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[Pokémon] Kalos Eevee and Friends! Mega Eevee!

  • 2
    Posts
    8
    Years
    • Seen May 24, 2016
    You can read this SAME story on Wattpad, it has the same title! :D
    Summary: Eevee is not like most Kalos eevees - the Kalos ones usually want to evolve, but not Evee! He wants to stay as he is, but mysterious forces cause his siblings to act weird and they try to FORCE him to evolve! What's poor eevee to do?!

    *I update at least one day every month*

    This story has a fan-made mega eevee evolution from the fangame Pokemon Insurgence!

    King Stout the Stoutland doesn't want Evee to stay as he is...a Zoroark and other poke-rebels are starting to take over Veeland, and it's up to Evee, his Mom and his siblings to save the day! It's not going to be easy though, his siblings have been taken over, and they will stop at nothing to get Evee to evolve, it's that or face all of us at one time. Evee could manage beating all of his siblings...except Blacky the Umbreon. He can get close to beating their mother - who is no joke in battle. He is the driving force behind the family, keeping it together, and forcing his brother to evolve. This will be a fight for Evee to save his land, AND his future...luckily, a strange stone was found by humans, that may save the day.


    Chapter 1:

    This is another story that I'm gonna finish drawing in my drawing pad!

    Remind me to come back and correct the forest and meadow parts!

    Eevees or Eevee family

    Littlest Pup, the "runt" Evee or Eevee: He is a Poke with a problem! He needs to prove that he can do anything, even with his small size! He loves his family but doesn't want to fight his siblings to the..."you know what..."

    Oldest bro, the "the torch" Blacky or Umbreon: He keeps the family together, and one stare from him makes you obey. If he becomes controlled however, his over-bearing justice can be a treat to the whole kingdom...He just want to make sure everyone stay in order, and is really kind too.... Is the closest to eevee

    2cd Kit, "sunshine" Eifie or Espeon: She...um, well...she's a bit sassy and vain, as well as shy... She's conformable around Eevee, and she controls the weather as wekk as time - just a bit, so if she can't do anything about a storm or event, she warns everyone about it.

    Mama, "calmer" Nynfia or Sylveon: Mature. Kind. Adorable. Fun-loving. Tough. What more can you want in a mother?! She's really the second brains in the operation, is the only one who beats umbreon - even without using moonblast- and her feelers can calm anyone down..most of the time...

    3rd Pup, "absorber" Leafia or Leafeon: Loves Glacia. Twins friends until the end. Loves ice. She created an ice castle all by herself, but is insecure and is afraid that she will freeze her sister someday...

    4th Cub, "freezer" Glacia or Glaceon: Loves Leafia. Twins friends until the end. Loves sunlight. She helps out pokemon in the woods to get them back home - Trevanant searches for prey in the nightime - what a sweetheart! However, she doesn't know why her sister worries half the time...

    5th Pup, "the flare torch" Booster or Flareon: Boasty. Showy. Mean and prideful, he can be a handful! However, he doesn't set fire to things all the time - he can be a great companion if you don't upset him! he loves getting hurt by status moves like toxic - he has the guts ability! Is the second closest to eevee

    6th Cub, "the striker" Thunders or Jolteon: Creates thunderstorms to please eevee. Is mischievous and naughty. Is the third closest to eevee

    7th Cub, "sprayer" Showers or Vaporeon: Loves rain-showers and thunderstorms. Helps pokemon get from one side of the lake to the other. Is the fourth closest to eevee.

    .............................

    Unknown dad, "the bolter" Speedy (Comedic) (You'll find out about him after the story is over! XD)

    Family's moves and abilities:

    1. Baby Doll eyes, Refresh, double edge, swift. Other moves in mega form: charm and quick attack. Adult form: Hyper voice, hidden power fire, iron tail, toxic. AB: Adaptability, protean maxima, pixilate.

    2. Mean look, confuse ray, pursuit, moonlight. AB: Synchronize

    3. Morning Sun, Psychic, Future sight, power swap. AB: Magic Bounce

    4. Grass whistle, Magical leaf, Giga drain, swords dance. AB: Leaf guard

    5. Ice fang, barrier, hail, blizzard. AB: Ice body

    6. Smog, fire fang, sunny day, scary face. AB: Guts

    7. Thunder fang, double kick, agility, pin missile. AB: Volt absorb

    8. Hydro Pump, acid armor, aurora beam, aqua ring. AB: water absorb

    9. Skill swap, moonblast, light screen, misty terrain.

    10. Thunder, Agility, bite, dig. AB: quick feet.

    .....................

    Castle - Pokes under King Stout

    Bisharp - Bishop Sharp: Don't trust this chess piece! He is very over-bearing and likes to get others blamed for what he did...especially Sir Dittzy! He likes to slash, and hopes that most pokemon attack him with physical moves to that they get hurt by his blades.

    Swirlix - Slurpy Slurps-a-lot:

    Pawniard- Pawn: Doesn't get to do very much and is not respected, but he is Sharp's son...'nuff said?

    Diancie- Princess Diamond: The kind, adorable, and forgetful princess...she loves Sir Dit- especially since he can transform into a male version of her! WHAT??

    Mightyena- Mighty Hyena: His name says it all...has a poocheyena son named Poochy, but he has only just been born.

    Agieslash- Slash Knight: He is an black knight...he's even in his shiny form to show his evil way XD! He has only just evolved and loves using kings shield!

    Luxray- X-Ray: Yep...name says it all again...he has x-ray vision and can find you wherever you are hiding...he has a son and a nephew, but he doesn't really care about them so they don't want to be like him...

    Ditto-Sir Ditzy: Loves the princess and can transform into a male diancie...wow...Bishop doesn't trust him, so he makes bad things happen to him. Ditzy's heart is strong though!

    Furfrou-Furo: Not much to say about him...he's a fashion designer, but mostly for cosplay pikachu and other furfuro!

    King Stoutland-King Stout: The clumsy but wise king, who thinks that a pokemon can't be strong when the world is in danger unless, it has evolved. Has no idea that most of his servants are evil. He adopted the Princess when she got lost in a storm trying to get back to her kingdom; a Carbink runs it now.

    Herdier-Herder: As the son of the king, he is almost just like Pawn, he is not really listened to or studied...unless he used growl loudly.

    ----------------

    Meadow (remind me to correct this part)

    Bidoof-Bidder: Bids on things, son of Bibarrel.

    Fletchling- Fletchy: Annoyance to everyone in the Meadow since he keepstrying to eat Ele-sky and Pichu when he visits.

    Ponyta-Pony: Loves to run, and loves her friends mentioned!.

    Emolga-Ele-sky: Loves to fly, and his friends!.

    Luxio-Lux-Leo: Son of X-Ray...dislikes his dad, and would rather be a Pyroar.

    Lileep-Lily Leep Leaper: Leaps at her prey.

    Staraptor-Raptor Star: Close combats prey, is fast, and doesn't stop chasing his prey unless he gets defeated.

    Raichu-Raica Riot-chu/Right-chu R: Big sister-like Mum of the chus (Chuwy and Pika).

    Mew-Mewmy: A helpful and cute mystery!

    Shinx- Strange-O-Lynx: Wants to be a litleo, only loves his Cousin Leo.

    Bibarrel-Barrel: Mum of Bidder.

    .........................

    Forest (Remind me to come back and correct this part)

    Zigzagoon-Ziggy: Friend of Butter-Freedom, friend of Line. Wishes he was shiny.

    Aipom- A Palmer: She loves paches, is his babysitter.

    Pichu-Chuwy(or Chewy): Loves Mum and Bro, friend of Ziggy, patches and Ele-sky.

    Vulpix-Six Tails 4 trails: Loves looking after Pichu.

    Pikachu- Pika the Chu: Bro of Chuwy, brother-like son of Raichu.

    Butterfree-(butter)Freeeeeedom: loves ziggy.

    Pachirisu- Patches: Loves his shiny girlfriend, and loves his friend palmer.

    Zoroark-Zoro: Has the mark or Zoro! XD It hurts victims every day... He is scary, and the driving force behind all the rogue pokemon - he can control others too...(*hint, hint, Eevee's siblings are acting strange*)

    Swalot-Swallow and Gulp in: Uses Stockpile and Swallow, but doesn't use swallow that often - he wants to keep his prey inside!

    Victreebell-Vic-tor-ious Victory: Had an encounter with Victini...thinks he is invincible...likes to say : "I am inVINcibal!"

    Xerneus- Fairy helper of all: Mysterious helper of everyone...especially when Yveltal is on the loose...

    ................................

    Rouge - where the baddies go!

    Breloom-LOOM: Is scary. Looms over prey and sucker(or mach) punches for a meal.

    Scyther- Scythe: Name says all lol! This is a speedy slasher!

    Hydreigon- Hydra: Has his heads do things for him, but since they are brainless, he doesn't respect them.

    Sizor-Sizors: Likes his pincers and calls them, and himself the scissors. Can mega evolve.

    Trevanant- Trevor: Looks for pokemon in the forest to eat...his rival is Leafeon. (He likes her now though!)

    Ursaring-Ursa: DON'T say it! It's not FNAF! He's just a regular guts Ursaring that likes to challenge Flareon in guts contests.

    Lineoon-Lines @ Noon: Doesn't like young Ziggy, he's too goody-goody! XD He would rather learn to run in a zig-zag fashion forever than be his friend, and that's saying something!

    Zangoose- Zangy Mongoose: Is now best friend to too bad Viper and Bok after they saved his life once... Oh dear, claws, strangles and fangs...

    Seviper- Viper: The viper that...sinks her fangs into you...? Too bad Viper, Bok and Zangy are on the same team!

    Arbok- Bok the Cobra: The cobra the strangles...too bad Viper, Bok and Zangy are on the same team!

    Yveltal- Mr. Darkness Destruction and Death: Name says all, 'nuff said?

    ...................

    Sea - creatures that are not seen that often, so some are shy.

    Luvdisc- Luv the Love: Loves love, and everyone in the sea! She's not very strong, but will help out in a time of need - usually by kissing the boys and yveltal. Knows sweet kiss, lovely kiss, draining kiss and attract! Mmmmmwah! <3

    Mudkip- Muddy Kippers: Shoots flying/bug types out of the water for a snack. Helps pokemon get across the water like his friend Lotad.

    Simipour- Pourer Medusa: She has always wanted snake-hair to protect herself. She is laid back and kind - except when she's angry. In that state, she might do something rash like make Yveltal turn the group of pokemon around the one/s that upset her into stone...which usually backfires on her because she gets turned to stone as well...Luvdisc saves everyone.

    Surskit-Skittsy Skits: Loves to set up traps for prey - hates when the break free or don't get caught! If you need her, she may help out for food though...

    Tympole-Tadpole: A cute tadpole that always gets trapped in Skit's traps! Gets saved by Finny.

    Finneon-Finny: Doesn't like when Pips hunts, but thinks that he's cute. Has an extremely powerful mother who can control you temporarily...but the force is not when Zoro does it! Finny is the beautifly of the sea.

    Piplup-Pips: He's an emperor, but likes to be called a prince. His evolved brother is the same, his name is Prince-lup. Pipsqueak loves pecking Skits and catching fish. Finny has promised to get her Mum to come knock him out if he tries to eat her though...her mother is strong!

    Kingler-King Krab-Mr. Krabbs: Wants to be a mean TV start. Has learned to control his claw without making himself fall into the water. Grabs prey.

    Sharpedo- Sharky Sharpy: Is sharp, and can mega evolve to make his teeth even sharper! Uses a quick claw, since he doesn't have speed boost!

    Clawizter- The Claw: Loves his claw, loves his pulse/pump move boost! Shoots prey.

    Wailord- Wailer: Cries and calls others everyday, is somehow ruler of the sea.



    End of character list!


    Chapter 2

    I frequently call characters by nicknames that I gave them, so if you don't know what they are, go to the previous chapter - the character list!

    Picture this: A "treehouse" that is on the ground in the forest, at night. An Umbreon is guarding the house, but leaves when the sun starts rising. A sylveon is inside the house and wakes up. She picks up an eevee egg -that had just appeared - with her feelers and hugged it, kissed it and watched it hatch. It was an adorable boy eevee that kissed and hugged him Mummy back. Nynphia looked down at her son, then looked out the window to see that her son was not there guarding to be able to see the event that had just happened...

    ------------------------------------------------

    You: "Whoa, whoa, WHAT?! How did she have a kid without a husband?!"

    Me: "She had enough eggs fertilized before her husband disappeared - (even though he's been missing for a few years) - you'll find out about him at the end of the book!"

    You: "Oh...still confusing though!"

    ----------------------------------------------------

    Nymphia put her son down through the window, and she went outside through the door. Eevee ran about, saying "Eevee!", or "Mamaaaaa! :D". Nymphia followed her son, and they both made their way to where Blacky usually stands when he is not guarding. He was not there, so Nymphia realized that he was somewhere else and decided to take Evee to where her human friends lived. Evee did not object to what his mother explained, and ran in the wrong direction. Luckily, his mother caught him with her feelers and placed him on her back. He then made her way to the human kids's house.

    ~Whenever I say that Sylveon picked up, put down, or caught anything, etc, I mean that she did it with her feelers - I'm just clarifying so that I don't have to reiterate that she did it with her feelers in future chapters. ~


    Chapter 3

    The other three siblings are mentioned by the way! You hear more from Umbreon, Eevee, and Jolteon...so technically, you meet THREE of the siblings...

    .........................



    Nymphia's POV:



    Just then, Blacky came back...with a soaked Jolteon and two annoyed girls - Leafeon and Vaporeon.

    Umbreon: "Hey little brother! I like you little one! Sorry for missing the birth, mother!"

    Eevee: Vee! I love you, Bwada! <3

    Me: "Hey Blacky, I thought you were suppose to be guarding us!"

    "I was, but Jolteon did something naughty and the girls called me over...", was the reply.

    Jolteon was soaked and was not smiling...he looked rather scared actually...

    "Thunders...what did you do...?"

    Good grief! I thought...

    The wind whistles...

    ... Actually, something doesn't feel right in the air but I don't know what it is... It's like I inherited Espeon's future feeling trait or something... I contemplated.

    Jolteon said: "Well Ma, Booster and I dared each other, and when he didn't complete his one, I pushed him into the lake. Unfortunately, he bit me with fire-fang as retaliation. I knocked him out with Thunder accidentally, I forgot that water makes electricity stronger... I laughed because he got defeated with one attack - big mistake - all three of my sisters attacked me... Glaceon is back at the pond with Flareon, trying to comfort him. I'm sorry Mom and sisters! I'm sorry little bro! I won't do it again!"

    My son...tsk, tsk, tsk! I can imagine the whole thing! I thought.

    "Ok, I forgive - ask Booster to do the same! Remember girls, don't always attack someone when they need their comeuppance! Tell them that they are doing something wrong, and their parents will come find THEM! Anyway, you may all go back now!"

    Vapoeron growled every sentence that Thunders said, and she purred every sentence I said. Leafeon laughed when I said for Jolteon to ask Booster to forgive him.

    Umbreon: "You may be surprised that we all have two names little, one!"

    Eevee: Uh huh!

    Umbreon: The names ending in "eon" are our species names...or dog names...?

    Eevee: ....yeah?

    Umbreon: And our other names are nicknames!

    Eevee: I'm Evee, but u can call me E...or...Eve!

    Umbreon turned his attention to me. He gave me an uncomfortable look...

    Me: Well, we'll be going to see our human friends now!

    Umbreon: Ok...be carfeful!

    Me: Ok! We will! ;)

    Eevee: Ok Bwada Blacky!

    Umbreon: Only Mom can call me that. It's either "Black", or "Umbreon."

    Evee: Ok Blacky!

    Me: Haha, he likes you!

    Umbreon: Not enough to respect me...

    Me: My baby and I headed to the human's place. We needed some human items to experiment with - technology isn't as good in the pokemon world, and I have a feeling that we'll need high-tech gadgets soon!

    - No...we need ONE!







    --------------------------------------

    Which eevee are you?

    Chapter 4

    Sylveon's POV

    I ran after my son since he was running really fast now. I panted and finally caught him with my feelers. We came up to the house of humans that let us use some of their equipment. Vee - what I call my newborn son sometimes - jumped onto the welcome mat and pleaded me to open the door. I cried: "Syyyyyllllveeeooooonnn!", and the Mom of the sibling humans opened the door.

    "Good morning Sylf! I see you brought your new baby! The kids are in their room. We walked through the hallway towards the kid's room, Vee bounding along the way while I walked casually.



    I'll update this soon!
     
    Last edited:

    Bay

  • 6,390
    Posts
    18
    Years
    Hi, so I decided to look over your fic real quick and give you a few pointers.

    First off, your first chapter read off as notes for your story instead of a proper first chapter. While I understand you did that for reference, that can drive off readers more because they won't be interested in reading your notes. If you still insist on having the notes, at least here you can put them under spoilers so folks that don't care for the notes can jump immediately to the story.

    Now, for your other chapters. For the second chapter I noticed you had a note about Sylveon's feelers in the middle, and the note about the father before that. Those notes also distracts the reader and usually you can save them either before or after the chapter.

    One other thing I notice is in the third chapter you have the dialogue similar to a script while in fourth chapter you have the dialogue be the normal "Hello," I said. For chapter three I would rewrite the dialogue to the normal style ("Hello," I said) to make things consistent.

    Another inconsistency problem I noticed is second chapter you choose third person pov while later chapters you went Nymphia's POV written in first person. I would suggest deciding on third or first person pov and stick to it.

    I'll be honest here, not counting Chapter One, your chapters are very, very short. Short chapters aren't bad and I usually go for quality over quanitity, but yoru chapters could use a lot of work. In fact, I think you can put Chapters 2and 3 at least as one chapter. Chapter 4 seems like you haven't finished yet, and that worries me.

    I feel the pacing here is going a bit fast. For instance, the beginning of Chapter 2 you could put more details with Nymphia preparing for her egg to hatch and more reaction from her after her egg hatched.

    I apologize if this is overwhelming, but there are some areas that I feel could use some improvements. I highly suggest reading some fics here to get a good idea of description and pacing. If you want something with first person pov, Necrum's Eclipse in his short story collection and bobandbill's Change of the Season are good starts. Once you get a good idea of how they handle description and pacing, decide if you want to have the rest of the story in first pov or not. If you want your story in third person in the end, then you'll need to do a lot of rewriting.

    I wish you luck on the rest of the story. I don't expect you to have a huge jump in improvement, but I do want you to try your best in making small changes and take your time in writing this story. If there's anything you're confused of here, do let me know and I'm happy to explain in more detail.
     
  • 2
    Posts
    8
    Years
    • Seen May 24, 2016
    Ok, thank you! I'll try to improve it, but is might take a little while as I'm writing two stories at the same time! The reason why I have 1st and 3rd points of view is because I saw someone do it on another fan-fic website so I thought I could do it for this website too - sorry about that!
     
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