Gay Public Displays of Affection

[-ty-]

_____________________________VS_______________________________

Some issues you may want to discuss on this topic:

1) Several news stories talk about gay/queer couples being forced to leave pubs, restaurants, school events and other establishments/events open to the public for some type of public display of affection (PDA).

2) Heterosexual PDA faces less judgement than homosexual PDA for many people. When a heterosexual couple holds hands, we might glance over at them, and think nothing of it. When a homosexual couple holds hands, some people get shocked/uncomfortable/upset. Many gay people are told to "tone it down" because it makes someone uncomfortable; is the it-makes-me-uncomfortable complaint enough to justify that someone stop acting out PDA? (Assuming it makes the person uncomfortable because of sexual orientation)

3) How much is too much PDA regardless of sexual orientation?

4) Many gay people fear acting out PDA for safety/harassment issues.

5) Any other ideas that you would like to expand upon!

 

[Oryx]

I feel the same way about gay PDA that I do about straight PDA - keep it classy. I'm certainly not going to feel uncomfortable if I see a quick kiss here and there, or cuddling. But I will if it gets to inappropriate touching or making out.

This reminds me of a story: I was very young, probably around 5, and going to Disneyworld for my first time ever. My mom and dad had paid a lot of money to go there, had spent all this time booking hotels and making sure we had tickets to the right parks on the right days, etc. We got there and something related to gay pride was going on (no idea what), which didn't bother them at all, except for the fact that most gay couples there felt the need to make out with each other in public. In front of 5 year old kids. Because of this, my family had to talk to the people at the parks and find out when they wouldn't be there, just to keep us from watching a bunch of adults making out just because they can.

The difference between the two oftentimes isn't the sexuality itself. Because of discrimination and the like, homosexual couples I'm sure are more keenly aware of who can see them when they're kissing and such, which can lead to two reactions: 1. they stop doing it entirely, or 2. they go way over the top to prove a point. I really dislike the over-the-top approach, because I don't want to see two people making out in public, no matter who they are. But tbh, I'm not sure why but I find gay couples holding hands much cuter than straight couples. I can't help it. :(

Obviously I don't condone being kicked out of places merely for kissing and being gay, though.

 

[The Noob Hacker]

1. That is absolutely ridiculous. I mean really, I'm by no means homosexual, but I am appalled that such things have been done to those people. Yet the scary thing is, I'm not even surprised. Honestly, I would expect that from most of our closed-minded society. (I know that's not a fair assumption, and in actuality most people today probably don't think like that, but the worst among us certainly do shine the brightest, unfortunately.) Not only is this an infringement upon freedom of expression, but it could technically be described as an infringement on the basis of hate and/or prejudice. It's late right now, so I can't really elaborate too much right now, although I really shouldn't have to. Besides, any justification for my thoughts would simply be redundant ramblings anyways. I haven't been checking up on these sorts of things lately, but I am surprised I haven't heard of lawsuits coming from the banned couples. That is, of course, assuming that they didn't bring those incidents into court. Yet even more sickening, a lot, or at least some portion, of those at the places where the couples were thrown out were okay with or even happy that they got thrown out. The sad thing is that if those thrown out were a straight couple, people would probably be outraged, once again assuming they aren't already. I don't know why this gets to me so much, but it simply does.

2. This can be, pretty much, summed up as a form a prejudice. It truly is just as bad as excluding people based on race or sex, as this is simply excluding people, or otherwise exert some sort of negative treatment different from anybody else, based on sexuality, obviously. For some reason, this makes me want to lead into the whole "Is homosexuality a choice or is it natural?" ordeal, simply because I have actually once heard a claim as absurd as to state that "It's okay to do these things to gay people because it's a choice!(Insert herp-derp here)" But my response to that question is not only not necessarily appropriate for the topic at hand, but also too long-winded to get into right now. If people have such a problem with gay PDA, maybe it is those people who have to leave because, personally, I see not being able to accept others as a sign of immaturity.

3. So long as clothes stay on (if you catch my very-easy-to-understand-meaning *nudge nudge*) I really don't care. Be as affectionate as you want! But that is referring to a casual situation in which the general public are present. Of course, there are situations where more extreme showings of affection are inappropriate, and some where no showings whatsoever are appropriate. But what those situations are and when they are occurring should be obvious to the semi-intelligent person.

4.That's just sad. Not them for fearing, but the fact they have been put in a situation in which they would fear to express themselves publicly. You know something's gone too far when you've got people fearing to show who they are. Screw prejudice! It's practically terrorism at that point. Perhaps terrorism is too strong a word, but I think the point still essentially stands.

 

[Dawn]

Select all that apply, and yet you can only select one. o_O;

I deeply disapprove of making out in public. It doesn't belong there at all. Yet, I find that the best way to discourage someone from being obnoxious is not to give them attention. Some people act the way they do regarding love and sexuality because the thought of doing something forbidden gets them going. As a result, spewing hatred tends to have the ironic effect of making them enjoy doing it more, despite any insult they might show. Reason being? The more people hate them for doing it, the more forbidden it is.

Thus, I adopt a stance of not making things forbidden, but instead getting comfortable enough with the logical concept that the antics of these people are just regarded with something most akin to boredom at best and the kind of reaction you'd expect from a mature adult dealing with a kid spamming internet memes in an attempt to be cool at worst.

It's... far more effective, to be quite honest.

Regarding lesser forms of affection. It's entirely relative what is acceptable in a public setting, but the threshold is rather low regardless of sexuality. Like I said. Making out is totally inappropriate regardless of whether one is straight or homosexual. Depending on the place, it may be lower or higher as well. For instance, regardless of sexuality one should be showing little to no public affection in a restaurant. In a movie theater however, the threshold is higher. At a dance of some sort, the threshold is exceedingly high. In general though, public affection is a problem mostly because it bothers others. Homosexuality is still more forbidden than heterosexuality. The playing ground sort of isn't fair to begin with as a result. Discrimination cases are inevitable and will ... realistically never ever cease to exist. I'm just saying. World ain't perfect. We can only bash them so much before it ceases to be effective in furthering the cause.

 

[FreakyLocz14]

Deep PDA makes me uncomfortable no matter who is doing it, but it can't be helped if some people are just uncomfortable with one or the other.

 

[NcTheory]

The dichotomy of acceptance for homosexual and heterosexual behavior is entirely a nurtured response. When culture shock is removed from the stigma of sexuality, it is really difficult for anyone to bat a lash at other human beings in love and occasionally, albeit casually displaying it for one another, but to those with their hard-earned scales intact, it seems the end of the world.

There are more hatred for the non-heterosexuals from those uninformed and unintellectual than there is from those that are always au fait on the world around them. We see this form of uninformed nature from religious individuals, and individuals that live in locations of the world where they simply aren't exposed to it, or learn from a scale-infested creature that these behaviors are venom to their protected world.

If we were able to inform and bring a higher knowledge of modern culture to those that still lack it, and to those that loathe it, then I think the hatred toward many things considered taboo during the medieval times will be all but dulled down. It may still remain, but perhaps to a lesser degree. Tolerance is not what should be taught in people, but acceptance. You don't have to tolerate anything that you are uncomfortable with, but you do have to accept it, and accepting it is a better step-ladder to information that will eventually let an individual tolerate it.

 

[deoxys121]

Minor PDAs of either type, heterosexual or homosexual, are just fine with me. By minor, I mean holding hands, kissing, hugging, cuddling, stuff like that. But when it comes to public making out, I know people are gonna do it, I just hope they pay attention to who exactly is around them (i.e. little kids). Admittedly, I've even done so when there was nobody or nearly nobody around.

 

[Esper]

Am I alone in wondering if the "tone it down" and similar comments are sometimes just an excuse to confront/criticize a gay couple?

I'm not someone who is comfortable with much PDA for myself (I don't really care if other people do it), even hand holding, because I feel like I'd get singled out. Like the moment I do something even minor by PDA standards such a putting an arm around someone I'd start to expect stares or comments from strangers. I mean, I get it. It's normal for your gaze to linger on couples a little longer, but I've seen a difference in how people look at you. If you're doing anything that looks "queer" then the looks last longer and, I'd say, aren't as nice.

 

[Kura]

I generally don't like over-the-top PDA regardless of who's doing it. Holding hands is fine, a peck on the cheek is okay, a little kiss on the lips.. sure why not?
When people start getting extra touchy-feely.. especially in a beach area; even if they're not actively rubbing against each other and they're like sitting entwined in each others legs with their groins touching then I find it just really awkward and kinda unclassy. Or the whole "let me lean over you against the wall and put my face right up to yours and start whispering on your neck" in the middle of a busy hallway just makes me want to shout "get a room!" haha.. I'm not a big fan of PDA, and when they get extreme about it like all making-outy at inappropriate times I just want to use a foghorn on them >_> LOL..
I've actually considered carrying around a mini one in my purse and secretly blowing it at people who irk me so they'll quit it and I don't have to be confrontational >___> LOL but that'd be dumb and mean so no..

But all in all, I don't care who's doing it, I just think they need to be classy about it. :3

 

[Bluerang1]

I don't like gay PDA, I find it weird. Straight PDA is fine as long as it isn't too deep. In fact I got sick of seeing it in school today.

 

[Chikara]

It doesn't matter to me whether the couple is gay or straight, PDA in general makes me kind of uncomfortable. It's like saying "look. look at what you don't have" without actually saying it. Or at least that's what I hear when I see two people enjoying some face sex ):

But really, it just makes me personally not so happy. Like I said, the details of the relationship mean little to me.

 

[-ty-]

I don't like gay PDA, I find it weird. Straight PDA is fine as long as it isn't too deep. In fact I got sick of seeing it in school today.

I do not want to sound offended, the questions are meant to be informational.

Why do you not like gay PDA, and why is straight PDA fine?

Also, how do you choose to act in a situation where a gay couple is holding hands/kissing?

 

[Sydian]

I personally don't like PDA of any kind. I don't care if you're a heterosexual, homosexual, biracial, or alien couple. I don't wanna see any of it. I can tolerate hand holding, hugging, and maybe a kiss or two, but I do not want to see people making out and practically having sex. My stance on PDA is just that. It doesn't judge by orientation or race or anything like that. It all grosses me out when it goes too far.

However, it is unfair that homosexual PDA gets called out on more than heterosexual PDA. I see more disturbing PDA from a guy and girl than I've seen from a guy and guy or girl and girl (then again, I rarely see homosexual couples here in Alabama). But yeah, I see bf/gfs making out in the mall plenty of times and being disgustingly on each other and it's just gross. Why not ask THEM to tone it down? A boy and boy should be allowed to hold hands if you're going to let something nasty like making out in public slide. PDA should be judged on what is actually going on, not what sexuality (or race, because that's also an issue from what I've seen) they are.

 

[Alley Cat]

I have nothing against PDA, be it heterosexual or homosexual. A kiss is a kiss, regardless of who it is between. Be they black, white, old, or young, it doesn't matter. There is of course, a point when you should get a room. Holding hands? Well go for it! I do that even with people I don't like. Hugging? Sure. I hug people I like everyday. Kissing? Fine. Just don't go into a pre-sex makeout session. Not only does no one want to see that, it makes you look kind of trashy.

Gay PDA is held in a higher contempt, because a majority the people who are already uncomfortable with PDA, have strong values against pre-marital sex(or are just uncomfortable for their personal reasons). That is where their disapproval stems from, be the person straight or gay, and THEN because "gay" has been stigmatized by society, it makes them even more uncomfortable. And when you're uncomfortable, you get comfortable, yeah? So that is why people come down upon it so harshly.

I myself have not really seen a difference between the two types of PDA. As in my school, I'm the only openly gay person, male or female. When I was with my ex, the only one with objections to our PDA was his older brother. I'll admit, because it ticked him off so much, I did push it a little. Yet, that is something I disagree with, as you don't need to push it to just an extreme. Two wrongs don't make a right etc.

To sum up my feelings in one sentence: The people objecting have just as much right to be there and NOT see you kiss, than you have to be there and kiss, regardless of your sexuality.

Although, I can say, if I have the wonderful, wonderful pleasure of meeting with Westboro reps, then well, I'm probably going to be one of those people I'd yell at to get a room!

 

[Shining Raichu]

I'm actually going to go against the grain and say I really don't mind PDA. If a couple, gay or straight, wants to sit on a park bench and make out with each other, why does that matter? If you don't like it, look away. I'm really against the idea of having to censor yourselves for what is "appropriate" and having to conform to the delicate sensibilities of what might offend people. If two people are that into each other that they can't wait until they get into private to show their affection for each other, well that's much better than the opposite in my opinion. Better they be all over each other in love than beating each other up.

That said, the moment any form of genitalia becomes involved is the moment it has gone too far. But I don't think enough people try that in public for it to really be an issue lol.

If I were involved in PDA with a guy and someone asked us to 'tone it down', I admit that I would automatically assume that it was because we were two guys. I've seen people give people straight couples weird looks, but I've never seen one be approached and asked to stop.

I don't like gay PDA, I find it weird.

I'm at the point where I read something like this and all I have is an exasperated sigh.

EDIT: It's not really "going against the grain" if you ninja me with the same opinion, Alley Cat :P

 

[Kura]

I'm at the point where I read something like this and all I have is an exasperated sigh.

Okay I don't know if this is the right thing to interject with.. and I really don't know if reporting is actually going to do anything because it rarely does in this sort of situation, but I just want to say something regarding this:

The dude came out and said what he felt.. He was being honest. So what that it makes him feel weird? The sigh's not really necessary, is it? :C I don't mean to suddenly jump in.. but you're a mod and you would know that he's not actually saying anything derogatory.. and your reply to me felt incredibly judgmental. Maybe I'm wrong though, but that's the vibe I got. TY made this thread and there was someone who has a vastly different view than him- he wants to know why.. Exploring differing views is the point here.. and people aren't going to want to post what they actually feel if they think they're going to be looked down upon.

Hope you don't take what I say offensively.. it isn't meant to be. I just don't want an interesting thread to break out into people attacking others because they may be homophobic. Glad you understand my sentiments <3

 

[Yoshikkko]

Well it doesn't matter if the couple is gay or straight, and frankly I don't really care a lot if someone wants to make out in public, I mean they should be able to do that. But some people take it too far to the point where I'm thinking like hey, where is the common public decency? In those cases I mind, but when someone wants to make out, let them make out. I just wish people would be a little bit more subtle about it than they are.

I don't like gay PDA, I find it weird. Straight PDA is fine as long as it isn't too deep. In fact I got sick of seeing it in school today.

And it sounds to me as if you are against PDA in general, if you're saying that 'straight' PDA made you throw up the other day. And I don't think that it is the gay PDA that you mind, I think it might be homosexual people in general that you mind, otherwise why would you mind their PDA? I'm not attacking you, but it's kind of strange lol.

 

[Zet]

I don't care if a gay couple is doing some PDA. It's just saying "hey world, I love this amazing person ^_^"; the same applies to a straight couple. But too much PDA for me would probably be sex.

 

[Cherrim]

I pretty much dislike any kind of PDA, regardless of orientation. Like Toujours said, holding hands or a quick kiss here and there is okay but otherwise, keep it at home. <_< I think it's just polite to leave the making out and whatnot to the privacy of your own home rather than a park bench or a public bus. It always makes me uncomfortable when people are really getting into it and I have to try to look everywhere but at them. Maybe it makes me sound all bitter and single but I really dislike it.

Now I can't help but wonder if the fact that most people seem to just dislike PDA in general is a nerdy-forum-goer thing or if that's actually the norm. :/ I guess this sort of conversation just doesn't come up much for me IRL so I don't know how opinions match up. Not that I don't go to school with a bunch of nerdy forum-goers anyway.

 

[Kura]

Now I can't help but wonder if the fact that most people seem to just dislike PDA in general is a nerdy-forum-goer thing or if that's actually the norm. :/ I guess this sort of conversation just doesn't come up much for me IRL so I don't know how opinions match up. Not that I don't go to school with a bunch of nerdy forum-goers anyway.

Really? I guess you're forgetting Mr. Cheng's class back in highschool. I know you didn't have him as a teacher but Triffy and I were in his homeroom if you remember.. and he HATED PDA with a passion because his class was in the "Makeout Hallway" haha! I don't remember if you heard him getting help with his yearbook class to make these gigantic NO PDA signs with babies faces on it. It was actually quite hilarious!
But anyways we had a discussion about it. Most people don't find it to be all that tasteful in that particular class.. but there were quite a few that didn't mind it at all. Guess it's half and halfish?