[Pokémon] Pocket Hearts (Crossover with KH)

[Giratina ♀]

We know that. But you need to make more reference to that in the story. All that stuff you put in the Author's Note? It shouldn't be there. It should be in the story when the time comes to reveal the character - or not mentioned at all, like Barry being equivalent to Goofy or Eric being based off of yourself (which is a self-insert - self-inserts are just asking to be a Mary Sue). The idea is to put as little information in the A/N as possible, because in reality, there is no A/N at the beginning of each chapter. You need to reveal it through the text.

Also, if you're going to make him a Keyblade bearer, why not call him a, you know, Keyblade bearer? Or Keyblade wielder?

 

[Dragonite Ernston]

We know that. But you need to make more reference to that in the story. All that stuff you put in the Author's Note? It shouldn't be there. It should be in the story when the time comes to reveal the character - or not mentioned at all, like Barry being equivalent to Goofy or Eric being based off of yourself (which is a self-insert - self-inserts are just asking to be a Mary Sue). The idea is to put as little information in the A/N as possible, because in reality, there is no A/N at the beginning of each chapter. You need to reveal it through the text.

And to make this even more terse and pithy: Any information that's important to the story should be in the story.

 

[mew_nani]

............................................
.................err...
Can we get back to reading the story now...? I'm sorry for saying half-argument earler, I actually thought you guys were arguing there, but...
Perhaps we should allow the author to upload another chapter? I would like to see what happens next... (in the story, of course.):D
(Sorry for my slightly confusing comments, guys.)

 

[Astinus]

So, this is the second time people need to be told.

Keep things on-topic. If you want to respond to someone's review, and it doesn't help the OP in any way (that is, doesn't add more information to the review, but you only want to talk things over) then take it to VM or PM. Any arguements/discussions between reviewers should not be in this thread.

In other words:

Can we get back to reading the story now...?

Please do.

Any posts after this that stray away from the OP's story will be deleted.

 

[JX Valentine]

I'd hate to argue with a ruling, but considering we were talking about canon, which relates to Digimon Kaiser's use of characters (namely, that his canon elements seem to only loosely reflect canon and where the line between crossover/AU and chucking canon out for the sake of chucking canon out -- hence using Paul and Team Rocket in Sinnoh as examples), wouldn't this discussion still be considered on topic? Not to mention the things we're bringing up are actually pretty important for him to consider because it might change how he handles the characters he's using in the rest of the story.

Beyond that, we've also been talking about what should be brought up in a story so a reader can understand it and figure out what the author's world is like. Namely, we've been, in the past few posts, trying to explain that Digimon Kaiser's use of author's notes and sparing details might not be able to convey his story as effectively as he wants to.

In short, I don't really want to argue too much about the ruling, but haven't we been on topic? :/ I mean, not to be *****y or anything, but what would the definition of "on topic" be if it doesn't cover what we've been doing (discussion stemming from a review to further define what certain parts of it mean/clarify things for the author)?

 

[Kung Fu Ferret]

We know that. But you need to make more reference to that in the story. All that stuff you put in the Author's Note? It shouldn't be there. It should be in the story when the time comes to reveal the character - or not mentioned at all, like Barry being equivalent to Goofy or Eric being based off of yourself (which is a self-insert - self-inserts are just asking to be a Mary Sue). The idea is to put as little information in the A/N as possible, because in reality, there is no A/N at the beginning of each chapter. You need to reveal it through the text.

Also, if you're going to make him a Keyblade bearer, why not call him a, you know, Keyblade bearer? Or Keyblade wielder?

Paul is more like Goofy, and Barry is like donald.

He will be called the Keyblade's Chosen One.

 

[JX Valentine]

Paul is more like Goofy, and Barry is like donald.

He will be called the Keyblade's Chosen One.

I'm not sure if the point's getting across still, so let me rephrase it.

In books, there are no author's notes. So, pretend there's no author's notes or review responses in your fic. None. At all. That means you've only got the fic, which means all the ideas that are in your head need to be explained in each chapter. As in, as soon as they're important, you need to mention them in as much detail for the readers to get it right there because you're pretending they can't read the author's notes or review responses.

Also, you need to explain important things thoroughly because the reader isn't you. So, you're pretending they won't get it or won't be able to imagine things clearly the way you can.

So, really, Giratina's point wasn't who was more like Goofy or who was more like Donald. It was more like you probably should mention this as clearly as possible in the fic itself.

As for the Keyblade's Chosen One, that still doesn't quite avoid the problem Giratina brought up because you've still got the "Chosen One" phrase. Because Sora and other Keyblade wielders are called Keyblade wielders in canon, why not just go with either that or, as Giratina suggested, Keyblade bearer?

 

[Kung Fu Ferret]

I'll keep that in mind. And actually, Only Arceus will call Eric the Chosen One, as part of a prophecy it has that will be explained little by little through the series. Like Ansem/Xehanort's Reports.

 

[Kung Fu Ferret]

Traverse Town (Part One)

They made it there without getting bothered by any Pidgey or Ratatta on Route 1.

Eric then thought "That's odd. This area should have plenty of Pokemon." Eric then touched an odd rope lying there in the open, and got a strange feeling. He felt dizzy, and saw a strange event that already happeend. He saw Rocket Grunts using weird vacuums to suck up all of the Pokemon. Eric then explained to the others what he saw, and Barry told Paul "We need to do something about it!"

Paul added, "I hate anybody who is on Team Rocket, Team Magma, Team Aqua, Team Galactic, or Team Plasma. We'd do so much better without them ruining everything."

Eric agreed. They made it to Pallet Town and saw Professor Oak's lab all disorganized. Eric said "So this is the famous Professor Oak's lab? Something isn't right!"

The portal wasn't too far away from there, and the trio jumped in.


They made it in, and it was a dark, yet well-lit town. Then, they looked around, searching for and destroying any and all Heartless in their path. Then, a man with brown hair and a Gunblade noticed Eric's Keyblade, and challenged him, saying "I've heard about a visitor with a Keyblade." Eric added "So? I accept your challenge!" The man was Squall Leonheart, or Leon for short.

Eric lost the fight, and woke up without his Keyblade in a bed. When he was about to wake up, he heard a voice say "Hello? Are you awake yet?"

Eric was confused, and asked "Kiki, is that you?"

The voice belonged to a ninja girl named Yuffie, who said "Kiki? Is that your girlfriend or something? The name's Yuffie. You just ended up here in Traverse Town. If Leon didn't whoop your butt so hard, you wouldn't have been out cold like that."

Eric then saw his Keyblade reappear in his hands. Leon entered the room, with a brunette woman in pink, Aeris. Leon said "Wow, I guess you are the Keyblade Master. Your two friends explained everything they knew about you."

Barry and Paul were in another room, and Eric heard two shouts for help.

Eric then shouted "BARRY! PAUL! I'M COMING!"

Eric noticed a buff-looking Rocket Grunt dragging Barry and Paul out. Eric's Keyblade suddenly disappeared and reappeared, and Eric shouted "YOU MISERABLE SCUMBAGS DON'T KNOW WHEN TO GIVE UP, DO YOU?! LET THEM GO, OR I'LL HAVE MY POKEMON RIP YOU TO SHREDS!"

The muscular Grunt laughed "I'd like to see you try! Giovanni has ordered me to destroy you! If I succeed, I get promoted!"

Eric then sent out his Infernape, and the Grunt sent out Ariados.

Eric's Infernape chattered its name in anger. Ariados hissed its name loudly.

The Grunt ordered "Ariados, use Pin Missile!"

Ariados shot numerous thick needle-like darts from nowhere, toward Infernape.

Infernape instinctively dodged them, letting them hit the wall, and Eric said "Great job! Now use Flamethrower!"

Infernape nodded, and let out a burst of fire towards Ariados.

Ariados was burned.

The Rocket Grunt shouted "Don't faint on me, Ariados! Use Poison Jab!"

Infernape jumped out of the way, after Eric told it to.

Ariados suffered from its burn, and Eric then said "Finish it with Mach Punch!"

Infernape punched Ariados quickly, straight in the face, making it faint.

Barry and Paul got up, and the Grunt called Ariados back to its Pokeball without uttering a word.

The Grunt then said "So long, SUCKERS! Team Rocket will control ALL Pokemon one day!"

Eric then explained to Barry and Paul, "I need to save those Pokemon!", as he called Infernape into its Pokeball.

Barry and Paul followed him, and the Grunt had a tank, with a giant tube of Pokemon, mainly Pidgey, Ratatta, Bulbasaur, Charmander, and Squirtle. The portal was not too far away, but are heroes aren't done quite yet.

Then, Eric's Dimensional Scream triggered a vision after he saw this tank on how to stop it, but it was only a voice saying "Use some of the most powerful attacks your Pokemon know".

Then, after the "vision", a blond haired older man with a barrel on him like overalls, shouted to them "GET OUT OF THE WAY, KIDS!"

This was Cid Highwind, who ran a nearby shop.

Our heroes dodged the tank, and Eric said "Those Pokemon seem to be in a lot of pain. Barry, Paul, send out your 'Powerhouse' Pokemon!" Eric paused, pulled out a Pokeball and said "RHYPERIOR! I NEED YOUR HELP FOR THIS!"

Out came Rhyperior, and Barry was shocked, and shouted "That looks exactly like my DAD's Rhyperior! "

Paul told Barry, "Calm down. The Queen said Eric had snagged all of his Pokemon from members of Team Rocket, except Infernape. It's most likely a coincidence."

Barry said "Gardevoir, join Rhyperior!", and out came Gardevoir.

Paul then added "Electivire, stand by and stop this tank!

The tank aimed at Eric and the Grunt inside yelled "The Boss told us about you. How did you escape our grasp?"

Barry said "Gardevoir, use Hyper Beam on the tank!"
Gardevoir murmured its name softly, and let out a blast of energy from its mouth straight toward the tank, leaving a crack in the glass with the small Pokemon trapped inside.

Paul added, "Electivire, use Giga Impact on it before it runs us over!"
Electivire shouted its name, and rammed into the tank, knocking it on its side.

Eric shouted "Ok, Rhyperior, finish this mess by using ROCK WRECKER to save those poor Pokemon!"

Rhyperior roared its name to the heavens, shooting a huge boulder from its hands, and firing at the tank, freeing the small Pokemon. The Grunt barely escaped, and the Pokemon were saved, heading toward the portal. The tank then exploded, but everybody, somehow, was unharmed.

Cid applauded them and shouted "YOU BOYS ARE CRAZY! BUT I LIKE YA!", approaching them, giving Eric two strange stones, and saying "Go find Merlin the wizard, he should be somewhere in town. Give these to him and he'll give you something in return. I don't know what, but it's gonna be good. Oh, and look out for any Heartless. They're everywhere. Rumor has it there's a Giant Heartless hiding in town."

Eric nodded and said "OK, Gramps. We'll take care of it."

Cid added "MY NAME IS NOT GRAMPS, IT'S CID!"

Eric, Barry, and Paul looked that the stones, one seemed brown with Simba inside, and the other, the Legendary Pokemon Cobalion, and seemed purple, before walking around to find Merlin.


(part two will come later)

 

[Kung Fu Ferret]

(part two of TraverseTown)

Our heroes walked around, and found a strange-looking door. They opened it, and a magical mansion appeared in the poorly-lit alleyway.

Eric then said "I guess this could be where that wizard guy is."

Barry was startled by the sudden appearance of this magical house, and "GAH! That scared the daylights outta me!"

Paul remained calm, and said "Cid told us to find Merlin. He's probably not too far from here."

They were right. Merlin was inside, and our trio of heroes walked in, and the Fairy Godmother greeted them saying "Merlin should be here any second. Say, has your world been destroyed? If you didn't know, Traverse Town is a refuge for those who lost their worlds to darkness. My world was lost to the darkness, too. I wonder how Cinderella's doing?"

Eric looked around, and told her "Not really. We're just tracking down the Heartless. But that's good to know, and who's Cinderella, anyways?"

She responded with "She was a princess in my homeworld. I was her fairy godmother. Her heart was always filled with light, and everybody knew it. I hope she's OK."

Eric pulled out a picture of Kiki and said "Have you seen HER around? Her heart is also pure and filled with light. Wherever she is, I hope she's safe."

Merlin gently floated down, and asked "Did Cid send you here?"

Paul responded saying "Yes."

Barry interrupted Paul by saying "Our friend Eric here is was chosen by the Keyblade, and Cid gave us these two strange gems. He said you could do something to help us with these gems."

Merlin said "I can't, but the Fairy Godmother can. She specializes in this sort of thing now. Be back in a jiffy!"

Merlin walked off to look for something he knew was important, and the Fairy Godmother magically floated the stones over to her and said "I will give you three a new ability. Bippity, Boppity, BOO!"

They were surrounded by fairy dust, and the gems disappeared, leaving behind a glimmer of light that went into Eric's Keyblade.

She added "Now you can summon legendary beings who valiantly fought the Heartless, but lost and were trapped inside rare gems. They can really help you when you boys are in a pinch!"

She then paused and said "Let's see. The first gem had a being by the name of Simba, a feline prince who was meant to inherit his father's kingdom, but his father had died and his uncle took over shortly before the Heartless invaded his world. I think you may know the other one."

Eric responded "Cobalion? I know all of the Legendary and Mythical Pokemon. I've read many stories about them as a kid. Cobalion saved many Pokemon from greedy human warfare. Always one of my favorites to hear about."

ERIC CAN NOW SUMMON SIMBA AND COBALION

Merlin dashed towards our heroes and added "Take this scroll!"

Eric took it, read it, and it vanished in a red smoke.

ERIC CAN NOW CAST FIRE AS A MAGIC SPELL

Eric said "Thanks, guys! But we need to go. I sense more Heartless nearby!"

(Part 3 will be up who knows when, and in the meantime, which world should Eric, Barry, and Paul go to after they leave Traverse Town? Olympus Coliseum [Portal in Opelucid City, Unova]? Deep Jungle [Portal in Fortree City, Hoenn]? Or Wonderland [Portal in Goldenrod City, Johto?])