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My poems- Once again XD

Well, it's my first...well written song XD thanks, I'll try and get a better one ^^
 
Hey Eli! That song pwns. I THINK I got the rhythm. lol But I probably am not even close. XD
 
I think I forget the rythym == XD
 
Your 'poems' & 'Lyrics', are alright, some don't really make much sence though...and don't mean to be picky *hides*, but theres quite alot of spelling and grammer mistakes that make it kinda hard to read XD
 
Poetry doesn't have to make sense, you know. ^.~
It's called Poetic License. That means you can defy the laws of Grammar, not capitilize, etc, and still have an amazing poem!
As for the spelling errors, I don't really know what you're talking about. I use spell check, and even then I don't even need the spell check, because I am a good speller, not that I'm trying to be not humble. If there are any spelling errors, then please do point them out to me.

~Eli
 
Ah, before I must go, I just wanted to show you all something I've been putting together. If you like music, I hope to God this is familiar to you XD
Yes, there is a swear, but I had to put it in...o.o;; You'll see XD!

Part One of Unamed

I walk these empty streets,
In the City of the Dead, bound in my dreams.
Where the city's motto is just a LIE from the past,
But the quote stands true, that "The innocent can never last."
There's no signs of hope, just the shame,
Now you've lost your dreams in the RAIN.
But there's a glow of light.
The Saint of Denial is the spark in the night.
But I run AWAY, and leave behind,
This hurricane of f-ing lies.
And the world is spinning OUT OF CONTROL AGAIN,
And I leave this broken home, in the CITY OF THE DEAD.
 
Eliana said:
Ah, before I must go, I just wanted to show you all something I've been putting together. If you like music, I hope to God this is familiar to you XD
Yes, there is a swear, but I had to put it in...o.o;; You'll see XD!

Part One of Unamed

I walk these empty streets,
In the City of the Dead, bound in my dreams.
Where the city's motto is just a LIE from the past,
But the quote stands true, that "The innocent can never last."
There's no signs of hope, just the shame,
Now you've lost your dreams in the RAIN.
But there's a glow of light.
The Saint of Denial is the spark in the night.
But I run AWAY, and leave behind,
This hurricane of f-ing lies.
And the world is spinning OUT OF CONTROL AGAIN,
And I leave this broken home, in the CITY OF THE DEAD.
OMGosh 1!111!one I'm in Eli's poem thread! x3

*post dedicated to Eli*

Anyways, yup, this is very, very familiar. xD But I really like the style of this poem, especially the words you chose to CAP. =3 The swear was a nice touch also, keep it up! =)
 
XD Oooh Eli, that sounds like a Green Day song, hun. XD I bet that's just what you were trying to accomplish!
 
Awesome, it's a mix of Green Day lyrics. =3
 
Thanks all! ^___^*hugs*
Good to see you aren't all that dense. XD
Indeed, they are all taken from Green Day songs <3 XD
 
*hugs back*

Can't wait for any more. =3
 
Actually, =3 I wrote a song XD
I left it at school so I'll post it when I get back from school tommorow kays?
 
Okay, sounds good to me. ^^
 
OKAY I REMEMBERED IT! XD

Failure

Here I am, I'm walking down the line,
Wonderin' why, I can't seem to do anything right.
But I just realized,
That I just wanna turn back time,
And go back to you, and apologize...

[chorus]
I'm sorry, I'm a failure,
I can't help it, it's my nature.
So stop shoving me into this wall,
I'm just the loser down the hall...

[/chorus]

WHO AM I!?
AM I JUST AN F-ING LIE!?

Or am I,
Just another jerk, deserving to be pushed into the dirt!?
But now I think it's time,
To pack my bags and say goodbye,
And now I'm gone,
Because I DON'T BELONG!

[chorus]


Okay so the messed up coma's are the because of the rythym which most of you probably didn't get XD
Also, this is from a boy's point of view in case you didn't figure it out XD
 
Mwar, very good, that ^_^

I could hear a song in there XD
 
XD Thanks! I sort of have...or HAD a tune, but I have this issues with beats and stuff o_O
 
Eliana said:
OKAY I REMEMBERED IT! XD

Failure

Here I am, I'm walking down the line,
Wonderin' why, I can't seem to do anything right.
But I just realized,
That I just wanna turn back time,
And go back to you, and apologize...

[chorus]
I'm sorry, I'm a failure,
I can't help it, it's my nature.
So stop shoving me into this wall,
I'm just the loser down the hall...

[/chorus]

WHO AM I!?
AM I JUST AN F-ING LIE!?

Or am I,
Just another jerk, deserving to be pushed into the dirt!?
But now I think it's time,
To pack my bags and say goodbye,
And now I'm gone,
Because I DON'T BELONG!

[chorus]


Okay so the messed up coma's are the because of the rythym which most of you probably didn't get XD
Also, this is from a boy's point of view in case you didn't figure it out XD
That was really good! I like all of the hatred in it. XD
 
XD Of COURSE there's hatred in it! Thanks! =3
 
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