Eh...I say that it's okay if Jeremy posted the next chapter now. It's been three/four days now, and who ever is going to comment has. Plus, the chapters are rather short, so there's no real need to wait. He wrote the chapter, worked on it to the best of his abilities (as it does look a bit better), and decided to post it to get feedback. It's fine.
Scythemaster covered a bit of grammar, but there are a few things I want to say about his review.
Sudenlly should be written as sudenly with only one "L".
It's "suddenly".
The last sentence is very shady. You don't need to write that treeko is using absorb, when Jeremy told him to.
Actually, it would be nice to show that Treecko decided to obey his trainer but having the Pokemon perform the command. This also helps to put the focus on the Pokemon, as battles aren't just about trainers giving commands.
Pokeball isn't capitalized unless at the begining of a sentence.
Depends on the writer. Pokeball might even be written as two words.
Now, Jeremy, you're still missing description. I highly suggest you take a look at the review I left for you on your other story, because it covers description well in it.
But goodness, you're missing emotions in your fic! Jeremy just seems like he doesn't care that his Pokemon just evolves. You write it like it's an every day occurrence that a trainer's first Pokemon evolves. I mean, is Jeremy at least
happy that his Pokemon is stronger? Or does he really just not care? Because that's how he's coming off to me: an emotionless person who just really doesn't care about what's going on.
Slow down your fic. In four chapters he's already left home, traveled through three towns, a couple of routes, a forest, caught a Pokemon, and had one evolve. Now he's about to face down the first Gym Leader with two Pokemon that can sweep her team. This is beginning to become, to borrow a word from Scythemaster, "unreal".
It takes days to travel from town to town in the Pokemon world. Not just...a day? I mean, Jeremy hasn't even eaten lunch yet and he's done so much. I just can't figure out how that can be.
Jeremy's also beginning to teeter on the edge of becoming a "perfect character". His Pokemon are really strong, he hasn't lost a battle yet, he knows everything about Pokemon, and he's already met a legendary Pokemon that he defeated. Make him face some sort of downfall on his journey. Right now, everything is going too well for him, and that's boring. Put in some conflict.
I would also suggest trying to separate yourself from the plot line of the games. Right now, there's nothing stopping me from playing R/S/E and getting the same story line, except for random Kyogre and random Buisel. There needs to be something more, like a deeper reason for Jeremy to be a Pokemon trainer other than "He wants to be the greatest!" Try something to separate this from the games. Anything would be good.
There's still simple grammar problems that need to be fixed. Hit Enter twice to make a new paragraph when someone speaks. Make sure that you have the correct punctuation, as you're missing a few marks. Describe things more. Think about your story realistically. Listen to the advice given to you.
