Phoenix's sercet ssshh don't tell please read

[Penquin101]

ok guys this is my first fanfic on here I hope you like it=D
Chapter 1:The start of a new adventure
The door opened and a young boy with dark black hair covered by a backwards facing baseball cap and shining diamond blue eyes wearing a red jacket witch was over a blue T-shirt and on his legs were blue jeans came through it.

His name was Phoenix Ketchum,son of the famous pokémon master Ash Ketchum who is travelling around a far away land with family friend Brock and a ten year old girl from the region,and son of retired co-ordinator Dawn Ketchum who was now a stay at home mum.Phoenix didn't like people to now he was son of Ash and would often deny that he is only telling his best friends Kai that he is.

Any way Phoenix was ten and him and his Buneary who was on his right shoulder at the time were heading to Proffeser Oaks lab to start his journey,he wave's good bye to his mum and to his little brother and sister and starts to run towards the Lab.

"yes finally we start our journey Buneary were going to be the best even better then ower dads ay"said Phoenix overjoyed at starting his adventure
"Bun Bun!"
"wow that towns lively this morning I wonder what's going on?"said Phoenix stopping and looking around the towns people where talking to each other,nattering on like something big had happened
"hay Phoenix!"shouted a boy with spiky brown hair and jade green eyes wearing a green zipped up jacket with black pants "somethings happened to great gramps i'm on my were there now"
"i'll come with you Kai come on Buneary!"
"Bun!".

The two boys rushed over to the Lab and opened the door the place was trashed books and pokeballs all over the floor,both of them went in to find Proffecer Oak injured on the floor
"great gramps!"shouted Kai running over to him closely followed by Phoenix,they both knelt down next to him
"Proffser are you alright"
"urrr.... i'm fine i'm fine"growned Oak trying to pull him self up
"are you shore great gramps you don't look it?"
Oak's arms slipped and he ended up back on the floor
"yer yer im fine Kai my boy just a little tired".
Oak tryed to stand up but slipped and started to fall but was court by Phoenix and Kai holding him up with them under his arms
"here great gramps take a seat now what happened?"
"its a blure now but I was out side feeding the pokemon when suddenly I herd a noise from inside the lab"said Oak thinking back
he's out the back of the lab feeding a group of Tauros,suddenly a banging noise came from in side the lab. He rushes in to find a masked boy with a black jacket with flames on it and black pants "hay what are you doing!"shouted Oak running over to him
"stay out of this grampar"said the lad pushing Oak against the book shelf cursing the book shelf to fall throwing books all over the place. The boy grabbed one of the pokeballs on the side and grabbed a black pokedex of the shelf and headed towards the front door but realised there were to many people out side so he headed upstirs.The dream ended.
"and that was the last I sore of him he must of jumped out of the upstairs windows"
"maybe we should go after him!"said Phoenix
"he's probably long gone by now Kai.

Suddenly there was a noise from upstairs the two boys rushed up stirs to find the same boy sat in the window sill
"man I can't jump out to many would see me what am I going to do now"thought the boy now with his mask off looking out onto the town
"hay stop right there!"shouted Kai angraly"give back the stuff you stole
"man busted"shouted the boy turning around"how about no finders keepers!"
"maybe this will change your mined go Buneary"
"ow its a battle you wont ok go Machop crunch time"said boy throwing a pokeball into the air sending out a Machop
"ok Buneary quick attack"
Buneary ran tawords Machop
"hm go Machop use karate chop"
Buneary ran up to Machop but was thrown back by karate chop
"common Buneary thunderpunch!"
Buneary started to charge a thunderpunch
"Machop use brickbrake"
the two attacks collided throwing both pokemon back
"go Machop icepunch!"
Buneary was hit and frozen by icepunch
"now finish it with brickbrake again"
Buneary fainted
"return Buneary".

man I've got to risk it"said the boy jumping out the window and then running of into the forest.Back upstairs Proffecer Oak has hobbled up stirs holding out to pokeballs
"here boys take these and go after hime"murmerd Oak in pain
"are you shore great gramps?"
"yes now go!
"thanks Proffecer Oak we wont lett you down"said Pheonix grabbing a pokeball closly followed by Kai grabbing one,the two boys jumped out of the window and afder the boy.
"Man!"shouted the boy now lent against a tree"that was close I should be more carful next time?"
"hay!"shouted Kai and Phoenix at the same time
"arr not you two dweebs again"
"give back the things you stole!" screamed Kai in anger
"never their mine now property of Travis Ruckston now so back off!"
"then how about a rematch 2 on 2 ay Kai"asked Phoenix
"im up for it"
"ok dweebs bring it go Machop, Charmander"
"go pokemon" said the boys releasing to shapes out of the pokeballs".To be continued

 

[txteclipse]

Chapter 1:The start of a new advencher

I stopped reading there. This needs a lot of polish, which will consist of things including but not limited to using spellcheck and not posting in this font. I also noticed as I breezed down the page that this reads almost like text from the game, which isn't really in a story-worthy format. You need more description, as well as spacing between lines of dialogue.

Please acquaint yourself with the rules, fix this up until it meets said rules, and try again.