Pressure(Writing Poems Again :P)

A sequel to a poem? Now that is something you don't see everyday.
I love how the mother's daughter learns from the past and thinks about her future.
The rhymes are good, but I think the rhythm is slightly off-balance. Although the short structure is pretty refreshing.
Nice work!
 
Again, another great poem. I personally liked the first one better (but, I always like an original better than a sequel). Sequel are a little unusual for poetry, but who's to say they aren't allowed.

I like how there is this parallel idea of love and loss between the two poems. The mother had this whole relationship that was quickly cut short, and you related it to the daughter by having her also love and lose.

It was very unusual having Kevin's family adopt the speaker as well. If they're in a relationship, but are brother and sister at the same time, well...I think you get the point.

darkpokeball, I'm sick of fighting with you about the rhyming thing. You realize you're doing it too, which is I guess an improvement. You have to have constant flow of good rhythm to have a poem that flows correctly. Otherwise it's just words paired together. Please, I beg you, either find a way to correct your rhyming, or don't do it at all.
 
Well....Scytheteen, let's try this, a poem without rhymes:

This poem rhymes, but it introduces the one that doesn't!
Spoiler:

Spoiler:

The one that didn't rhyme literally was just a bunch of words pasted together. Let's hope it works!!
HAIKU!! At least this way, I don't have to paste words together:
Spoiler:

Spoiler:

Spoiler:
 
Those are very sweet haiku poems!
The second one about the hiding place is probably my favorite.

Also the opening poem was pretty....funny? At least humorous.

Keep up the good work!
 
The haikus were very good, darkpokeball. You're very good at those, and you've really grasped the idea of how a haiku is supposed to resemble a moment in time. I'd suggest for you trying tanka poetry, it's just like a haiku, except the number of lines and syllables are different. You can find out how to write one of those here. My favorite haiku is the second one, just like TJ. The third one is also very well done. The first one is a little strange, and I could see it being in one of those sophisticated foreign films that have a very deep message.

I don't mean to be so harsh on you, darkpokeball. It just irks me to have such a good poem (dear diary) be overshadowed by something silly. If I offended you in any way, I apologize.
 
Scytheteen said:
The haikus were very good, darkpokeball. You're very good at those, and you've really grasped the idea of how a haiku is supposed to resemble a moment in time. I'd suggest for you trying tanka poetry, it's just like a haiku, except the number of lines and syllables are different. You can find out how to write one of those here. My favorite haiku is the second one, just like TJ. The third one is also very well done. The first one is a little strange, and I could see it being in one of those sophisticated foreign films that have a very deep message.

I don't mean to be so harsh on you, darkpokeball. It just irks me to have such a good poem (dear diary) be overshadowed by something silly. If I offended you in any way, I apologize.
Click to expand...
If I was offended that easily, I'd have quit when 'A pokemon poem' died. :P I just wanted to try not rhyming, and you gave me an excuse.

TANKA!!!:
Spoiler:

Progessing in Haiku:
Spoiler:

Getting familiar with TANKA!!:
Spoiler:

Acrostic!!(From the poetry guide):
Spoiler:

Heck, why not: Cinquain!!
Spoiler:
 
First - That one was pretty cool. It sounds so real.
Second - It's concept for a haiku isn't necessarily correct, but it's still plain hilarious. Like it.
Third - Again, odd, but hilarious.
Fourth - That's a very neat style. I've known about acrostics before, but I sort of forgot about them.
Fifth - A dark nature.....just like you.

Very good!
 
I really like seeing you challenging yourself with more difficult types of poetry. Before you know it, you'll be writing sonnets and villenelles. I'd advise you not to try those yet, continue getting yourself familiar with the easier types of poetry.

With your tanka and haikus, you're getting near perfect with the structure of them. You're second haiku on Pokabu is definitely strange, and I've never quite seem something like that, but it's nice all the same.

I like how you tried an acrostic poem. It is the simplest form of poetry, and you definitely nailed it!

Your cinquain was nearly perfect in structure. The fourth line is supposed to be 8 syllables, and instead is only 7.

An added note, try giving some of your poetry a title. Short poems like a haiku or tanka don't need titles, in fact, it's encouraged not to have a title. But acrostic poems, cinquain, and many others in the guide can have titles. Just a tip.
 
Ty TJ and Scythe...btw, who the fizzle is Chris Martin?

Next poem:
The world is ending, I don't care
Deadly storms and solar flares
Though some people can't bear
I think it's fine and rather fair

We've treated it like junk
So, into death we dunk
This is nature's vendetta
I mean, it's simple, Duh!

Molten lava crawls out
We can just cry and pout
It won't change anything
We're at the end of everything

I sigh as ground breaks beneath me
I fall backwards, it's dark, I can't see
My legs go over my head a few times
It shows that life's not fun and rhymes

I feel so weak
Scraped and bruised
The situation's bleak
My life, I'll loose

I close my eyes
Death is like a wave
Ground around starts to capsize
It grows darker in this cave

Rocks come at my head
Doesn't matter, I'm dead
Then I wake up, in my bed
Was it all a dream?
Then there's a scream.

I open the door
There's blood and gore
The world really's ending
Then the roof starts bending

It begins to fall towards me
And-----
--
___
 
You seem to love the apocalypse don't you. :cer_laugh:
Anyway, again, you did a fairly good job on this writing.
A couple things I have noticed, though.
This is nature's vendetta
I mean, it's simple, Duh!
Click to expand...
That's funny. But it doesn't rhyme too well.
My life, I'll loose
Click to expand...
It's spelled lose, not loose.

Other than that, it was very well written.
Keep up the good work!
 
Indeed, I do love the....

Apocalypse, nothing we can do
This is the end, sadly true
The world collapsing around
That awful screaming sound

Death has taken the Earth
Those born, those without birth
My scream is lost in the panic
This experience is traumatic

What have we done to deserve this
The dying world, the lack of bliss
My body is jerked around
Before landing on the ragged ground
Blood seeps out of my skin
It stains the once pure world
Apocalypse shall have it's win
Into death I am hurled
 
The rhyming and rhythm is well done.
The last stanza was especially dramatic. And I just love it that way.
Good job, and keep up the great work!
 
Ty TJ...let's try an apocalyptic acrostic

Anyone of any status will die
Poor or rich, doesn't matter
On this day, the world's ending
Chaos and catastrophe everywhere
All lives will be lost
Let us try to savor our final moments
You and I, everyone should savor
Pardon all wrong-doings
Start life over, let your old one end
Everything's falling apart

Yogurt.
--
Next is a haiku:
There is a dark moan
The zombies now surround us
We might get virus'ed
--
 
Well done, again!
And the haiku is pretty good, except for....virus'ed? That's....strange.

But seriously, where on this earth do you get all these different ideas for one event?

And yogurt? Yes!
Oh wait, I don't like yogurt that much. You can keep it.
 
Well, infected is three syllables, so I made up virus'ed :P
And what do you mean "All these ideas for one event"? Do you mean like one poem or something?

You acknowledged the random yogurt. Hence...

You want yogurt
Other foods aren't as appealing
Getting more at the store
Under tons of it, you are buried now
Randomly, it comes to life
Tearing everything apart

Yup, that's the end of the world.

Scytheteen is missing
Is the poet infected
Did zombies eat him?

Haiku about Scytheteen(Scythe-Teen, two syllables) getting bitten and why he's no longer on PC :P

Yogurt, a wondrous taste
Just don't eat it in haste
Yogurt, eat it all the time
Yogurt is simply sublime

Ducks
 
I mean, how do you come up with so many poems with the same premise?

And Scytheteen? I don't know where he is, but I doubt it's zomb
 
TJgamer said:
I mean, how do you come up with so many poems with the same premise?

And Scytheteen? I don't know where he is, but I doubt it's zomb
Click to expand...
Don't be silly TJ, of course he's a zomb! Despite the fact that zomb's are fictional...
What does premise mean? If you wanna know about my premise quest, click the spoiler and waste precious time.
Spoiler:

Finally, the poem

Her name was Syla Smith
Who thought evil is a myth

She saw no danger in the world
That poor, unsuspecting girl

She heard the tick-tock-tick-tock
Thinking it was her vintage clock

She saw something shiny in the ground
Then she realized it was the ticking sound

She dug it up, to see what it was
Though she never did just because----

(Conclusion to poem in spoiler)
Spoiler:


 
Ehhh....five things.
1. My iPod Touch is apparently fail for that incomplete message! :cer_pissed:
2. I was going to say "zombies", as you have said.
3. I thought premise meant basic outline or description of a story. Yeah, I'm an idiot.
4. ......Ducks?
5. Your poem really makes it clear what you are.
You are a dark humor writer.
 
So...is dark humor writer good or bad?
--
Darn, totally forgot how to write Tanka's and cinquains. Might check back on it later, but right now I'm too lazy.

Haiku:
When the world meets death
When all shall fall to their graves
I plan to survive

Haiku:
I am falling down
Into the unknown abyss
Where will I end up

Haiku:
Blood-covered strange corpse
We want to know who killed you
Maybe a seyonce?

(Okay, I mean seyonce like when people try to contact the dead, but I don't know how to spell it. If I spelled it wrong, that'll make the poem easier to understand.)
 
It can be either, depending on what is written.

All three haiku are nice. Especially the second one, since it fits well with the concept of a haiku poem.

Oh, and the proper spelling is "Séance".
 
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