Moana Kai's Pokemon Adventure

[Moana Kai]

Chapter One.

When Moana woke up from the ocean in Pallet Town, he got up off of his bed and took a shower. When he got done of the shower, he opened the door and he wore a black hat, a dark blue shirt, and black pants with white shoes.

Moana went walking downstairs when suddenly, his front door was opened so he ran downstairs and closed it shut. When the door locked, he heard a noise in the kitchen so he walked into the kitchen and then he saw a Bulbasaur.

"Why hello there." said Moana.

Bulbasaur walked towards Moana and smiled at him. Moana smiled at Bulbasaur and then he told Bulbasaur to walk with him to check on Professor Oak to see if he can keep him.

When Moana and Bulbasaur got to the pokemon laboratory, they opened up the door and they saw Professor Oak writing on a peice of paper. He saw Moana and Bulbasaur so he got off his chair and walked towards them.

"Why hello there." said Professor Oak.
"Hello there, I got a question for you." said Moana.
"Yes, I'll answer that question for you." said Professor Oak.
"Alright, can I have this Bulbasaur by my side?" asked Moana.
"Yes you can, just let me get a card." said Professor Oak.
"Alright, I'll be waiting here until you got it." said Moana.

When Professor Oak was getting a card, Moana and Bulbasaur sat down on a bench and waited until Professor Oak arrived.

"Here you go." said Professor Oak. "What's your name and age?"
"My name is Moana Kai Crowell and I am sixteen years old." said Moana.
"Alright then, here you go then, a trainer card." said Professor Oak.
"Is this it then, I can go?" asked Moana.
"Yes, that's it, you can go have a pokemon adventure." said Professor Oak.
"Alright thanks." said Moana.

Moana and Bulbasaur went outside of the pokemon lab when suddenly, Professor Oak ran up towards him and gave him his five pokeballs. After Moana got his five pokeballs, he went into his house and wrote a letter to his mom that he's going for an adventure.

"Alright Bulbasaur, what should we do, catch pokemon and wait until they are all trained and we start going for our badges or just get our badges?" asked Moana.

Bulbasaur growled one time so Moana said that Bulbasaurs decision was to catch pokemon and train them so Moana and Bulbasaur first walked into Route One to catch pokemon.

"Hey Bulbasaur, there's a Pidgey." said Moana. "Go and use tackle Bulbasaur."

Bulbasaur used tackle and it damaged Pidgey so Moana grabbed a pokeball, threw it towards Pidgey, and caught it. Moana and Bulbasaur was both excited so they wanted to capture more pokemon.

Moana and Bulbasaur arrived in Viridian City a few minutes later so they went to a pokecenter to rest up for they can have enough energy to last them through the rest of the day. When Pidgey was done healing, Moana stepped outside of the pokecenter and headed north to continue his adventure.

will Moana catch more pokemon before he gets to the Viridian Forest? we'll find out in the next chapter.

 

[Acrutheo]

The immediately obvious flaw is that it's too short. You must add more.

Secondly, the description is superficial. You've described in no great detail him and his surroundings. You've touched on what he's wearing, but that's it. What kind of hat does he wear? What kind of shirt? What kind of pants?

Furthermore, the fact that you're just trying to describe him and "get it out of the way" seems to be evident here. Try to incorporate descriptions into his actions: show, don't tell. For example. Instead of saying that he's wearing a black hat, you could say something along the lines of "He donned his ebony cap as he left the room." This way, you're killing two birds with one stone: showing an action and describing him.

However, the greatest thing that needs to be fixed with your story is its originality. You're basically doing a trainer fic, which, while being the easiest fic to write at all, is the one of the hardest kinds of fic to write if you want to do it well. You have to write well, and you do have to put some kind of original/creative spin on it. This fic doesn't have that.

Also, you have a grammar error with your dialogue, it's not "Why hello there." said Moana", it's "Why hello there," said Moana.

 

[Moana Kai]

Chapter Two.

"Hey Bulbasaur, that's a Rattata." said Moana. "Use tackle Bulbasaur."

Bulbasaur used tackle and it damaged Rattata so Moana grabbed a pokeball, threw it towards Rattata, and caught it. Moana and Bulbasaur was both excited so they wanted to capture more pokemon.

Moana and Bulbasaur didn't see anymore pokemon so they went inside the Viridian Forest to find some more pokemon. Inside the Viridian Forest, Moana was challenged by a pokemon trainer so Moana excepted the challenge.

"Alright Bulbasaur go and battle." said Moana.
"Alright Caterpie, do your stuff." said the pokemon trainer.
"Use tackle Bulbasaur." said Moana.
"Use tackle Caterpie." said the pokemon trainer.

When Bulbasaur and Caterpie ran into each other, Caterpie lost the battle so did the trainer as well. After the trainer battle, Moana was still walking in the Viridian Forest to find some more pokemon to catch.

"Hey Bulbasaur, that's a Caterpie." said Moana. "Go and used tackle Bulbasaur."

Bulbasaur used tackle and it damaged Caterpie so Moana grabbed a pokeball, threw it towards Caterpie, and caught it. Moana and Bulbasaur was both excited so they wanted to capture more pokemon.

Moana and Bulbasaur was still inside the Viridian City for an hour and they still were finding pokemon to catch.

"Hey Bulbasaur, that's a Pikachu." said Moana. "Go and used tackle Bulbasaur."

Bulbasaur used tackle and it damaged Pikachu so Moana grabbed a pokeball, threw it towards Pikachu, and caught it. Moana and Bulbasaur was both excited so they wanted to capture more pokemon.

Later after another hour of being inside the Viridian Forest, they seen the exit so they went out and they seen Pewter City so they walked farther until they got there.

will Moana and Bulbasaur catch more pokemon or get into another pokemon battle? find out in the next chapter.

 

[Moana Kai]

Chapter Three.

When Moana and Bulbasaur was walking in Route Three, they seen a person walking up to them and then suddenly, it was a pokemon trainer and he wanted to have a battle so Moana excepted it.

"Alright go get them Bulbasaur." said Moana.
"Alright come on out Weedle." said the pokemon trainer.
"Use leech seed Bulbasaur." said Moana.
"Use poison sting Weedle." said the pokemon trainer.

The seeds launced from Bulbasaurs back and they sprouted on Weedle. Weedle wasn't able to do anything because it was seeded and tangled.

"Alright Bulbasaur, use tackle." said Moana.
"Come on Weedle and use poison sting." said the pokemon trainer.

Bulbasaur used tackle on Weedle and Weedle still didn't attack. Weedle lost the battle and the pokemon trainer did as well. After the pokemon battle, Moana and Bulbasaur arrived in Pewter City. In Pewter City, Moana and Bulbasaur walked inside a pokecenter to rest up for their journey up ahead.

what will happen in Pewter City? find out in the next chapter.

 

[The Confuzzler]

the word said is used too much in this. Try to be creative with words and make chapters longer. And a bit more descriptive :)

 

[~Night]

How did Bulbasaur get the seeds for leech seed? Did he spit them out of his mouth? Did he find them on the ground? Not everyone on this forum has seen Bulbasaur on the TV show, so they won't even know what he looks like (is Bulbasaur yellow with pink stripes? What does he look like?).
Do something more like this.

"Go get them Bulbasaur!" Moana shouted, while the green pokemon jumped out of its pokeball.
"Alright, come on out Weedle!" a small tan colored worm pokemon rushed into battle.
"Use leech seed!" said Moana. Bulbasaur shot a large teardrop shaped seed out of the giant bulb on his back. The seed crashed into Weedle, and large green vines sprouted from it, covering Weedle completely.
"Use poison sting to get out of there!" Moana's opponent said, but Weedle couldn't move, and the battle had been won.

(I'm not to great at this stuff, but at least it's more descriptive)

 

[Moana Kai]

Chapter Four.


Moana and Bulbasaur was just standing my the pokecenter when suddenly, he saw a man trying to steal someones pokemon. They seen the man so they ran towards the trainer with the man. The man was still trying to steal the pokemon.

"Hey, what are you doing with that trainers pokemon?" asked Moana.
"This pokemon is mine." said the man.

The man ran as fast as he could and then when the man was at a certain spot, Moana told Bulbasaur to use vine whip. The vines flew towards the man and they tangled around his legs. The man fell so Moana and Bulbasaur went to get the pokemon back.

"Here's your pokemon back sir." said Moana.
"Thank you young man." said the pokemon trainer. "Do you want to battle me?"
"Yes I would like to battle you." said Moana.
"Alright, let's get the battle going." said the pokemon trainer.

The pokemon trainer stepped back a couple feet away Moana.

"Come on out Ivysaur." said the pokemon trainer.
"Go get it Bulbasaur." said Moana.
"Use poison powder Ivysaur." said the pokemon trainer.
"Use vine whip Bulbasaur." said Moana.

When the powder came towards Bulbasaur, Bulbasaur blew it away and it made Ivysaur poisoned and when Bulbasaur used vine whip, the vines quickley hit Ivysaur.

"Alright Ivysaur, use sleep powder." said the pokemon trainer.
"Use leech seed Bulbasaur." said Moana.

When the powder came towards Bulbasaur, Bulbasaur blew it towards Ivysaur but Ivysaur blew it away and the powder disappeared. When Bulbasaur used leech seed, the seeds came out of its bulb.

"Use vine whip Ivysaur." said the pokemon trainer.
"Use vine whip also Bulbasaur." said Moana.

When Ivysaur and Bulbasaur both used vine whip, Ivysaur was getting weak because of leech seed and the poison from poison powder. Ivysaur fell and it wasn't able to get up so Moana and Bulbasaur won.

When Bulbasaur and Moana won the battle, Moana looked at Bulbasaur and it evolved into Ivysaur.

"Congradulations on your Ivysaur." said the pokemon trainer. "I got my Ivysaur before we battled."
"That's awesome." said Moana. "See you around and make sure you have a great journey."
"Yes you too, I'm going to beat Brock pretty soon here, want to come with me?" asked the pokemon trainer.
"No that's okay." said Moana.

Moana waved at the pokemon trainer and then Moana and Ivysaur walked towards Route 4.

what will happen in route four, will he catch more pokemon, find out in the next chapter.

 

[Moana Kai]

Chapter Five.

"Hey Ivysaur, that's a Spearow." said Moana. "Use tackle Ivysaur."

Ivysaur used tackle and it damaged Spearow so Moana grabbed a pokeball, threw it towards Spearow, and caught it. Moana and Ivysaur was both excited so they wanted to capture more pokemon.

When Moana and Ivysaur were still walking in Route 4, they saw an Ekans.

"Hey Ivysaur, that's an Ekans." said Moana. "Use tackle Ivysaur."

Ivysaur used tackle and it damaged Ekans so Moana grabbed a pokeball, threw it towards Ekans, and caught it. Moana and Ivysaur was both excited so they wanted to capture more pokemon.

Later on, it was dark out and then Moana thought it was time to settle but Ivysaur didn't let him so they kept on walking.


"Hey Ivysaur, that's a Sandshrew." said Moana. "Use tackle Ivysaur."

Ivysaur used tackle and it damaged Sandshrew so Moana grabbed a pokeball, threw it towards Sandshrew, and caught it. Moana and Ivysaur was both excited so they wanted to capture more pokemon.

Moana and Ivysaur didn't find anymore pokemon or see any pokemon trainers to battle so they saw a pokecenter nearby so they went inside and rested. Moana ordered a room to stay and then later on, the nurse brought them into their room and they slept.

what will happen inside the Mt. Moon, will he catch more pokemon or battle a pokemon trainer? find out in the next chapter.

 

[icomeanon6]

I think you should listen to the advice that people have given you in their comments. The main thing that irks me is the incorrect way that you write speech.

WRONG: "Hey Ivysaur, that's a Spearow." said Moana.

RIGHT: "Hey Ivysaur,that's a Spearow," said Moana.

You can't put a period at the end of a spoken sentence if you add "said Moana" to the end of it, it's a part of the sentence. Putting a period there makes your writing amateurish and awkward to read. Make sure you pay attention to other peoples' comments and edit/revise your fic carefully before you post.