delongbi
I C U
- 161
- Posts
- 17
- Years
- Possibly in a tree
- Seen Oct 1, 2015
Hello! Nice chapter. I really like how you made the man Ed battled shady, but not obviously shady, so that the reader wasn't quite sure what to make of him. The rocket badge fits perfectly! Nice plottiness.
When things like this are said, I get the shivers because then I know something is going to go wrong.
You can get rid of the 'and'
Parasect was a Paras back then.
I really liked Ed's scene. Nice job, keep up the good writing!
Turning back, Ally gazed at her with distrust. "Promise?"
Leah didn't hesitate.
"Promise."
When things like this are said, I get the shivers because then I know something is going to go wrong.
it made her frown more and when she caught herself doing it.
You can get rid of the 'and'
But that was true, wasn't it? All he had been doing was getting his Pokemon hurt, Coralie most of all. He remembered, way back to his first gym battle, that he sent Parasect against Blaine's fire-types. Now he could see how dangerous and stupid that was and how thankful he was that Parasect wasn't totally hurt. He acted so recklessly and still, Blaine had given him a badge, almost congratulating him at getting his Pokemon hurt.
Parasect was a Paras back then.
I really liked Ed's scene. Nice job, keep up the good writing!