Never say Insult

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Toed

Fan Fic writer
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    Years
    Chapter One~
    There was a cold breeze washing into Nero's face as he was sitting under a tree watching the baby birds calling out for their mother in their nest up in the tall Yew tree.
    Nero was thinking, thinking of the olden days when he had family, pride, happieness and almost everything that involves love, but now he was a dirty, selfish, disliked and sadly, has no family.
    It all started when Nero was ten years old, when he competed in his first ever Pokemon contest with his Hoothoot that his mother gave to him as a birthday present on his eigth birthday.
    All he did until he was nine was play with his Hoothoot in his backyard.
    Back then his Hoothoot was very friendly, happy and loving. But now... well I'll tell you later, so anyways when he had his ninth birthday, his mother started entering lots of contests and Nero, alongside with his father, would watch all of those contests.
    As the days went by, Nero would think back to those contests and imagine that he was in them with his Hoothoot, and they always won together.
    Finally after imagining it Nero asked his mom if he can enter one contest.
    Nero's mom would always answer "One day Nero, one day".
    Finally on Nero's tenth birthday, he got a pass to enter a contest, he celebrated with joy that night and on the next day he got straight to training.
    He made about five beautiful combinations of moves, and chose the best one.
    Three days later was the day of the contest, Nero was in the backstage sitting in a corner hoping for victory, but it was hard because every one who went past him started laughing because he was to young, but Nero sucked it up.
     
    Last edited:
    Chapter Two~
    "The next contestant is... Nero!!" Yelled the anouncer.
    Everyone in the backstage fell quiet and watched Nero.
    "Go on little kid" said a older guy "Don't be shy" said another.
    Nero got up and slowely walked up the stairs and onto the stage, then the crowd started to cheer like crazy.
    "We got a young one!!!" yelled the anouncer.
    Nero looked at the judges and then threw out a Pokeball with a capsule on it, Hoothoot came out of it with a whole bunch of stars.
    "Hoothoot use Mean Look, then use Defog!" suddenly a big scary eye came out of one of Hoothoot's eyes, then Hoothoot flapped its wings and they eye turned into golden sparkles. Everyone fell silent. Suddenly one man in the croud yelled "YOUR AN INSULT TO CONTESTS!!" everyone started laughing, Nero was embarassed, so he quickly put Hoothoot back in its ball then ran off the stage, down the stairs, threw the backstage and out the door.
    He was heading towards home until he tripped a rock and landed face first.
    Nero woke up in a hospital ten years later.
    "Your finally awake!" said the nurse. Nero looked at his hands and screamed.
    "Are you o..." the nurse tried to ask until Nero bumped into her.
    Nero looked in the mirror and then fell silent and walked back to the hospital bed.
    "Wheres mommy and daddy?" asked Nero. Suddenly the nurse fell silent.
    "Well umm..." said the nurse in a silent voice "JUST TELL ME WHERE MY PARENTS ARE !!!" Nero yelled back. "Th-Th-They are umm..." suddenly she froze. "Go on" said Nero. "Well this is hard to say but... they are d-dead".
    Nero froze. "WHAT DID YOU DO TO THEM FOOL??!!" yelled Nero "I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" Nero jumped out of the hospital bed ran straight out of the hospitals entrance. He ran towards home.
    By the time he got there all there was left was a tree.
    Right in the middle of what used to be a town- a tree, a big yew tree.
    So now were back to the beginning when he was sitting under a tree.
    Nero looked all around the destroyed town and spotted a picture.
    He immediately ran towards the picture, as a Pokeball fell out of his pocket of his dirty ripped jeans.
    A Noctowl came out of the Pokeball and Nero and the Noctowl just stared at eachother.
    "Hoothoot is th-that you?" asked Nero.
    "Noccccccctowlllll!" said the Noctowl as it started to sit down.
    Nero then grabbed the picture and it was his family.
    suddenly in his head, his brain said "Love".
     
    Last edited:
    Chapter Three~
    Nero went over to the Noctowl and softly touched its upper cheak.
    "Noctowl, I'm sorry for embarassing you at that conte-Oh who gives a damn! Its my turn to embarass!".
    Noctowl looked at Nero with an evil looking face, "Noc-Noc-Noccctowwlllllll!" it yelled.
    "Ok but how are we supposed to d-" Nero froze and looked behind him.
    "Howdy partna'" said a old farmer with a weed sticking out of his mouth.
    "This wreckage is private property of my farm!" yelled the farmer.
    Nero glanced and look behind a couple of light green bushes and saw a big farm with an even bigger field.
    "Need a lift?" said the farmer.
    "Sure but I need to use the washroom" answered Nero.
    Before the Farmer could talk, Nero ran behind a big bush and had his privacy.
    "Where should I go???" suddenly a idea struck into his mind.
    "I can go to 'the Pokemon League Building' and challenge the elite four and champion!" yelled Nero.
    "Are you ok!!???" yelled the farmer.
    "Ya' I just err... hit a thorn in this bush" answered Nero.
    Phew! that was close Nero thought.
    Just then Nero noticed he had no chance against the elite four or the champion.
    Later he was in the car with the old farmer, traversing Victory Road.
    Oh no I almost forgot! I have to show the guard my badges! Nero thought.
    Nero looked around the car trying to spot something, just then as he looked under his feet he saw a badge case.
    He silently grabbed it and opened it and saw eight, good as new, badges.
    Just then the farmer looked off the car mirror towards Nero, but Nero somehow managed to slip the badge case back in his pocket.
    Ten minutes later they arrived at the Pokemon League Building.
    "Hit the road!" yelled the farmer.
    "SHUT UP OLD BEAN!" yelled Nero as he ran off through the front door of the building.
    When he opened the door a man yelled "Hey you!".
    "What?" answered Nero.
    "Gimme' your badges!" yelled the man as he put on a black bag that covered all his face except for his eyes and mouth.
    Criminal! Nero thought as the man tied a nice lady into her chair.
    Suddenly the man ran at Nero like he was a Pokemon using Rage, then he threw a Pokeball that just missed Nero's lower left shoulder, out of the Pokeball came a Electrive.
    Oh no my Pokemons weakness! Thought Nero as he threw out Noctowl.
    "Noctowl use Poison Gas!" Nero commanded as a whole bunch of black steam shot out of Noctowl's mouth.
    Nero grabbed onto Noctowl and Noctowl flew him to safety.
    Nero later opened his eyes and realized he was right in front of a door that said 'Champions Office'.
    Nero was in shock.
    Nero slowely got up and opened the large brown door... and saw a beam of light.
     
    Last edited:
    woah... this was good but however why are you writng small chapters.. owever no offence
     
    Nice story - the chapters are a little short but that may not be a bad thing, you've got a couple of typos (don't we all!) and at the end every sentence starts with "Nero did such and such", but I think it deserves an 8/10.
     
    Toed said:
    Chapter One~
    There was a cold breeze washing into Nero's face as he was sitting under a tree watching the baby birds calling out for their mother in their nest up in the tall Yew tree.
    Nero was thinking, thinking of the olden days when he had family, pride, happieness and almost everything that involves love, but now he was a dirty, selfish, disliked and sadly, has no family.
    It all started when Nero was ten years old, when he competed in his first ever Pokemon contest with his Hoothoot that his mother gave to him as a birthday present on his eigth birthday.
    All he did until he was nine was play with his Hoothoot in his backyard.
    Back then his Hoothoot was very friendly, happy and loving. But now... well I'll tell you later, so anyways when he had his ninth birthday, his mother started entering lots of contests and Nero, alongside with his father, would watch all of those contests.
    As the days went by, Nero would think back to those contests and imagine that he was in them with his Hoothoot, and they always won together.
    Finally after imagining it Nero asked her mom if he can enter one contest.
    Nero's mom would always answer "One day Nero, one day".
    Finally on Nero's tenth birthday, he got a pass to enter a contest, he celebrated with joy that night and on the next day he got straight to training.
    He made about five beautiful combinations of moves, and chose the best one.
    Three days later was the day of the contest, Nero was in the backstage sitting in a corner hoping for victory, but it was hard because every one who went past him started laughing because he was to young, but Nero sucked it up.
    Click to expand...

    Toed said:
    Chapter Two~
    "The next contestant is... Nero!!" Yelled the anouncer.
    Everyone in the backstage fell quiet and watched Nero.
    "Go on little kid" said a older guy "Don't be shy" said another.
    Nero got up and slowely walked up the stairs and onto the stage, then the crowd started to cheer like crazy.
    "We got a young one!!!" yelled the anouncer.
    Nero looked at the judges and then threw out a Pokeball with a capsule on it, Hoothoot came out of it with a whole bunch of stars.
    "Hoothoot use Mean Look, then use Defog!" suddenly a big scary eye came out of one of Hoothoot's eyes, then Hoothoot flapped its wings and they eye turned into golden sparkles. Everyone fell silent. Suddenly one man in the croud yelled "YOUR AN INSULT TO CONTESTS!!" everyone started laughing, Nero was embarassed, so he quickly put Hoothoot back in its ball then ran off the stage, down the stairs, threw the backstage and out the door.
    He was heading towards home until he tripped a rock and landed face first.
    Nero woke up in a hospital ten years later.
    "Your finally awake!" said the nurse. Nero looked at his hands and screamed.
    "Are you o..." the nurse tried to ask until Nero bumped into her.
    Nero looked in the mirror and then fell silent and walked back to the hospital bed.
    "Wheres mommy and daddy?" asked Nero. Suddenly the nurse fell silent.
    "Well umm..." said the nurse in a silent voice "JUST TELL ME WHERE MY PARENTS ARE !!!" Nero yelled back. "Th-Th-They are umm..." suddenly she froze. "Go on" said Nero. "Well this is hard to say but... they are d-dead".
    Nero froze. "WHAT DID YOU DO TO THEM FOOL??!!" yelled Nero "I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" Nero jumped out of the hospital bed ran straight out of the hospitals entrance. He ran towards home.
    By the time he got there all there was left was a tree.
    Right in the middle of what used to be a town- a tree, a big yew tree.
    So now were back to the beginning when he was sitting under a tree.
    Nero looked all around the destroyed town and spotted a picture.
    He immediately ran towards, as a Pokeball fell out of her pocket of her dirty ripped jeans.
    A Noctowl came out of the Pokeball and Nero and the Noctowl just stared at eachother.
    "Hoothoot is th-that you?" asked Nero.
    "Noccccccctowlllll!" said the Noctowl as it started to sit down.
    Nero then grabbed the picture and it was his family.
    suddenly in his head, his brain said "Love".
    Click to expand...

    Toed said:
    Chapter Three~
    Nero went over to the Noctowl and softly touched its upper cheak.
    "Noctowl, I'm sorry for embarassing you at that conte-Oh who gives a damn! Its my turn to embarass!".
    Noctowl looked at Nero with an evil looking face, "Noc-Noc-Noccctowwlllllll!" it yelled.
    "Ok but how are we suposed to d-" Nero froze and looked behind her.
    "Howdy partna'" said a old farmer with a weed sticking out of his mouth.
    "This wreckage is private property of my farm!" yelled the farmer.
    Nero glanced and look behind a couple of light green bushes and saw a big farm with an even bigger field.
    "Need a lift?" said the farmer.
    "Sure but I need to use the washroom" answered Nero.
    Before the Farmer could talk, Nero ran behind a big bush and had his privacy.
    "Where should I go???" suddenly a idea struck into his mind.
    "I can go to 'the Pokemon League Building' and challenge the elite four and champion!" yelled Nero.
    "Are you ok!!???" yelled the farmer.
    "Ya' I just err... hit a thorn in this bush" answered Nero.
    Phew! that was close Nero thought.
    Just then Nero noticed he had no chance against the elite four or the champion.
    Later he was in the car with the old farmer, traversing Victory Road.
    Oh no I almost forgot! I have to show the guard my badges!
    Nero looked around the car trying to spot something, just then as he looked under his feet he saw a badge case.
    He silently grabbed it and opened it and saw eight, good as new, badges.
    Just then the farmer looked off the car mirror towards Nero, but Nero somehow managed to slip the badge case back in his pocket.
    Ten minutes later they arrived at the Pokemon League Building.
    "Hit the road!" yelled the farmer.
    "SHUT UP OLD BEAN!" yelled Nero as he ran off through the front door of the building.
    When he opened the door a man yelled "Hey you!".
    "What?" answered Nero.
    "Gimme' your badges!" yelled the man as he put on a black bag that covered all his face except for his eyes and mouth.
    Criminal! Nero thought as the man tied a nice lady into her chair.
    Suddenly the man ran at Nero like he was a Pokemon using Rage, then he threw a Pokeball that just missed Nero's lower left shoulder, out of the Pokeball came a Electrive.
    Oh no my Pokemons weakness! Thought Nero as he threw out Noctowl.
    "Noctowl use Poison Gas!" Nero commanded as a whole bunch of black steam shot out of Noctowl's mouth.
    Nero grabbed onto Noctowl and Noctowl flew her to safety.
    Nero later opened her eyes and realized she was right in front of a door that said 'Champions Office'.
    Nero was in shock.
    Nero slowely got up and opened the large brown door... and saw a beam of light.
    Click to expand...

    First of all, these three chapters are way to short and are in no way at all organized. They're just big sections with no paragraphs. Another problem, you posted the first chapter yesterday. Alright. The problem begins is when you posted your second chapter five hours later. No. Then you posted your third one today. Bad. Give your chapters at least 36 hours before posting, otherwise, no one will have time to review it! Nobody wants to come into a story after it's up for one day and find twelve chapters. Another problem is that you have little to no description. I have no clue who Nero even his. You also seem to be confusing Hero's gender. At some times you're calling Hero a he, and sometimes a she, and the name doesn't give much away. You're also confusing present and past tense. At the moment, I have no clue if we're in the past, present or even future! You also have problems with your and you're.

    Your= possessive pronoun: Your shoes are untied.

    You're= contraction for you are: You're walking around with your shoes untied. (Pronouns have apostrophes only when two words are being shortened into one.)
     
    Nero is a twenty year old man, who has whitish blue ripped jeans and has a disgusting black shirt that has dirt on its sleeves and has a faded peace sign on it. This story takes place in Hungary from 1987-1997. Nero's personality is Sassy. He doesn't have any responsibility of surrounding humans, because he thinks he is disliked.
     
    btw Chapter Four is coming tomorrow- sorry I had a very busy day today reviewing for a quiz.
     
    Toed said:
    Nero is a twenty year old man, who has whitish blue ripped jeans and has a disgusting black shirt that has dirt on its sleeves and has a faded peace sign on it. This story takes place in Hungary from 1987-1997. Nero's personality is Sassy. He doesn't have any responsibility of surrounding humans, because he thinks he is disliked.
    Click to expand...

    Wait, was this a chapter? Now I'm confused. And why are you bolding random things?

    Toed said:
    btw Chapter Four is coming tomorrow- sorry I had a very busy day today reviewing for a quiz.
    Click to expand...

    Having chapter four tomorrow isn't such a good idea. It will get to confusing. BTW, are you writing this on a word processor or in the reply box?
     
    Toed said:
    Nero is a twenty year old man, who has whitish blue ripped jeans and has a disgusting black shirt that has dirt on its sleeves and has a faded peace sign on it. This story takes place in Hungary from 1987-1997. Nero's personality is Sassy. He doesn't have any responsibility of surrounding humans, because he thinks he is disliked.
    Click to expand...
    o-O Shouldn't you, for simplicity's sake, reedit your first chapter, placing in this information? Because if this was a published book that's not on a forum, you wouldn't be able to randomly answer questions like this. You should reedit this information into your fanfic.

    And why does a human have a Pokemon personality?

    No need to old the pronouns and other descriptive words about your character's gender. You just didn't check this over before posting your fanfic, so you made a few typos that Scythe-kun called you out on. Accept his review and the fact that he pointed that out to you instead of using bold.
     
    whatever I'll just write a fan fic on another forum
     
    Alright then...? We were just trying to help you out. Your cockiness and arogance is not appreciated here. You were being rude (your boldness and last post) to both me and all the others who were merely trying to help you out. *Reports*
     
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