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Fanfiction Lounge

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Nekomajo Asunya said:
Chapter 8 of Hoenn Mirror World up. It may seem like I'm skipping ahead, but it's actually a bit of foreshadowing about what's going to happen in a future chapter. For those who aren't liking HMW too much, hopefully this is where things start to get interesting. If not, I'm sorry that I've wasted everyone's time by reading it and I'll take it off first thing tomorrow.
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it's not that I'm not reading it because it's bad, but it's just that...

a) christmas fanfics are coming in for me to review soon
b) just started holiday and school days right before holiday are ususally exam-packed
c) I don't like to read fanfics when I'm trying ot write my own... don't want outside influences on my own plot in order to be original

^^; so pardon me that I'll review HMW later...
 
frostweaver said:
it's not that I'm not reading it because it's bad, but it's just that...

a) christmas fanfics are coming in for me to review soon
b) just started holiday and school days right before holiday are ususally exam-packed
c) I don't like to read fanfics when I'm trying ot write my own... don't want outside influences on my own plot in order to be original

^^; so pardon me that I'll review HMW later...
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Oh. I see. I completely understand. I don't mind waiting.
 
@ Justice (ch.1)

Terribly hard to comment on this... most of it is filler-material serving as a transition to something greater that is about to come in the future. Slight grammatic errors here and there, and that's aobut it. I don't like that many conversations, but it wasn't so much that the story fell all clogged up into a scriptfic wanna-be at least. It didn't really spark my interest, but it didn't kill any either. A bit is revealed about Amy, but not that much. However, this feels more like a prologue than Chapter one anyway, so it's fine enough. Actually, perhpas renaming this to "prologue" instead of "chapter 1" will probably improve the story by a lot already. Psychologically, we won't be expecting that much from it then. lol...

Just your daily normal fanfic that's not a piece of writing that's worth praising about, nor is it something that you want to tell your friends to stay away from either... Effort/originality omitted for now due to the little to nothing revealed about plot, and without plot it's terribly difficult to judge originality.

Grammar Basics: 8/10
Characterization: 15/20
Coherence/Readability: 9/10
Tone/Atmosphere: 14/20
Diction: 14/20
Effort/Originality: omit/20
Lit. Device bonus: +1 (foreshadow)

Total: 61/80 => 76



@ Trial of Juno (up to ch.7)

Battle's still roughly the same... with the highly game-intensitive similiarity which managed to really take away from the idea that Pokemon is as real as animals in real life. Last time my encounter with a dog didn't give me my one turn to run away before I get hit by "bite" >>; ahem... At the same time, I was rather surprised at how you didn't mention Chlorophyll ability being activated either at the battle against the two legendary birds. I was expecting that. Highlight out of all the battle scene must be Return. That was terribly clever.

As for all the other parts... it feel rather a bit rushed up and lacking in transition in comparison to RoP. (lol and now we see a very similiar event in RoP don't we? Finally I get what you mean by RoP and ToJ being similiar.) The pixie scene is very nicely done with the dramatic irony, though too bad that wonderfully well constructed event was rather poorly supported by the other events. Once again, with an average of just 2 or 3 lines long per paragraph, there's probably too many of them too. Diction doesn't have the most exciting setup too... The famous lovable Return scene can probably be reworded a little to focus on the power of Return a bit more and so on, for example. Randy's supreme reign over his own land is rather inconsistent at times too... Well we'll see...

Grammar Basics: 10/10
Characterization: 15/20
Coherence/Readability: 9/10
Tone/Atmosphere: 15/20
Diction: 14/20
Effort/Originality: 18/20
Lit. Device bonus: +2 (dramatic irony +2)

Total: 83
 
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Not to rush you or anything, but are you going to review Pok?mon Master and Sunset Beach?
 
Thanks for the review! Yeah, more of it will be up soon, and there will actally be more characterization. I'll think about changing chapter 1 to a prologue, but it seemed a little long for that, so I wasn't sure. Thanks very much, though :)
 
sparklythingy said:
Thanks for the review! Yeah, more of it will be up soon, and there will actally be more characterization. I'll think about changing chapter 1 to a prologue, but it seemed a little long for that, so I wasn't sure. Thanks very much, though :)
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All depends if prologue serves its purpose... though I did put in the general guideline that prologues are only around 500-600 words usually, as long as the story is in porportion to the prologue (meaning if prologue is 1000 words long, then your chapters will be 2000 for example), then it's fine to me...

Of course, another way to avoid this problem is to take out the chaptering system =D all problem solved. The only loss to that is that you can no longer use the chapter title as an important symbol or foreshadowing on what is to come.

As for dragonfree's 2 oneshots, I read it already but I'll need to reread them a few times to catch the theme... >>;
 
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Trials of Reluctance (Meitantei Isaac)
Just got done with chapter 2. I liked how Tsunami (I thought it was rather odd until May mentioned her full name) and May are alike to the point where they hate each other.

Also, you've showed me a bit of a different side of Pokemon with your fic. I don't know why, though. Maybe it's because of Brendan's crush on May, or maybe May's "tough girl" attitude.

Whatever the case, your fic is showing quite a lot of promise. I'll get to reading chapter 3 after my hair appointment tomorrow.
 
Wow someone else is reviewing in "my" lounge XD

@ Sunset Beach

-can always emphasize the importance and the holy essense of Sunset Beach a lot more, in order to make Delcatty look even worse in the end

-as always, paragraphs for some reason are never any longer than 3 lines? O.o; can always always combine a few of them together.

-nothing much to comment, except for one thing: "Argo." It's a terribly interesting name, and the fact that its role in the story is the complete contradiction of the origin of the name makes it something worth further investigating about. One can treat the name as the original intention of the legendary ship Argo, intended to send people to its doom (fits Kingler's role very well, as he is a mass murderer.) On the other hand, Argo is also sent by the Gods to protect Jason on this quest that's suppose to send him on his doom. However, Kingler is in everything possible against the Gods by defiling the holy sanctuary (murder, and tempting others to murder.) So I'll probably need to spend more time on this...

-the ending is also quite mysterious... not sure if Nanee actually suicides or not. It never mentioned it, but certainly it is quite evidential that this is a possbility, as a possible reason why she cannot hear her own whisper is that she's already dead.

-a wonderful piece of Pokemon fanfiction, with its excellent usage of literary devices, and I personally counted up to 4 different themes being present, which is very impressive for such a short work.

-I also agree that this is so far the best one shot from Dragonfree ^^


Grammar Basics: 10/10
Characterization: 18/20
Coherence/Readability: 9/10
Tone/Atmosphere: 16/20
Diction: 16/20
Effort/Originality: 18/20
Lit. Device bonus: +8 (dramatic irony +2, motif, foreshadow, oxymoron, satire +2, allusion)

Total: 95 {STANDARD OF EXCELLENCE}

Congratulations to Dragonfree and Sunset Beach, being the 5th winner of the Standard of Excellence Fanfic Award!

It is encouraged for everyone to try to contemplate this wonderful piece of fanfiction. Before you do, however, be sure that you know the story for "Jason and the Golden Fleece" to fully understand Argo's rule within this fanfic.
 
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Nekomajo Asunya said:
Why-nya? Is that bad? If so, sorry.
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LOL it's not bad at all, but just that usually people put reviews in the story directly, and I'm the only one who use the lounge (so it pretty much became mine =p)
 
Chapter 9 of Hoenn Mirror World has been added.

Since I'm in a good mood today, I'll give you brief summaries of the next four chapters (to prevent spoilers, they are in white font):

Chapter 10: Mirror Mariah and Flannery are kidnapped at one point of the chapter and Mariah must save them.

Chapter 11: Mariah has to fight a giant Slaking. A new character appears in this chapter.

Chapter 12: Mariah and the gang has volunteered to take the new character to her home.

Chapter 13: The new character is almost home, but the gang gets bullied by some Kecleon.

Anyway, enjoy the latest chapter.
 
Anybody fancy giving their views on my work thus far; The Revenge of Geminine? I'd appreciate a bit of feedback. Chapter 4 for tomorrow... :)

I am definitely going to read Sunset Beach now; it's getting excellent reviews to say the least. Some definite talent around here.
 
*faints*

Sandard of Excellence?

*dies*

Especially considering that I didn't even change it much when I revised it... it so DOMINATED my other work when I wrote it...
 
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I could use a review on my fic 'Troubled paths', *cough frosty cough*
 
and mine?? winters of sadness? this winter is gonna be sadness for ME if someone dont ever READ my story *cry*
 
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