Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Mewtwo's Wrath

[The Classic Pokemon Trainer]

Chapter 1.

"Where am I?" asked Bulbasaur.
"You are in the meadow." said Ivysaur.
"What meadow?" asked Bulbasaur.
"The meadow where you live." said Ivysaur.

Bulbasaur woke up and saw a whole meadow filled with Bulbasaur, Ivysaur, and Venasaur.

"You can talk." said Bulbasaur.
"Yes I can, you can also." said Ivysaur.
"Where's my parents?" asked Bulbasaur.
"Your parents died along time ago." said Ivysaur.
"How did they die?" asked Bulbasaur.
"They died from Mewtwo, the creator of the kanto region." said Ivysuar.
"Mewtwo, I should talk to the great Venasaur about this." said Bulbasaur.

Bulbasaur walked towards the meadow cave where the great Venasaur lived. When Bulbasaur seen the great Venasaur, he started speaking.

"Hello the great one." said Bulbasaur.
"Hello young Bulbasaur." said the great Venasaur.
"I need your help." said Bulbasaur.
"Yes, what is it?" aske the great Venasaur.
"I need you to defeat Mewtwo, he killed my parents." said Bulbasaur.
"Mewtwo you say, I cannot defeat Mewtwo, the three gods only can defeat him." said the great Venasaur.
"The three gods, can you tell me where they are?" asked Bulbasaur.
"The three gods lie in the mountains of lighting, the mountains of ice, and the mountains of fire." said the great Venasaur.
"Thank you my great one." said Bulbasaur.

Bulbasaur left the cave and he wanted to go to the three mountains where the great Venasaur told him about.

"Hey Ivysaur, you're coming with me." said Bulbasaur.
"Where are we going?" asked Ivysaur.
"Where going to the mountains of lighting." said Bulbasaur.
"The mountains of lightning, that's where the god Zapdos lives." said Ivysaur.
"Yes I know, the great one told me that the only three that can defeat Mewtwo is the three gods, Zapdos, Moltres, and Articuno." said Bulbasaur.
"So we're going to the mountains of lighting, the mountains of ice, and the mountains of fire just to ask the gods to defeat Mewtwo?" asked Ivysaur.
"Yes, we're going to do it with honor and pride." said Bulbasaur.
"Okay then, let's hit the road." said Ivysaur.

Bulbasaur and Ivysaur was walking along the forest trail when suddenly they seen a purple glow in front of them.

"So you two are asking the gods to defeat me?" asked Mewtwo.
"Yes we are Mewtwo and you can't stop us." said Bulbasaur.
"So be it then, I'll defeat them before they'll defeat me anyways." said Mewtwo.
"We'll show you the revenge of my parents death by destroying you right now!" exclaimed Bulbasaur towards Mewtwo.
"Alright then, try your best." said Mewtwo.

Bulbasaur was about to use his vine whip attack but Mewtwo vanished and suddenly he called out a Charizard from out of no where.

"My master told me to destroy you two, so here I come." said Charizard.
"Run Bulbasaur, I'll hold him off." said Ivysaur.

Charizard used its flamethrower attack on Ivysaur and it defeated Ivysaur in one shot. Bulbasaur ran as fast as he could and then suddenly, he fell into a pond of water.

"Are you okay there?" asked a Blastoise.
"No I'm not, a Charizard is attacking me, Mewtwo the creator summoned it to destroy me." said Bulbasaur.
"Is that so then young one, when it comes, I'll attack it." said Blastoise.

Blastoise seen the Charizard coming and then Blastoise used its hydro pump attack to defeat it.

"Thank you sir." said Bulbasaur.
"Your welcome young one." said Blastoise. "Where's your parents?"
"My parents are gone, they died." said Bulbasaur.
"Did Mewtwo do this to you?" asked Blastoise.
"Yes he did, I want revenge on him but my master the great Venasaur told me that I have to go to the mountains of ice, fire, and lightning to ask the gods." said Bulbasaur.
"Is that so, If you want, I can come with you." said Blastoise.
"That will be great, it will be great if anymore fire type pokemon come to attack me." said Bulbasaur.

So Blastoise paired up with the young Bulbasaur and then they continued on to the mountains of lightning.

to be continued...

 

[The Classic Pokemon Trainer]

Chapter 2.

"Where are we going again?" asked Blastoise.
"We're going to the mountains of lightning." said Bulbasaur.
"Okay, I was just wondering." said Blastoise.

Bulbasaur and Blastoise was still walking towards the mountains of lighting when suddenly Bulbasaur got attacked by a Charmeleon.

"Hey cut that out!" hollered Bulbasaur.
"Sorry, did I scratch you?" asked the Charmeleon.
"Yes you did." said Bulbasaur.
"I didn't mean to." said Charmeleon. "I was running away from the Blastoise coming towards us."

Bulbasaur and Blastoise looked where Charmeleon was pointing at and they saw a huge Blastoise so they ran as fast as they could with Charmeleon.

"We got to run faster." said Charmeleon.
"Yes we do." said Bulbasaur.
"Hold on here, Bulbasaur you can use your vine whip attack, I can use my hydro pump attack and Charmeleon can use his flamethrower attack at the same time. So on the count of three." said Blastoise.
"Yes, but we don't have enough time to count to three." said Charmeleon.

Bulbasaur, Charmeleon, and Blastoise stopped running and got into the attacking position.

"Alright here it comes." said Blastoise.
"FIRE!" hollered Charmeleon.

Bulbasaur used vine whip towards the legs, Charmeleon used flamethrower at the stomach, and Blastoise used hydro pump at the face and then the giant Blastoise stumbled but the giant Blastoise kept on coming towards them.

"Alright, we're going to try this again, but use your strongest attack." said Blastose. "You to Bulbasaur.
"Okay, I'll try." said Bulbasaur.
"FIRE!" hollered Charmeleon.

Bulbasaur used freny plant, Charmeleon used blast burn, and Blastoise used hydro cannon towards the giant Blastoise.

"We can't move." said Bulbasaur.
"I know, since we used our strongest attacks, we can't move." said Charmeleon.
"We got to run." said Blastoise.

Bulbasaur, Charmeleon, and Blastoise started running again and then suddenly, they seen the god of lighting, Zapdos flying towards the giant Blastoise, so they stopped and saw Zapdos and the Blastoise attack each other.

"Cool." said Bulbasaur.
"Yes it is Bulbasaur, I remember that Zapdos accidentally killed my parents also but now it's helping you." said Blastoise.
"No, we are helping you." said Charmeleon.
"Yes you guys are." said Bulbasaur. "Let's go and follow Zapdos."

Zapdos flew north so Bulbasaur knew that they were on the right trail.

"Come on everybody, he's just up ahead." said Bulbasaur.
"Yes we're coming." said Charmeleon.
"We're getting old." said Blastoise. "We got to stop once in a while."
"You go ahead and we'll catch up." said Charmeleon.

Bulbasaur ran as fast as he could and Charmeleon and Blastoise sat down and talked to each other.

"Wow, I can't wait until he grows up into a Venasaur." said Charmeleon.
"I can't wait until you become a Charizard." said Blastoise.
"Yes me to, I can't wait but one more age and then I'll be a Charizard." said Charmeleon.
"Alright let's go and catch up to Bulbasaur." said Blastoise.

to be continued...

 

[bobandbill]

Your story needs a lot of work. Heck, a large portion of it is primarily dialogue - it gets boring aftre a while of watching them talk. There's little to no description (he used Hydro Pump and defeated Charizard... just like that? What did the attack look like? How did Charizard react? Show us, rather then just telling us).

And then there's a large lack of emotions. Bulbasuar, who 'woke up' and seemingly can't remember where he was or that he could talk (?), has just been told that hhis parents have been killed. Is he sad? Angry? No, he just wants revenge and goes of to talk to the elder. What's that? You need to find some god Pokes? No worries, I'll just go there now. Hey look, it's Mewtwo! Hey there, I'll tell you that I'm on a quest to kill you!

It's all reather unrealistic. Consider how charatcers would react to certain things.
Attacks are capitalised, and tend to be described as well. So do places and charactres - what do they look like? Pretend that we don't know about these Pokemon.

Bulbasaur used freny plant, Charmeleon used blast burn, and Blastoise used hydro cannon towards the giant Blastoise.

"We can't move." said Bulbasaur.
"I know, since we used our strongest attacks, we can't move." said Charmeleon.
"We got to run." said Blastoise.

Bulbasaur, Charmeleon, and Blastoise started running again and then suddenly, they seen the god of lighting, Zapdos flying towards the giant Blastoise, so they stopped and saw Zapdos and the Blastoise attack each other.

"Cool." said Bulbasaur.

Punctuation in sentences with dialogue. Here, have a comma rather than a full stop as you treat the two parts as one sentence, as it flows on from the dialogue. e.g. "...we can't move," said Charmeleon.
Also - use something other than 'said' - yelled, screeched, muttured, whinged, mumbled, whispered, stated... there's so many you can use - change it up a bit.
Then there's the contridiction in that part. They can't move (which you don't explain properly why either - is it a rule of battle to stay still after using strong attacks? Did it take too much energy from them? Maybe they ran into some super glue? Make things like that clearer. But anyway - after saying that they can't move - they run. Running is moving, isn't it? Plus - how was the Blastoise affected? Not at all by those strong attacks? We were left to assume something here - make things clear!

Then Bulbasaur sees Zapdos, and simply says 'cool'. No sigh of relief after nearly being killed or anything, no thoughts of 'yes! I found one of the god Pokes!'. Just 'cool'. Seems rather lacking...

In short - you need way more description, as more than half of this is dialogue. We have little idea on what things or characters look like. Also consider who characters would really react to events, and expand on that. Things are moving too quickly - from finding out his parents have been killed by Mewtwo for reasons unknown to declaring war on Mewtwo (who doesn't do the smart thing and kill the kid either, just sends some other Pokes to go and fail), to finding a god Poke (Zapdos)... in two chapters. Too fast really.

I suggest looking at other stories, to have a better idea of what is expected from a story here. Learn to use proper punctuation as well. Don't get discouraged - just realise that good fanfiction takes a fair bit of work, planning and consideration. Take your time, and good luck!

 

[The Classic Pokemon Trainer]

Chapter 3.

Bulbasaur, Charmeleon, and Blastoise been walking for hours and then suddenly, they seen the top of the mountain.

"Look at that beautiful mountain." said Bulbasaur.
"Yes it is, it's a beautiful yellow mountain." said Charmeleon.
"Well let's keep on walking towards it then." said Blastoise.

Later on when they got there, they saw alot of electric pokemon guarding the trail.

"Look at all these pokemon." said Charmeleon.

A little Pikachu suddenly came strolling along.

"Why hello there fellow pokemon." said the Pikachu.
"Hello there, we're here to see Zapdos." said Blastoise.
"Zapdos, he's waiting for you Bulbasaur." said Pikachu.
"He's waiting for me?" asked Bulbasaur. "Well let's go up there."

Bulbasaur, Charmeleon, Blastoise, and Pikachu walked up the mountain trail and then when they got onto the top, they seen Zapdos standing on a rock.

"You Bulbasaur?" asked Zapdos.
"Yes I am, I'm here to ask you to defeat Mewtwo for me." said Bulbasaur.
"Mewtwo you say, there's only three people that can defeat him, and you made it to one." said Zapdos.
"Yes we did, you need to accept my offer and then we need to go to the mountain of ice and fire." said Charmeleon.
"Alright then, I accept your offer." said Zapdos. "First we need to take care of business first."
"Why, why did you say that?" asked Charmeleon.

Zapdos pointed towards the sky and then the rest saw Mewtwo coming towards them.

"Here he comes." said Bulbasaur.

"Alright now guys, remember what we did to that Venasaur?" asked Blastoise.
"Yes we do, are we going to do it?" asked Charmeleon.
"Yes but you Pikachu are going to do the same thing, use your strongest attack." said Blastoise.
"Alright, I got it." said Pikachu.

They all looked at Mewtwo and they did frenzy plant, blast burn, hydro cannon, and volt tackle.

"Come on, bring it on!" hollered Mewtwo.
"Alright now, come on, use your full force Zapdos, use rain dance and thunder!" hollered a mysterious voice behind Zapdos.

The rain came down hard and then it started to thunder. Mewtwo stopped and then all of the five pokemon forces came after him.

"NO!" hollered Mewtwo.
"YES!" hollered Bulbasaur.
"We have done it." said a mysterious voice.
"What was that?" asked Blastoise.
"That voice?" asked Pikachu. "His name is Thunder."
"Huh, Thunder Eagle?" asked Bulbasaur.

The man who was behind Zapdos decloaked hiself and walked in front of Zapdos.

"Yes, I have two brothers." said Thunder.
"So you're a human?" asked Charmeleon.
"Yes I am, my brothers are and I befriended Zapdos.
"So we're pokemon and your a human." said Bulbasaur. "So come on and help us fight Mewtwo."
"Yes I can do that, but I got to go inside and put on my yellow and black mask on." said Thunder.

When Thunder got his mask, he put it on and got onto Zapdos and they flew towards the mountains of ice. Bulbasaur, Charmeleon, and Blastoise got off of the mountain and headed towards the mountains of ice.

to be continued...

 

[Ryuzaki_Lawliet]

Still, something is missing.

Use things like hollered, shouted, screamed, declared, announced, whispered, murmured and mumbled.