[Pokémon] Magikarp evolved into Gyarados (Chapter1)

[clarence30]

Once upon a time,there was a Magikarp name 'Fred'.He likes to play with his best friend,Mispit the Feebas.They like to play games such as 'Tag'.
One day,Mispit and Fred was playing happily.Then a gang of Sharpedo came.
Leader of Sharpedo Gang : HAHAHA!! You ugly pokemons.
Sharpedo 1 : Yeah! Ugly children.
Sharpedo 2 : Stupid and ugly children.
Fred was hurt by the words the Sharpedo gang said.He felt tired and swam home.
Mispit : Keep your comments to yourselves!
And Mispit swam home with Fred.
The next day
Fred : Mummy!!!! Am i ugly?
Mother : No you're not.Why?You looked worried.
Fred : A group of Sharpedo said i'm ugly.
Mother : Oh..don't care about them.Come on,lets have breakfast.

 

[Astinus]

Please read the rules of the section before posting. The rules of this section state that only well-written script fics are allowed, and any that don't meet the quality standards will be closed. Not only is your font a large enough size that it's difficult to read, but your grammar needs improvement. You also need more narration in the story, like how the characters are feeling, rather than just rushing through the story.