Mystery Dungeon: Asayake ~ The New Morning's Glow

Good?


  • Total voters
    4

PandaMonium66

Canid Trainer
  • 6
    Posts
    16
    Years
    • Seen Apr 14, 2012
    I have rated this story 14+ for Mature/Suggestive themes, Bad puns that may very well harm your very being, Cursing, High levels of violence, and a Vulpix who is very Passionate about those of the opposite sex.
    I began writing this a month after it came out; each new chapter came with each part of the game based on my second play through. I have changed a lot from the original storyline, new sub-plots, new stories, new characters, and a lot of the existing characters have been changed. If you do not wish to partake in these shenanigans, please leave now and take your shenanigan frowning self to another fic. Also, good luck to anyone who figures out all the silly references. Mother is your clue.


    Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Asayake
    Chapter 1:
    Pokémon World

    I lay huddled in a slump on the damp grassy plain, I hear a voice calling out… but I cannot tell what it is they are trying to say, I am just lying here, half asleep, and for some reason, I am in much pain.
    "Hey! Wake up!" that voice… it is getting louder…
    "Please… wake up…"
    I got up slowly, and looked around, only to find myself looking at a Charmander.
    "That's good! You're awake, for a second there I didn't think you were going to make it. That was an awful fall you had there."
    Quickly I jumped back,
    "Y…You can talk?"
    She looked at me funny,
    "Well of course I can talk, I'm a regular Charmander, just like you are a regular, average, every day, run-of-the-mill Eevee."
    I looked at her funny,
    "I'm not an Eevee, I'm a human!"
    The Charmander looked at me as if I had completely lost my mind.
    "A human? That doesn't make much sense, not much sense at all to me, just look at yourself."
    Slowly and reluctantly I looked down only to see paws and fur, I looked in a nearby puddle, only confirming her assessment, I had been turned into an Eevee.
    "No…That's not possible! The last thing I remember was me, being a complete 100% bona-fied human, and now I'm a Pokémon!"
    The Charmander walked over to me, and put out her hand.
    "Well, whatever, my name is Lane, Lane the Charmander, and you are?"
    I looked at her and shook her hand
    "I'm Alexander, Chisholm."
    She twitched a bit when she heard me say my name, struggling to hold back her laughter, but eventually she just let go.
    "Alexander! That's a weird name! I like it!"

    "Help! Someone please help me!" An awfully distressed Raichu ran toward us, yelling for help as loud as it possibly could. The Raichu kept running toward us and before we new what happened, crashed into me knocking me over stopping it in its tracks.
    Lane helped it to its feet, "Are you alright?" she chuckled.
    The Raichu looked distraught, and then sat down,
    "I'm ok but I'm in desperate need of help, that tremor opened the ground up and my children fell in, I couldn't do anything to help them, please help, they must be absolutely mortified by now!"
    Lane looked at me, then looked back at the Raichu.
    "Alright, we'll help you, don't worry about a single thing we'll rescue your children and be back before you even notice were gone."

    The Raichu showed us the crevasse that had opened, and told us they had fallen down far into the pit. We descended into the crevasse, until we touched flat ground.
    "Alright, lets see, this looks like a labyrinth, well, not quite, but it is a maze." Lane walked into a narrow corridor, and came running out as fast as she could. I looked down the path finding myself looking at a herd of angry Nidoran.
    "I'm a Pokémon right? So that means I can battle them!" I quickly rushed at the lead Nidoran, and tackled it as hard as I could, sending it flying into the group of Pokémon behind it knocking about three of them out, but more and more kept coming. I kept fighting them for about a minute, when Lane joined in.
    "Ember!" Lane performed a successful ember attack, which rained little tiny balls of fire onto the herd of Nidoran, most of them ran away but two remained, one of them lunged at me, and struck me, I was hit hard but I was ok, the Nidoran rushed at me again, but this time I quickly jumped out of the way, before he had even realized what had just happened, he crashed into the wall and knocked himself out. Only one remained, but this one looked tougher than the others, quickly thinking, I ran behind him and tackled the Nidoran in the rear, it startled him and made him jump forward; Lane seized the moment, rushed at the Nidoran and performed the metal claw technique, sending him into the wall knocking him out.
    "Well that was a workout" I mumbled. We then noticed a small set of stairs that had been created by the falling rocks, so I decided to walk down them, Lane followed closely behind me. When we got to the bottom, we found ourselves in a wide open area, but still no Pichu or Pikachu to be found, anywhere, that is, until we walked over to a bush in the centre of the area, sure enough, we found three Pichu and one Pikachu, huddled together trembling behind the bush quickly we rounded them all up and led them safely out of the crevasse.

    When we got back to the surface, we found the Raichu pacing back and forth in anticipation. The children ran out from behind us to their mother, whose face immediately changed from an expression of fear, to happiness.
    "I can't thank you enough! I know that nothing I could do, or give, could ever be enough to repay you but, I do have something. The Raichu pulled out a pouch and dropped some berries out in front of us.
    "It's not much, but please take it, it's the best I can do."
    I picked up the berries and turned to Lane, then turned back to the Raichu
    "Thank you very much."

    "Well, it seems that you don't have a place to stay tonight, so why don't you come back with me?" I stopped for a moment, and decided, that it would be the best thing to do, so off we were. We continued walking through the forest, which seemed to go on forever, until we found a small clearing, with a pond in it, I walked over to the water and looked at my reflection, then I noticed a cloth stuck to a branch of a tree, in the reflection that had been cast upon the water. I tackled the tree knocking it loose; it fell on top of me and covered me up.
    "Oh it seems you found a pecha scarf, well that's good." Lane walked over to me, and tied it around my neck, it was surprisingly warm, considering how small and thin it actually was. We resumed walking towards the exit of the forest, but we were getting nowhere fast, it felt like this forest would never end, eventually the sun began to set, so we set up camp at the next clearing we found, and started a fire to keep us warm through the night. I sat down with lane and began to gaze out into the night sky; every star looked perfect in its place, shimmering like a diamond, and the full moon, glowed with a pleasant aura.

    I began to sing while I was looking out at the moonlit sky, singing a song that had just come in to my mind, although, it gave me a sense of nostalgia, as if I were remembering it.
    "I believe the morning sun always gonna shine again and I believe a pot of gold waits at every rainbow's end I believe in roses kissed with dew why shouldn't I believe the same in you? I believe in make-believe fairy tales and lucky charms and I believe in promises spoken as you cross your heart I believe in skies forever blue why shouldn't I believe the same in you? You may say I'm a fool feelin' the way that I do..."
    I stopped singing, I felt strange singing it, almost sad, but at the same time I felt happy. Lane looked at me strangely, "What song is that?"
    I looked back at her
    "I don't quite know… it just came to me, but somehow it feels like a memory."
    She looked up at the moon and the many silver stars with me long into the night. Eventually she drifted off to sleep, I covered her up with my pecha scarf, it wasn't much but it was enough to keep her warm long after the fire died out, I walked to a spot under a tree, then looked out at the moon once more. I then went to sleep, waiting for a bright new day.

     
    Sorry for double posting here guys, but if anyone has a review, a way I can fix it up... make it better, please tell me.

    And do not mince words just because it was my first official fanfic, I thoroughly enjoy oppinions.
     
    Chapter 2:
    Pokémon Square, is actually pretty round.

    I woke up next morning to the sound of wind, blowing through the trees around me. As I awoke, I took a look around. The sun was shining beautifully, illuminating the entire area with a sort of, glow, yes, Morning glow… that was the only thing I can say that would describe it. I soon found out that Lane had already woken up, and was waiting for me to wake up myself.
    "Oh you're up! 'Bout time." She said walking over to me.
    "Yeah I'm up… So where to from here?" I asked as she came to my side.
    "I went ahead earlier; we are just outside of town. So the moment you're ready we'll go back into town." Lane said with a smile. She seemed very happy.
    "Alright then… What are we waiting for? LET'S GO!" I exclaimed trying to hold back my excitement.
    At that moment we began our trek, it wasn't very long till we had left the forest and entered town.
    "Welcome to Pokémon square! I'll show you around." She told me as we walked through the bustling square, which quite frankly was more closely related to a different shape…
    "Ok, here you'll find many stores and the like… For example, there is Persian bank, the greatest bank in the entire world! They have never lost a single coin."
    "Hey… the person running the store… Why are they wearing clothes?" I inquired quietly.
    "Huh? Oh!" Lane broke out into an uncontrollable laughter.
    "What's so funny?" I asked, now slightly annoyed.
    "That's Persian… His real name is Jonathan, but for some reason he prefers to be called Persian… He's a bit eccentric, in that he believes that everyone should wear clothes, because it's apparently 'Gross, rude, and indecent' Not to. Personally I think he wears clothes because he's ashamed." Lane said, with a bit of a chuckle.
    "Ashamed? Why?"
    "I believe it's to hide the fact that he has a really REALLY small p-" Lane was cut off by someone calling to us.

    "HEY LANE! YOU'RE BACK!" The Torchic yelled to us, "Who's your friend?"
    "OH, HI!" She said as she gave the Torchik a hug. "Alexander this is Eloise, but we all call her Elle. Elle this is Alexander, we met out in the forest. He was the 'thing' that had fallen off the cliff."

    "OMIGOSH! Are you alright?!" She shouted frantically, sounding very worried.
    I paused for a moment, to let this all sink in,
    "Yes I'm fine." I said.

    "Anyway Elle, what do you have to tell us?" Lane asked.

    "Persian has himself a new Bow-Tie!" Elle said laughing.
    "Let's go see!" Lane said as she grabbed hold of me and began running.

    Upon reaching the bank, and seeing Persian, I began to feel very confused. What? I thought to myself.
    "Mr. Persian sir. Why is it that you are wearing clothes?" I asked him.
    "Because, quite simply! It is Gross, Rude, and Indecent not to! And I suggest you wear clothes yourself! Unless of course… You want the ladies scoping out your hind-quarters and the nether-regions about them…" Persian quickly responded.
    Upon hearing this I jumped!
    "WH…WHAT?! NO!" I immediately began running in circles, attempting to catch a glance at "Myself".
    Lane quickly stopped me,
    "Hahahahaha… Don't worry, we aren't perverts… well… except for that weird Vivian by Whiscash pond…" I quickly calmed down.
    "Still…" I said uneasy.
    "Anyway, for the rest of those in town, they are all regulars at the restaurant to the south, owned by Eddie, the Honchcrow.
    "Eddie?" I wondered aloud.
    "Yup, Nice guy, works a little too hard if you ask me, the restaurant closes on Sundays and Wednesdays, so it's a little slower in town then."

    "Now let's see, other important people… Ah, over there! That's Kes and Kas, the twin Keckleons. They run a shop in town, and own a small chain of stores in surrounding towns and areas called K's Mart. Kes is quiet and reserved, while Kas is loud and pushy, oddly enough, Kes is in charge behind the scenes. Directly south of that is Kangeskhan storage. Auntie Kangeskhan is the name she goes by, she has many secrets, including her real name, but there is no one I can trust more. Over there to the east of Kangeskhan storage is the Gulpin link shop. They use link box technology to enhance moves and skills… quite frankly… to tell you the truth, I don't get it at all. Hmmm, and north of that is… odd… Rena seems to be out today… she's a Wigglytuff and owns and rents out friend areas, as she calls them, she'll tell you more about that tomorrow if she's back. Lastly is the Pelliper post office, their friendly staff is always ready to help you learn about things, share stories, or deliver mail. In fact, regardless of weather, they will always get you your mail. As for me, I'm starting my own rescue team."

    "Rescue team?" I asked still trying to process all that she just said.
    "Well yeah, with all the disasters lately, Pokémon have begun to band together and rescue others. They become a rescue team. Well… want to join my team? You need at least two members to make it an official team."
    "Yes! That sounds fun."
    "Great! But we need a name…" She said, looking kind of sad, "I can't think of one."
    "Hmmm… what about Team Returners?"
    "THAT'S AN AWESOME NAME! RIGHT ON! Well I'm going to be at Eddie's for a while, so I can sign us up. So it's your turn to have a look around, come find me if you need me later on. Ok?"
    "Yes." I nodded.

    I soon found myself walking in circles, looking at the various houses and shops. I heard shouting coming from the other side of the square, so naturally, I ran to see what had happened. Much to my surprise, I had seen an Ekans, a Medicham, and a Gengar pestering a frightened Squirtle.

    "Please! Leave me alone!" It pleaded.
    "Come on kid. You owe us." The Gengar said apparently angry.

    I jumped in between them,
    "Leave them alone!" I Shouted.
    "And who are you to tell us what to do?" It replied.
    "You heard me." I said beginning to feel slightly aggravated myself.
    "Do you have any idea who you're talking to?" It said in reply.
    "It doesn't matter!" I shouted again, getting angrier."
    "Get lost kid, before you get hurt. Team Meanies has discovered that this little dirt has not only violated our space, but stolen some berries from us! Now he's going to be punished!"
    "Team?! YOU'RE A RESCUE TEAM?! WHAT KIND OF SICK AND TWISTED JOKE IS THAT?!" I was now screaming.
    "No joke." It said completely blank faced. It was dead serious.
    "I'm part of a rescue team to and I'm obligated to protect others!" I said in reply.
    "So, what are you getting at?" The Medicham said.
    "I mean that I'm going to protect them, even if it means I have to fight you!"
    The three burst out into laughter.
    "You're kidding right?" The ekans asked still laughing uncontrollably.
    "I'm dead serious."
    Gengar's expression changed,
    "Ekans, deal with this punk."
    "My pleasssssure." It said, slithering towards me.
    Quickly thinking I jumped behind him and tackled him. Luckily for me, he hit his head on a rock and knocked himself out. Medicham picked me up, I couldn't escape. Gengar pulled his arm back, forming a fist. This was it. Before my life as a Pokémon began, it was about to end. Then… something amazing happened.
    "Enough" An unknown voice said, "This has gone on long enough. Release him, and let them both leave.
    "Ugegegehegegegegegege?! YOU! Grrrrr… Fine… Medicham grab Ekans, we're getting out of here." Gengar said sputtering.
    Upon hitting the ground, I laid my eyes upon the person who stopped the attack, to my surprise, it was a Riolu with a very intimidating and disproportionate voice.
    "Hello?" I said getting up.
    "HELLO!" He smiled at me as he spoke.
    "Thank you, for saving me." I said, bowing my head, ashamed at my loss.
    "No problem, maybe you can tell me how to get to, the post office as thanks." The Riolu asked.
    "Oh, um… It's down this road, take a turn at the Gulpin link shop, and walk up the hill. You can't miss it."
    "Thanks!" He said very happily. He went off on his way, and I turned to the squirtle.
    "Th… Thank you… I'm sorry… but I can't give you anything… I don't have anything left, they took it all…"

    "Don't worry, I don't need a reward, I wasn't much help as it was, you should go on home, I don't think they'll be back for a while."
    "Th… THANK YOU!!! I won't ever forget this!" And with that said, he ran off.

    As I walked back through town, I met up with Lane, she seemed flustered, but relieved to see me. She came up and slapped me across the face.
    "You could have been killed! What were you thinking? Taking on GENGAR?! DO YOU HAVE A DEATH WISH?!" She was screaming at me.

    "Don't worry Lane, I'm alright."
    "Still, you're coming with me. There are some people I would like you to meet." She led me through town, to a small run-down building with an old illegible sign out-front.
    "Welcome to Eddie's! Come on in!"
    Once inside I seen all sorts of Pokémon and in the centre of the group was a massive Honchcrow.
    "Eddie! This is Alexander!" Lane said to the group. The Honchcrow stepped forward, and began to speak,
    "I am Eddie. Pleased to meet you sir."

    An Umbreon also stepped forward and began to speak.
    "So, you're the kid who stood up to Team Meanies all by himself… Yeah word spreads fast."
    "Who?"
    "Gengar and company." He said.
    "Yeah so?" I said with a tinge of sarcasm.
    "You've got balls kid. Bigger ones than me, that's for sure… either that or you're just stupid."
    I Blushed.
    "Seriously kid! That was brave, incredibly stupid, but brave nonetheless. You have my respect for that.
    My face turned bright red.
    "That's enough Leo. You're embarrassing the poor boy."
    "Aww… Alright, by the way kid, I'm Leo if you didn't figure that out yet."
    "Want anything to eat? Maybe a drink?" Eddie asked.
    "Yes please! I'm starving." I said quickly.
    "Help yourself then!" He said with a grin as he set several plates of food out.
    As I began to eat, Eddie began to introduce the others.
    Marcus the Meowth. He was blind in his left eye. Isabel the Raichu. I met her and her children the day before. Bill the Scyther. He didn't say much.
    After hours of talking and eating, Lane and I went back to town, she showed me to her home, which became our team base. It became apparent to me very soon… that this was the beginning of our adventure.
     
    Last edited:
    (i hope no one is watching me do this) o.o

    Well, I think there's some things that I think need changing. (But yeah, this is my first time ever reviewing a fan fic. o.o)

    Pokémon Square is actually pretty round
    I don't think it needs a ",".

    "Oh, you're up! 'Bout time." She said walking over to me.

    "That's Persian, is real name is Jonathan, but for some reason he prefers to be called Persian. He's a bit eccentric, in that he believes that everyone should wear clothes because it's apparently 'Gross, rude, and indecent' Not to. Personally, I think he wears clothes because he's ashamed."

    "OH, HI!" She said as she gave the Torchik a hug.
    What is that? I didn't get the last name. Is it Torchic or something? =P

    "OMIGOSH! Are you alright?!" She shouted frantically, sounding very worried.
    I think it should just be "Oh my gosh!".

    "Yes, I'm fine." I said.

    As for me, I'm starting my own rescue team.

    "You're kidding right?" The Ekans asked still laughing uncontrollably.
    Why do you call the Team Meanies members "it"s ?

    "Fine ... Medicham, grab Ekans, we're getting out of here." Gengar said sputtering.

    "Oh, um… It's down this road, take a turn at the Gulpin link shop, and walk up the hill. You can't miss it."

    "I am Eddie. Pleased to meet you, sir."

    "So, you're the kid who stood up to Team Meanies all by himself… Yeah word spreads fast."

    "Yeah, so?" I said with a tinge of sarcasm
    ==============
    You know, I think you use a bit too much dialog in this chapter. ^^; Sorry if I didn't help you much. =[

    ~A.R
     
    Thanks for help with the Capitalization on parts that weren't, I'll go fix that.
    And the commas too, I'll fix that as well.
    As for the dialogue, I couldn't really come up with a way to introduce most iof the characters, it also gave a little insight, not much, but a little, of the character Lane.

    As for the C-K for Torchik/c, I've always seen it spelled with a K. ^_^;
    And OMIGOSH just seemed to fit better at the time, still, you've given me quite a bit to fix.

    I'll get to work immediately.
     
    Update coming soon, I hope to make this update sometime in the near future.
     
    Back
    Top