Journey of no end...

Steelguy

Finding new purpose
    • 6
    Posts
    16
    Years
    Sorry! My Fanfic seems to become garbled(extremelywhen I post it!Sorry! Sorry!Sorry! Sorry!Sorry! Sorry!Sorry! Sorry!Sorry! Sorry!Sorry! Sorry!Sorry! Sorry!Sorry! Sorry!Sorry! Sorry!Sorry! Sorry!Sorry! Sorry!Sorry! Sorry!Sorry! Sorry!Sorry! Sorry!Sorry! Sorry!Sorry! Sorry!Sorry! Sorry!Sorry! Sorry!Sorry! Sorry!Sorry! Sorry!Sorry! Sorry!Sorry! Sorry!Sorry! Sorry!Sorry! Sorry!Sorry! Sorry!Sorry! Sorry!Sorry! Sorry!Sorry! Sorry!Sorry! Sorry!Sorry! Sorry!Sorry! Sorry!Sorry! Sorry!Sorry! Sorry!Sorry! Sorry!Sorry! Sorry!Sorry! Sorry!Sorry! Sorry!Sorry! Sorry!Sorry! Sorry!Sorry! Sorry!Sorry! Sorry!Sorry! Sorry!Sorry! Sorry!Sorry! Sorry!Sorry! Sorry!Sorry! Sorry!Sorry! Sorry!Sorry! Sorry!Sorry! Sorry!Sorry! Sorry!Sorry! Sorry!Sorry! Sorry!Sorry! Sorry!Sorry! Sorry!Sorry! Sorry!Sorry! Sorry!Sorry! Sorry!Sorry! Sorry!Sorry! Sorry!Sorry! Sorry!Sorry! Sorry!Sorry! Sorry!
     
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    Is this a joke? I don't know if I should be rolling on the floor or if I should be seriously afraid. I guess I'll do a review though. LOL.

    You seem to have an issue with repetition. You may want to find other ways to say "sorry!" so that the reader does not die laughing become bored. Also, you may want to use another punctuation mark other than the exclamation mark. That, too, is repetitive.

    I can only assume that the plot centers around an apology. You may want to think about where you're going to take this and revise it accordingly. I mean, it could probably be pulled off if you did it well enough, but I'm just not seeing it here.

    I didn't see any spelling errors anywhere, but there were a few instances where you must have missed the space key. You also forgot the end parenthesis in what I must assume is an authors note, which should be part of the narration anyway. Try and find a more subtle way to include that in the fiction without it beating the face of the reader in.

    Anyway, I like the direction you're taking this, but you need to be careful how you execute this kind of fic. You might mess it up on your first run, but if you revise it accordingly to your readers suggestions, then I think this could be something great.

    On a side note, when I saw that Astinus posted in a fic titled "Journey of no end..", I was expecting something from her like "Well, looks like this journey does have an end." Threw me a little off-guard.
     
    You're getting a review when this is fixed, simply because this is so hilarious right now. At least, I think this is going to be fixed.
     
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