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oni; I stickied the last FF of the week on Nov 9, meaning 9 + 7= nov 16, nu? ;; Isn't it...November 15 right now? (Lily needs to sleep because unfortunately, her mom decided to sleep on the second floow today...)

As for frosty; alright, thanks. ^^ Because I remember you saying 'Fallen' White one day in chat so I got a bit confused...

*goes to sleep*
 
It's the 16th today... so Guilty by Design should go down, and another should go up. As for which one I'd like to see up... well... that's a secret... *coughHexcough* XD J/k It won't happen until I get Chapter 1 up, which could take a while. ^_^
 
Then get chapter one up. XP

And um, I did it. Breezy. Whoosh~
 
@ Drifted Away (ch.1)

-articles are just... missing? O.o; need to use the spellcheck.

-when introducing a flashback, it isn't necessary to label "Flashback." It really isn't too healthy of a thing to do.

-watch for spelling... Dragonite has only 1 n

-some diction is rather inappropriate... in what should be a dramatic terrifying scene, why allude Ninetales to a bursting water balloon (which has a comedical tone?)

-"She wanted to find her baby, quickly. But if she was waiting for pink and brown feet pass, they would be ancient and her baby will be adult trapped in a cage by hunters." That just didn't make any sense... at all o.o;

-Ninetales is introduced as a proper noun, as if it's a name, so don't suddenly switch Ninetales to a common noun by using "the" in front of it.

-not too much problems besides grammar, but it lacks the good usage of tone, atmosphere and dicton to intensify the plot. More descriptions can also be used in order to make the scene even more dramatic and real. Focus on fixing up grammatic errors as well. Really all fanfics should have a 8 or higher in grammar. Spellcheck fixes a lot of it, and proofreading should fix up most of the problem. Ask a friend to proofread as well, if possible. The lack of tension, due to the lack of/inapropriate tone and diction in the flaskback sequence is the main factor why this fanfic may not be able to sustain much audiences after reading the first chapter. Focus on those aspects of the novel next chapter, and things should improve much more.


Grammar Basics: 7/10 <= problem
Characterization: 12/20
Coherence/Readability: 9/10
Tone/Atmosphere: 10/20
Diction: 11/20
Effort/Originality: 16/20
Lit. Device bonus: +1 (flashback)


Total: 65
 
*claps at Frosty's review* XD
I just love how good frosty is at criticism XD
 
Yeah, you just want to slap that blue avatar of his and threaten not to give it back unless he criticizes you...

But that's Lily's opinion LA~*

XDD
 
Beint stickied didn't get any new readers though. Ah well *points to sig*. Was going to draw a Hitmonchan holding a gun to an Eevee's head and going "READ OR THE EEVEE GETS IT", but this is effective too.
 
lol... I suddenly feel so loved XD

Lily: aww but then you can't do that to my poor Blue because you haven't wrote anything yet for awhile... then again, I know that 2 more fanfics are on the way from you ;p I'll look forward to it.

Iveechan: lol! When did my sig become an ad? ;p Meh. Thought that I should mention and advertise a little for all those 90%+ wonderful fanfictions. So yeah... Then again, who outside of the fanfic forum will know whose sig that is, and what's so special about it? lol. And now I see that the sig got a grammar error in it >>; *fixes*

But thanks for the flattery, everyone X3
 
Well, as far as I know, I didn't get a single reply while The Quest for the Legends was stickied, even though if I remember correctly I posted at least one chapter while it was up there. :/

Hmm... if you don't mind me saying that, nice suggestion. *steals Blue and orders frosty to review Last Defense*
 
._.;

That's it. New rule:


"Frostweaver will not do more than one review for the same author within a 7 day basis. In less grammatically-screwed up terms, this means that he won't review the work of the same author more than once a week. Say if he reviewed Iveechan's work, he won't look at her work again until 7 days is up, so that he can review other people's fanfics. And this new rule doesn't necessarily gurantee that he *will* come to read your work once every 7 days either, as everything depends on his school schedule.

Special occassions can bend this rule a bit though =p"

=)
 
;_;

*all the fics are going to dieee*

Okie. ^^ Frosty is a bit busy I presume then...lol XD

Special occasions....*coughbirthdaycough?* >.>;
 
@ Pokemon Impact (episode 1, ch2)

-I'm going to skip ch1 and go on to ch2, since MCD did a review on ch.1 a long time ago

-VERB TENSES... don't switch them back and forth. Stick with past tense.

-"At that moment, he captured a Totodile, a Nidoran (Male), a Bagon and a Beldum. They have evolved into Crocanaw, Nidorino, Shellgon and Metang, and the Larvitar, his first pokemon, evolved into a Tyranitar." Terribly boring... do not ever throw out lists like this

-"So far, the fifteen-year-old Jack defeated many trainers, won badges, participated in a few tournaments, and captured a few pokemon along the way. Even though he is away from home, he contacts his brother and his foster father every now and again." This is a very vague sentence, and really general... not only does it support anime-like ideas, but it is also just lacking in description. The tone suggests some rather childish stuff as well, which is not good.

-too many paragraphs... use paraphrasing to reduce the amount of paragraphs you need, along with combining a few small paragraphs into one.

-"conversation spam" is not a good thing to do... use the narration to do part of the talking.

-a new blank line is definitely preferred whenever there's a new paragraph, or a new speaker talking, to help with readability.

-entire battle scene: anime styled, and terribly vauge once again... refer to the sticky guide that says "READ FIRST"

-try reading other materials (fanfics or real novels) in order to improve your own writing ability. Analyze something that you like, and compare it with your own writing, and see what do they have that your writing does not.

-this fanfic needs a terribly lot of work to be done. Description, characterization, tone, diction and atmosphere are all absent from the fanfic. Everything is done in a manner very close to the anime, which will definitely make your readers feel that this is nothing more but the Pokemon-anime wanna-be, and we all know that Pokemon is not the best anime out there... Also, anime-styled battling is always a sure indicator that there is a lack of originality.

Grammar Basics: 8/10
Characterization: 6/20
Coherence/Readability: 9/10
Tone/Atmosphere: 7/20
Diction: 7/20
Effort/Originality: 10/20
Lit. Device bonus: +0


Total: 47
 
*waits for Friday* Need... reviews...
 
To Frostweaver (Based on Pokemon Impact: Episode 1, Chapter 2): Thanx for the review and I appreciate your comments. I'll try to improve on that chapter if I have the time. And like I promised, this fanfic will get better and better.
 
@ Fallen Hero (ch1)

-watch out for the common misusage of the comma... the English language does have more than just one punctuation.

-tone and diction are clearly absent, as shown in the first paragraph... events are rather reported, like a newspaper article, instead of the dramatic/tense atmosphere that is needed for this story. Try to have your narrator narrate your story with a tone of voice. Get rid of the monotone that should be saved for essay writings.

-lack of description, especially in terms of feelings and emotions.

-very well done on most parts regarding the characters, and their consistency with the anime (seeing how this is completely based off of the Pokemon anime show.)

-paragraphs are too long... break it up to help with coherence. Also, remember to enter a blank line whenever there's a new paragraph.

-don't suddenly switch to script formats for conversations with no particular reason, and even that it's in the incorrect format for a scriptfic.

-why do you suddenly allude to bells on Sunday morning? Such allusions are contradicting the current mood you've setup...

-terribly confusing sentence structures... x_x;

-radical changes are happening very quickly... there are some severe lack of transition within the fanfic

-now, Ash is starting to act dramatically OOC near the middle of the chapter, and a lack of transition for this change results in more confusion.

-"something broke out of a lab and it is a crazy monster destroying the world in one way or another" is a terribly OU idea... same for the corny name of Omega too. Not sure if the ironic name is meant to be as well...

-Readability is terribly scarred by this fanfic, as it is difficult to read. Lack of transition and strange sentence structure creates a lot of confusion within the plot, and the absense of emotional description restrains the readers from getting into the story. Though physical descriptions are present, the way that they present themselves is rather boring and uninteresting. Pair all of these flaws up with an overused plot and overused name of a mysterious creature, you get a terribly written "Pokemon the first Movie"-wannabe writing.


Grammar Basics: 8/10
Characterization: 7/20
Coherence/Readability: 6/10
Tone/Atmosphere: 7/20
Diction: 7/20
Effort/Originality: 10/20
Lit. Device bonus: +0


Total: 45



Ooo... Frosty's so terribly mean lately ;p

On another note, for all the other readers, there is a reminder that there is the Christmas Pokemon Fanfic Contest. ^_^ Click on the link within my signature for more information! Almost half a month has passed since the start of the contest, and hopefully writers are inspired and have already planned out the plot by now?
 
frostweaver said:
On another note, for all the other readers, there is a reminder that there is the Christmas Pokemon Fanfic Contest. ^_^ Click on the link within my signature for more information! Almost half a month has passed since the start of the contest, and hopefully writers are inspired and have already planned out the plot by now?
Click to expand...
I've written around half of it. The problem is that despite definitely being chaptered fiction, I highly doubt it's ever going to be 5000 words. I could never make it into a one-shot. Can't you just make it so that you get 1 format bonus point for 1500-3000 words and 2 for 3000-5000 words or something? x_X
 
hmm... how about:

Minimum of 1000 words per chapter on average, and at least 3 chapters with a format bonus of 2? (making it 3000 words instead) Additional 1 bonus points if word limit exceeds 5000/5 chapters.

Honestly I don't see why a chapter fanfic can have lesser than 3 chapters (if you only have 2, might as well turn it into a oneshot with 2 parts). I personally prefer my previous word limit, but seeing how there's the limited time factor which prevents writers from the planning s/he can get normally, I'll lower it to 3000 minimum. Is that ok?
 
It's not that it has so few chapters, it's just that the chapters are short...
 
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