Pokemon Quartz

[Zeta Sukuna]

(A/N: Welp, I AM an unoriginal bastard who wants to do a more comedy-related LP. I know everyone and their mother did this, but I couldn't think of any other comically weird hacks off of the top of my head. And while I support the execution of Corna Pokemon, this isn't a Nuzlocke. THAT invites drama, and I want to try to avoid that as much as possible.

That and the 5th Gym Leader would kick my ass hard, though perhaps not. Although I won't catch anything but the first pokemon on the route.)

Update 001: Arrival in a Strange New World (Part 1)

Spoiler:

(??? opens its eyes, looking around.)

???: Where am I?

Ah! Where the **** did you come from?

Where the **** is that? And why do I feel weird?

... I'm sorry, but I have never heard of you.

Oh sweet merciful Arkari, what IS that thing!?

... Right, well... I think I'm going to l- ... Damn it.

... I know that. I lived in Kanto... then to a place where girls are used instead.

... Yeah.

... That's ****ing stupid. What if someone was trying to rape me, or kill me? I need to defend myself!

... What are you even talking about? I swear, even Jewel made more sense then you.

... Really? Oh my god... an actual pokemon... I can't wait to see one again!

...

... Why do I look like the opposite of me?

Wait, TRUCK?

Already it's looking like a repeat of my previous journey.

... I have a feeling that this mother will care even less than mine.

... Right, I think I'll stay far away from you. You're already giving me the creeps.

Well, that was weird...

Kya! What the hell are you doing right there!?

You're not the boss of me.

Do I even want to know what you're planning on doing with them?

...

Wait... I haven't even said a single word to you... did you just talk for me?

Erm... thanks?

I guess so... better then where I was before...

... What.

I'm going to be forced to, so why not?

Please don't tell me they'll be little cat girls.

It's official. The interior decorators of both worlds suck.

I'm sorry, I didn't know looking away from you was looking at you like that.

... Creator? What the hell are you on?

... Crazy lady... they're people dressed up like... something.

Can you not speak right? What the **** is pliz?

Already I can tell this is going to be a fun trip.

What th-? Where'd that voice come from!?

Wh-where'd YOU come from?

Did you just say etc? Etcetera... that's how you say it. NOT ETC.

Do I even want to know what you'll be watching?

Okay, that's... good to know?

Yeah...

START? Menu? Whoever wrote this journal is obviously insane.

And it gets even worse as it goes on... Great, I took over the body of an insane person. But if I'm here... where is she at?

(Meanwhile, in Hoenn)

Renko?: What's this? (Poking a CHatate)

Jewel: Patchouli-sama, don't!

(CHatate hits her and flies away, leaving Renko? to fall to the ground. Jessie looks at Renko?)

Jessie: I think we need to get her to a hospital.

Sheila: I agree...

Baka II: ... What's going on here?

(Back to Corna)

Do I have to?

... I'm sorry, but you lost me.

I still don't see why you dragged me over here.

Wait...

What?

Why me? I don't even KNOW the guy! I'm a ... you know what? Screw it, I won't get through that thing you call a head.

... That gives me Mar levels of creeped out.

I'm...

How did you know that?

I don't, but I have the strangest feeling that I have to.

I never said that!

What does ANY of this have to do with meeting your son!?

This will not turn out to be good... will it?

... Already I can tell I won't like this.

... I'm sorry, but apple didn't make an iHey yet. Horses would only be so fortunate if they did.

I just fought an Eldritch Abomination and came here somehow... I don't know.

Where do you people keep finding this out?

... Baby?

Oh hell no... OH HELL NO! Get the **** away from me!

... Okay, how can you be ON danger?

... What.

... Weird name.

No.

Then what was this huge thing about?

I wasn't stopping you, you know.

... Oh great... I feel sorry for anyone he hits on. Even me.

...

Already I can tell this will be bad. I wish Jessie and the others were here.

Meh, not the best. I hope I didn't do too bad.

 

[mew_nani]

O.O'

You got summoned there too?! YOU POOR THING... Quick, get the heck outta there, before you turn into Steven...... :( (And before I loose a nutcase on the place to purify it of evil...) ....Uh, you didn't hear that. :D

P.S. I think I have now found someone creepier that Mar. That someone would be the loser called Joseph Akira, the scariest pervert I have ever laid eyes on. Once you find officer Jenny, have that guy locked up. IMMEDIATELY.

 

[Zeta Sukuna]

(A/N: Sorry for the long wait, it took a while to figure out how to do... yeah, this simple thing. That and I had quite a bit of stuff to do... Update for World Link coming when I feel like uploading it.)

Chapter 002: Arrival in a Strange New World (Part 2)

Spoiler:

... What the? Who are you?

No, get away!

... Wait, I look like ME now! Oh Arkari yes!

Now to get back to MY world.

... Err... what?

... Stay here? You said he scared them away.

You said he scared them away! That would imply that he is fine!

And I was wrong, but the kid's to blame about that...

This seems familiar...

Oh god, he's this place's version of Birch!

Erm...

Should I? ... Hmm... Why not? I need something to defend myself with... Besides, they might look cool!

The **** is that thing!? What are those things, are they Eyebrows!?

... That thing has a mouth... on an egg...

... This one... I want it, but I feel like it's been done before.

I'll choose the ... urgh... the blue one.

... What the hell is that? Why is it doing a headstand?

Whatever it is, it went down easy... a lot easier then the ones in my world... how is it going there, I wonder.

(Renko's World)

Jessie: Okay, I think we have her.

Sheila: A-Are you sure?

Sonnet: Totally! Unless she somehow gets free... but there's no Deus Ex Machina coming for her... totally not.

(The CHatate Renko tried to catch flies in.)

CHatate: Kukuku... Trainer problems?

(CHatate slashes open the ropes holding Ran)

CHatate: There, feel better? Kukukukuku...

(CHatate zips away.)

(Current World)

Sorry, I wasn't paying attention... I was just mindblown at the fact that I'll have to catch these ... things.

I'm sorry, what?

Erm... yeah, sure... whatever...

... I'm going to be dragged with you, aren't I?

I hate everything about it...

You know... they're small and weak enough to... I don't know... kick them? I mean... they're not that tough. I could have probably killed it.

Shocker.

Whatever this thing is, it's not a pokemon...

Aquegg? That's really it's name?

... That logic makes no sense... Shouldn't the thing not like me?

Aquegg: Better then that man.

... I'm pretty sure you didn't discover them... but whatever, I just want out of here.

Take care of what?

... No... it's not my first pokemon... not by a long shot...

Well... do the ones who were in my party count as pokemon?

Err... sure... hmm...

... I just can't get it out of my head.

If there is beer or drugs involved, I'm leaving.

Erm... yes you can... lots of scientists do that. In fact, that's probably a good way to do things...

Oh! It's not that you CAN'T, it's that you WON'T! Because you're too lazy!

Err... No.

Shy? No. Scared? Oh hell yes. I don't want to be anywhere NEAR him.

The fact that he had my clothes is scary enough.

Err... No, I'm not... but I can tell that I'm going to be strung along.

... I ... I ... Oh god no...

Let ME phone them! Or hand me the phone number... I might need them in case he decided to do something.

... Why am I doing this?

Okay, Jenni... we're getting out of this place.

... This place looks normal...

Oh my Arkari, what the hell is that!? Is it bleeding!? How can it look so happy!?

... This formation of trees makes no sense... Why did these people not cut them down by now?

... You look somewhat normal... but what is with that crown thing?

...!! What the hell!? How can you peck at opponents!?

... Maybe I should just leave now!

... That's not impressive... at all...

Now to get out of h-

... Don't call me beauty.

Slowly losing her SAN stat.

Excuse me while I hurl...

*Hurk*

Hulk's head empty...

Wait, what?

... You look a bit creepy, to be honest...

Oh god, if this is anything like Mar, then I just might lose this fight... I have to focus, he is going to be a very tough opponent. And I have a potion, but it might not help... Okay, let's do this!

(TIMES 2)

...

... I don't know if this fight was more of a letdown, or creepy.

... It is so hard to choose between them.

I'm sorry, what?

I just fought an Eldritch Abomination that kills things by touching them, and you say I'm a bad trainer? **** you, man.

... Okay, I'm leaving now!

Oh Arkari, stay out of my head!

... I'd hate to see the others...

You mean those books that are in the children's sections?

That doesn't even attempt to sound scientific.

... Err... sure, just go on ahead of me. I'll be there in a bit.

Damn it, he actually waited...

I'm right here, you ass!

...

... Right.

I should just back out now...

... But I can't, can I?

...

... Didn't you already ask me?

I know that.

No, you're just too lazy, and want to see us work to get them.

I'll be a trainer... so I can get the **** out of here. I have my own problems in my world to deal with.

Sure, and I'm Yukari Yakumo.

Prof. Baro: Wait, you'll need this stuff!

(Hands Renko and Joseph a Pokedex)

... So I have only one pokemon to work with?

Wait... it's a website?

How the hell wasn't it already hacked if it was just stored in a website?

... Oh dear Arkari no... Please no...

WHAT!?

Why did you make an account for me!? I don't want you poking around my business!

... You're a dirty old man... I don't even know why I'm even here.

Okay... get the hell away from me. Seriously.

That's creepy either way you look at it...

Eww...

... This is going to be nightmare fuel, isn't it? Wait... I HAVE! I caught pokemon before!

...

... Oh my... that was quite possibly one of the creepiest things I have ever heard.

Get the HELL away from me!

Oh hell no, I have to get out of here!

... Positives and Negatives...

... In groups, maybe... he was running from ONE. SINGULAR.

Yeah... I am... I need to get back home.

... No wonder this place isn't as developed as other countries...

NOOOOOO! REALLY!? AND I THOUGHT HE WAS NORMAL! SLASH SARCASM!

Probably more because I have an egg as a pokemon, but just wait... when I beat this place, I will be gone.

GONE.

What?

... Why is there a price tag on here?

... Eww...

So long as this ends SOON.

... Heh?

A little fourth wall breaking, no?

???: DAMN IT! I SPENT HOURS PAINTING THE FOURTH WALL!

... Is that even possible?

...

Wha!?

Why are you telling me this!? Do I even look like your daughter anymore!?

... But... I don't even know you!

 

[ChaosJester083]

This looks great, it is really funny, I love how you changed the player sprite, and cant wait to see where this goes.