[Pokémon] Im your fan!

[Splash]

Dedicated to all fans of Gen I!

Chapter Links:
Prologue: Legend I followed
Chapter 1: I see Cee!
Chapter 2: Blue Who?

Prologue:

I first heard of a boy who took one of the rare fossils found in Mt. Moon from a researcher who was exploring the depths of the said mountain.

I hated him.. After all, I was a resident of Cinnabar Island and without knowing all the details, I just assumed that he was a bad man cause he took one of the fossils found by my BROTHER!

And then I heard of a boy who helped save Old Man Fuji who casually visits Blaine here at Cinnabar from the infamous Team Rocket.

My brother came back from his trip with a helix fossil and to my surprise he wasn't super mad that a kid stole one of the precious fossil he worked hard to find. His view of it really made me curious.

Several weeks later as I watched the news on TV, I saw an arrested Rocket Grunt cursing a kid who single-handedly revealed a casino being a front for a secret hideout for Team Rocket. And I knew then and there that he was that boy.

I had faith that his adventure didn't end there..

Lot's of people in Cinnabar are talking of a boy who went head to head against the Rocket Boss himself. He helped the Police arrest many Rocket Grunts and all of the Rocket Executives.

More weeks passed, I was desperate to hear more things about that boy.

I was sitting by the beach watching the famous Cinnabar Sunset when a Lapras appeared from afar, the winds suddenly blew hard and a red hat flew to me from Its back. I picked It up and suddenly a boy stood before me and silently took the hat from me. He smiled at me, patted my head and moved on.

Later that day, I saw Uncle Blaine laughing at the front of his gym talking about a kid who beat him. He said that the kid was great and that battle was really memorable. A friend of my brother spoke to Uncle Blaine about a kid whom he helped revive an extinct pokemon. The same pokemon fossil which was taken from my brother. And then I've finally learned his name... Red


Author's Note:

Hello Im Medo and I hope you enjoyed the prologue. I would be creating a story about a kid idolizing Red and I hope we would all enjoy the story. ;)

And sorry if some of the content isnt in your liking Im really trying hard to make a story without any conflicts to the original story. Im a gen I fan so I thought of making this to express my love for all things Gen I! :D

 

[Nolafus]

An interesting idea to be sure, and I'm looking forward to see how this plays out.

Several weeks later As I watched the news and saw a Rocket Grunt cursing a kid who single-handedly revealed a casino being a front for a secret hideout for Team Rocket.

The "As" shouldn't be capitalized as it's not a proper name of a noun. You're also missing a comma, but more on that later. I do have a problem with the way the sentence is set-up. With the "as" where it is, it makes it seem like the next idea is just going to be a small footnote. However, the next idea is what the whole sentence is about. I would recommend dropping "as" and rewording the sentence a little bit.

His adventure didnt end there..

You need an apostrophe in "didn't". Also, you need just one more period for that ellipses to be an ellipses.

...himself was all over the news, He helped the Police arrest many...

That comma needs to be a period.

and a red hat flew to me from Its back.

The "Its" doesn't need to be capitalized for the same reason as before.

I picked It up and suddenly a boy stood before me and silently took the hat from me. He smiled at me, pat my head and moved on.

The "It" doesn't need to be capitalized as well. Also, you switch tenses. With the majority of the sentence being in past-tense, "pat" doesn't belong since it's present tense. I would recommend just switching it out for "patted".

And then Ive finally learned his name... Red

You're missing an apostrophe in "I've".

That's all I could see right now, but I did notice a trend. You're not using punctuation where it needs it past periods. You're missing a lot of commas and apostrophes. Here's what I mean:

After all I was a resident of Cinnabar Island and without knowing all the details I just assumed he was a bad man since he took one of the fossils found by my BROTHER!

With commas, this sentence now looks like this:

After all, I was a resident of Cinnabar Island, and without knowing all the details, I just assumed he was a bad man since he took one of the fossils found by my BROTHER!

Just try to remember where they belong. If you're confused about where they belong, I will go into more detail later, since it's getting late and I really don't feel like explaining it right now. :P Don't worry, if you're confused, I'll be more than happy to explain it once I have more sleep.

You're also missing a lot of description. I know it's supposes to sound like the speaker is telling you the story, but it could use more substance. I'm sorry, you've fallen into a bad time for this since I just got done with a huge report on a book that all the events are being told through a five year old's eyes in the same manner as you're doing it, so I'm going to be comparing your story to a published novel. Isn't that great? :D Okay, so I know what you're going for, and you're doing a good job of it so far, but there needs to be a little more detail and voice. Most of it sounds like it's being told to us by a person, but there are some parts that sounds like you're telling us without a person speaking it. In other words, the voice isn't as strong in some areas. Here's what I mean:

My brother came back from his trip with a helix fossil and to my surprise he wasnt mad that a kid stole one of the precious fossil he worked hard to find. His view of it really made me curious.

The voice here was really good and prominent (there needs to be a comma in there, but whatever). However, the same can't be said about this:

A legend of a boy who went head to head against the Rocket Boss himself was all over the news,

This doesn't sound like a speaker is telling us. You lost that voice that you had earlier. In order to try to get it back, try to think of things that we use in dialogue everyday that we don't use in writing. What kind of slang do we use? Are there any quirks about this specific character's speech? What I mean about that is that you could tell almost immediately that the speaker was very young in the book that I had to do for that report. The author did this by having the book use words like "forgetted" just like a little kid uses it. Just like, "Ma forgetted to do something". This gives the book a strong voice. I think, the same strong voice you're going for. Maybe not through the eyes of a little kid, but hopefully you catch my drift.

I'm probably missing a couple of things since I just decided to check in on PC right before I go to bed and now I'm reviewing a story. In other words, I'm tired! Just be sure to give that prologue a proofread or two.

One thing I should also mention is that the prologue is a little short. I would highly encourage you to make you chapters a lot longer than that. It's fine since it's just a prologue, but just thought I would let you know that I like chapters to be longer. ;)

As far as the plot goes, I like it. It's a unique twist to have the main character obsess over the main character from the games. Normally, it's just the, "New Adventures of Red", but I like how you're focusing on how someone else sees him. I can't speak much on the plot since it's just retelling the game at this point, but I'm a fan of the concept. I can't guarantee that I'll read later chapters, but I'll definitely try my best to remember. Good job so far and I hope I helped! :D

 

[Splash]

Chapter 1: I see Cee!

A few months passed after Cee's encounter with Red and his devotion towards him never died down. While he ran towards his home with his stylish visor hat which is slightly covering his dark colored hair, Rumble goes the stomach of Cee as he reached the gate of his home, Eager to eat and watch the daily news hoping to see a glimpse of his idol Red. Much to his disappointment the news report never mentioned the heroic acts of Red. After the intense battle between his Uncle Blaine and Red which led to the Gym being burned on the inside, Cee wanted to learn everything about the Pokemon World and his Uncle Blaine talked alot about it.

"I learned many things while traveling, I know that Snorlaxes are very grumpy when awakened, I know how to distinguish Rocks from Geodude and I also know how beautiful it is to travel the world of Pokemon. I hope that one day you'll see what I saw." Blaine happily said all of that while reminiscing of the times he and his friends traveled the region.

"Hey Uncle did you collect gym badges as well?" Cee curiously asked.

"Nah, I traveled in order to study pokemon and that's when I met Fuji. He's a scientist although he didn't want to be called a scientist for a long time now."

"Old Man Fuji was a scientist?!" Cee was shocked since he pictured Old Man Fuji as a kind and loving towards pokemon kind of guy. He pictured him more of a daycare man rather than a scientist.

"Well he's one of the smartest people I know." Blaine paused for a minute to look at a picture of him, Fuji and a slightly younger person holding a sketch book, After a quick smile he continued his conversation with Cee. "We had fun but we all went our separate ways. Fuji stayed here for a while but I guess his curiosity back then was a little more intense.. Wait no.. That's not the right word.. His curiosity back then led to him to actually being adventurous. He was fearless but he cared for pokemon and that's one of many things you'd admire about him."

"Then why don't the two of you talk much? When Old Man Fuji's at the Cinnabar Lab you never appeared, It's like you've always avoided meeting him." Cee wanted to know the truth about the ongoing spat between Old Man Fuji and his Uncle Blaine.

"We had different views about some stuff not worth mentioning.." Blaine ended that with a smile.

"I still don't get why the two of you don't get along.." Cee still insisted on getting the answer to his question.

"Ah! I guess curiosity runs in our family's blood hahaha!" After looking at Cee's sparkling brown eyes, Blaine left the living room and headed towards his room.

Cee was still curious as to what transpired back then but he was tired and the evening's cold breeze covered the whole Cinnabar Island. He quickly ate his food and dragged himself towards his room to sleep.

Midnight struck and Cee was awakened by a sudden shaking of the ground.

"An Earthquake? Who could be battling at the middle of the night?"

The earthquake intensified as the shaking scared the hell out of Cee, Uncle Blaine ran towards his room to check on him.

"Cee are you alright?!" A sudden nod was given by Cee to Blaine.

More intensity was released by the quake and this worried Blaine. He released Arcanine out of its pokeball and put Cee on it's back while he himself rode on the pokemon's back as well.

"Arcanine take us outta here!" Blaine commanded.

Arcanine left by breaking the window of Cee's room. In a matter of seconds, Their house broke down as well as the others in the neighborhood.

"Thank goodness we're safe! Im gonna at the condition of our neighbors, You stay put!"

Morning struck but Cee is still awake after experiencing an intense earthquake that destroyed their home, He heard many rumours while sitting quietly in the Cinnabar Lab because of the large amount of people inside at the moment. Lots of kids the same age as him were completely ignorant but as his Uncle Blaine approached him he asked a question that needed an answer.

"Uncle.. Where do we go now?" Cee asked Blaine.

Blaine removed his glasses and scrubbed his eyes with his fingers which shows how stressed he's currently feeling.

"You'll be staying at one of my friends home while I investigate what happened here. This never occured before I'm afraid."

"You're giving me away?"

"No of course not! Im sending you to a pokemon lab where you can study the basics of pokemon. I contacted my friend a few hours ago and he said he would love to have you."

"Tsk.. Where are you taking me?"

Blaine smiled and said.
"It's a town called Pallet."

-Tbc-





--->Author's Note:
Thank you for reading Chapter 1 and I hope you enjoyed it. Constructive Criticism is welcomed and appreciated! :D
I also want to inform y'all that English is my second if not third language. So Im sorry if my grammar's messed up. :)

 

[Splash]

Chapter 2 - Blue Who?

Cee packed some of his stuff to a backpack while daydreaming about the fun stuff he and Red could do. He imagined the two of them racing using Red's Pokemons. He could almost drool over the fact that he would actually be visiting the town where Red grew up in. Blaine felt relieved due to the fact that Cee was finally smiling after all the things that happened.

"His happiness didn't burn out." Blaine said to himself.

"Hey Uncle how much time do I have left before I leave Cinnabar?"

"Well my friend told me he would send someone to pick you up but he never mentioned when it would happen."

"Oh I see.."

Blaine saw disappointment in Cee's eyes so he felt agitated.
"B-But I'll call him again to ask when! In fact I-Im going now!" Blaine left the room and hurriedly looked for a videophone.

In the room where he was packing, Cee was left with nothing else to do.

"I'm bored here! Well I might as well visit the beach, I might even be there in time for the sunset." Cee left the lab and went to the Cinnabar Beach using his bike.

From a far distance, A Blastoise was using Surf to tread across the calm waters in order to reach the Island of Cinnabar. A teenager with a stern look at the said island was pissed off while thinking about the conversation he had with his Grandfather.

"Blue Im asking you for a favor, You're the closest one to Cinnabar for goodness' sake."

"B-but Gramps! You can't expect me to pick up some brat! Im on my way to the Indigo Plateau and I don't have time to waste. Training is essential if I want to become the greatest trainer in the world!"

"Now now there's no need for you to raise your voice against me. Well if you can't go then I guess I'll have to contact Daisy and tell him that you're not willing to help your old and frail Grandfather."

Blue suddenly felt chills down his spine after imagining Daisy's reaction especially after he carelessly ruined her town map even though he promised that he would return it in a good condition and yelling at her about not lending a town map to Red didn't help either.

"I-I'm just kidding Gramps! Im on my way to the Cinnabar Island now to check some.. stuff so I might as well pick the brat up."

"That's wonderful to hear! His name is Cee, a nephew of an old friend of mine."

"Yeah yeah.. Tsk"

Blue reached Cinnabar and as he returned Blastoise to it's pokeball, he saw a glimpse of what happened to the island.

"I heard that this was due to the volcano here at Cinnabar, I guess nature's wrath is one of the things that should be taken seriously."

"HEY!"

A voice startled Blue and after he looked at his back, Cee was there madly looking at him.

"Yo brat! Why'd you startle me for?!"

"So you're that jerk! Here's my bag." Cee threw his bag onto Blue and continued speaking. "WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?!"

"Hey brat you don't have the right to order me around! Do you know who I am? I'm Blue Oak! I'm gonna be the world's greatest pokemon trainer!"

"Pfft.. Who cares?"

Cee appeared uninterested and instead of listening, he watched the sunset as it's rays turned the sky's color into cinnabar. Blue can't help but admire the beautiful sunset.

"Hey kid.. This place.. I never knew that it was so beautiful."

Cee rolled his eyes.

"Yeah.. Yeah.."

Annoyed by his actions, Blue replied.

"Hey I was trying to have a moment you know!"

"So when are we leaving?" Cee was still ignoring Blue.

"Not yet.. I have to get something first. Smell ya later!" Blue released his Pidgeot, rode on it's back and said. "Pidgeot! Fly!"

Blue left the beach and made his way towards the town while Cee was not that far behind along with his bike. And only managed to catch up to him after Blue stopped by the Cinnabar Lab.

"Thanks for this Old Man.." Blue was holding Cinnabar Island's Special Tea that was given to him by Blaine himself.

"Haha! Our battle back then was enjoyable! Are you sure you don't want to battle before you leave? Is my passion burning too much for you?"

"Nah! I'm planning to take on the Elite Four after I take your brat to Daisy."

"I see! The Elite Four is really a tough team to beat but I know your skills will be enough to beat them just watch out for that Dragon Brat."

"A Dragon Type Trainer?"

"Yeah he's tough to crack haha!"

"... Thanks for the tip old man ..."

"Haha don't mention it!"

Blue looked at Cee and said. "Say your goodbyes then we'll leave."

"I hope you'll enjoy staying at pallet.. It's really a nice place."

Cee acted as if he wont miss the old man. Saying goodbyes were never his strong suit so he left without saying a word. And while flying on the back of Blue's Pidgeot, he whispered.

"I'll come back.. I promise."

-Tbc-

Author's Note:

Thanks for reading the Chapter 2! I hope you enjoyed! I certainly had fun making it lol :D