talking, and the same kind the white clothed man and that stranger had used. Were they talking behind her back as well? She fought down the incensing anger, thoroughly vexed as she lowered her head a bit to cover out most of everything around her.

    ?What the-?The deep voice sounded shocked, as he approached. There were some other mutterings, gaining on her. She clenched her fists again, advantageous only to suppress the enraged girl.

    ?LEAVE ME ALONE.? Screaming to her full extent, Hikari tried to run, but the total darkness was no more. Light flooded her every direction, loud mutterings and whisperings aroused as she desperately tried to escape. Nowhere to turn and nowhere to go, the last of the light faded away when something relevantly hard knocked her in the back. The last she saw was that pink cat flying by again, just a subdued glimpse before her world collapsed into the shallow darkness. And tranquility was restored.

    ~*~
     
    This does not look like a Pokemon fic, sorry I haven't read it all so I can't comment much
     
    If you haven't read it all...why bother to even comment? If you haven't read it all...why place your quick judgement on thinking this is not a Pokemon fic? Truthfully; your post was a bit rash and I would like it if people would not even comment if saying things like that. Thank you.

    ^_^
     
    Cool story, but why did you post it as a sticky? My experience shows if it's 'important' like forewords in books, ppl skip it. But nice work
    Check out my forum 'Darkness of my tears' :D
     
    I take back I what I said earlier. I kinda like this fic
     
    Dark Pikachu, *points to oni flygon* He stickied it, not me, becuse um, I think about the fanfic of the week I suppose.

    TTYO, I thoroughly appreciate you for saying that. It means a lot...

    As for the next chapter...my ideas can't be put into words currently. ><; It's getting harder to type it out. :/
     
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