[Pokémon] Oak's Revenge (M/18/R)

[Fanfic Master]

Oak's Revenge
by Fanfic Master

WARNING: This story is rated M/18/R.

Summary:
Professor Oak finally confesses his feelings for Delia, but something goes wrong, and Oak is thrown into the adventure of his life; an adventure of revenge and satisfaction...

Chapter 1: Ash's Assault Attack

It was another boring monday, and Professor Oak was enjoying a joint in his garden. As he inhaled the smoke from the light stick of joy, he enjoyed the feeling of the world turning in all its grace, as the Pidgeys flew by on the sky. He had money, he had weed, he had freedom; but at his happiest thoughts, he always asked himself what more he could possibly want in his life; and the answer was love. He was a lonely old man...
- "Hey there, professor" a feminine voice said.
Oak turned around and saw Delia, who had a habit of entering his house as she pleased. The joint he had smoken consisted of only Black Morocco and Skunk, so he was as high as the Lavender Tower.
- "Hey Delia" he smiled in a creepy way, before chuckling a little.
- "Oak, Oak, Oak, are you now smoking that dumb stuff again?"
- "Hehe, yeah!"
- "It's not responsible. It's harming you"
- "And so what, nobody understands me!"
- "It wasn't meant like that! I'm your friend, don't you see!?"
- "Yeah... Your friend. I'm nothing more to you, am I?"
Delia was shocked.
- "Oak, listen... You're more than a friend to me"
Now, Oak got his hopes up.
- "Oak... You've always been there for me. I love you. You're like a father to me!"
Now, Oak bursted into an uncontrolable anger and slapped Delia, who fell to the ground.
- "Hey! Don't you touch my mom!" a voice yelled.
Oak noticed Ash, who was running towards him.
- "Damn it!" Oak yelled, and ran towards the lake.
Ash followed right behind him, but suddenly, Oak stopped.
- "Get one step closer and I'll jump!"
- "F*CK YOU!"
With that, Ash punched Oak directly in the face. He jumped on top of him, and started hitting him in the head.
- "Ash, please don't!" Delia yelled, as Ash lifted his bloody right fist from Oak's face.
- "Delia, get him away from me, he is insane!" Oak yelled.
Ash stood up.
- "Professor... You're not the wise man I once respected! I'll be a Pokémon Master, yes, but it'll be without your help! See ya!" Ash said in anger, and left Oak's garden.
- "And mom, you're coming with me" he said and grabbed Delia's arm.
- "But what about Oak?"
- "F*ck him, see how he treated you? We're going home, and I don't want any complains!"
Delia cried at the thought of what happened; did Oak really love her... Like, in true love?
Abandoned, Oak lied there bleeding in his garden. No matter how high the joint had made him, Ash's beating of him made him feel so low; like a loser.
- "Ash... Your mom'll be mine. And I'll have my revenge on you. I swear to Arceus on that!" Oak said to himself.
He got back on his legs, couched a little blood, and then went inside his house to rest a little. When his mind was stable again, he would think of a plan to destroy Ash.

 

[Fanfic Master]

Chapter 2: Oak the Prophet

Oak layd down on his bed, and tried to fall asleep. But suddenly, he heard a weird voice in his head.
- "Thou shall not kill, nor shall thou swear in my name on the sin of murder. Thou shall talk to Ash; break him with words of wise, so that me may see how wrongfully he acted".
Oak heard the voice of Arcues, God or whatever; that meant he was a prophet! As a prophet, he had new responsibilities; he had to obey his God. He then fell asleep, thinking about how to break Ash with words of wise.

The next morning, he woke up and decided to pay Ash a visit. Ash lived 5 minutes away from him. He knocked on the door, and Delia opened.
- "Oak, are you okay!?" she asked.
- "MOVE, Delia! I got words of wisdom to speak to Ash!"
Then, Delia moved. There was something holy, something powerful about Oak now.

Ash sat on the sofa, watching TV.
- "ASH!" Oak said.
- "Ah, so you dare to show your face around here?" Ash said, as he took forth a knife and pointed it at Oak.
- "You think you're so tough, Ash. But I'm 70 years old, and you're hitting me, even when I'm affected by drugs. But what else to expect from you, you can't even win a Pokémon league!"
- "F*CK YOU!" Ash yelled, as he jumped up and swiftly moved towards Oak with the knife.
- "No, don't!" Oak yelled, as he tried to escape from Ash.
*stab*
Delia jumped in between Oak's back and the blade, resulting in her getting stabbed in the stomach.
- "MOM!!!" Ash yelled.
- "DELIA!!!" Oak yelled.
She fell to the ground.
- "Oak... I thought about what you said yesterday. And I haven't treated you like I should have. I love you... I love you as more than a father. Had I lived on... Ugh, the pain... I would have married you... Goodbye" she said, as she passed away.

- "NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Oak cried.
- "See what you did by coming here, you psychopath!" Ash yelled, and kicked the kneeling Oak.
- "HEEELP!" Oak cried, and suddenly, someone entered the house...

 

[Fanfic Master]

Chapter 3: Team Rocket

- "We are Team Rocket, so better prepare! We'll kill you, Ash, stop us if you dare!" said Jesse and James; they were the ones who had entered Ash's house.
- "What are you doing here, Team Rocket!?" Ash yelled in panic.
- "After more than 300 lost battles with you! We're getting desperate to steal your Pikachu! But you still haven't broken our will! Only different thing is; now we aim to kill!"
Suddenly, Ash turned sad.
- "What's wrong, Ash?" Oak asked him.
- "Pikachu... is dead"
- "WHAT!?" Jesse yelled.
- "He died... of PokéCancer" Ash said, and began crying.
- "Damn it...!" Oak said, and began crying too.
- "Now we'll never catch it!" James yelled in anger.

Finally, Oak had his chance; Ash wasn't looking. Oak kicked Ash in the crouch, and then tried to escape.
- "F*CK YOU!" Ash yelled in tears of pain.
Team Rocket were still mad at Ash for all the times he had defeated them.
- "Pikachu is dead, this is not our lucky day! But we still hate you, Ash, and we gon' kill you anyway!" they said.
James ran over and kicked Ash in the head.
- "ARGH!" Ash yelled in pain, as he fell to the floor.
Team Rocket started kicking on Ash, where as Oak escaped out of the house. Ash's vision got white for a short second everytime their kicks connected to his head; he felt how his brain functions quickly disappeared from his body in splitseconds. But he didn't feel any hard pain.

Outside of the house, Oak heard God speak to him again.
- "Thou hast tried to speak words of wise to Ash; thou shall be rewarded with all the love you seek in Heaven"
Oak considered suicide, but then said.
- "Arceus, if that love doesn't include Delia... Then I don't want your love!" he said, as he took forth a little bag with some white dust in it.
- "I'm going to the next level of earthly satisfaction!" he yelled...

 

[Fanfic Master]

Chapter 4: AMPHETAMINE!

Oak sniffed the white dust from the bag. It was amphetamine. It was uncomfortable and kinda annoying to inhale the white dust through the nose, but few seconds later, it clicked in Oak's head.
- "F**********CK!!!!!" he yelled in aggresive happines, threw the bag away, and stormed into the house.
He took a knife from the kitchen, ran into the living room and stabbed Jessie with a knife. She bleedingly fell to the floor.
- "DELIA IS DEAD, and we're all fighting, relax and let's pray!!!" Oak yelled, as he lifted Delia up and ran out of the house, leaving James and the floored Ash and Jessie behind.

Oak's heart was beating extremely fast, but the amphetamine gave him the adrenalin rush he needed to get Delia out of there. He didn't care about Ash or Team Rocket. All he wanted to do now was to save Delia! He had insane amounts of energy, and quickly made it to Pallet Town's church. There, he laid Delia on the alter.

- "Arceus, revive her! She didn't deserve this, and I will punish Ash for what he did to her! I swear! But please, I beg you! A life without her will be empty! PLEASE! REVIVE HER!!!" he cried.
Suddenly, a white light from an Arceus statue in the church striked down on Delia's body, and Oak heard her voice.
- "Oak... I love you" she said with a smile. She was back to life!

*ziiiim*
Suddenly, Oak woke up in a bed in a white room where he heard weird bip sounds...

 

[Poeman]

This is terrible, pokémon doesn't mix with 18+ sorry

 

[GFA]

This is terrible, pokémon doesn't mix with 18+ sorry

This.

The characters are poorly written and its ... Cheesy to say the least. The characters wording is poor too, its unrealistic, bland, and the story itself is full of pointless gore.

 

[Fanfic Master]

This.

The characters are poorly written and its ... Cheesy to say the least. The characters wording is poor too, its unrealistic, bland, and the story itself is full of pointless gore.

I agree (from your point of view, you don't know what's beneath the surface yet), but this story is deeper than you think. The next chapter will make you realize how all of this is actually not quite unrealistic. The TRUE story has barely begun.

 

[Fanfic Master]

Chapter 5: Psychosis???

- "Where... am I?" Oak asked himself.
He tried stand up, but his legs didn't work properly. His body felt quite numb.
- "I can't move well... This seems like a hospital"
Oak looked around himself, and next to his bed was a little table with the Pallet News Papers lying on it. Oak took it up, and read the frontlines:
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Professor Oak goes Bananas!

Yesterday, the famous local Pokémon Professor, Samuel Oak, was found in the Pallet Church, attempting to have sex with the corpse of the departed Delia Ketchum. He was found by the priest Arnold, who said: "It was a scary sight, as if he was possessed by the devil. He molested and licked on the corpse like a madman and he made strange and scary sounds. Nothing I said could get him back to his senses, so I knocked him out". Oak was afterwards taken to the Pallet Hospital, where blood tests revealed content of both heroine, cocaine, marijuana, amphetamine and at least three other unidentifiable drugs in him. A brain scanning and pulse calculation, mixed with Oak's weird words he said when he was out cold (including "halabaaaazuuuuuuumii!") indicates that he is psychotic from the drugs, and has lost most of his common sense for the time being. It was also revealed, from markings on Delia's neck, that she died from a brutal strangling.

Where as the drugs obviously was the beginning of the scandal, his corpse abuse of Delia Ketchum was just the end of the story; a lot of bizarre and brutal things happened in-between. According to Ash Ketchum, son of the departed Delia Ketchum: "Oak had invited me and my mom over to eat. I went to check on my Bulbasaur in his garden, and when I went to greet Oak, I saw him slap my mother down. So of course, I gave him a beating. Maybe, I was a bit too brutal, but anyways, me and my mother went home. Next day, he came into my house and started insulting me. I asked him to leave, and suddenly, he panicked and knocked my mother down again. I yelled "MOM!!!", and then he started yelling her name and got mad at me. I kicked him down, but then, Team Rocket came and attempted to murder me. They started beating me, but then Oak suddenly ran out of the house, returned with some white dust on his face, and stabbed one of the Rocket members down with a knife from our kitchen. I was hurt from the beating they gave me, and couldn't do anything as Oak kidnapped my mom. She screamed for help, and I couldn't do anything to stop this madman! Luckily, Team Rocket ran off".

Witnesses saw Oak running towards the church at extreme speed with the screaming Delia in his arms. It's assumed that Oak strangled her to death inside the church, and police is currently investigating the case.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Oak couldn't believe his own eyes. His drug abuse finally had taken its toll on him; he was psychotic... And the one who murdered Delia, the woman he loved.

 

[POKEMON_MASTER_0]

I don't get it. It seems like you're trying to make this funny, but I fail to see how a story centered around drug abuse and random killing is funny. I like stories that have something that I can take from them, like a theme. I don't see anything here other than pointless violence.

 

[Fanfic Master]

I don't get it. It seems like you're trying to make this funny, but I fail to see how a story centered around drug abuse and random killing is funny. I like stories that have something that I can take from them, like a theme. I don't see anything here other than pointless violence.

Thank you very much, but actually, this is not supposed to be funny...

There is already tons of messages in it, this story is meant to be analyzed by the reader to discover them. There is more than just violence and drug abuse in it, everything is deeply symbolic.

 

[Fanfic Master]

Chapter 6: The New Master Quest

Oak was humiliated. A laughing stock of all of Pallet Town. And it was because of Ash and that stupid priest. First, Oak would murder the priest, and afterwards, he would do the absolutely worst thing he could do to Ash; become the new Pokémon master and make sure Ash didn't achieve it. He would beat Ash so hard in the league, he would HUMILIATE him, crush his life like Ash crushed his. But first, Arnold the priest...

Oak had saved one last little amount of amphetamine where no one would find it; in his leg. Oak had cut a little rift in his right leg and added a zipper there. He would often use this place to hide the drugs he smugled from the slums of Saffron City. He took a little bag out of there and then sniffed his last amphetamine; it wasn't enough to make him go wild, but enough to give him the energy needed to walk again.

On his way out of the hospital, one of the doctors stopped him.
- "What are you doing here? You're not supposed to-"
He was interrupted by a kneekick to crouch. Oak was usually not into fighting with guys, but he had to think quickly here, and it worked.

Oak was finally out of the hospital, and after a short time of walking, he stood in front of the church. He entered, and at the alter he saw Arnold the priest praying... He hadn't noticed Oak yet. But Oak had to think quickly; his amphetamine rush was almost out, seeing as he didn't sniff a lot... Could he make it??

 

[ANARCHit3cht]

I really don't feel like reading this after reading some of the other comments, I mean, it is Pokemon. I would also like to remind you to keep the characters how they are supposed to be. I don't Oak would kill anybody.

Aaand, another question"

How come you put the line before every new piece of dialogue?

 

[Fanfic Master]

I really don't feel like reading this after reading some of the other comments, I mean, it is Pokemon. I would also like to remind you to keep the characters how they are supposed to be. I don't Oak would kill anybody.

Aaand, another question"

How come you put the line before every new piece of dialogue?

1) If you don't wanna read it, your loss, and besides, the commenters didn't understand the story.

2) Of course, Oak wouldn't kill anyone; except if he turned mad due to a drug psychosis, which is the case in this story. And the characters are pretty much like how they used to be, just smarter (except Oak).

3) I do so because it's easier to read the dialogue that way.

 

[Delusions of Originality]

The thing is, though, what is ultimately easiest for people to read is what they are used to--and what people on fanfic forums are used to reading is not an additional character they are unfamiliar with and will need clarification on. If you want to distinguish lines of dialogue, it's more conventional to simply press the enter/return key twice between each speaker (and each paragraph in general).

"Wow, you have a pretty pikachu," said Bob.

"Thank you," said Sam.

That's more natural than using a dash for that which it is not intended, giving the reader's eyes more "breathing room" between the two lines.

While I don't think it's at all fair to say that "you suck" or anything of the sort, I do think you're approaching this sort of story the wrong way. Simply saying "oh, it's symbolic and deep" is not an excuse if the writing does not leave readers with that impression; the story will be taken more seriously if its style matches its tone. Right now it comes across as flippant and rushed; I'm too distracted by lines like "Arceus, God or whatever", which is not worded in a somber or serious way at all, to spend time trying to root out your "symbolic" meaning. A narrator in a serious story would not say "whatever". I don't know if you're trying to take an almost lighthearted approach to it or intentionally trying to obfuscate things that way, but as you can see from the comments you're receiving it doesn't seem to be working.

This really isn't my preferred genre of story, so I probably won't be reading further based on that (and not based on your alleged skill or alleged lack thereof, because you can certainly improve); I also don't know that I can give you any specific advice on how to adjust the tone so that it meshes better with what you do have. I will, however, suggest taking a good look at novels that are similar to what you're trying to write. Some of Stephen King's horror stuff might work, for example, but again I wouldn't know from experience because it's not my thing.

You've also got quite a few errors and typos in here. Just to pull a brief example from chapter five:

- "Where... am I?" Oak asked himself.
He tried stand up(1), but his legs didn't work properly. His body felt quite numb.
- "I can't move well... This seems like a hospital" (2)
Oak looked around himself, and next to his bed was a little table with the Pallet News Papers lying on it. Oak took it up, and read the frontlines: (3)

(1) You've left out the word "to" between "tried" and "stand".
(2) There should be a period after "hospital".
(3) "Newspaper" is usually not two words; "front lines", on the other hand, generally is (although you may have been looking for "headlines").

Those are all very small, simple errors, and you ought to be able to catch their ilk more easily if you proofread more carefully.

Pokémon can be made to work in a mature, violent story, contrary to what others have said; it just has to be done exceptionally well. You're trying, but I don't think you're quite there yet. Try borrowing a bit more from the methods of established authors so that you can learn how such difficult topics and properly conveying symbolism in this sort of thing are typically handled. Good luck.

 

[GFA]

1) If you don't wanna read it, your loss, and besides, the commenters didn't understand the story.

2) Of course, Oak wouldn't kill anyone; except if he turned mad due to a drug psychosis, which is the case in this story. And the characters are pretty much like how they used to be, just smarter (except Oak).

3) I do so because it's easier to read the dialogue that way.

That was incredibly dumb of you to say. The customer or, in this case, the reader is always right. And its no good being deep if nobody can pick up on it.

 

[Sgt Shock]

Hello, Fan Fiction Master. I figured that I would review your story in a bit more different way than everyone else. All people are saying is that they don't' understand the story or it lacks something without giving some advice in return. So hear out my review and I hope that you enjoy my review.

The first off that I will like to say is that violence in a Pokemon Fan Fiction is completely okay. It's illogical that the world Pokemon doesn't have violence or even that the anime character is incapable of being dark.

[FONT=&quot]

This is terrible, pokémon doesn't mix with 18+ sorry

[/FONT]

I disagree with Poemon in the fact pokemon doesn't do well with 18+. Valentine, Citrinin, Nokyo-chan (though a bit lighter than the other two), and Giratina (also lighter) (Just naming a few that came to mine guys...forgive me if I have forgotten you) have done a good job in the genre so that's not the problem at hand. But I can say this story is suffering from an overuse of violent scene for meaningless points. I see the point that you are trying put across and at times I don't. Though the idea itself could pose some potential, the execution itself could need some work. You have every right to play with the characters that you are given. But, you have to think what is right for that character. It poses a problem when you step over boundaries.

The main problem is that this story has no direction. Throughout the story, it seems like you are creating problems just to create them. They have no background. Chapter 1 was a complete turn off for most people. No descriptions, vague dialogue, and no character depth. You are creating angst for the reader.

I know how hard you are working on this. I'm not knocking against your potential. I'm thinking that you are downplaying yourself as a writer with some of these scenes. I know that you are much better than what you are showing us.


Sit down and read your piece for grammar mistakes and typos. Some people can read their work and it is spotless the first time. Then there is people like you and I. I have to read my story over several times to have it perfect. Don't be afraid to get some people to review your story to point out the grammatical errors. I'm still really bad at tense consistency and commas. Practice makes perfect.

If you want your story to come off as serious, make it serious in every way. Somber tones need precision; you have to strike some nerves in the reader. If they don't believe that the author isn't taking the time, they won't believe that your story is serious. That is the reality of the situation.

Like Delusion said, I'm not going to the unfair assumption that you suck as a writer. It's not cool to say that about someone who obviously wants to be a fan fiction writer. Giving someone encouragement is something that should be promoted regardless of skill.

Good luck and I hope that you take the things that Delusion and I said into account. People like deep meanings; just saying it won't be enough to convince them.

 

[nokyo-chan]

Hello, Fanfiction Master.

I agree with Sgt Shock here. While I know I'm not going to jump to the conclusion that you can't write, it was difficult for me not to make the leap. I know that some people struggle with grammar--well, most people, because English grammar is retarded--and I'm not going to try and murder this review with a bunch of grammar-correcting things (which is HARD for me, I must admit--I am a total grammar Nazi.)

Your chapters are too short for us to get the idea here. While this is a very unique premise, it does come off as a sort of Eurotrip or Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle type of comedy, so you need to be careful; create a somber scene by describing the thoughts flitting through Oak's head, or how the drugs are making him mad. Also, you should probably describe how he first got on the drugs. While it's not a stretch for me to imagine some Pokemon characters on drugs, Oak is supposed to be a very respected figure, so there should be some sort of explanation. Perhaps it was the stress of being the "Pokemon Professor" or the fact that no one loves him; you made an allusion to that in the first chapter.

Please go back over your story and reconsider some of the choices you've made. I hope that I've been able to help you at least a bit. Good luck! ^_^

And thanks for that shout-out, Sgt Shock. Don't forget that you've made a very good 18+ Pokemon fic, too!

 

[Astinus]

The customer or, in this case, the reader is always right.

No they're not. I won't talk about the customers that I have dealt with, but I will say that I've seen reviewers who were (to put it bluntly) just plain wrong about something. A reviewer can share their opinion about a story, but the writer does not always have to listen to them. Otherwise, there could be times when the writer is told conflicting opinons and can't please everyone, or is told the completely wrong information (like when someone who doesn't know grammar that well tries to review grammar).

For an example, when the OP is told that Pokemon can never be written about in an 18+ manner and have it work. I have seen fanfics in this fandom written at that rating, and they work. It's just like every other kind of fic. How well it is written shows how well it works.

well, most people, because English grammar is retarded--

Please refrain from using ableist language in my section.

 

[Sgt Shock]

Please refrain from using ablist language in my section.

I don't think she meant it like that. But I can concur that it should have been said better.

 

[Astinus]

Yeah, I can understand. I'll accept what you said for your friend, Sgt Shock. We'll move on from this, and Nokyo-chan doesn't have to worry that she's in trouble with me.

-

but your writing sucks

I hate black font used on dark skins. I miss things.

Wow. That... No. Just no. You never tell someone that their writing "sucks" in my section. Never. That's rude and insulting to the author and their work. Not only have you broken the rule that all reviews should be constructive, but also broke the rule that members should be respected. If you're going to continue posting in this section, I'd advise reading over the rules and following them.