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Frostweaver

Ancient + Prehistoric
8,246
Posts
20
Years
  • @ Life in the Eyes of Bluk:

    -transition is still not very smooth... rather choppy

    -now here's a big problem: why the heck will a Pokemon be so friendly towards an invader? O.o; Also all Pokemon are too magically understanding in nature... odd

    -anime-style

    -lacking a bit of description in terms of setting
     

    Dizzy

    My Father is a Baron!
    6,377
    Posts
    20
    Years
  • Congratulations frostweaver, totally dig your fan-fic. I want to compare to you, and trust me, I will ^_^. Sunlight Chapter 2+3 on the way to posting.
     

    Frostweaver

    Ancient + Prehistoric
    8,246
    Posts
    20
    Years
  • anime style is flooded and is everywhere O.o; it is quite unoriginal at the same time. Also, it's not that difficult to demonstrate Pokemon battling without being anime-styled.

    It IS possible to stay away from anime-styled battling, even if you're in situations such as gym battles. Tainted Webs on ffnet does a very good job on that.

    @ Dizzy:

    -Aww thank you for your kind comments ^^; I doubt that I can really be much of a good fanfic writer though
     

    gatene

    Pok?mon Professor
    13
    Posts
    20
    Years
    • Age 43
    • Seen Mar 21, 2005
    anime style battling??

    To Oni Flygon:

    Uhm, what exactly characterizes anime-style battling? Is growling their names one of them? If so, I've read some Pok?mon manga, and it shows the Pok?mon saying their names when they growl, especially during a battle. Perhaps I got it all wrong, please clarify, so I know what to do diff in my story too, and FrostWeaver please add to his reply too. I want people to be able to read my fanfic as if it were based in the real world.

    Gatene
     

    Frostweaver

    Ancient + Prehistoric
    8,246
    Posts
    20
    Years
  • Anime battling- A way a fanfic writer describes a Pokemon battling scene, as if it is a battle from the anime. Anime battling relies heavily on trainer's commands within conversations, and usually lacks description in the Pokemon itself. Anime battling focuses on the trainers giving the commands, rather than seeing the Pokemon in action (as if you're watching the anime and you can see the Pokemon battle, so the writer didn't bother with much work in Pokemon battling). The Pokemon trainers say an unnecessary lots, making the battling scene feeling very laggy and boring. Trainers also like to say "anime lines" (corny lines) such as "try to get up," "you earn yourself a good rest" and all other battling common phrases that everyone who watched 5 episodes of Pokemon would have memorized already.


    Anime battling will be something like...:

    "Go Alakazam!" exclaimed Trainer A as he throw out a red and white sphere. Alakazam came out and eyed his opponents.

    "Go Tauros" shouted Trainer B. Her Tauros was let loose from the Pokeball.

    "Alakazam, use your psychic attack!" said Trainer A as his Pokemon launched the psychic attack right at Tauros.

    "Oh no Tauros hang on! Don't give up!" shouted Trainer B as her Tauros got back on his feet. "Alright now counter it with horn attack!"

    "Alakazam use teleport to escape!" said Trainer A. Alakazam dodged out of the horn attack.

    "You're doing great Tauros! Keep chasing it down with horn attack!" commanded Trainer B as her Tauros launched multiple horn attacks at the psychic Pokemon.

    "No Alakazam we cannot lose this gym battle! Use your disable to stop it!"

    <repeat crap like that for 60 more paragraphs>


    As you see, the trainer does a lot more than the Pokemon which is terrible. We see them giving commands more than the battling itself. Very ugly... however, there are 2 methods on stopping yourself from anime battling.

    a) don't use so much conversation commands

    b) add in description

    The above scene can be improved into something like this to escape anime battling...


    A gym battle has begun in the city of <blank>, as the challenger Trainer A stepped up to the plate. At his call, a psychic Pokemon appeared on the scene, with its deadly psychic weapons ready to launch its fatal attacks. The gym leader reacted calmly at the intimidating scene, and summoned her raging Tauros out into the battlefield.

    "Alakazam, use your psychic attack now!"

    The Pokemon obeyed the command as he raised up his hands, and a purple blast of energy was shot forward from its two metal spoons directly at the helpless Tauros in the blink of an eye. The bull Pokemon was forced onto the ground at the sheer power of the attack, and slid across the gym floor as the gym leader gasped at the power of the devastating psychic attack.


    It's still a Pokemon battle, and trainers can still give commands. But this way it's a lot more entertaining.

    Anime battling is sometimes purposely used for one of the trainer in a Pokemon battle (usually the loser of the battle) to indicate the fact that this trainer is an idiot. It's pretty much the only time when anime battling is allowed: to mock a trainer.
     
    7,901
    Posts
    20
    Years
  • frostweaver said:
    Anime battling- A way a fanfic writer describes a Pokemon battling scene, as if it is a battle from the anime. Anime battling relies heavily on trainer's commands within conversations, and usually lacks description in the Pokemon itself. Anime battling focuses on the trainers giving the commands, rather than seeing the Pokemon in action (as if you're watching the anime and you can see the Pokemon battle, so the writer didn't bother with much work in Pokemon battling). The Pokemon trainers say an unnecessary lots, making the battling scene feeling very laggy and boring. Trainers also like to say "anime lines" (corny lines) such as "try to get up," "you earn yourself a good rest" and all other battling common phrases that everyone who watched 5 episodes of Pokemon would have memorized already.


    Anime battling will be something like...:

    "Go Alakazam!" exclaimed Trainer A as he throw out a red and white sphere. Alakazam came out and eyed his opponents.

    "Go Tauros" shouted Trainer B. Her Tauros was let loose from the Pokeball.

    "Alakazam, use your psychic attack!" said Trainer A as his Pokemon launched the psychic attack right at Tauros.

    "Oh no Tauros hang on! Don't give up!" shouted Trainer B as her Tauros got back on his feet. "Alright now counter it with horn attack!"

    "Alakazam use teleport to escape!" said Trainer A. Alakazam dodged out of the horn attack.

    "You're doing great Tauros! Keep chasing it down with horn attack!" commanded Trainer B as her Tauros launched multiple horn attacks at the psychic Pokemon.

    "No Alakazam we cannot lose this gym battle! Use your disable to stop it!"

    <repeat crap like that for 60 more paragraphs>


    As you see, the trainer does a lot more than the Pokemon which is terrible. We see them giving commands more than the battling itself. Very ugly... however, there are 2 methods on stopping yourself from anime battling.

    a) don't use so much conversation commands

    b) add in description

    The above scene can be improved into something like this to escape anime battling...


    A gym battle has begun in the city of <blank>, as the challenger Trainer A stepped up to the plate. At his call, a psychic Pokemon appeared on the scene, with its deadly psychic weapons ready to launch its fatal attacks. The gym leader reacted calmly at the intimidating scene, and summoned her raging Tauros out into the battlefield.

    "Alakazam, use your psychic attack now!"

    The Pokemon obeyed the command as he raised up his hands, and a purple blast of energy was shot forward from its two metal spoons directly at the helpless Tauros in the blink of an eye. The bull Pokemon was forced onto the ground at the sheer power of the attack, and slid across the gym floor as the gym leader gasped at the power of the devastating psychic attack.


    It's still a Pokemon battle, and trainers can still give commands. But this way it's a lot more entertaining.

    Anime battling is sometimes purposely used for one of the trainer in a Pokemon battle (usually the loser of the battle) to indicate the fact that this trainer is an idiot. It's pretty much the only time when anime battling is allowed: to mock a trainer.

    Lol, I wasn't sure about the anime style battling and I thought my battle scenes will be classified as that...good thing to know that mine aren't anime style battles.. *sigh of relief*
     

    Frostweaver

    Ancient + Prehistoric
    8,246
    Posts
    20
    Years
  • @ Pokemon Beyond

    -maybe it's just me, but Groudons here and there never seem to be so cool for my liking...

    -good job with the fine details with some of the scenes, clearly showing that the author did some research and caring planning when writing this fanfic

    -biggest problem with this fanfic is probably transition... the jump from the prologue to ch.1 was highly awkward

    -minor grammatic problems that every fanfic in the world will have

    -now maybe once again it's my own personal disliking, but I hate how fanfics use phrases such as "<number> years later" or stuff like that... those sentences really make a fanfic seems a lot choppier than it really is

    -there must be better ways than to just start a fanfic with saying how old some characters are... it shouldn't be a hard thing to do to just slip the info in somewhere quietly along with the other character description


    Edit:


    @ The Dreamer

    -personally i dislike character profiles, as I don't see why you can't just fit those things into the story itself

    -Team Magma and Devon in Kanto are rather left unexplained... very confusing part (main problem)

    -Swellow can't possibly fly a young boy, let alone 2 people... x_x;

    -reasoning for Kamille to let go of all of his Pokemon is rather very unclear... you'll need to spend more time talking about that. This also applies to why he wants to start another journey.

    -transition was odd when Chris annouced that she's going to join Kamille on the upcoming journey

    -overall, it's transition and explanation problems... need to explain "why" to everything with more detail. As for transition, it's usually related with length... usually if you got length, transition can't be that bad.
     
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    gatene

    Pok?mon Professor
    13
    Posts
    20
    Years
    • Age 43
    • Seen Mar 21, 2005
    I thank you for that description of anime battling, Frostweaver. I guess I'm in the same position with OniFlygon, mine isn't like that. Then again, my fanfiction hasn't included any battles yet, but the fanfic I wrote years ago (which is History's Past, Present's future, but a lot less detail, etc), had battling, and it wasn't 100% anime battling. I mean, sure, I added phrases like, "Good job Pok?mon", but the Pok?mon got caught into the limelight as well.

    Thanks again,

    Gatene
     

    Frostweaver

    Ancient + Prehistoric
    8,246
    Posts
    20
    Years
  • @ The Adventures of Mari and Spark

    -eww it's script!

    -anime style... so much dialogues when it's really not necessary

    -overall lack description and length... it's ok to be short sometimes but this length is a bit TOO short

    -character description basically doesn't exist which is not a good thing at all...

    -refer to the Writing FAQ stickied within this forum =)


    Now Frostweaver's own notes...

    Expect an upcoming short story called "Another Way of Battling." An action/comedy fanfic! Please go read and review, and comment! ^^
     
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    Mew13

    Aqua Trainer
    3,779
    Posts
    20
    Years
  • Frostweaver? I don't mean to be an annoyance, but...

    You only reviewed the 1st chapter of Mew's chosen one. I was wondering if you could review the next few chapters, as you're one of the only people that gives me cronstructive critisism.
     

    Frostweaver

    Ancient + Prehistoric
    8,246
    Posts
    20
    Years
  • @ Mew's Chosen One (ch.2 to 4)

    -story generally suffers from length and description problems

    -weather conflicts with the actual mood of the story in the beginning of ch.2

    -the boy's appearance is unnaturally dark compare to reality, and is awkward

    -anime styled battling ._.;

    -time went by in an unusual manner, as it was noon in the beginning of ch.2, and after the short battle it's already evening? O.o; also once again, weather conflict with the actual mood

    -Derek went OOC in late ch.2

    -Kari is unnaturally calm after seeing Mew, and actually how she recognized the legendary Pokemon as Mew is already unnatural

    -ch. 4: "had the circumstances be different" makes no sense o.o;

    -it's still stuck on the ever so annoying genre of the new trainer fanfic type x_x;

    -lesser anime style stuff for the last chapter, but still it can be worked upon


    And once again go read my fanfic! ;p Go!


    @ Call of Dragons

    -Blue is slightly OOC o.O; and it's just awkward how Blue will be talking of all these things regarding her daughter and so on without realizing that Dennis is Yellow/Green's son first. It will be better if the order flipped around.

    -the talk Dennis has with Nina at the end of the chapter can be smoothened out a bit, as currently some of the lines don't make too much sense...

    -verb tense error once in awhile

    -going to Lavender from Saffron will mean that you want to head to the eastern gate, not west (that'll be Celadon)
     
    Last edited:
    7,901
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  • frostweaver said:
    @ Call of Dragons

    -Blue is slightly OOC o.O; and it's just awkward how Blue will be talking of all these things regarding her daughter and so on without realizing that Dennis is Yellow/Green's son first. It will be better if the order flipped around.

    -the talk Dennis has with Nina at the end of the chapter can be smoothened out a bit, as currently some of the lines don't make too much sense...

    -verb tense error once in awhile

    -going to Lavender from Saffron will mean that you want to head to the eastern gate, not west (that'll be Celadon)

    Thanks! I thought you weren't going to correct my fanfic again...XD
    I'll fix those when I get time...
     

    Frostweaver

    Ancient + Prehistoric
    8,246
    Posts
    20
    Years
  • lol I don't see why I am not going to review your fanfics. Notice that I'm having lesser and lesser to complain about every time? XD;; Most of the stuff besides the mentioned things just have to come with experience, so really can't do much about those besides letting you write even more ;p

    @ Midnight Dreams

    -oh dear it's one massive anime styled battling scene with no paragraphs... my poor eyes! ;_;

    -whatever's said in the "introduction lines" can just go into the story itself... don't see why these basic character description and background information cannot just go within the story

    -where's the descriptions? the last paragraph have a bit but... o.O;

    -how about reading the guide for a 2nd time? =)
     

    shining_light

    Dolphins. ^^. School. ;-;
    584
    Posts
    20
    Years
  • Don't count my fanfic out!

    My turn to adverstise my 1st fic, Midnight Dreams! This story is about a young girl who finds out her sister is the new Pokemon League Champion! Of course, the girl gets jealous, and goes out to beat her sister! Go and read it, please!i'm going to post the next chapter soon ^_^. It will be your time well spent! XD

    Edit: Frosty, the second chapter's better, trust me ^_^. i took the Guide's advice, and changed the battle style. I know, it hurts my eyes too -_-;;. XD
     
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